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A Simsbury woman has been arrested after police found human feces in the middle of a cul de sac in East Granby in November. An affidavit says she apologized after doing it three times in a month and said she is lactose intolerant. The bizarre investigation started on Nov. 7 when the First Selectman in East Granby called the resident state trooper when a resident reached out about concerns about possible criminal activity on an undeveloped cul-de-sac on Kirkstone Drive after finding needles and feces, police said.
Police looked into it and determined that the feces was human. There was also toilet paper in the area, according to police. When more feces was found in the road on Nov. 16, a motion-activated camera was placed in the area to help identify a suspect. On Dec. 5, more feces was found on Kirkstone Drive and police identified 43-year-old Holly Malone, of Simsbury, as a suspect after downloading images from the camera and seeing a car.
Police said Malone, who lives around three-and-a-half miles from cul-de-sac, said she did it because she could not make it to her destination or a bathroom. Police said Malone apologized and said she would not do it again. She told police that she is lactose intolerant and is not supposed to eat or drink dairy products, but sometimes does, according to the affidavit.
You don’t randomly end up there. This was a targeted delivery of keester cakes. Oh, and it’s in the middle of the woods. She could’ve easily dropped off the tushy tots in the woods, but instead she chose to leave her gorilla fingers right on the asphalt.
I figured everyone would have a good laugh about this one. After all, it’s hilarious. Pure comedy gold simply doesn’t fall in our laps like this every day.
Instead the response has been overwhelmingly pro-dumper. Let’s check it out….
“Destroy” someone? The only thing the serial dumper destroys are gas station bathrooms. At least she used to. Now she sticks to public roads in East Granby.
Publicly shamed? Did I miss the part where NBC didn’t took a shit in the middle of the street. This cheesehog did:
This guy was relentless:
Yea, no one cares what channel you’re watching. Literally no one. We get it – you’re trying to get this chick to take a dump on your chest. You’re just coming on way too strong. If you want a chick to take a dump on your chest feel free to message Desk Girl.
This woman specifically targeted a street not once, not twice, but three times. Each time she deposited her fanny fudge it was done with malice. But yea, NBC is the problem here. For sure.
Good point moron. It was a wooded spot. She easily could’ve gone in the woods but instead she chose to bless the neighborhood with her ass kabobs right on the cul-de-sac. When my dog takes a shit, I clean it up. But this grown woman should get a pass three separate times. Because…….muh feelz.
Hey Carol, a woman took a shit in the middle of the street three times. That in and of itself is pure comedy. But please, lecture us more on what you believe is in poor taste. Because where I’m from it’s generally considered “very poor taste” to leave your Chubacca chunks on someone else’s street.
Sweet Jesus. Can adults please go five minutes without whining about “bullying?” This isn’t bullying. Victims of bullying are innocent. This woman committed a crime three times. She’s not a victim. The victims of “bullying” were the ones who woke up every morning to find their neighborhood decorated with Mississippi mud waffles.
The only thing worse than whining about “bullying” is whining about about how a news article would force someone to commit suicide……
God I hate these people. They LIVE to make sure that no one is ever responsible for their own behavior. Newsflash – if she kills herself over this it will be a personal decision that she made. No one can force another human being to take their own life. Stop enabling people with your never ending list of excuses. Besides, Holly Malone has bigger fish to fry. Like airing her grievances about satirical Chevy commercials.
Political posts about hating politics
And whining about people who post too much stupid sit on Facebook.
Hey, here’s an idea – if you don’t wanna be publicly shamed, don’t shit in the middle of the street. It’s our official creed at Turtleboy Sports and coincidentally none of us have eded up publicly shamed on the news. Funny how when you behave responsibly you don’t encounter situations likes this.