WHDH: A 60-year-old Lynnfield fire captain is facing a disorderly conduct charge after his 29-year-old girlfriend “dared” him to walk into a 7-Eleven in Rhode Island and buy a soda while completely naked, police said. John H. Walsh was arrested on April 3 by Middletown officers responding to a report of a man who had walked into the convenience store at 726 Aquidneck Ave. and purchased a Diet Coke with no clothes on, according to a police report.
A “visibly shaken” store clerk, with tears in her eyes, told officers that she was “horrified” at the sight of Walsh’s exposed genitals as he approached the register “with a smile on his face,” police said. Walsh and his girlfriend, Tammy McDougal, were later tracked down on Miantonomi Avenue after the clerk told police that he had driven off in black Mercedes Benz with a Massachusetts registration. When
asked by the officer why he was being stopped, Walsh said “It was probably because I went into the store to buy a Coke naked,” according to the police report.
When asked about what had happened in the store, MacDougal allegedly told police that Walsh is her boyfriend and that she had “dared” him to walk into the store while naked because he told her it was “legal” in Rhode Island. After speaking with witnesses, officers determined that there was probable cause to arrest Walsh on a charge of disorderly conduct.
The things men will do for pussy. This guy has been a firefighter in the town of Lynnfield for 40 years and has risen to the rank of Captain. He’s got 2 kids, including a daughter he recently walked down the aisle. He’s probably well respected in the community and I’m sure he’s done fine work as a firefighter.
Then one day he got divorced, got a bad case of the lonelies, went through way too many tissue boxes, and took the first piece of poon-tang pie that presented itself to him. Dude was probably stuck in a sexless marriage for years and the idea that a 29 year old woman would want his mutton dagger was more excitement than he’s had in 40 years as a firefighter. It really didn’t matter what the 29 year old looked like, or if she had a spare crotch fruit tagging along. As long as she was born after the Berlin Wall came down he was sold. Even this mediocre mashpad would do:
That Tammy McDougall is from Tiverton, according to her Facebook page, which is right down the road from Middletown where this unfortunate event occurred. She seems about the right age, and more importantly the most recent two things she posted were….
It it’s a different Tammy McDougal from right near the scene of the crime, who looks the exact age of the person in question, and who seems to have an affinity for noodz, then I’ll take it down. We messaged her for comment but have not heard back.
Either way, let this be a lesson to men of a certain age going through a divorce, or who are thinking bout getting divorced. Your better days have passed you. No woman wants a 60 year old guy with gray hair unless he’s rich. If you do bag a 29 year old like she’s probably gonna be tapped in the head and will likely make you believe that you need to throw your life away by hanging dong in front of an unsuspecting cashier making minimum wage in order to get some push-push. At that point you might as might as well just stay in your miserable marriage and hit up the discount Asian massage parlor for your happiness. At least they don’t waste time playing truth or dare with your life.
Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:
Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: