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Manchester Junkapotamus No Longer Using Grand Mal Seizue Excuse For DUI, Says She Crashed While Picking Up Food On Floor, Blames TV For Getting Fired

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Last week we published this blog about the Manchester Junkapotamus, Denise Pumphret, who was arrested for smashing into half a dozen cars during a daytime bender, and then took to Facebook in hilarious fashion to proclaim her innocence because she had a “grand mal seizure” that forced her to crash:

Well it’s been a bad week for the poor Denise, and she’s still sticking to her dindu nuffin defense. Except this time she’s changing up her story. Turns out she didn’t have a grand mal seizure, she was trying to grab something off the floor, and she’s about to sue WMUR TV for deformation:

Yup, the news only report what the news tells them. Ya got that? The news gets their new from the news. Makes sense.

Oh, and she lost her job which is also WMUR’s fault:

I’m sure her July 2017 DUI arrest on the highway was due to a grand mal seizure too, right Pumpfart?

13 Comment(s)
  • Rick Shaw
    Rick Shaw
    March 19, 2018 at 1:56 pm

    She was reaching down to pick up some leftover wedding rings that fell out of her tuna fish hole.

  • Turd Ferguson
    March 18, 2018 at 9:58 am

    That mugshot though! OMG! Can you imagine waking up to that next to you??? Holy shit, that right there is exactly where the saying “Coyote Ugly” came from. A fucking ugly ass mug that is so fucking bad, you need to gnaw your arm off to avoid waking her so you can escape that nastiness.

  • Strobe Light
    March 18, 2018 at 9:25 am

    Let’s check!

  • WhoHim
    March 18, 2018 at 1:32 am

    She should sue whoever gave her that horrendous looking tattoo…

  • mitch
    March 17, 2018 at 5:23 pm

    Patients who experience grand mal seizures are prohibited from driving. Does she have a history of seizures ? If so, were they drug or alcohol withdrawal induced ? Did she inform the police or the court that she has a history of seizures ? Maybe one of the victims should contact their insurance company and let their investigators look into her statements. The insurance company will cancel her policy at a minimum. This woman is a menace and needs to be taken off the roads, period. People do not just “get” grand mal seizures and not seek treatment. All of that would be documented because an M.D. MUST REPORT THAT TO THE DMV !

    • mitch
      March 17, 2018 at 5:36 pm

      I’m not sure about New Hampshire but my state requires that a person with a hx of seizures must have documented medical proof of being seizure free for a minimum of one year.
      She has dug herself quite a hole. For the benefit of everybody, she should climb in and cover it over.

  • JoeMomma
    March 17, 2018 at 10:54 am

    I call bullshit……

    You need a brain to have a seizure

    • reportthetruth
      March 18, 2018 at 9:16 pm

      6 months seizure free

      • Pumpfart Cumbubble
        March 19, 2018 at 10:43 am

        Please tell me you’re the junkbox that was arrested. We TOTALLY believe you too.

  • Bleh
    March 17, 2018 at 10:02 am


  • Stunt Penis
    March 17, 2018 at 9:41 am

    I am pretty sure I saw “Grand Mal Seizure” in the cheap rum aisle at Yankee Spirits last time I was there.

    • z
      March 17, 2018 at 4:20 pm

      That’s the one that has the logo a black Audi crashing into cars, corrrect?

      The sad part is, if there was something called “Grand Mal Seizure” in a small bottle I’d probably try it for the novelty.

      She hasn’t owned up to anything. She’s doomed to repeat.

      Just as bad sober reaching over for something on the floor. My sister and her ex had every square inch of a Volvo wagon destroyed, as some college girl ditz reached over into the passenger football to search around for her Bic lighter. On the interstate, in prime time traffic. That didn’t end well for both parties.

  • Turd Reversalist
    March 17, 2018 at 12:57 am

    Let’s see if I can induce a seizure as I loosen her balloon knot…

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