All-Star Criminals

ManchVegas Chester Arrested After Diddling His Meat Wallet’s Kid For 2 Years

Truss him up like a turkey and stick a fork in ’em, he’s done








Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at for more information.
Our Twitter account is suspended. Click on the image to follow @FreeMuhTurtle while we try to get our account back.




Holla atcha girl:





What is it these days? It seems every craptacular dumpster fire we’ve featured on Turtleboy this week has been highlighted because they’re harming the most protected class of being: those who cannot speak up for and/or defend themselves – ya know, kids, the elderly, animals, so on and so forth.


Alex Mathieu, a 25-year-old greasy chomosexual out of Manchester

was arrested this week for diddling the daughter of his girlfriend of 7 years.


The child is 8, and it is being reported that the abuse has been ongoing for at least two freaking years, with the most recent incident happening on Halloween.


Image may contain: fire and night

Friggin pig.


I just wanna take a minute here and let you know how flabbergasted I am that the mother had zero idea that anything was going on. Given that this dude looks like he reeks of dirty laundry, patchouli, and brick weed, she just had to know something was up… right?


Apparently not. But it’s no surprise when you take a look at the kind of woman we’re dealing with

Image may contain: 1 person, closeup

A tittoo-clad pajamapotamus! But she doesn’t just have any tittoo… no, no, my friends; it is an infinity symbol with “forever and always” inscribed within it, along with her anniversary date of the dude who was assaulting her kid. Shit you not.


I am not going to name this chick out of respect for privacy of the kid – who, I might add, is at an undisclosed location with an unnamed relative and is hopefully safe from this nightmare. But she’s pretty terrible, too.

After glancing over Mom of the Year’s Facebook, it appears that there are a few more kids her womb broom was around, as they live crammed together with another family in a hovel; trash heaps all around for ~aesthetics~ inside and out


I know the Turtlebabies all love playing amid construction debris and spent tires.


And isn’t this a totally sweet family moment to capture? “Dad” in his cargo jorts and scuffed to the muff K-Mart kicks, one sweat sock longer than the other; his undermoob sweat temporarily staining his grey t-shirt… the baby in the stroller, not happy that his dingy teething toy has managed to fall to the oil stained ground… again. The dog thinking, “what are the odds of me getting away if I make a run for it right now;” the kid hanging out in a demolished truck tire. This is Americana, folks.


Just kidding, that’s trashy doin’ what they do best. Poor kiddos.



It wasn’t long before the internet tracked down the skinner’s meat wallet, and they had some words for her


Bingo, Alyssa!


Her page was overflowing with similar lovey dovey, vomit-inducing memes directed at the man responsible for robbing her kid of her innocence, but she’s since taken the entire page down and gotten the fuck out of dodge (shocker!)


I know it may seem like I am going hard at the mom here… but come on. You have one job as a mother: protect your kid at all costs. Her gut should’ve been giving her all sorts of signals that shit was just not kosher. And she ignored them. The dude – I think we can all agree he is a disgusting, despicable excuse for a fleshbag and should be exterminated immediately. But not before stringing him up by his grundle hairs and torturing him first.


Image result for hanging by balls

Something like that.


I really hope the kid recovers from this and goes on to live a productive life… it’s always gut wrenching when a kid gets hurt, especially when it’s at the hands of someone they trust. As for the mother… I hope the other kids are ripped out of her clutches before she has the ability to let them down in such a catastrophic way, too. Here’s to hoping!








8 Comment(s)
  • No name
    October 27, 2019 at 1:37 am

    I grew up with this family. Sadly a lot of us weren’t shocked. Also mom knew something was up pretty sure she was in denial. And ya they are the parents of the year. Kids not allowed to leave their rooms even to use the bathroom without being yelled at etc.

  • chrissy
    November 24, 2017 at 12:27 pm

    this kid just goes to show NEVER judge a book by its cover cos he looks like christ

  • msheadkracker
    November 24, 2017 at 12:08 pm

    Poor kid, hopefully she learns to live with it and not use it as her excuse through life like so many people do, and play victim with every bad choice they make. I was molested as a child, I made horrible choices growing up, but I never blamed it on being diddled, maybe I should have, but I believe that owning up to my own mistakes kept me away from hard drugs and alcohol, maybe I was just lucky, who knows really. There’s no real help for kids who this happens to, they are made to feel like they were the ones that made it happen, not the other way around, it completely ruins your sex life because any time you get touched by a partner you have flashbacks of being molested, I guess that’s why so many make bad choices, since sex is a huge base to a healthy relationship. There needs to be some sort of hypnosis for victims, so they can forget and move on, too many use it as an excuse.

  • Broken
    November 23, 2017 at 9:37 am

    Something tells me that mom probably had a idea that’s something was going on, and let it go because she was scared of not having a dick around. And then there is the possibility that she herself was involved also. Poor little girl. Her life is never gonna be the same. At least she is safe now. But every time she goes to sleep her nightmare will begin again. No child should have to suffer this way.

  • TJB
    Sheriff Beauford T. Justice.
    November 22, 2017 at 7:01 pm

    No excuse. Capital crime, capital punishment. I read today that blacks we’re being en SLAVED in Pakistan, now, in 2017. For you emo’s…this little girls life is ruined before it even gets started. He is a demon from hell….and the so called ‘mother’! Judge for yourself. Do you think for a second that this disgusting crime was taking place, the mother was home. And looked the other way. You doubters think TB is just slander,; these are real CRIMES that are happening right now. God Bless the 9 year old girl…the diddler deserves the death penalty.

    • Maine Vein
      November 22, 2017 at 8:14 pm

      Her relationship is listed as complicated, I bet. Maybe that’s the New Hampshire way of saying, oh my god, if I hold my North Carolinan pediphile boy friend accountbale, I’ll have to go back to my Laconia 344er super sonic dildo, that is complcated. What to do what to do.

  • BobnMic
    November 22, 2017 at 6:17 pm

    Hey North Shore Turtlebabe I really dig your posts. It’s almost like we share a brain somehting lol. Do you want to get a private chatroom sometime?

    • Anna Baker
      November 24, 2017 at 2:25 pm

      Hi Feisty hahahaha

Comment on this Post


White Trash Hero Wears T-Shirt With His Mugshot On It From Last Time He Was Arrested At Latest Mugshot Photoshoot
Tsarnaev Sister Threatened Boyfriend’s Ex With A Bomb Because She’s A Muslim Terrorist And A Tsarnaev And This Is What They Do Best
Ladies Night At TBSports: Will Women Read Our Official Rankings Of NFL Teams Blog?