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As a lot of you may have heard, the days of being able to purchase the services of an online local prostitute in your area are temporarily suspended:

It was a good run while it lasted. I can’t count the amount of times we’ve blogged about a ratchet only to get an email within minutes containing a link to said ratchet’s backpage. The Dorchester Narcan Fairy is the first to come to mind, but there are many more as well.

Some people have argued that the government should not be outlawing consensual adults who want to exchange cash for a round of bury the broomstick. But the fact of the matter is that prostitution is illegal, and thus sites like Backpage were dangerous because they were completely unregulated. And one of the things the government has on them is….

“Backpage knows that it facilitates prostitution and child sex trafficking,” the report said. CoStar, a U.S. company that runs Apartments.com, accidentally uncovered in July of last year that Backpage had used a Philippines-based company named Avion to grow business in overseas sex trade.

Yea, it’s not consensual when you’re not old enough to consent. And that’s what happens when anyone can go online and make a profile to meet a stranger in a cheap motel room. It’s dangerous too. Don’t forget about the Craig’s List killer. There are nutjobs out there praying on vulnerable women like this. Normal, non-fucked up women don’t have Backpage ads.

Backpage claims it’s not their fault though….

Backpage had defended itself by claiming that it is not responsible for ads posted on its pages and said it attempted to abate illegal activity by hiring moderators to flag inappropriate content.

Can Backpage and Facebook switch? Seriously, this is what Facebook should be doing – denying responsibility for offensive things post on their site. Because words posted on Facebook are harmless. But Backpage can’t claim this because they’re basically letting adults pick up child prostitutes on their platform and washing their hands of it. A crime is actually being committed and it wouldn’t be happening if they had people regulating it.

We’ve actually blogged about this before. Frequent flyer Turtleboy ratchet Kevin Blackmer of Blackmer, who is in today’s voting for Turtleboy Ratchet Madness, is someone we blogged about this year for trafficking minors on Backpage. Some poor damaged 16 year old who he was “dating” while pimping out to strangers in Springfield hotel rooms:

Nevertheless, this whole Backpage is gone thing is getting people all hot and bothered. Especially the hookers who are now out of work….

Thanks Backpage!! Now this woman selling herself online has to do it the “dangerous” way – by meeting Johns face to face, as opposed to the safe way where she met strangers on the Internet and charged them money for basket sandwiches.

Turns out this meat masseuse is originally from Malden….

Oh, and she’s married. Perfectly normal way to live. She’s into horsies

The Patriots

Looking like every chick at last call at your local spoke

And giving you the “We’re gonna love each other forever even though we just met” look:

First of all, how good could business have possibly been hun?

Because it looks like she must’ve been the value meal equivalent of a Backpage hooker. According to her she made a healthy living off of it though….

Oh for fuck’s sake. Do you know how many bologna batons she’d have to take to make $70K?

All of them.

Then things started taking a turn for the ratchet….

I just can’t imagine how any guy can reach the point in life where they’re willing to pay this thing to give them a tongue bath:

You can afford to be choosy on Backpage. Can’t you just find broads like this for $20 by taking a slum sociable with Carlos Felix around New Bedford?

She’s a veteran too:

Honey, if you’ve been hooking for 20 years then you should have no problem adjusting to this. You’re an old school lady of the night who knows how to adapt to a changing economy. This is your chance to shine!!

So how’d you become a Backpage hooker anyway Christine?

Oh right. She’s a CPA who went to jail for embezzlement and her only career option once she got out of the slammer was renting out her withered lobster roll to strangers. I’m sure she got her MBA from a prestigious business school too, one that she got into despite not being able to put a coherent sentence together.

But from the looks of her Facebook page, and the comments from horny guys with porridge guns that are set to explode, it appears as if she might actually have some regular customers….

Oh, and she claims that the “legislators” who were behind this were former clients of her’s from Nevada:

Except Congress didn’t do this, the FBI did.

Nevertheless she is “working hard hard to better myself every day”

Which apparently means knob gobbling disease ridden strangers to the tune of $70K a year. 

You’ll be OK girl. Come back to the east coast. There’s plenty of open corners in Lawrence, Worcester, Fall River, Pawtuckt, Mancester, etc. And the brick and mortar hooker industry is about to be great again.