Hoodrat Heroes

Married Malden Meat Masseuse Says She’s Losing $70K Income Now That FBI Took Down Backpage, Used To Be CPA Before Going To Jail For Embezzlement, Been Hooking For 20 Years

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As a lot of you may have heard, the days of being able to purchase the services of an online local prostitute in your area are temporarily suspended:

It was a good run while it lasted. I can’t count the amount of times we’ve blogged about a ratchet only to get an email within minutes containing a link to said ratchet’s backpage. The Dorchester Narcan Fairy is the first to come to mind, but there are many more as well.

Some people have argued that the government should not be outlawing consensual adults who want to exchange cash for a round of bury the broomstick. But the fact of the matter is that prostitution is illegal, and thus sites like Backpage were dangerous because they were completely unregulated. And one of the things the government has on them is….

“Backpage knows that it facilitates prostitution and child sex trafficking,” the report said. CoStar, a U.S. company that runs Apartments.com, accidentally uncovered in July of last year that Backpage had used a Philippines-based company named Avion to grow business in overseas sex trade.

Yea, it’s not consensual when you’re not old enough to consent. And that’s what happens when anyone can go online and make a profile to meet a stranger in a cheap motel room. It’s dangerous too. Don’t forget about the Craig’s List killer. There are nutjobs out there praying on vulnerable women like this. Normal, non-fucked up women don’t have Backpage ads.

Backpage claims it’s not their fault though….

Backpage had defended itself by claiming that it is not responsible for ads posted on its pages and said it attempted to abate illegal activity by hiring moderators to flag inappropriate content.

Can Backpage and Facebook switch? Seriously, this is what Facebook should be doing – denying responsibility for offensive things post on their site. Because words posted on Facebook are harmless. But Backpage can’t claim this because they’re basically letting adults pick up child prostitutes on their platform and washing their hands of it. A crime is actually being committed and it wouldn’t be happening if they had people regulating it.

We’ve actually blogged about this before. Frequent flyer Turtleboy ratchet Kevin Blackmer of Blackmer, who is in today’s voting for Turtleboy Ratchet Madness, is someone we blogged about this year for trafficking minors on Backpage. Some poor damaged 16 year old who he was “dating” while pimping out to strangers in Springfield hotel rooms:

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Nevertheless, this whole Backpage is gone thing is getting people all hot and bothered. Especially the hookers who are now out of work….

Thanks Backpage!! Now this woman selling herself online has to do it the “dangerous” way – by meeting Johns face to face, as opposed to the safe way where she met strangers on the Internet and charged them money for basket sandwiches.

Turns out this meat masseuse is originally from Malden….

Oh, and she’s married. Perfectly normal way to live. She’s into horsies

The Patriots

Looking like every chick at last call at your local spoke

And giving you the “We’re gonna love each other forever even though we just met” look:

First of all, how good could business have possibly been hun?

Because it looks like she must’ve been the value meal equivalent of a Backpage hooker. According to her she made a healthy living off of it though….

Oh for fuck’s sake. Do you know how many bologna batons she’d have to take to make $70K?

All of them.

Then things started taking a turn for the ratchet….

I just can’t imagine how any guy can reach the point in life where they’re willing to pay this thing to give them a tongue bath:

You can afford to be choosy on Backpage. Can’t you just find broads like this for $20 by taking a slum sociable with Carlos Felix around New Bedford?

She’s a veteran too:

Honey, if you’ve been hooking for 20 years then you should have no problem adjusting to this. You’re an old school lady of the night who knows how to adapt to a changing economy. This is your chance to shine!!

So how’d you become a Backpage hooker anyway Christine?

Oh right. She’s a CPA who went to jail for embezzlement and her only career option once she got out of the slammer was renting out her withered lobster roll to strangers. I’m sure she got her MBA from a prestigious business school too, one that she got into despite not being able to put a coherent sentence together.

But from the looks of her Facebook page, and the comments from horny guys with porridge guns that are set to explode, it appears as if she might actually have some regular customers….

Oh, and she claims that the “legislators” who were behind this were former clients of her’s from Nevada:

Except Congress didn’t do this, the FBI did.

Nevertheless she is “working hard hard to better myself every day”

Which apparently means knob gobbling disease ridden strangers to the tune of $70K a year. 

You’ll be OK girl. Come back to the east coast. There’s plenty of open corners in Lawrence, Worcester, Fall River, Pawtuckt, Mancester, etc. And the brick and mortar hooker industry is about to be great again.  

36 Comment(s)
  • positive
    April 10, 2018 at 6:08 pm

    The only thing about this nasty grandma that should be “well reviewed” is her HIV test!!

  • Bravo
    April 10, 2018 at 6:04 pm

    I’m sorry but when you got to draw eyebrows on your face with a dam eyeliner pencil and you actually think you look good like that, I can only imagine who pays to touch any part of you. Probably men who want you to play with there man tits and have yellow stained underware with shit skids.

  • Rick Shaw
    April 10, 2018 at 4:00 pm

    How the hell did this Howard Stern looking fuck carcass make 70K? If she is telling the truth, people are sick. I did a few war pigs in college that I wasn’t proud of but this wildebeest makes them look like Miss USA contestants. She’s got more miles on her than a Nimitz Class aircraft carrier.

  • Dildo
    April 10, 2018 at 10:57 am

    The author’s naiveté, ignorance about sex work coupled with her patronizing superiority is always an embarrassment when she writes on this topic. Turtle girl probably should get fucked and stop worrying about other people’s sex lives.

  • So gross
    April 9, 2018 at 10:21 pm

    You couldn’t pay me to even sit on the same bed in the pay by the hour motel literally every single one of these backpage scums you have written about, that all take their sitting on the sink “glamour shots” in said motel room. I wouldn’t do it for a reasonably looking 20 year old, and I most definitely wouldn’t for some nasty, wrinkly, old, great grandmother.
    If she made $70, 000 last year she must be adding her and her husband social security, the money she embezzled.

  • Jerome
    April 9, 2018 at 9:27 pm

    Anal too ?

  • NR
    April 9, 2018 at 6:37 pm

    It’s amazing that even the massive filters she uses doesn’t help. Can you imagine some poor schmuck thinking he’s getting a smooth skinned somewhat normal toothed woman with horrific eyebrows opening the door? But, he’d still pound it…because when you’re resorting to that, you’d pretty much do whatever. Maybe she can get Bologna Bro as a regular.

  • just passing thru
    April 9, 2018 at 6:19 pm

    I guess she has not found double page dot com

  • libtard
    April 9, 2018 at 5:27 pm

    FBI messing with Trump again, this time to increase unemployment for sex workers.

    Wacky California will likely let performers file for unemployment.

  • Kevin Lynch
    April 9, 2018 at 3:39 pm

    Now where am I suppose meet little girls ?

    • NAMBLA Guy
      April 9, 2018 at 3:59 pm

      You spelled “boys” wrong…

      • Brian Albrecht
        April 9, 2018 at 4:18 pm

        Hey you sidewinders where my membership card? I paid dues thru 2010.

  • Fake Rant Queen
    April 9, 2018 at 3:21 pm

    Seriously, what kind of men would sink that low? Maybe 70, 80 or 90 year olds, who this gal looks “young and cute”.

    • Fake Rant Queen
      April 9, 2018 at 3:24 pm

      *who think

  • Brett Facial Spunk Blast
    April 9, 2018 at 2:53 pm

    Once again, Turtle nuts shows how fucking stupid he is in the end. “Except Congress didn’t do this, the FBI did.” Well, if Congress passes legislation, then the appropriate agency has to change its rules or take the action. Since FI is a federal agency, it’s more likely true this was a congressional action, then ti was state, b/c if it was state then the state police depts would have been the ones. Swear, between Killoran and yourself, you two mental giants couldn’t beat a hooker with a BA in a game of Triv Pursuit. lol. Fuck, and people follow you? Shows how fucking much trouble the clueless lowlife conservative bloc really is. Roll call is really, “where trailer turtles live – USA!!” lol dickheads

    • Kanacke Hasser
      April 9, 2018 at 3:54 pm

      Oh look. It’s another mindless liberal drone. I love when they try to sound like they can think.
      Somebody throw it a treat. Maybe it’ll do backflips.

    • The William Shatner Experience
      April 9, 2018 at 3:59 pm

      I’m guessing it’s the founder, vice president, treasurer and only member of the Brian Albrecht Fan Club, all of who drink man chowder by the gallon.

    • Katy Perry's Middle Tit
      April 9, 2018 at 4:06 pm

      Brian stopped by for his weekly ass kicking. Bret, would you mind pulling your cock out of Mama Albrecht’s ass and pummeling the shit out of Brian again? Thanks. You’re a lamb.

    • Brendan Clark
      April 9, 2018 at 4:14 pm

      bro wher u at we wuz spose to dress up like girlz and fuk each uver up da azz o wate i no a chunky ginger dat likes 2 get phreeky n she got a strapon lyk a telefone pole no lie she tex me pix 2 she werk 4 turtelboy mayb we cn huff sum spray paint n get raild

  • Dudeguybro
    April 9, 2018 at 2:22 pm

    If Ozzy and Janis Joplin ever had a kid together, that’d be funny. And it would look like this broad here in the story.

    • Captain Trips
      April 9, 2018 at 3:23 pm

      You beat me to it lol

    • gfldgadfly
      April 9, 2018 at 8:32 pm

      It looks like Chuckie with over plucked eyebrows and no mirror to draw them back on.

  • Screw PC
    April 9, 2018 at 2:16 pm

    Whoever the beyond all hope of a poor fuck is telling that cadaver that it looks good needs excessive shock therapy. In a chair.

  • Citypoint
    April 9, 2018 at 2:10 pm

    Crazy eye brow game she has going on.

    • The William Shatner Experience
      April 9, 2018 at 2:18 pm

      They on freak fleek

  • Walter "Bonerbreath" Bird
    April 9, 2018 at 1:57 pm

    I’m in.

  • The Vorlon
    April 9, 2018 at 1:27 pm

    Not only am I SURE there is not enough eyebleach in the world, I am stedfast in the knowledge that there is not enough antibiotics and antivirals too.

    • Richard Cranium
      April 9, 2018 at 11:34 pm

      Yup. After visiting that vaginal Auschwitz you’ll make Chuckie Sheen look like Floyd Mayweather.

  • Deuce X
    April 9, 2018 at 1:10 pm

    I love that she combines two very important trades – 1) Sound tax advice and 2) Head. I need to find out if she blows me in my home office can I write it off as a business expense?

  • Clitty Litter
    April 9, 2018 at 12:58 pm

    Is she eating Cracker Jacks?

  • vicxh
    April 9, 2018 at 12:58 pm

    I take the meaning of “life liberty and the pursuit of happiness” to mean “pursuit of bp adventures between consenting adult”. And if the govt disagrees, I have the first few amendments to back me up 🙂

  • John John
    April 9, 2018 at 12:45 pm

    Them eyebrows tho..Come on turtle boy how could you not want that.

  • tomfromsaugus
    April 9, 2018 at 12:34 pm

    that im dead on the inside face SHEESH

    • Captain Trips
      April 9, 2018 at 3:25 pm

      Shit – I bet if you pinched her cheek pus would come out

  • Brother Turtle
    April 9, 2018 at 12:30 pm

    The best consequence to the backpage shut down is now I get to rape my friends and neighbors.

  • Stunt Penis
    April 9, 2018 at 12:27 pm

    If I ever get that desperate, I hope someone has the compassion to put a bullet in my head and euthanize me.

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