Smiles And Sunshine

Turtleboy Ratchet Madness Round 1: Chudstuffer Region

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Time for the final matchups of the first round of 2018 Turtleboy Ratchet Madness. Assembling this blog I honestly think it’s the hardest to pick winners in. Breaks my heart that half of these ratchets will be gone by this time tomorrow. As always we will provide you with links to relevant blog on each of the ratchets and outline their ratchet profile so you can make an informed decision about who should advance to the next round.


1. Didi Delgado vs. 16. Milky Mike Gaffney

Didi Delgado

  • Forces cult of white women from all over the country to pay her reparations whenever she demands it
  • Doesn’t report any of this income to the IRS but still seems to never have money for rent (which is racist) and still gladly collects food stamps and other handouts from Uncle Sam
  • Takes elaborate vacations all around the world paid for by dumb white women who pay her reparations
  • Forces wypipo to write #DoneForDidi after donating to her so she can keep track of which wypipo have paid up
  • Raised $12,000 for a car, car seat, and $4K worth of car insurance that was delinquent
  • Often posts about who she is offering up some lady bits by saying things such as “everyone knows my pussy is gold”
  • Dresses like 120 pound woman, which is what she weighs on the moon
  • Said she would lead a Nat Turner-esque rebellion on any teacher who attempts to teach her daughter about the Pilgrims
  • Held Facebook Live show announcing identity of her child’s sperm donor
  • Sold tickets to show with strict “no refund” policy even though it was just her driving around in a car talking into her phone





Milky Mike Gaffney

  • Is suing Turtleboy in actual, real court for costing him an election he had already dropped out of
  • Added the fact that turtle riders voted for him to advance in ratchet madness to the lawsuit: “The Defendants have posted a series of blogs and podcasts, to include one posted today that places the Plaintiff in “The Turtleboy Ratchet Madness Play-in Games.” And have included photo shopped derogatory images of the Plaintiff. The “game” is set up similar to the March Madness brackets where in the Defendants choose which “ratchet” will advance to the finals and win the tournament. The Defendant has advanced the Plaintiff to the final round.”
  • Is demanding to know the identity of imaginary Attorney Richard N. Vulva in discovery
  • Used and supported Turtleboy as a weapon against his political enemies for years, and then whined about it when we did not endorse him in an election he had dropped out of
  • Claims Turtleboy made him fat, unable to sleep, and made him dizzy
  • Claims Turtleboy’s use of free speech in not endorsing him for an election he  dropped out of caused him a “multitude of emotional distresses, including shock, stress, sadness, anger, anxiety, anguish and depression”
  • Forced wife to videotape him doing squats in the basement, highlighting turtle-induced fatness
  • Forced wife to videotape him doing obnoxious “Cheers” Worcester
  • Claimed democrats were conspiring to make it seem like he was endorsing them in insane tinfoil Facebook rant because they quoted his own words announcing that he didn’t want people to vote for him
  • Moved to Florida but still writes “Worcester Independent Journal,” which is really just his continued rantings and ravings that no one reads anymore because he’s no longer relevant




8. Sterling Paramedic vs. 9. Dianne Williamson

Sterling Paramedic

  • Did not like Patriots players kneeling during National Anthem so she wrote about it on Facebook and repeatedly referred to players using racial slurs like “porch monkeys”
  • Claimed that calling them monkeys was an insult to apes
  • Just to clarify if you weren’t clear she asked her audience if she had called them porch monkeys, and then confirmed that she did indeed call them porch monkeys because they were black
  • Ended up getting fired from job for Vital as well as town of Sterling cutting ties with her as well
  • Firefighter husband defended her post on Facebook, leading to investigation into him too


Dianne Williamson

  • Admitted to defrauding Triple A by using someone else’s car for free tow
  • Saw bare ass of tow truck driver, photographed it, posted it to Facebook without him knowing, and began to mock his weight and ass along with her progressive friends
  • Wrote fake apology column in which she victimized herself and blamed turtle riders for being mean to her for posting noodz and publicly shaming a man who helped her out
  • Used to use her column to write about public interest stories, but contracted Trump derangement syndrome and transformed into bizarre angry cat woman with affinity for wine
  • Used to send us messages all the time complimenting us for our work and telling us what a big fan she is
  • After contracting TDS (turtle derangment syndrome) she began to message us at all hours of the night (quite likely after several glasses of wine) telling us to “go to hell asshole,” “unhinged,” “nasty,” a “little whimp who no one likes,” and a “total loser”
  • Told Turtleboy that his (her) children would one day grow up to be ashamed of them
  • Began messaging us randomly taunting us for being a dying blog, all the while reading the blog on a daily basis
  • Got a key to the city from Mayor Joe Petty for her fine work writing a column in which she said he did not call his supporters “morons” even though she privately told Turtleboy that she was certain he called them morons





5. King Cheesehog Steven Assanti vs. 12. Westerly Wenchtrench

King Cheesehog Steven Assanti

  • Fall River lardo who weighs 734 pounds and was featured on TLC’s My 600 Pound Life
  • Got kicked out of weight loss treatment at hospital for ordering a pizza
  • Lived under bridge in Dad’s van in Cranston
  • Called taxpayers “stupid mother fuckers” for food, housing, medical bills, phone, urinal, camera and computer
  • Made video of himself screaming at the camera, “fuck the taxpayers”
  • Made video of himself calling African-American nurse the n word repeatedly for not wiping his ass fast enough
  • Called nurse on phone a “fucking cunt” in video
  • Told nurse “I’ll call the cops, don’t fuck with me broad”
  • Developed the “disease” with heroin addiction because people were mean to him on the Internet
  • Dr. Phil called him a con artist
  • Dad had to rent a hauler to get him to Texas, stopping every 100 miles for Big Macs because he was throwing a fit
  • ended the careers of hospital workers and EMT/Fire fighters
  • Home health worker quit, and he called the police on her to say she stole his TV
  • Saw 17 doctors in Texas and acquired 39 scripts
  • Rolled off the back of a golf cart, faked injury, cried, demanded people call 911, EMTs couldn’t get him on stretcher
  • Dad took him to the shrink, he refused to go in, freaked out and called the cops



Westerly Wenchtrench

  • Reproduced with drug dealing career criminal with a chinstrap
  • Claimed that her and boyfriend’s puppy was taken from them after paying for it by friend
  • In reality the owners of the dog never gave it to them and decided not to because boyfriend was finally going to jail
  • Turns out boyfriend was actually a snitch, which has kept him out of prison despite selling fatal batch to friend
  • Boyfriend once stole 10 cartons of cigarettes, got into stolen Hyundai, tried to steal an ATM machine, abandoned the car, went home and hid under pile of dirty laundry
  • Claimed that her boyfriend’s drug dealing profession was noble and only addicts are to blame for their demise
  • Name is Ericha with a CH
  • Often posts pictures of herself half naked claiming she needs a man to hold her down
  • Posts about how she enjoys being choked during sex
  • Frequently uses the n word in casual conversations
  • Started fraudulent GoFundMe with boyfriend for his daughter to open a Cheer studio (she’s 11), pretending to be her, claiming they were planning on buying a Staples for $2,000 and converting it into a “Cheer company”





4. Slavemaster Steve vs. 13. Taunton Ghetto Clams

Slavemaster Steve

  • Scared the town of Shrewsbury shitless after claiming to be victim of daytime home invasion at the hands of black and Hispanic guys
  • Forgot to mention that his house is called the “House of Many Cums” and he had a large following in the BDSM community
  • Targets girls who cut themselves, have psychological issues, and are younger than 25 because they are easier to manipulate
  • Has them sign contracts agreeing to be his full time sex slaves, many of whom also live in his suburban Shrewsbury home
  • Bragged about how one slave was a college freshman “away from home for the first time,” and her parents thought she was in her dorm room but in reality she was blindfolded and covered in sweat in his basement
  • Puts girls in cages meant for small dogs, urges them all to wear collars (even on the rare occasions when they leave the house without him), spanks them until they bleed, videotapes them using dildos on each other and giving him felatio
  • Single handedly keeps the pineapple industry afloat in Shrewsbury
  • Got a BDSM tattoo, all the while masquerading as Shrewsbury’s top realtor
  • Forces his slaves to refer to him as “Daddy” and/or “Sir”
  • Has strict rule on swallowing his many cums because it’s too valuable and gets 4 star reviews on Yelp
  • His slaves are not allowed to open doors, which basically makes them psychological slaves who can never leave
  • Posts bizarre “love” notes to his slaves in which he babbles on like a 5th grade girl
  • Slaves have posted about their devotion to him and their inability to adjust to life outside of the house
  • One slave claimed that she was triggered by the color red because of traumatic childhood prior to the House of Many Cums, but now likes it because she associates it with being his slave
  • Brought slave to Thanksgiving at sister’s house where she exhibited bizarre behavior, asking him for permission to eat, drink, and use the bathroom
  • Claimed he wanted to kill himself afterwards in a desperate plea for victim status prompting the police taking him from his house and sending him to the looney bin for a day
  • Uses slaves as ottomans and coffee tables
  • Is permanently banned from BDSM conventions after refusing to stop tying one of his slaves up during demonstration despite her using the safe word



Taunton Ghetto Clams

  • Mother posts on Facebook that her daughter Justine was nearly kidnapped and claimed the Taunton PD wasn’t looking for the kidnapper
  • Very hard to tell which is the mother and which is the daughter due to rugged Fall River upbringing
  • Both she and Justine got real ratchet with responses when people began doubting the story
  • Taunton PD announced that the story never happened, they had invited her to police station to identify kidnapper and she never showed up
  • 911 tape also revealed she was lying, yet she continued to call anyone who doubted her nice things like “cunt”
  • Turns out the kidnapper mistakingly thought she was a hooker and was offering her money for sex
  • Mom shared that her brother molested the neighborhood children and she covered up for him for years before finally reporting it, and the cops called her a liar
  • Claimed they were just using their “freedom of speech act”
  • Have multiple Google trophies, including larceny and other forms of dishonesty
  • Sent SSTG email telling her “sia in court clam” and that charges were being filed for going on her public Facebook page
  • Claimed that we were being sued by her for DECIMATION OF CHATCHER
  • Sent other ratchet after SSTG demanding to meet up so she could punch the balls off of her
  • Messaged Deskie, demanding blog get taken down because she had contacted “top lawyer”
  • Bonded with Deskie over gyno talk and similar women’s health issues
  • Initially refused to fill out “the form” but ended up filling out “the form,” rating blog about her with middle finger emoji, claiming that she’s called the cops and the news
  • Ratchet friend then did the same thing, claimed she wouldn’t fill out the form and did so anyway



3. Wheelchair Clyde and Knob Gobbling Renee vs. 14. Agawam Fapjuicer

Wheelchair Clyde and Knob Gobbling Renee

  • Infamous wheelchaired New Bedford panhandler caught on New Bedford Live getting brains from unknown New Bedford junkbox holding orange soda
  • Did so during broad daylight in busy part of town, acted surprised when she realized she was on film
  • Clyde seemed to give no fucks about being caught on video and was enjoying himself
  • Well known around town to shit in bushes at 7/11
  • Knob gobbler was originally from Uxbridge, has been arrested a million times for drugs and hooking in Main South Worcester, and somehow ended up in New Bedford where she became Facebook famous



Agawam Fapjuicer

  • Sold $75 worth of food stamps for $50 on Facebook
  • Told haters to shut the fuck up and mind their business
  • Girlfriend, who clearly has a penis, frequently poses with him wearing panties in bathroom selfies together making out
  • Him and girlfriend video themselves riding around Walmart in fatmobiles
  • Once drove stolen car to dealership, test drove a car and ended up stealing that car too
  • Brags about stealing from tip jars at restaurants
  • Posts “fuck the police” stuff a lot
  • Wanted by cops for stealing dogs in Rhode Island
  • Ran to the south to get away, ended up getting hit by car and died ironically outside of jail



6. Revere Stripper vs. 11. Fridge Baby Mom

Revere Stripper

  • Revere stripper who whose stripper names are Faith and Boston
  • Made video of herself counting money with a dildo, claiming “I make mad money and fuck myself, ain’t nobody gonna tell me shit, bitch!”
  • After allegedly beating up four rival strippers she posted ratchtastic video from strip club changing room saying things like, “you need to fuck mad n words to be where you need to be bitch,” said she’s a “real ass bitch who pops pussy, sells drugs and does what the fuck you can’t do n word,” told rival strippers that “I don’t even have a dick but I just fucked your throat n word,” and said “I got that sauce, I got that marinara.”
  • Came on Turtleboy Live in between lap dances in epic episode where she explained to turtle riders what the definition of pussy poppin was




Fridge Baby Mom

  • Basically gave away out of control daughter because she didn’t feel like raising her
  • Daughter babysat her baby niece, put baby in fridge, recorded it, uploaded it to SnapChat, and went viral
  • Claims “white girls stay winning always”
  • Frequently uses 100 emojis and posts memes of men being fucked by goats
  • Bragged on Facebook how daughter she gave away was at a party the cops broke up, was the only one not drinking, and told cops “don’t fuckin touch me, u need worry bout some1 else cuz I’m not about that druggie life.”
  • Claims daughter told her that her friends disappoint her for engaging in substance abuse
  • Bragged about how proud of her she was





7. Kevin Blackmer vs. 10. Moby Trick

Kevin Blackmer

  • Repeat from last year’s ratchet madness, arrested at Ware Walmart while caught in the act of shoplifting and having warrants
  • Grown man who began dating troubled 16 year old girl who he professed his love for
  • Turns out he was pimping the girl out on backpage as a teen prostitute in Western MA
  • Caught on tape being tazed and arrested by Ware PD
  • Frequently wears flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hats

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Moby Trick

  • 400 pound (estimated) cheesehog originally spotted in Providence walking around tryig to sell weed to random people in cars while wearing underpants with fupa flowing from shirt that was 4 sizes too small
  • Migrated north to Worcester, wearing different navy blue panties, and was caught walking through Main South with random crackhead who had just purchased her services grabbing large honch of spare cellulite on posterior



2. Route 20 Ratchet Rooster vs. 15. Bristol Fupa Moms

Route 20 Ratchet Rooster

  • Former Centerfold’s stripper in mid to late 40’s, fired due to not turning in and pooling her tips
  • Videotaped herself confronting bouncer, except camera was in her pocketbook so you couldn’t see anything
  • Claims bouncer assaulted her even though audio clearly indicates he did not
  • Repeatedly yelled “where’s my fucking shoe” before being shown the door
  • Emailed every news outlet and Worcester PD telling story about how she was assaulted and bruised by Centerfold’s bouncer
  • Masslive fell for her story and printed it
  • Came on Turtleboy Facebook page and told everyone that the bruises did NOT come from her being on the ground giving blowjobs
  • After we blogged about it she agreed to come on Turtleboy Live with her adult son where she told us that she’s “not from Worcester I’m from West Warwick so get your FACKS straight.”
  • Clarified that she spokes Marlboros not Newports
  • Got into legendary shouting match with Uncle Turtleboy on podcast
  • Began using #JusticeForMystie hashtag, and was the only one doing so, thus defeating the purpose of a hashtag
  • Declined to be part of class action lawsuit against Centerfold’s for violating fair wage laws after accepting a $500 bribe
  • Now hates all the other strippers in the class action lawsuit because they refused to back up her story to Masslive
  • Posts frequently using different user names on stripper forums, pretending NOT to be her, while vocalizing support for herself
  • Thanks all of her supporters (all of which are her) for posting nice things about her

32:30 and 41:30 of podcast:



Bristol Fupa Mom

  • Accompanies pajama clad daughter to fight other trashbag teens at public part in broad daylight
  • Absolutely dominates and rains down thunder on future teen moms who try jumping her daughter
  • Pulls hair of more than one teen at the same time while shirt is falling off

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You have 24 hours to vote….


6 Comment(s)
  • NR
    April 9, 2018 at 9:06 pm

    Who is that pussy bitch getting involved with the females fighting in Bristol Fupa Mom? He needs his ass beat. You have to get involved with a girl fight because you lack balls dude?

  • Hughbo Mont
    April 9, 2018 at 1:30 pm

    No, Diane wasn’t hammered in the pic with the key to the Woo. LOL.
    A few tough calls here.

  • Jenna B.
    April 9, 2018 at 11:57 am

    Tough decisions to make here…

  • Misty
    April 9, 2018 at 11:26 am

    U guys really are so lame! Instead of making up lies about people, how bout find some real TRUE facts and then write? Everything you said about me in this article is a bunch of crap! But hey, whateva amuses the small, simple minds that you all have lol besides, I do not need to prove shit to anyone besides the courts, which I already have! #JusticeforMisty! And really, your page is so fucking boring! You do not even have many followers lol its funny actually! Anyway, have fun with this stupid game, while the rest of us actually get out and go to work in the real world!

    • GingyKidd
      April 9, 2018 at 12:46 pm

      Misty – You’re totally gonna be a contender in this one! I actually kinda love you for being so outspoken with the blog. Maybe you should write for them? It’s gotta be better than stripping right?


  • fordsnharleys
    April 9, 2018 at 9:55 am

    I’m not really into this but voted for Dianne because the key to the city from Petty coupled with winning Ratchet madness would be epic.

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