All-Star Criminals

Methface Muffbeard With 41 Priors Assaults Pregnant Woman, Runs From Police And Is Found Hiding In Buddy’s Basement, Judge Releases Him on $540 Bail, Guess Who Didn’t Show Up For Court?

Methface Muffbeard With 41 Priors Assaults Pregnant Woman, Runs From Police And Is Found Hiding In Buddy’s Basement, Judge Releases Him on $540 Bail, Guess Who Didn’t Show Up For Court?

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Today’s addition of “Massachusetts Soft-On-Crime Judges putting public safety at risk” is brought to you from Yarmouth, Massachusetts:



Via Masslive:

“A Yarmouth man accused of attacking a pregnant woman over the weekend failed to show up for his court appearance Monday and is now wanted on several warrants, according to Yarmouth police.

Matthew Vincent Julian, 30, is wanted on warrants of assault and battery on a pregnant woman and violation of a protective order. Julian is a convicted felon and has 41 prior charges on his Massachusetts criminal record.

Police say Julian attacked a pregnant woman Friday night at a home on Long Pond Drive in South Yarmouth. He ran before officers responded to the scene. The victim, who knows Julian, was treated and a protective order was obtained.

On Saturday around 9 p.m. Yarmouth Police found Julian hiding in a basement in a home on Webbers Path in West Yarmouth.

He was taken into custody and had bail set at $540. Julian posted bail on the condition that he would show up in court Monday morning.

Police say Julian did not show up for his court appearance and contacted the victim, violating the protective order.”


Wow, that $540 was sure incentive to show up to court and not re-offend! I am truly shocked that with 41 priors, methed-out Mcgee over here skipped court. We’ve covered dozens of chudstuffers like this guy, and they never show up to court. Just check out the physical description the cops are giving and tell me he isn’t explicitly made-for-Turtleboy:

“Julian is 5’11”, weighs around 200 pounds, has hazel eyes and brown hair. He has a “JULIAN” tattoo on his left hip, an “ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME” tattoo on his left shoulder and two hearts on his back.”


Only God can judge me. The last name tattooed on his hip, so when he inevitably takes a hotshot and ends up face-down in a puddle of his own piss, the authorities have a lead to ID the body, because Lord knows he won’t be carrying any ID. Really, just look at this shitstain.


And you’d never guess his preferred style of headgear!



And he’s got those fire section 8 glamorshots, son!

So much swagger.


Wisely, this guy went on Facebook looking for a getaway driver:


But this dude definitely keeps it a hunnit, and his friends think he’s a “really great guy”, so despite skipping court and contacting the pregnant chick he punched, he totally deserved to be let out on bail:


Yeah, Chris, he sure sounds like a “really good dude”. If your idea of a good dude is a crater faced crackmonkey who beats up pregnant women and stays out of jail only as long as it takes for the cops to find him. He’s not a good dude in any sense, he’s a bitchmade junkbox with crusty pussyhair on his chin who attacks pregnant women and runs and hides when the real men show up.


Anyway, if you see this chud, resist the urge to punch the remaining 2 teeth out of his head and just call Yarmouth PD at 508-775-0445, extension 0, so they can pick him up, hold him for a few hours, and send him off to court to be released with another slap on the wrist.

21 Comment(s)
  • DJ
    November 11, 2018 at 6:19 pm

    Grown men wearing hats with a big fake penis…and smiling cuz they are taking selfies. Fucking losers..this is shit a 11 or 12 tear old would do. What a piece of shit… Way to go letting this pussy out on bail.. Tough guy beating on a pregnant girl.. Wtf

  • Washashore
    November 10, 2018 at 9:47 am

    This is my 30th year living on the Cape, and I assure you this place is pretty much fucked…

  • no doubt
    November 9, 2018 at 9:51 pm

    “You are a good guy” – boy, that bar is set WAAAY low on the cape, huh?

  • Y
    November 9, 2018 at 1:54 pm

    2:00 on a Friday, and you haven’t posted one blog today.
    How do you expect to be considered as a respectful news outlet if you can’t provide us with one news story on a Friday?!

    • November 9, 2018 at 2:17 pm

      To answer your question – I try to find quality content to blog about, rather than just polluting newsfeeds with drivel. And there’s that pesky “day job” thing. Sorry! When I come across something I feel is newsworthy, I write it.

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    November 9, 2018 at 1:05 pm

    Was this guy in the caravan we’re all so worried about?

    • Silent Majority
      November 9, 2018 at 1:11 pm

      We’re not worried about any caravan, boy.

      We’re locked and loaded.

    • Old Scratch
      November 9, 2018 at 1:59 pm

      He was in a Dodge Caravan. Like the one you sleep in, down by the river, when you’re not blowing semi-erect dudes with your open lip sores, gingivitis, and Hennessey breath.

  • Lily
    November 9, 2018 at 11:57 am

    The Cape is a MESS! Heroin Highway. I just hope all those rich liberal Kennedy types or Worcester Irish Kennedy wannabes don’t decide to pack up their oxfords, argyles, and loafers, and take up summering in Maine.

  • Judge Smails
    November 9, 2018 at 11:53 am

    Evidently I trod over this fellow’s face while still wearing my golf shoes. Fret not, however, for I gave him my customary $0.25 tip.

    Now how about a Fresca?

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    November 9, 2018 at 11:13 am

    He’s got the ‘ole meth scabs and meth eyes’ on his face.

    It’s not his fault. He has ‘the disease’ LOL

  • bigdaddy
    Joe Early
    November 9, 2018 at 10:41 am

    Jail wasn’t working out for him

  • Don't Be a Lickspittle
    November 9, 2018 at 10:03 am

    Aw. This poor guy is just misunderstood by an unjust world. Is there no room for compassion? Someone out there must be willing to hols his head under water for a few minutes in order to receive his misery.

  • deflateddoritodinks
    November 9, 2018 at 8:54 am

    At least he didn’t hop a plane back to Burkina Faso.

  • Amy Marks
    Amy Marks
    November 9, 2018 at 6:44 am

    “Section 8 glamour shots,” hahaha!

    • Fo Sho
      Not wid my dick
      November 9, 2018 at 8:20 am

      The hidden message in those photos was that the Fag is coming out of the closet………. #methheadsareclever

  • gtfo
    November 9, 2018 at 5:27 am

    And it’s the GOP that wages the “war on women”. Must suck to be female in Massachusetts. They let women beaters off on $500 bail, allow men who think they are women into women’s restrooms, they allow third world immigrants into the state, who see and treat women as property….the list goes on. Hey, at least now you can get pepper spray without a license! Took 20 years.

    • Clu Haywood
      November 9, 2018 at 9:52 am

      How it works in this state is lawmakers are pushing for reduced sentences (or no sentences at all) and cockamamie treatment and rehabilitation programs as an alternative for junkies “to get their lives back together again”. Because apparently, nobody ever deserves to go to jail in MA, and nobody is really guilty of anything.

  • Ray Patriarca
    Hopeless here in MA
    November 9, 2018 at 4:23 am

    This state needs an enema. Two more year! Yes two ! That’s when I can fully retire and move out of this liberal hell-hole.
    This last election sealed the deal. After seeing the liberal idiots of this state reelecting Liawatha, Healey , McGovern, Neal,, I came to the conclusion that Massachusetts is just permanently and chronically fucked!

    • Hugh-Bo Mont
      November 9, 2018 at 10:46 am

      1972 election. Mass was only state to cast electoral votes for Democrat McGovern. (Wash DC did, too, but not a state)

  • Turd Ferguson
    November 9, 2018 at 2:22 am

    Time for a new stronger DA on the Cape.

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