All-Star Criminals

Neckbearded Slackjawed Yokel Moves Out, Leaves Dog Behind For A Week With No Food Or Water Before Neighbor Saves Him

His face totally screams ‘dindunuffin’








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Let’s start with the fax, and nothing but the fax, according to Greenfield PD:




So basically, this neckbearded, mouth-breathing slopalopagus

moved out of his apartment in Greenfield about a week ago – I know, it’s surprising that he even made it out of his mother’s basement, but I digress… He left his pooch, a bully breed mix, behind with no food or water and it seems he didn’t tell anyone diddly squat about it.


It wasn’t until an old neighbor heard the dog howling for his life and an entire week had gone by that anyone knew he was there. The property manager was called to open the apartment, and upon discovering the pup completely emaciated and surrounded by his own waste, the fuzz was called in.


The details are scant at this point, like… was Tubbo running out on the rent? Why’d he just take off and leave the dog there to die? What was the rush?


Image result for question gifs



He’s kinda scrubbed himself off the Interwebs at this point

but it appears, in even more shocking news, that this chode has not only escaped his family’s cellar and given up grooming in general, he’s actually found someone willing to let him hose them down with his baby batter bazooka. Yikes.


So now… if he’s married, where the hell was the wife when the dog was withering away in their former hovel? Is she a willing participant in all this?

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We need answers, damn it. There is nothing about this that could ever be justified, and he’s just a trash human being, but I still wanna know why he did it. I do, however, hope they throw the book at this mook and the only job he’ll be able to get for the rest of his pathetic existence is shoveling elephant shit somewhere.


If anyone out there has more info, specifically on how the doggo is doing, please hit the TB Facebook inbox or stuff it in my (in)box at















9 Comment(s)
  • Arthur
    November 26, 2017 at 11:01 am

    I’m glad the word “Yokel” isn’t used more. Not that it’s not a great word, but if we used it all the time it would lose its humorous cache. Good job TB!

  • Fred Knessl
    November 23, 2017 at 10:15 am

    A little sleuthing show that the wife is Tameka Hebert, same address. Hope she had the good sense to be out of this shithead’s life long ago…

  • Michelle
    November 22, 2017 at 11:59 pm

    What shelter? Poor pup. We gotta find him a kickass home

  • Yeesh
    November 22, 2017 at 8:20 pm

    TB just posted about tryouts, and about people trying too hard. Wow, this has to be the most forced article I have ever read here. Was it meant to be the example of what not to do?

  • Sloppy
    November 22, 2017 at 6:59 pm

    Here’s to hoping that fat piece of shit accidentally slips in his cell and has an unfortunate accident where he falls face-first into the side of the stainless steel toilet and somehow manages to lose all his front teeth in the process.

  • First Time Caller
    November 22, 2017 at 4:51 pm

    Lardass starves a dog but never missed a meal in his life. Please find out who this fat fuck is so we can make his ass pay

  • jenn
    November 22, 2017 at 4:46 pm

    Lots of unanswered questions…..Why didn’t the wife or friends report that the dog was left behind? Why did it take the neighbor a week to report a howling / barking dog? Where was the landlord if this apartment was left empty? SMH

  • Narcanista
    November 22, 2017 at 4:29 pm

    I bet that dude plays a lot of video games…. A whole whopping lot.

  • JoeMomma
    November 22, 2017 at 4:29 pm

    Toss him in a cell and check up on him next week…fair is fair.

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