All-Star Criminals

New Bedford Hoodboogers Getting Busted Trying To Sneak Henny, Newports, And Viagara Into Shirley Prison Is Extremely Confusing 

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Lowell Sun: 

A large quantity of Viagra pills turned up during a motor vehicle stop in Shirley on Monday were about to be smuggled into MCI-Shirley, according to police. However, according to Elizabeth Vlock, a spokeswoman for the Middlesex District Attorney’s Office, the investigation into where 31-year-old Christopher Bartolomey intended to distribute the pills remains ongoing. Bartolomey, of Acushnet, was charged with possession with intent to distribute a Class E substance and violating drug laws near a school or park, Vlock said in an email Tuesday.

The motor vehicle stop occurred Monday about 5 a.m., when a Shirley police officer observed a speeding car, driven by 38-year-old Stephanie Silva, of New Bedford, according to Vlock. Silva was turning off of Harvard Road onto Shaker Road near the medium security prison. The officer pulled the car over and was given permission to search the vehicle by Silva, according to Vlock. The Littleton Police Department K-9 Unit assisted at the scene.

“A search of the vehicle allegedly resulted in authorities locating bags that belonged to Bartolomey,” Vlock stated. “Authorities allegedly found within the bags a large quantity of Viagra pills that the defendant did not have a prescription for in packaging that indicated it was for distribution.”

The Shirley Police Department released a photo on their Facebook page showing the Viagra pills, along with other contraband, including cartons of cigarettes, tobacco, alcohol and other items, seized during the traffic stop.

LOL. Hennessy and Newports. Even incarcerated hoodboogers know how to get their hands on that deadly duo.

Two questions need to be asked here:

  1. How the hell was he planning on smuggling that all in there?
  2. What on earth are prisoners going to do with Viagara?

Seriously though, they don’t even have porn in prison. What are you even gonna do with that thing for 36 hours? How much of a pounding can poor little Kyle Kennedy’s glory hole take in a five year sentence?

And what the hell is wrong with you if your tuna torpedo doesn’t work in prison? You can’t get drunk, so you can’t blame it on whiskey dick. You haven’t had sex in years, so you should be horny as hell and ready to punch the clown at a moment’s notice. Nah, this wasn’t spank bank viagara, this was bone zone viagara.

The Shirley PD didn’t post a mugshot for these winners, and I can only find one Christopher Bartolomey on the Facebook machine, and he’s from New Bedford:

I’m not saying that’s him. But Acushnet is right next to New Bedford, and if I saw that face out in public the first thing I’d think to myself is, “I bet he’s got at least 3 packs of newports lodged in his anal cavity right now.” Just sayin.

17 Comment(s)
  • September 10, 2018 at 9:16 am

    Lol what a mongoloid looking fuck he is. Looks soo um, wellie. C’mon bro your outfit with the jorts was fly af untill you perpetrat with that fox racing hat..
    What a get up tho. Nike, jenco jorts, Nike, trash arm ink, fox racing. Looks like he went on an ebt shopping spree at A.J. Wright haahaaaahaaaa. I could never take a dude over 25 seriously if they are dressed like that. Actually I cant take anyone dressed in hood bogger garb serious.

  • September 10, 2018 at 9:05 am

    In the words of all the Spanish dude that are locked up. It doesn’t count in jail papi.

  • YESISAIDTHAT
    September 9, 2018 at 3:11 pm

    Hopefully they don’t let Disgraced Shirley police Lt. Alfreda Cromwell process this evidence. She might stick it in her drawer and “forget” about it. Like she forgot to process evidence of a sexually exploited child. Not once, but twice.

  • Not wid my dick
    September 8, 2018 at 9:04 pm

    Definitely got that “Chimp” look going on……… looks like the Cro-Magnum man in the books when I went to skool.

  • Lily White
    September 8, 2018 at 8:53 pm

    “I bet he’s got at least 3 packs of newports lodged in his anal cavity right now.”

    Pure poetry! Love it!

  • Prisoners be like
    September 8, 2018 at 12:52 pm

    I ain’t gay my boyfriend is.

  • Prohibition does NOT work
    September 8, 2018 at 10:38 am

    It’s this simple. One of these dopes knows/related to a C.O at Shirley, He smuggles this shit in everyone gets paid. Old as the prison system itself.

    • Kim Un Jong
      September 8, 2018 at 4:12 pm

      Shirley you can’t be serious

  • Don't be that fucking guy
    September 8, 2018 at 10:32 am

    Rule #1 NEVER EVER talk to cops

    ” The officer pulled the car over and was given permission to search the vehicle by Silva”
    He deserves to be in jail for being this fucking stupid.

    Officer – ” Do you mind if I search the vehicle? ”
    Dummy – ” Sure officer ”
    Me – ” No thank you , I DO NOT consent to a search ”

    Take the fucking speeding ticket and move on.

    For ALL future morons heed the advice ” Don’t talk to the police ”

  • Thanks, Barney Fife
    September 8, 2018 at 6:23 am

    They were headed for the minimum security part of Shirley. No doubt they were going to a predetermined stash spot until barney fife fucked it up by stopping them instead of sneaking up after they stopped.
    Could have got them for the additional felonies of introducing contraband and cellphones.
    Some guy locked up in the mnimum is thoroughly pissed right now.
    Haha fucker, store’s closed.

  • mike
    September 7, 2018 at 10:15 pm

    Turtleboy finally learns about the gay times of prison. They need viagra to fuck dudes’ assholes because they can’t get boners normally, because they aren’t gay.

    Imagine that. Don’t commit crime and end up in jail (unless you’re in MA, where you probably won’t go to jail cause Healey).

    • Paul Manafort
      September 7, 2018 at 11:13 pm

      Good to know.

    • Gay is as Gay does
      September 8, 2018 at 6:55 am

      Don’t believe the homo apologists. No excuses, if a man is fucking another man’s asshole, he IS gay. Fucking another man is a big part of being gay, no such thing as I’m not a homosexual I just fuck same sex man on man bc prison and stuff. The viagra is for the same reason heterosexuals use it, deal with ED and last longer get harder.

      IDIOTS GUIDE TO HOMOSEXUALITY AND GAYNESS:
      If you kiss other men when your sober or drunk you gay, if you suck other men’s dicks under any circumstances you gay, if you let them suck you then you gay, if fuck other men’s hairy asses you gay, if get your ass fucked by another man you is gay.

      • Can I get a ruling?
        September 10, 2018 at 9:46 am

        What if you enjoy musical theater?

  • drudge dread
    September 7, 2018 at 6:46 pm

    looks like a bunch of spice, e, bootleg nupies, it’s a good haul. the ratchets have to understand (they will never do) that when you play shit games, you get shit prizes.

  • Star
    September 7, 2018 at 5:17 pm

    Dude’s got a display case of Google trophies

  • Jay
    September 7, 2018 at 5:17 pm

    That is him !

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