All-Star Criminals

Oldest 56 Year Old Ever Arrested For Third OUI, Fails Alcohol Test While Out On Bail, Blames NyQuil


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Here’s a fun story out of Chicopee:

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MassliveWhen Linda Louise Spring couldn’t get to sleep Thursday night, she took a swig of NyQuil, her lawyer said. “She wasn’t feeling well,” attorney William Higgins explained Friday after his client had been accused of violating her bail conditions by testing positive for alcohol. “It does contain alcohol,” he said of the over-the-counter cold and flu medicine.

Four days earlier, Spring, 56, of Chicopee, wasarrested for her third drunken driving chargeafter a Chicopee police officer saw her allegedly cut off another motorist on Memorial Drive, according to the arrest report. Spring insisted it wasn’t her fault, police said.

“He cut me off. It’s not like I killed him anyway,” Spring said, according to the report written by officer Timothy Brodeur, who said he was “overwhelmed” by the smell of alcohol as Spring approached him.

Yea, so I was wasted and cut some guy off. What’s his problem? It’s not like he died. What a little bitch!!


In addition to operating a motor vehicle while under the influence of alcohol (third offense), Spring was charged with driving with a suspended license, failure to yield at an intersection and making an unsafe lane change. Following her arraignment Monday, she was released on conditions, including avoiding alcohol and submitting to random testing.

Spring went to work Thursday at the Big Y supermarket in Chicopee and returned home. To get to sleep, she needed NyQuil — a mistake, Higgins said. On Friday morning, her blood alcohol level was tested at between 0.017 and 0.021, Higgins said. “Those are very low readings, consistent with taking NyQuil,” he added.


Your honor, my alcoholic client who gets arrested all the time for alcohol related offenses has alcohol in her system because of NyQuil. That’s the story we’re going with for this one.”

Aside from the fact that this is just scientifically inaccurate (you’d have to drink an entire bottle of NyQuil, and even then the readings wouldn’t be that high the next day), all you have to do is just look at this face to know what really happened:

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That’s the drunk old chick playing Keno at every townie bar in America. Good lord, she’s 56 in WANDA years, which means she looks at least 75. Pretty sure her court appointed attorney took one look at her and chalked this case up in his loss column. 

This was the best line from the lawyer:

“She realizes this is something she had to take seriously,” Higgins told the judge. “I’m asking you to give her one more chance.”

Yea judge, just one more chance. It’s not like she’s been arrested three times for drinking and driving before. She’s totally safe and not a threat to anyone. Free my boi!!

Anyway, the judge revoked her bail, so that’s good. But we just wanna point out that every time someone gets baked and crashes their car, the anti-weed crowd uses it as an example of why marijuana should be outlawed. But yet we have drunks like this getting arrested all the time for being wasted behind the wheel, and no one ever suggests that we outlaw booze. Just sayin.


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12 Comment(s)
  • Sterling Turtle Rider
    June 24, 2016 at 12:37 am

    There are some of us out there who would propse outlawing alcohol due to all of the reasons you mentioned and more, except that we’re smart enough to remember that little think called ‘Prohibition’ and how that all went. Great idea from well inentioned people, but as with most things, the unintended consequences made it impossible to keep up with. TB is normally such a good student of history, I’m surprised he went there on this one.

  • Dgaf
    June 20, 2016 at 11:30 pm

    Tb has pop-ups and redirects me to a “your phone is infected” page all the sudden?

    • Ron O'Clair
      June 21, 2016 at 12:23 pm

      I get those all the time on my laptop, every time I try to access Turtle Boy or some other sites. It is rather infuriating to be redirected to page after page of Reimage Computer Repair and other spam sites and all the pop ups that come up. I have since gotten a home computer and lo and behold the problem is resolved. I have been told that my lap top must have gotten a virus or malware in it, and that is why that happens. I hope this was helpful.

  • MILF Meatpacker
    June 20, 2016 at 9:35 pm

    I’d hit that seven ways to Sunday. Older MILFS appreciate a good workout like no other. I bet she’d ride you until sunrise, especially if her BAC is peaking like that.

  • DriveSoberOrGetPulledOver
    June 20, 2016 at 9:18 pm

    BAC of 0.017 and 0.021 in the morning? That’s crazy! From what I remember from taking those Alcohol Education quizzes in college required for freshmen, an average bottle of beer, glass of wine, shot of hard liquor gives a BAC of 0.02. For the average human (generally varies if male/female, age, body wieght), your BAC lowers by approximately 0.01 every hour once you have alcohol. So if she got tested in the morning, let’s assume she got home 8 hours prior after drinking, she would have had a BAC of 0.10 while driving, higher than the legal 0.08 and approximately 5 beers deep. Again, all this is going off those mandatory Alcohol Education classes from college.

  • Reddog
    June 20, 2016 at 3:55 pm

    Looks like the person in the pic/meme that got Curt Shilling fired from ESPN. What a warpig.

  • Sal Monella
    June 20, 2016 at 3:39 pm

    Long term weed use lowers your I.Q. and makes you into a contributor to the Cackling Hags Presidential campaign but long term alcohol abuse rots your brain, liver and eventually either kills you or somebody else. Two evils if you can’t control them.

    What a mess this lady is, what a pity. Maybe nice looking in the 70’s.

  • bigdaddyfranks
    June 20, 2016 at 1:57 pm

    Bail revoked – obviously we aren’t in Worcester.

  • HeWhoShallNotBeNamed
    June 20, 2016 at 1:10 pm

    She probably still attends Chicopee High School…

  • KimberlyS
    June 20, 2016 at 1:08 pm

    2 things –

    A – I noticed that this judge revoked her bail. Cool – it didn’t even take a violent offense or threatening of a cop! Other judges could learn from this!

    B – If I looked like that, I’d probably drink all the time, too. Seriously, I thought it was a man in drag. Ugly, ugly drag.

  • Joe Max
    June 20, 2016 at 12:43 pm

    Guaranteed she was hot in 86.

    • BobnMic
      June 21, 2016 at 1:54 am


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