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One Of The Ware Vibrator Bandits Emailed Us 2 Years After Arrest, Tells Us To Get FACKS Straight, Talks Deformation Lawsuit, Claims He Was Never Arrested

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So we just republished the Ware Vibrator Bandits story today not only because it’s the two year anniversary of their Turtleboy debut, but because we got an email from the third wheel in the KY Jelly threesome – Charlie Paine:

This is Charlie Paine:

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The squishy lube doctor joined his junkbox friends, who were in a very serious relationship, for some good ol fashioned juice swappin’.

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But as you can see from the email, he claims we don’t have our FACKS straight. And he waited two years to the date to email us and tell us that all these Google trophies are a lie:

Oh, and Masslive and the rest of the MSM is also lying, and he’s threatening deformation lawsuits….

The irony of being called a retard by a guy who was arrested for stealing vibrators and lube from CVS is so glorious. And his attorney Emil Lisboa – we googled him to see if he had any deformation lawsuits under his belt….

Oh look, he’s a public defender from Jersey. Yup, this story adds up.

He wasn’t done…. 

“I was never arrested for it.” 

Screen Shot 2016-05-19 at 10.14.02 PMScreen Shot 2016-05-19 at 10.14.12 PM

“Arresting officers recovered 2 rocks crack cocaine and 3 suboxone strips but no vibrators.”

Still one of the greatest arrest reports ever. And just to be clear Charlie, it was indeed an arrest report. The SPD clearly reported that they ARRESTED you after recognizing you as one of the Ware Vibrator Bandits. We have no idea what happened to your case after that. It’s Massachusetts so we just kind of assume you got a slap on the wrist. But it doesn’t change the fact that you were indeed arrested for being one of the three Ware Vibrator bandits.

FAX!!!

18 Comment(s)
  • Wabbitt
    May 21, 2018 at 5:39 pm

    I always love these “Ware are they now” follow up blogs. Just reminds you that ratchets never die – they just grow scummier.

  • Yuck
    May 20, 2018 at 3:11 pm

    POS looks like some ghetto-ass Steve-O knock off. Imagine this dickhead applying for a job somewhere…oh, who the fuck am I kidding, this motherfucker never did an honest day’s work in his life. Too busy ramming vibrators up his dirt road. Fuckhead.

  • Buford T. J.
    May 20, 2018 at 9:56 am

    Prisons are full of people who are innocent if you were to ask them…this guy here, I know a creep when I see one. Don’t like negative press? Don’t get arrested and get caught with crack, you tick turd!

  • Tony "the ant" Spilotro
    May 20, 2018 at 8:01 am

    The kid just realized he’s been called out for the half a fanook that he is…and now he’s trying to defend his “honor”.

  • Steve
    May 19, 2018 at 10:35 pm

    Charlie last time turtle boy sports was told to get their facts straight a state trooper end up off the job. Watch out what you wish for. Just. Cuz “Paine” wasn’t involved. Due to the few boxes of ky jelly. Don’t make you and innocent. You fake ass gangsta.

  • TJB
    May 19, 2018 at 9:10 pm

    If you are someone who does not want to be easy to identify; here’s a tip.
    Don’t get tattoos on your face.

  • Clitty Litter
    May 19, 2018 at 6:46 pm

    Any Kristy Beck noodz out there.
    Asking for a friend.

  • Earthbound
    May 19, 2018 at 6:10 pm

    Dumb ass fuckers. Is that what you presume as guilt?: The arrest reports? Are you too fucking naive to know everyone gets their day in court? If those broads you groped in Buffalo had pressed charges, you would have been like a whining little bitch baby saying you were never convicted, if in fact, the court dismissed or decided or found innocent by judge or jury. You’re such a fucking sham. What is truly scary is the modest little cluster of idiots who take your BS in like it is some indictment against liberal policies and ideologies. The reality is, you’re just a bunch of over judgmental isolated narcissists. Everyone got a “disease,” but big guy is okay with pot?: Yeah, right, HYPROCRISY. By the by, Kristy dumped Tony. He wouldn’t give up the drugs and she KO’d his ass and has gone bright ever since. Had a kid, adorable little girl, and lives by that kid. Nice that you remind her with your little This day in Turdle Boi Sporks. I am told you’re also a broke little punk ass – crying for donations, is that true? Who is this nitwit I understand is you’re 2nd in command is some sort of alcoholic redneck up north out on a fake disability?

    • Rochambeau
      May 19, 2018 at 6:23 pm

      See below. I mistakenly replied to my own post. Just like when you mistakenly had crack rocks on or about your person. Totally understandable, right?

    • DaTruth
      May 19, 2018 at 8:31 pm

      Dude just cause you were not charged and didn’t face trial means you are innocent. They let you go because they had other two bozos and you had no previous record. Now you do and next time you will be charged.

    • H
      May 19, 2018 at 8:45 pm

      Haha, you faghot. You like vibrators up your ass

      • Rochambeau
        May 19, 2018 at 10:59 pm

        How do *you* use Suboxone? Fancy ass, lace curtain non-opioid using Turtlerider.

    • Rick Shaw
      May 21, 2018 at 8:32 am

      You and that filthy whore are fucking losers. I haven;t ran across too many educated people with neck tattoos you fucking you useless moron. It’s nice that whore now has a baby (aka future ward of the state). That must have been an easy child birth sort of like a bicycle coming out of the Harlem Tunnel. She’s a real sweetie with her GPC’s, tramp stamp and face jewelry. She’s one to bring home to mom, especially if mom runs a bargain brothel. You have a lot of nerve coming on here knowing that we all know you like to get slayed in the ass with CVS vibrators. May your next needle be dirty and may you be rewarded with Hep C.

    • Don Dewey
      May 22, 2018 at 3:07 am

      Sorry, I agree with Earthbound. Charlie Paine said “I was never arrested FOR IT” meaning the CVS theft. This arrest report only includes drug charges, no vibrator theft. And I also have no doubt that Kristy Beck has an adorable daughter, because Kristy is beautiful herself.

      • Rick Shaw
        May 22, 2018 at 8:43 am

        So the drug charges are less serious? She has a child so she can collect extra $$ from the state. Also, some drugged out loser has no business raising children. Kristy is cute??? Yeah I love the face and tongue piercings, awful tattoos and a face that looks like she dragged it on pavement up and down the Meth Mile 85 times. She is a pin cushion in every sense of the word. She likes to be stabbed with multiple dicks and needles. Hopefully the Hep C gets her and maybe her fuck trophy has a chance.

    • ms100
      May 25, 2018 at 9:43 am

      They are all fucking white trash, you included. With all the opportunities out there to better yourselves, you all have to be POS losers. Pathetic. Kristy having a kid is ridiculous, it just means she’s a parasite on taxpayers. Why can’t bitches like her focus on getting educated for a good job instead of fucking.

  • Rochambeau
    May 19, 2018 at 6:03 pm

    Jeez, Turtlegirl. I think the alleged Bandit of the alleged vibrator just schooled you on one of the finer points of internet law. He wasn’t arrested. He was otherwise detained… for two years. And the star tattooed to either side of his eyes is so common among the erudite, that it’s almost cliche. And the exact clothes matching the store footage. It’s called fashion. Look it up.

    248 Old Warren Road in Palmer, MA, huh? I throw crack crocks at it all the time. Those aren’t pebbles in the gutter. I suppose that one of them may have bounced and lodged itself in his pocket. It’s not beyond the realm of possibility.

    Have you ever seen a unicorn? Then how come I have one in my back yard? Just because you haven’t seen it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Facks!

    • Rochambeau
      May 19, 2018 at 6:21 pm

      Well, this is your day in the court of public opinion. Have fun!

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