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Amazing story out of Oxford today. The parts from the telegram are in italics….
Telegram and Gazette: A local woman is accused of pulling the false teeth out of the mouth of a bartender at the American Legion and then throwing a beer bottle at her after being refused a drink. Caterina Froio-Chaput, 46, of 12 Rhonda Rheault Drive, is charged with assault and battery and assault and battery with a dangerous weapon (beer bottle). She was arraigned Thursday in Dudley District Court. Bail was set at $100. A pretrial hearing is slated for Jan. 6
OK, first of all we’re off to such a strong start. I’m from Oxford and I can honestly say that none of this surprises me at all. This opening paragraph is so Oxford it hurts. False teeth, jilted lovers, thrown beer bottles, and it all goes down at the only place it could possibly go down – the American Legion. If you’re not from Oxford then this story might be strange to you. But I’m born and raised in Oxford,(I’m one of the new eggs that Turtleboy hatched on his hiatus) so in no way, shape, or form is this story at all surprising.
If you’ve never been to Oxford before, it’s not the giant white trash town that this story would have you believe it is. We don’t all rip out bartender’s false teeth at the Legion Post. There’s a lot of really nice, successful, educated people here. It’s a great place to raise a family. Most of us just live our quiet, suburban lives, enjoy the fact that we have highway access, and eat the biggest breakfast portions you will ever see at Carl’s Diner:
You will have enough time to read at least five Turtleboy blogs while taking your post-Carl’s smash.
So what exactly went down?
The bartender told Ms. Froio-Chaput that she was not allowed in the American Legion and she could not be served. When she was told to leave, Ms. Froio-Chaput allegedly started hitting the bartender in the face and pulled the false teeth out of the bartender’s mouth. After the bartender escaped behind the bar, Ms. Froio-Chaput allegedly picked up a beer bottle from the counter and threw it at her, striking her in the chest, according to the police report. Ms. Froio-Chaput told police that she went to the American Legion to get her estranged husband and to confront the bartender who, she said, was sleeping with him, the police report said.
For the record, I’m on the side of the woman with the natural teeth. First this toothless woman steals your man. That’s bad enough. But then she doesn’t let you get a drink and makes you leave? For what? I thought this was America??!! That’s where I draw the line.
But her execution was all wrong. She probably could’ve handled this a number of different ways. She could’ve easily just told her husband and toothless American Legion bartender to have a nice life and to have fun at the Summer Nationals together. I mean, good riddance right?
But then again if she handled it that way it wouldn’t be Oxford. Because disputes in Oxford aren’t settled until one person pulls the false teeth out of the other person’s mouth and hits them with a bottle of Captain Morgan’s. It’s just how things are done around here. Outsiders would never understand. And of course we only have three mutual friends on Facebook and one of them is a bar:
For the record I think the estranged husband is insane. His ex kind of has that Judge Judy thing going on,
and damnet, that just does it for me. I’m not gonna lie, I was shocked when I saw her picture. Not what I was expecting at all. You don’t leave a pretty face like that for a toothless bartender.
My favorite part was when the cops got there:
Ms. Froio-Chaput told police she did not have the bartender’s teeth. When asked by an officer if he could check her belongings, Ms. Froio-Chaput ripped off her vest and threw it to the floor. Another officer picked up the vest and found the false teeth in the woman’s right front pocket, according to the police report. When asked if the teeth were hers, Ms. Froio-Chaput said, “No, I don’t have fake teeth. They must belong to that (expletive) and she must have planted them in my pocket.”
Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. You just can’t make this shit up. How’d you like to be the cops that reported to the scene of this crime? I mean, you sign up for the academy hoping to protect the citizens of Oxford from burglars, murderers, and rapists. And what do you end up doing? Trying to force the truth out of a woman who attacked a toothless bartender with a bottle for allegedly sleeping with her husband.
The best part was when the cops got there and she denied having the teeth. And of course she’s wearing a vest for some reason, which she then throws down on the floor, knowing full well the bartender’s teeth were in there. And is there any possible better defense than the one she gave? “The home wrecking bartender magically planted them in my vest pocket while I was throwing a bottle of Triple Sec at her.” Happens to me all the time. Why just yesterday I woke up and found some bartender’s teeth in my NorthFace. No fucking clue how they got there.
Like I said, most of us aren’t like this down here in O-Town, just like most people in Worcester don’t attack school buses full of children. Anyway, I hope this all works itself out so that both women can move on with their lives and everyone gets their teeth back.
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