Turtleboy Investigates

Chinstrapped Lardvark Failed Businessman Is Spending All Of Fentanyl Dealer, Former Partner Kevin Perry’s Drug Money On Hooters Mistresses In AC Getaways

Chinstrapped Lardvark Failed Businessman Is Spending All Of Fentanyl Dealer, Former Partner Kevin Perry’s Drug Money On Hooters Mistresses In AC Getaways

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Yesterday we blogged about how Kevin Perry, an ex-con who was recently busted for fentanyl distribution after spending millions of dollars on property and two businesses in Worcester, posted on Facebook that his wife Stacey Perry was being unfaithful to him while in prison. Which is great, because it would be a TRAVESTY if this were to go to waste:

He also alleged that the guy she was getting fingerblasted by in a threesome was a business partner of her’s and Kevin, and he somehow manipulated her into having access to $450K worth of drug money. We kept fingers Mcgee out of it in the first blog because we had no idea if it was true. But after doing extensive research on this story in the last 24 hours, we know for sure that pretty much everything Kevin Perry said was true. So we’re not keeping fingers McGee’s name out of it in this blog, because this is a blog about Joe Herman:

Now here’s what we got wrong. Kevin Perry did not post this directly because he’s in prison awaiting sentencing. This was pointed out to us yesterday on the blog and in our inbox by this guy, who claimed the account was hacked:

LOL. Are people ever gonna stop saying their account was hacked? Has anyone ever believed that in the history of the Internet? Your Facebook page is not Hillary Clinton’s servers. You’re not important enough to be hacked.

So why would he be so adamant? Well as it turns out Joe Boisvert and Kevin Perry were cellmates together after they were arrested in 2002 for selling and manufacturing ecstasy:

Perry, along with co-defendants Joseph H. Boisvert III, Paul R. Fleming and Gary West, were indicted in November 2002 for conspiracy to manufacture and to possess with intent to distribute MDMA.

Now, a major reason that Kevin Perry ended up getting busted was the fact that he was paying cash for everything. Including a $50,000 Newport wedding. Look who’s giving the speech at the 40 second mark:

Yup, Joe Boisvert.

Kevin’s best man.

P.S. Be douchier Kevin:

You can’t.

Here’s Kevin saying nice thing about his buddy at his wedding:

And here they are balling it up on drug money in a limo going to Sweaty Betty’s:

Turns out Joe Boisvert is rather obsessed with Kevin Perry. He’d do anything for him. Including posting that message on Kevin’s Facebook page, which is exactly what he did yesterday. Joe spoke with Kevin from prison, Kevin dictated that message and gave him his Facebook login to post it. When Stacey saw it she freaked out, contacted Kevin, and he played dumb and claimed Joe did it of his own accord. Because Kevin Perry is a professional manipulator and a snitch, and Joe Boisvert is the guy who will run through a wall for him and always takes one for the two man team.

The craziest part is that he’s this loyal to Kevin Perry, despite the fact that Kevin snitched on him in order to get a reduced sentence:

Perry in 2003 agreed to talk to federal authorities about his drug case as part of a deal. He gave up his co-defendants and pretended to be Muslim to inform on a suspected extremist in Rhode Island’s Wyatt Detention Center. 

Now, back to Joe Herman. This chinstrapped lardvark was a business partner of Kevin and Stacey’s when they used Kevin’s drug money to open up The Usual and The Blackstone Tap.

He’s managed to keep his nose clean for the most part, even though he was well aware that Kevin was a fentanyl dealer and their business was paid for with drug money. That’s because Joe Herman is connected. His grandfather, Theodore Herman, was the longest tenured Sheriff of Worcester County in the 1980’s. His father Joe also has significant pull.

For these reasons Joe’s managed to get a bunch of stuff swept under the rug. Several sources have confirmed to us that Joe was has been arrested for embezzling from restaurants more than once, but that the charges were dropped. Must be nice to know people. We are told by our sources that he did so at the 99 Restaurant in downtown Worcester, as well as the Horseshoe Pub in Hudson, where our source tells us they witnessed him being taken out in handcuffs after being busted for a gift card scheme.

His influence might’ve kept him out of the courts, but his Daddy can’t save him from Turtleboy.

He’s also been manager or worked The Banner and Hooters. More on the latter a little later.

After the Center Bar and Grille closed down a couple years ago Joe borrowed $50,000 from a well known Worcester businessman in the Canal District to renovate it and turn it into “The District.” This business failed massively. It was replaced by the Hangover Pub, which is apparently also owned by Joe Herman’s LLC:

“The Hangover will be a great spot for all ages and anyone that enjoys bacon and trying fun food,” said Danielle Spring, who will manage both locations and is a partner in The Hangover Pub LLC group with Joseph Herman, Chris Slavinskas and a silent partner.

As you can see, the manager and co-partner is Danielle Spring. Does that name ring a bell? We wrote about her the day after Trump was elected when she posted this on Facebook:




The Worcester rabbit hole is the deepest hole that has ever existed. Literally everyone in Worcester is somehow connected to everyone else in Worcester.

Anyway, Kevin Perry alleged in that Facebook post, that Joe Boisvert put up on his behalf, that Joe Herman brought a woman named Chelsea to the Blackstone Tap so that he could watch them scissor, because it’s well known that they both swung that way.

Multiple sources have confirmed to us that this story is true. Joe was brought to watch, and potentially join in for a threesome. Because who wouldn’t want a piece of this guy’s crotch vomiter?

Sign me up!!

Did we mention he’s married, and not to Chelsea?

The problem with this threesome was he was way too enthusiastic about fingerblasting Kevin’s wife. But I mean, he’s only human!

The woman he was with was mistress number one – Chelsea Principe-Strom:

Unfucking real how this fucking guy right here

is pulling tail like that. Fuck what Kevin Perry did. The fact that shit guy’s cervix scraper is getting more action than anyone in Worcester County is the real crime.

Of course he’s only able to nail chicks like this because he’s their boss. When he was the manager at Hooter’s in Shrewsbury, Chelsea, whose Facebook page was pulled down while we were researching the blog yesterday, worked there:

So this was a “bang your way to the top” situation.

Oh, and did I mention that Chelsea is the nanny for Joe and his wife’s children? Not sure how much longer that business relationship is gonna continue after this blog. I’m sure he’ll deny it, but multiple sources have confirmed it to us. And in late July he and Chelsea AND another mistress named Sam Caouette went to Atlantic City for a weekend getaway. Sam also worked at Hooter’s and was apparently competing for the title of slobberino’s #2 side chick:

It’s not her fault though. She’s from Turners Falls.

So she doesn’t know any better.

Why were they in AC besides the fact that this chudstuffer wanted to impress his meat wallets? Well he needed to burn some of Kevin Perry’s drug money. According to our sources Joe Herman went through all of Kevin’s stuff when he went away to prison and did indeed launder the cash. The money was in the account for The Usual, which has since been renamed The Chameleon under Herman’s ownership. Since then he’s gone on a spending spree, using the The Chameleon’s bank card. And we have the receipts to prove it from AC. First they booked the orgy room:

Then they rented a car in Worcester:

And then they kept spending money on booze and God knows what else:

Once again we have verified that these are indeed bank statements from The Chameleon’s bank account. This is Kevin Perry’s drug money, which Joe Herman is blowing through, and now Kevin Perry is getting extra time on his sentence as a result as Joe digitizes his wife.

They’re not his only mistresses either. Somehow he’s pulling tail like this:


And his current #2 mistress, Lexi McCarthy


Life is not fair.

First of all, I’ve lived in Worcester my whole life, and I had no idea that there was this ample supply of good looking women with loose morals. Ya don’t see a lot of this at the Blarney, which is why all my friends are married now.

Secondly, cheating on your wife isn’t a crime. But using your influence as the boss to drill chicks who are clearly out of your league and would never sleep with you if you weren’t the boss, makes you a huge dooshnozzle.

Thirdly, I’m not a lawyer, nor am in law enforcement. All I know is that this creamsicle right here

Is allegedly spending money that he knows was made off of the sale of poison to vulenerable populations. And he’s using it to pick and choose which succulent 22 year old he’s gonna toss the bologna baton at. Pretty sure that’s illegal, but I also don’t have an Internet law degree.

17 Comment(s)
  • Wabbitt
    October 25, 2017 at 3:35 pm

    This fat fuck has six slammin’ young pieces slobbering on his knob, and I can’t get one ugly chick to match me on Tinder.

    Oh, right, I don’t have money.

    Unnamed brunette with the big ass, thicc thighs, and Snapchat filter is my favorite. Then Sam because she’s muscular as fuck.

    • Hoot Hoot
      October 26, 2017 at 11:22 am

      The unnamed brunette is Tatiana Mora. Known thot of Worcester. Has a daughter that hopefully won’t follow in her footsteps. She’s constantly sleeping with friend’s boyfriends while stalking her baby daddy Lucas.

      • Johnson
        October 27, 2017 at 3:10 am

        Did she sleep with your man? Sounds like an upset female… . She can come stalk me though.

  • Johnny5
    October 24, 2017 at 4:22 pm

    I don’t hate this guy. If using your buddy’s drug money and title as Hooters manager to bang hot chicks is wrong then I don’t want to be right.

  • citypoint
    Stan the man
    October 24, 2017 at 2:30 pm

    Chelsea is a butterface.

    • Wabbitt
      October 25, 2017 at 3:33 pm

      Not much ass. Ok face. The rest is fucking bangin’ though.

  • Alex Delarge
    October 24, 2017 at 1:14 pm

    This type of article right here is the reason I am turtleboy.

  • Yup
    October 24, 2017 at 12:50 pm

    I want to try the hangovers new ramen restaurant

  • J
    October 24, 2017 at 11:19 am

    Actually, at least in Massachusetts, cheating on your spouse IS against the law.

  • Dan
    October 23, 2017 at 11:57 pm

    Seems like the whole chaotic mess will fall hard. The right ingredients are cooking.

    • chrissy loves her adorably offensive troll
      October 24, 2017 at 12:35 am

      speaking of which just checked out the twitter machine and apparently barstool got cancelled by ESPN..

      checked out one of their vids for first time only to discover their fearless leader is a raging homersexual? 😮

      that’s cool he’s out and about and flamboyant i guess??
      and that sports dudes will sit through the lisp?

  • bleh
    October 23, 2017 at 11:44 pm

    Selfies (Sam) with a restroom diaper changing table in the background…

  • Donald McRonald
    October 23, 2017 at 10:44 pm

    Bro got game!! Damn.

    • bleh
      October 23, 2017 at 11:45 pm

      Is “game” a type of STD?

    • itsjustme
      October 24, 2017 at 1:40 pm

      Nope just money, drug money, not even his drug money.

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