A 17 year old lifeguard in Worcester was stabbed by a group of assholes yesterday at Bell Pond after telling them to stop drinking and smoking weed on the public beach.

Masslive: Worcester police were called to the pond around 6:30 p.m. on the Fourth of July. They found the lifeguard, who said he was injured after a confrontation with a group of young men. The group were reportedly smoking and drinking in the park, and the lifeguard had asked them to stop or leave the area.

“Several members of the group left without incident, but one person was verbally aggressive and threatening,” police said in a statement. “This male left the park but came back later with a small group and attacked the victim.”

The lifeguard was hit with a stick and stabbed, police said. He was treated for his injuries at a hospital.

For some reason Masslive hasn’t reported the perp’s name, but he goes by Celestine Bigirimana, a 22 year old man who lives on Everett Gaylord Boulevard, AKA Plumley Village. And he looks exactly as you imagined some Plumley hoodbooger who goes around stabbing lifeguards would look.

Bruh, you live in government housing because you’re poor. You have nothing to be proud of, but at least you got the fresh pair of Jordans.

Chicago Bulls. Every. Single. Time.

On Facebook he goes by “Savageboy Jonne,” and his creed is “make money, not friends.”

Which is a really cool slogan to have when the government assists in paying for your Mom’s rent.

Celestine was reportedly on probation from an attempted robbery 2 years ago, and has had 3 other arrests, but because he lives in Worcester County where Joe Early is the District Attorney he remains free. Bell Pond is now closed, andMayor Joe Petty has yet to chime in on this because a white lifeguard getting stabbed isn’t something he can use for political clout.

I used to lifeguard at Bell Pond, as well as some of Worcester’s other glorious pools such as Great Brook Valley and Crystal Park. Pretty much every day was like this, minus the stabbing. I’ve told this story before, but at Crystal Park I once kicked a 14 year old kid named Tyrell out for being a jackass, and then a minute later a woman in a pink “I love boys” t-shirt came hooting and hollering about how I was gonna get my ass whooped from across the park. This of course was his mother.

I called the cops as I did on almost a daily basis, and Officer Joe Ford usually got there pretty quick. Unfortunately the sperm donor was down the street at a barbecue so he got there first. This guy obviously had nothing to lose and shanking a lifeguard was no biggie for him, so when he entered the pool I went the opposite way of whatever way he went. Meanwhile Tyrell was outside the gate yelling “you’re scared now mother fucker, ain’t you?” Luckily I outlasted him and the baby daddy ran when the cops got there.

Bell Pond is also pretty rough because Bell Hill is an absolute shithole. We had this homeless guy named Michael, who demanded to be called “Cowboy.” He lived in a tent in the woods with his mentally retarded wife Geneva Sue, who he claimed to have sex with every night. They had 2 tents, one was “decoy #1” used to throw off the cops.

Cowboy showed up every day, and when he was sober he was fine. But if he had been drinking that day (at least half the days) he usually showed up in a stolen wheelchair from Memorial Hospital down the street. He threatened to stab me the first day I got there when I asked him to stop yelling racial slurs at the Puerto Rican kids while he submerged himself in the water in the wheelchair. He informed me that he runs things around “these parts,” and told the other guards to put me in my place. We ended up becoming buddies luckily, and I assume he’s dead now.

Anyway, Worcester’s swimming holes are dangerous as hell. There should be cops stationed at all of them for every hour they’re open, because no one’s gonna sign up to get stabbed and there’s currently a lifeguard shortage in the Woo. Maybe Mayor Petty should, ya know, do something about it. A minor league baseball team isn’t gonna make all the problems in Worcester magically go away during the summer.

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