It’s the update you’ve all been waiting for!

Ah yes, when you stir the water all sorts of shit starts to resurface. In this case, when I gave a quick shout out to a couple of Turtleriders who trolled the two Plymouth Dumpsterslugs, Kailey and Dylan’s Carlson, the message box started to fill up with messages about what they are actually up to. (Catch up here: Part One, Part Two, and Part Three)

Last we heard from them, they were about to get some cash from granny for the sale of their condo they destroyed. I got word that they had bought a Dodge Caravan and were living in it in Marshfield. The only problem was that neither of them have licenses or money for registration. Basically, they drove the thing illegally, parked it somewhere they thought no one would notice, and started living in it. 

Seems the police didn’t take too kindly to having the Dumpsterslugs squatting in one of their parking lots and the damn thing got towed. With no money, which I’m assuming because they are back to standing outside the Plymouth Stop & Shop begging for cash, they can’t get it out of impound. They basically dropped their whole wad in the shitter. We all know how pricey it can be to get your car out. It ain’t ever going to happen. Cash doesn’t last long when you’re living behind a trash barrel.

Then, one of their ex-friends got a message from them during the storm yesterday. 

Yep, good to see that our tax dollars for MassHealth are going to good use. They’ve become collateral for people who think they are too good for shelters.

Mind you, there are multiple services that provide shelter, but these two suckimese twins can’t be separated. So, the next best thing is to offer street drugs, which we pay for, to someone to squat on their floor. I guess their ex pal got tired of all the messages because they messaged us to blow them up.

Yo, Plymouth PD! You seeing this? WHY ARE THEY STILL HERE?
Of course Kailey, who has a fist full of subboxne, never did drugs. We just made the whole thing up, right? They give that to people for anxiety, right? Cheeyah and monkeys might come flying out of my butt.

Well, the kid that sent us the pizza trolling had added a rather interesting tidbit that I didn’t see until this morning. Apparently, after being told that the bathroom at the pizza joint was for customers only, Dylan took offense to that. They bought the pizza and he went to use the bathroom.

He didn’t use it like a normal person. He took it upon himself to vindictively smear his own shit all over the walls of the place and walk out like nothing had happened. This kid watched him do it. Yes, I will say it again, he painted the whole bathroom in his own excrement because he didn’t like being told he had to be a customer to use the bathroom. What an absolutely normal response. Im sure that’s why Dunks wants you out of their building too. 

Oh, and last but not least, some maniac is letting Kailey, who probably smells like the rotten taint of a $4 hooker, tutor her kid. Yeah, that happened. 

Now, these people, and I use that term loosely, need to be locked up. They are selling, and using drugs, in the middle of Plymouth, trashing local facilities, and are a blight on society. If you’ve got anything to contribute to this saga message me on the Turtleboy Facebook. I’m not going to stop until we are Photoshopping these two on the headstones of the TBS graveyard.