All-Star Criminals

Port-a-Naughty Dindu Nuffinn Arrested For Threatening To Blow Up Fall River Dunkins Because They Didn’t Have Butter Pecan Coffee Goes Full “Only God Can Judge” Except He Actually Means It

 

Turn to 10Police said a Somerset man was arrested after he threatened to blow up a Dunkin’ shop in Fall River Friday evening. Police responded to the Dunkin’ on Robeson Street just after 4:30 p.m. for a report of a bomb threat. According to authorities, an employee called 911 reporting a man called the business and threatened to blow it up. The area was shut down for 30 minutes while officers and the Fall River Police K-9 unit inspected the inside and outside of the building for any devices or suspicious packages.

During the investigation, detectives learned 26-year-old Justin Furtado had called the coffee shop and asked if they were selling butter pecan coffee. When he was told they were not, he became upset and threatened to blow up the store. Furtado was arrested at his home by Fall River and Somerset police and was charged with the following:

  • Bomb threat
  • Disturbing the peace
  • Disorderly conduct
  • A threat to commit a crime

He was transported to the Fall River Police Department where he was booked and processed.

Of all the flavors you could bomb Dunkin Donuts over, this Port-a-naughty chooses butter pecan? Who the hell drinks butter pecan coffee? I can understand radicalizing and becoming a terrorist when the discontinued cinnamon flavor. They got rid of that for no reason and everyone knows it was their best flavor. But butter pecan? Not worth going to jail for in my opinion.

Smelly Furtado has been loudly proclaiming his innocence on the Facebook machine, says he was “slandered” by a regurgitated police report the news put out, and even went full “only God can judge,” except in a non-ratchet manner. Like, he’s really into God.

You never see hoodboogers quote the Bible like this either.

So he apparently means it.

He wants people to pray for him.

He says that he can’t be guilty because he’s got a crotch fruit.

His bootleg, backwards hat pastor with the shared Facebook account gave him a dindu nuffin blessing.

He’s even got friends named Heaven praying for him, so his odds of conviction are low.

The bottom line is, everything in this guys life revolves around God.

Newsflash – God ain’t gonna save you on this one, but evidence might. In fairness, he hasn’t been convicted of anything yet, and I have not read the police report. But I would imagine that the cops would need some sort of probable cause before arresting him. Just a thought.

But the thing about the Port-a-geez is, they stick together. And when one of their’s gets arrested for something the whole crew comes out like they did with Jasiel Correia. And we all know he dindu nuffin.

So…..what’s being miscommunicated here? Lets Ask Gina Dasilva.

So he routinely calls around to Dunkins in the area and asks them if they have any butter pecan syrup he can buy off of them. The woman who answered the phone in Fall River got “nasty” with him, he threatened to call corporate, this was misconstrued as a bomb threat, and constituted enough evidence for the police to arrest him?

I guess we’ll have to see how this plays out.

All I know is he’s an asshole for this Facebook filter alone.

Bruh, you work at Walmart. You are not “essential.” Your job technically is, but not you personally. This is why I hate the “essential” designation. It’s creating a class of people who think we’re supposed to stand and clap for them because they’re lucky enough to keep their jobs while millions of other people are forced into unemployment and bread lines by the government.

On that note, I anxiously await seeing how God handles this one.

 

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53 Comment(s)
  • dale woodman
    Fat River
    April 22, 2020 at 9:10 pm

    I went to WalMart in Fall River a few months ago, It’s going to take me years to get over what I witnessed there!

  • Fuck
    April 22, 2020 at 2:32 pm

    First; whoever told you they “discontinued cinnamon” lied to you. And second the only flavor that matters is Caramel swirl, the rest are all just battery acid.

    • soxrock191
      Cottonmouth
      April 24, 2020 at 2:20 am

      Yes!!!!! Sometimes with a couple shots of blueberry.
      Now that’s a tasty beverage

  • I'm gonna be rich
    April 22, 2020 at 10:28 am

    What we need is a filter that will place a flat brimmed chicago bulls hat on your head, cholo eyebrows and a face full of makeup. Also a few cheap neck tattoos or tittoos even. Turtleboy sports headliner filter. See what you would look like if you were ratchet enough to be featured on TB. Yeah, it has nothing to do with this article, but what a great idea.

    • Snarky Pete
      April 22, 2020 at 10:56 am

      While you’re at it, make a filter showing a person holding a Pepsi and Doritos, captioned “Predator Poachers Live”

  • Triage and prioritize, TB
    April 22, 2020 at 1:40 am

    If they don’t have a recording, I’d question the veracity of their accusation. Some Dunkin broads are complete cunst and others are raving head cases. Every store has them.
    Why didn’t you cover the splash n dash parking lot pooper from the ever productive dumpster fire that is the Brockton Hub?
    There’s enough pics and commentary on there to make it interesting (and funny).
    As far as this guy goes, I’m leaning toward giving him the benefit of the doubt, minus any convincing evidence to the contrary.
    Would not shock me if one of the donut dealing dooshes is a badge bunny, giving snaggletooth bloweez to Fall River’s Finest on her smoke break.

  • Dont Judge
    April 21, 2020 at 11:40 pm

    Corona is worse than the flu but kills less

  • Only God Knows
    April 21, 2020 at 11:39 pm

    Is it true that farting spreads the corona virus

  • Silencio Dogood
    April 21, 2020 at 11:25 pm

    i thought for sure he was a Muslim, come here to acclimate to American culture, but he’s just another Christian asshole in this entitled world. still, if you see him wearing a vest, duck and cover.

  • He'll go free
    April 21, 2020 at 10:22 pm

    Sounds like coronavirus syndrome — effects of coronavirus. It’s a new mental illness classification. It’s also a new legal defense, like the Twinkie defense used first in the Harvey Milk shooting case in San Francisco in the seventies or eighties. Some people literally lose their minds when locked down even for short periods.

  • brianmorris1976
    Dick Trickle
    April 21, 2020 at 10:21 pm

    If you threaten to blow up a Dunkin Donuts in Fall River and you go to jail. If you Blow up Fall River, you should get a medal of honor and a humanitarian award. I would say its the biggest shithole ever but its tied with about 12 other dumps in New England.

  • Tom Blackburn
    April 21, 2020 at 7:35 pm

    He’s not a dindu. He’s white.

  • Yikes
    April 21, 2020 at 7:23 pm

    He calls DDs and buys bottles of syrup out the back door, “he can usually get one to sell him a bottle of syrup”. Just buy a bottle of syrup the normal way! Readily available on Amazon and other places. No need to threaten anyone with a bomb. Ugh, the Portuguese are nuts. I live in Somerset and the place, of course, is totally overrun with them. Why are they all so arrogant about being Portuguese? They barely make it out of high school, then stay in these dumpy South Coast towns for the rest of their lives.

  • Nelly Furtado
    April 21, 2020 at 5:08 pm

    Im like a bird I want to fly away from Dunkin to my homeland

  • Mr. Bubba
    April 21, 2020 at 4:02 pm

    Unc, admit it.

    You only wrote this because you openly admit you hate the port-a-geese!

  • Jon Tudor
    lebaron92
    April 21, 2020 at 3:47 pm

    Other than this guy who do you know calls Dunkin’ ?

  • Allah ah Fart
    April 21, 2020 at 3:28 pm

    His color matches classic Terrorist. Congrats bro. America hates you.

  • Nee Chi
    April 21, 2020 at 3:19 pm

    Pretty scummy of you to put this guy on blast with such little evidence against him (Dunks employee) vs so many people who seem to know him… and the story told by his friend seems pretty plausible.

    You’re a bum for this one.

    Fred

    • Casino Scum
      April 21, 2020 at 5:07 pm

      I agree with Nee Chi this time AK. You’re basing these allegations on nothing but the word of a DD employee. Most of these DD workers are single mothers with 3-5 baby daddy’s, terrible teeth and visible home made tattoos.
      I also do not care much for the Portagees, they’re like bootleg Eye-Talians with Mexican DNA but they’re not ALL bad and in reality this particular specimen doesn’t seem to be a full blown Rachet, cmon AK there’s plenty of low hanging Rachet scum who need shaming… let’s allow this nerd to fade into obscurity. We won’t be seeing this nerd in Rachet Madness next year.

    • nadia
      April 21, 2020 at 5:41 pm

      shut the fuck up HOMO

    • Out of place
      April 21, 2020 at 6:10 pm

      Something seems off having this guy in today’s line up with the BLT freak show and the heroin dealing mother of the year from Wareham

      Unless Dunkins can somehow provide a recording, the arrest is based on heresay

      The guy’s strong faith in God should’ve been an indicator that something doesn’t add up, not used to mock the guy, especially with the amount of support he’s received

      Turtleboy Sports was built by ratchets that could use God, not guys desperate for butter pecan coffee

  • Ben Dover
    Ratchet Patrol
    April 21, 2020 at 3:18 pm

    What I DO know is that the J in jihad … is for Justin. Gitmo for that fuckwad.

  • Oh petah
    April 21, 2020 at 2:28 pm

    Faking a galfriend? Son…

    • True Reality Speaks
      I Liked The Asian Doc
      April 21, 2020 at 8:08 pm

      Semi-hot British doc from ER?

  • Boston Irish
    Daniel Carver
    April 21, 2020 at 2:14 pm

    Works at Walmart,LMFAO

  • D' Amelio- Curtatone
    April 21, 2020 at 2:10 pm

    All over a coffee? Imagine what he’d do if the ice cream truck was out of fudgicles??

  • Fast Eddie
    April 21, 2020 at 2:03 pm

    I used to work with some of those porta-geeez. They were a prideful bunch but basically had shit for brains like this idiot.

  • juror seven esq.
    April 21, 2020 at 2:02 pm

    Not sure but it might be that the butter pecan coffee it a very good laxative. Costs less than many of the name brand laxatives. On another note, TB can we get some background and pics of his aunt kelli Demello? Could be on the crazy side, but wild in the sack. Asking for a friend.

  • New boot goofin'
    April 21, 2020 at 1:54 pm

    His head is shaped like a pear

  • Charlie Faker
    April 21, 2020 at 1:35 pm

    I just cancelled school for the rest of the year. Take that you Mensa Alumni.

  • Buford T
    April 21, 2020 at 1:33 pm

    I’m guessing the Brazilian douchebag at DD made it up because he yelled at her
    They have no proof it’s a BS charge
    With all the crime in that shit hole town they’re worrying about this

    • Ethnic Police
      April 21, 2020 at 1:38 pm

      Albanians work at Dunkins, not Brazilians Mr. Rhodes Scholar.

      • STFU, EP
        April 23, 2020 at 12:42 am

        There’s zillions of Brazilians working at the DD’s, you flaming retard.
        You have no idea what you’re talking about. Better for you to be a quiet cunt that knows how to be quiet when you’ve got nothing of value to add than open your cock garage and puke up the sperm glazed garbage that you do.

  • Lee Ho
    April 21, 2020 at 1:32 pm

    He likes bombs? Send him to prison and give him a blow-up doll.

  • abc
    April 21, 2020 at 1:30 pm

    dont act like everyone whos unemployed is suffering. they are sitting on their asses all day and making more than people who still have to go work. in some cases these people are even making more than they did when they were working 40 hrs a week

    • whatevuh
      whatevuh
      April 21, 2020 at 6:26 pm

      America !! What a country !!

  • Bacci
    April 21, 2020 at 1:29 pm

    Crap kake server.

  • Corona bullshit
    April 21, 2020 at 1:26 pm

    Marty Walsh is a mush mouth alcoholic
    He’s a union hack piece of shit that the corrupt unions put in office
    He is in no way qualified to be a men’s room attendant never mind mayor
    Take your stay at home bullshit and shove it up your ass mush mouth

  • La-hoo Za-her
    April 21, 2020 at 1:00 pm

    The pastor cheated on his wife. Hence the shared Facebook account.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Liawatha
    April 21, 2020 at 12:47 pm

    #No Human Is Illegal, Except for Tara Reade and the Unborn.

  • Tyrone
    April 21, 2020 at 12:47 pm

    Lucky for him they serve a butter pecan flavor in prison, it’s called “Black guy jizz”

  • Greaser’s Palace
    April 21, 2020 at 12:37 pm

    I bet he wouldn’t like it if someone repeated, word for word, what he said about blowing up dunks but instead referring to his church.

  • Jewmerica
    April 21, 2020 at 12:35 pm

    Totally would!

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Green Horn
    April 21, 2020 at 12:31 pm

    New Beige more better then Fall Rive.

  • Dexter
    April 21, 2020 at 12:28 pm

    Its like you trying to say you have a real job lol

  • ElJefe72
    April 21, 2020 at 12:25 pm

    Not saying he’s innocent, but people have been “swatted” for much less. If the DD employee was mad enough, she could have done it out of spite.

    • F lee bailey
      April 21, 2020 at 1:00 pm

      Unless it is on tape, it will be difficult to convict him on a serious charge. My guess will be they will overcharge and then knock it down to a disturbing the peace or something and then continue without a finding.

  • Unabomber
    April 21, 2020 at 12:24 pm

    How do I get in touch with this guy?

  • Kris20
    April 21, 2020 at 11:47 am

    Crazy as the pumpkin spice mafia, probably proudly holds membership card too, good lord.

  • Lee Ho
    April 21, 2020 at 11:46 am

    Just what the world needs now, a Port-a-geez unabomber.

    • murdochpatsymcreynolds
      Ho Li Phuk
      April 21, 2020 at 12:44 pm

      He think he Kamikaze, right Lee?

      • Lee Ho
        April 21, 2020 at 1:20 pm

        Ho Li Phuk I think you’re on to something.

  • Geese Tormentor
    April 21, 2020 at 11:45 am

    The Porta Geez are no better than any other of the spic subspecies. Now get back out there and rake my lawn!

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