All-Star Criminals

Pubatron And Chicken Pox Charlene Really Want $50 Worth Of Red Bull And Juice Boxes, Smash Into Cop Car Trying To Flee Supermarket For Raw Dog Crack Bender

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SourceA man rammed a Southington police cruiser demolition-derby style in an effort to get away from a Southington supermarket with $51.93 worth of drinks, a report indicates. Southington police released a report on the Nov. 21 incident on Tuesday. That day, Nicholas Verity, 30, of Nauguatuck exited the Stop & Shop at 505 North Main St. in Southington with a shopping cart containing Red Bull and juice boxes without paying, according to a report. Store security staff members attempted to stop Verity when he reached his Hyundai Elantra and a brief struggle ensued, according to a report. At the time of the incident a Southington police officer was already in the parking lot assisting another person and after noticing the dispute, walked over to intervene, a report indicates. Verity was able to get into the driver’s seat of the vehicle, already occupied by Erin Capozzi, 31, of Waterbury, police said. He began driving across a crowded parking lot in an attempt to leave the scene and a second officer in a cruiser tried to stop him, according to a report. Verity then reversed his vehicle and rammed the second officer’s cruiser, but then surrendered, according to a report. The total value of the beverages was $51.93. Police also discovered three glass pipes consistent with drug use in the vehicle, according to a report. The registration plate on the Hyundai belonged on another vehicle, police said. 

Good Lord. It looks like season 4 of the Walking Dead. Those savages on the island in India who kill anyone that wades ashore have better personal hygiene than pubatron and chicken pox Charlene. If you’re gonna steal a case of red bull and some juieboxes in preparation for a long night of crystal meth and raw dog, at least wash your face first. And remember, if she’s already in the driver’s seat that means she’s the getaway driver. It’s kind of hard to get away from the cops if you’re literally sitting on her lap attempting to drive your unregistered Hyundai that you attached some stolen plates to. Oh, and keep the crack pipes at home. You’ll need those back at your motel to celebrate your big score.

Here’s some good news – Chick Pox Charlene has a fallopian dumpling at home that depends on her for sustenance.

Poor kid. But at least she’ll have plenty of Red Bull for her cereal in the morning.

Not sure if Pubatron here is the baby daddy, but I can totally see how she can’t resist him. He just oozes sex juice wherever he goes.

When he’s not posing awkwardly in a plywood dungeon he calls home.

She’s a real catch too.

Who wouldn’t wanna be all up in that penis fly trap?

Maybe the cops should give her a pass though – after all, she did France from Al-Qaeda.

Bonus points if you can guess what their brand of cigs are.

As if it could be anything else.

I’m sure Uncle Turtleboy would welcome either of these two on the Turtleboy Live show this weekend if they’ve made bail. Hit us up fam!

10 Comment(s)
  • DQ
    December 1, 2018 at 9:47 am

    You can see track marks on her right leg in the 3rd from last photo

  • Shakespeare
    November 30, 2018 at 6:16 pm

    Verily Verity doth appear a douche

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    November 30, 2018 at 3:47 pm

    Look at the ‘I Love My Daughter pic’ – check out her teeth

    A toothbrush is something she DOESN’T love!

  • Let me up, I've had enough
    November 30, 2018 at 2:19 pm

    Did she star in Leprechaun 2? She looks just like the Leprechaun.

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      November 30, 2018 at 3:51 pm

      “The DCF is always after me Lucky Charms!”

    • Captain Trips
      Rumpled Foreskin
      December 1, 2018 at 4:22 pm

      Me thinks she’s shined a few Shillelaghs in her day

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    November 30, 2018 at 1:37 pm

    White people.

    • My ancestors owned yours
      November 30, 2018 at 2:54 pm

      Coons would die without them.

      • Captain Trips
        Jerkum Meforeskin
        November 30, 2018 at 3:56 pm

        Imagine if all the whites died off? The world would be like the movie The Road Warrior within 6 months

        • Hugh-Bo Mont
          December 1, 2018 at 11:03 am

          All working whites…

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