Follow and Subscribe to Turtleboy podcasts on SoundCloud or iTunes by clicking here. 

Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Returns, and Clarence Woods Emerson to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 

Source: A man rammed a Southington police cruiser demolition-derby style in an effort to get away from a Southington supermarket with $51.93 worth of drinks, a report indicates. Southington police released a report on the Nov. 21 incident on Tuesday. That day, Nicholas Verity, 30, of Nauguatuck exited the Stop & Shop at 505 North Main St. in Southington with a shopping cart containing Red Bull and juice boxes without paying, according to a report. Store security staff members attempted to stop Verity when he reached his Hyundai Elantra and a brief struggle ensued, according to a report. At the time of the incident a Southington police officer was already in the parking lot assisting another person and after noticing the dispute, walked over to intervene, a report indicates. Verity was able to get into the driver’s seat of the vehicle, already occupied by Erin Capozzi, 31, of Waterbury, police said. He began driving across a crowded parking lot in an attempt to leave the scene and a second officer in a cruiser tried to stop him, according to a report. Verity then reversed his vehicle and rammed the second officer’s cruiser, but then surrendered, according to a report. The total value of the beverages was $51.93. Police also discovered three glass pipes consistent with drug use in the vehicle, according to a report. The registration plate on the Hyundai belonged on another vehicle, police said. 

Good Lord. It looks like season 4 of the Walking Dead. Those savages on the island in India who kill anyone that wades ashore have better personal hygiene than pubatron and chicken pox Charlene. If you’re gonna steal a case of red bull and some juieboxes in preparation for a long night of crystal meth and raw dog, at least wash your face first. And remember, if she’s already in the driver’s seat that means she’s the getaway driver. It’s kind of hard to get away from the cops if you’re literally sitting on her lap attempting to drive your unregistered Hyundai that you attached some stolen plates to. Oh, and keep the crack pipes at home. You’ll need those back at your motel to celebrate your big score.

Here’s some good news – Chick Pox Charlene has a fallopian dumpling at home that depends on her for sustenance.

Poor kid. But at least she’ll have plenty of Red Bull for her cereal in the morning.

Not sure if Pubatron here is the baby daddy, but I can totally see how she can’t resist him. He just oozes sex juice wherever he goes.

When he’s not posing awkwardly in a plywood dungeon he calls home.

She’s a real catch too.

Who wouldn’t wanna be all up in that penis fly trap?

Maybe the cops should give her a pass though – after all, she did France from Al-Qaeda.

Bonus points if you can guess what their brand of cigs are.

As if it could be anything else.

I’m sure Uncle Turtleboy would welcome either of these two on the Turtleboy Live show this weekend if they’ve made bail. Hit us up fam!