This Day In Turtleboy

Ratchet Legend Mom Celia Mcauliffe Tries Hiring Hitman To Kill TB And Pay With Blowjobs After Threatening Teens Who Called Out Her Trashbag Daughter Who Jumped A Freshman

 

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Check out this vicious attack that occurred outside of Northbridge High School:

Damn. Classy broads right there. Because why fight a girl one on one when you can jump her instead? Think of how easily this could’ve gone the other way. They’re on a busy road and traffic is going by. All it would take is the girl to lose her balance, fall into the street, and she’d be killed by a car.

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Apparently the girl they were doing this to is a freshman, and the other two girls are upperclassmen. Neither was suspended for this. Hopefully administrators at Northbridge High School see this and do something about it now that there’s video evidence. Because if they don’t then all this whole anti-bullying curriculum that’s been pushed the last five years is meaningless, fell-good bullshit.

Anyway, we don’t usually shame high school kids, but that video was horrible. And quite frankly a public shaming does these people good. Plus, what they did was criminal, and they should probably be arrested for it. These are the two girls who did the pummeling on the freshman:

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Apparently these Northbridge kids think they’re hood or something, because they use a very urban vernacular that social justice warriors might refer to as “cultural appropriation.”

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N words? World Star? Mad heads hating? Where’d these wannabe junior hoodrats learn these words? Wright’s Chicken Farm? We’re still in Northbridge right? Just making sure.

Apparently the screenshots above are in reference to a completely different incident in which one of these lovely products, who was more than likely conceived in the parking lot of a 1998 Fugees concert, threw a coffee coolata at a male student inside NHS. Notice the final comment:

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Yea, that’s not a student. That’s Cailin’s mother, Celia.

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And now the picture becomes even clearer. Keep in mind, that “little faggot” who she’s threatening to make sure “never walks again” is a child who goes to school with her daughter. All-Star parenting if I’ve ever seen it!!

She wasn’t done threatening junior hoodrats and inserting herself into high school drama though:

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Obviously these kids all come from homes filled to the brim with leather bound books. Don’t fuck with Celia Mcauliffe though. She knows “PLENTY of kids your age from different towns” that will fuck your shit up. Because what parent doesn’t have a rolodex of teenager’s names in every southern Worcester County town who they can call up to fight a foul mouthed child they’re going at it with on the Internet? That’s normal.

Rather than be an adult and walk away from this conversation though, Mom thought it would be wise to continue to defend her daughter’s honor by bragging about the vicious 2 on 1 assault you saw in that video:

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Because nothing is more important than establishing who fucked up who. Most normal parents would see a video of their daughter violently attacking another child and be embarrassed. Not Celia though. The only thing that matters to her is that her kid officially won the fight. Because these things matter. I remember this one time Grandma Turtleboy went on Facebook and told a kid that I was gonna choke him to honor her good name. Who can’t relate to that?

Anyway, Celia apparently is a 1999 graduate of Wachusett High School, but has done some stints in Oxford, Northbridge, and the south shore town of Whitman.

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Her Facebook page is a real trip too. She’s friends with some of the junior hoodrats commenting above, and tags them during her productive days of taking Facebook quizzes about being bailed out of jail:

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She’s not like, a regular Mom. She’s a cool Mom.

Oh, and look what ma dukes shared a couple weeks ago:

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Sometimes you’re sharing Turtleboy blogs. The next day you’re featured on one. Hate when that happens.

But she wasn’t sharing it because she’s a fan of that particular blog. In the least surprising turn of events ever, she has a problem with Turtleboy publicly shaming the Greenfield ratchet featured in that article who was selling her food stamps for heroin money:

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Never heard of Turtleboy? How can you live in Worcester County and not know about Turtleboy? Didn’t realize that was possible.

Her golden gloves daughter apparently is quite familiar with the blog, and in the least surprising turn of events ever, Mom knows the Greenfield ratchet from jail:

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Yea Celia, I think everyone reading this knows how you feel about heroin. But it’s not her fault, it’s a disease!!

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Sometimes I wish I was a heroin addict. It’s like permanent armor that protects you from ever being judged.

And based on the video at the top of the blog, this is the most accurate thing we found on her Facebook page:

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Yup, lots of girls who get suspended for throwing coffee at other kids in school, and who jump a freshman outside of school, are the product of being “raised good.” We anxiously look forward to seeing who comes forward first in our inbox to defend the honor of the people featured in this blog.

It has come to our attention that mother of the year Celia Mcauliffe has evidently put a hit out on Turtleboy Sports. She’s been plotting to take down TB, but she had no idea the person she connected with was actually an undercover Turtleboy operative (we are everywhere). Here’s how the conversation went down…..

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It’s true. We broadcast live on our Facebook show from Main South. But everyone knows our corporate offices are in Fitchburg.

Soon after the threats subsided, the conversation took a much more PG-13 turn as the two of them negotiated how Celia would pay this “hitman” to take down Turtleboy. Warning NSFW:

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Sure, she’ll consent to felating a stranger on the Internet as payment for a hit on a local blogger. But nip pics? Sorry buddy, she’s not “that type of person.” She’s a classy broad who occasionally threatens 14 year olds with physical threats from other 14 year olds in their town who she has on call in her rolodex.

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Then she threw in the “I’m not a bad man” disclaimer:

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She’s a crackhead who went to jail, has never had custody of her kids, cheers her daughter on while she jumps other girls, and calls 14 year old kids faggots. If that’s not the definition of a good mom then I don’t know what is.

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Finally she caps off the conversation by calling the latest guy she’s shacking up with a “fucking pussy” for not kicking Turtleboy’s ass himself:

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Anyway, we wanna add a new twist to the award winning Turtleboy Live Facebook show. From now on we want someone who absolutely hates us because we wrote about them to call up the show. We can connect via Skype and have you on the program to defend your honor. We will ask you questions but of course we will keep it professional and allow you to answer them as you see fit. And for our first guest we would like to have Celia on. So Ce-ce, if you’re reading this please message us on Facebook and we’ll hook it up on Skype and have you on tomorrow night. Make it happen.

 

 

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17 Comment(s)
  • Just sayin
    July 10, 2020 at 1:50 pm

    She should have finished the job

  • Frank
    July 10, 2020 at 12:08 pm

    She’s nasty but I bet she sucks a mean one

  • Norm
    July 10, 2020 at 11:23 am

    Celia Mcauliffe is such a ghetto ratchet that she doesn’t even ask the stranger she’s texting with if the cock she’s agreed to suck is white or black. What a whore.

    Speaking of whores, Coral Daley looks kind of skanky in that photo, but her body looks ok. I’d wrap it up and slip it in her if she still looked like that, but she’s probably a fat fuck now like Celia Mcauliffe.

  • Judge dread
    July 10, 2020 at 7:24 am

    i wish nothing bt horror
    hellrasier 2/3

    go fuck yourself.

  • Milky mike
    July 10, 2020 at 5:53 am

    Callin is now lesbian with a daughter. The ugly bitch is still as ratchet and gross as she was a few years ago

  • Judge dread
    July 10, 2020 at 3:13 am

    these people do not have an education. they are literally the stupidest people on earth.

  • Simon Cowel
    July 9, 2020 at 8:11 pm

    When are the auditions over. Simons giving red x’s. These writers suck.
    TB must be in Disney

  • Fenway Frank
    July 9, 2020 at 5:41 pm

    BLM= Blacks love mayhem

  • Captain Trips
    July 9, 2020 at 4:45 pm

    Mom ain’t globbin my sausage. She’s had enough calories.

  • Laughed my ass off
    July 9, 2020 at 4:38 pm

    when I got to the Bret part. I can hear him talking to her now “Sir! SIR! CALM DOWN SIR!!!”

  • Greta Thundberg
    July 9, 2020 at 3:50 pm

    OMG I can’t believe she agreed to fellate some dude for a beatdown.

    • Snarky Pete
      July 9, 2020 at 3:54 pm

      If you want to reduce CO2 levels, reduce the levels of baby batter in my scrotum.

  • Dad
    July 9, 2020 at 3:34 pm

    “The award winning Turtleboy Live Facebook show”. And which award was that?

  • Cailin Gonorrhea
    July 9, 2020 at 3:31 pm

    My brother told me mom sucks like a Hoover.

    • Willie the Pimp
      July 9, 2020 at 4:43 pm

      Are you 18 or over Cailin? If so, I offer to have you suck your way out of any bad situation. Hit me up! Only problem is, I get 80% of whatever you make.

  • I wonder what that fat cunt doing now
    July 9, 2020 at 3:17 pm

    I wonder what that fat cunt doing now

    • Say No to Nogs
      July 9, 2020 at 4:39 pm

      Sucking infected black cock. Because, BLM!

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