All-Star Criminals

Raw Dog Ragamuffins Get Called Out For Chew And Screw By Palmer Restaurant, Show Up In Comments Saying There Was Hair In Food, Think Turtleboy Is Going To Write Story That Helps Them


Angel’s Restaurant in Palmer is a family owned small business that like many has struggled to get by due to the unconstitutional lockdowns on private businesses by Governor Charlie Parker. But to make matters even worse some raw dog ruffians pulled a chew and screw the other day, which they posted about on Facebook.

She tracked the license plate number and it came back to a chick named Heaven Germain. I shit you not – Heaven. That’s like being a pedophile named Chuck E Cheese. You can’t be named after a place you’ll never get into. The owner then messaged Heaven.

Shortly after the post was made this guy showed up in the comments to defend their honor.

His name is Will Mosely, and I quickly noticed that he’s Facebook friends with Clarence Woods Emerson and had messaged me in the past, trying to get TB to roast some of his enemies.

As you can see here we have some pubestache on pubestaches crime going on. And since all parties involved live in Palmer, they are required by law to rock a pubestache at all times. Pro tip – if you’re gonna try to weaponize Turtleboy to go after ratchets for doing ratchet things, don’t defend ratchets when they do ratchet things. And that’s exactly what Willie Whiskers did – claimed that they left because of hair in their food, not because they pulled a chew and screw.

Keep in mind, he was not at the restaurant when this happened. These are just his friends, and according to him he was with them at the police station filing formal charges against a restaurant because they were the victim of a chew and screw.

So the Palmer Police told them after the confessed to committing a crime that they would’ve done the same thing. That definitely happened. Definitely.

Now he says they’re being charged.

The fact that this woman is being so nice to this worthless piece of shit is enraging. She’s a lot nice than I’m gonna be.

He also believes that restaurants “should understand that some people lose appetites over certain things,” therefore they don’t have to pay for food that they ordered.

Oh look, they didn’t just walk up and leave because of a hair in their food, nor did they alert management. They ate half their meal and walked out because that’s what you do when you’re a trashbag from Palmer.

Then Heaven showed up in the comments section of the Facebook page belonging to the business owner who she stole from, to once again accuse them of having hair in her food.

They eat out all the time. Does this look like a couple that has to buy food at the grocery store?

The baller lifestyle in Palmer is real.

But Volunteers in Heaven probably should’ve gotten her story straight with Willie Whiskers, because he claimed there were exactly 12 hairs in the food which she denied.

She don’t need to show proof of the hair! We should just take her word for it. If you can’t trust a face like this then who can you trust?

She was obviously raised right.

“I wouldn’t be the person I am without him.”

You chew and screw at family owned businesses in your small town. That’s the person you are thanks to your Dad, who clearly failed you as a father.

Then the the guy who’s pumping her full of Palmer love juices showed up to defend her honor, claiming that he showed up at the restaurant.

And he posted a video of the encounter.

Of course he has a pubestache too. This is Palmer after all.

Just to review, he stood outside of the restaurant for 45 seconds, didn’t alert them that he was there, baselessly claimed he went to the police station and had hair in his food, and thought this all proved something.

The man just oozes sex appeal. No wonder Heaven on Girth can’t get enough of his bologna baton.


You’d think that Chew and Screwbaca would’ve paid their bill with their savings from the prior day when coffee at Dunkin’s was free, thanks to Willie Whiskers.

But I guess not.

You’ll also notice that they walked out with a coffee too. Don’t worry, another local guttermuppet has an explanation for that.

Yea, bringing an outside drink into a restaurant to avoid having to order a drink there isn’t a trashy thing to do at all. Wonder what the odds are that Smitty here is rocking the pubestache?

If your life goal is to get Post Malone to see your bathroom selfie, and you urge people to share it, and then you don’t get a single like or share, you should probably just give up on life. Just sayin.

If you actually got a plate full of hairy food at a restaurant it would be natural to be revolted. The appropriate response would be to bring it to the attention of the server, who would then bend over backwards to make it right for you. But of course that obviously never happened, and these assholes just didn’t feel like paying money for their food, and since they produce nothing of value for society it’s hard for them to understand the struggles of owning a small business. But in the name of fairness I messaged “Chase Sin” to get his side of the story and see if he had any pictures of the hairy food. First he wanted to make it clear that he should be off limits because he’s only 20, and if he wanted to he could’ve afford to purchase a $100 meal. Also, they’re racist because he’s Spanish.

The word is Latino dipshit. If you’re gonna pretend to be a minority for pity points at least get the verbiage down.

He was very excited when he found out I was from Turtleboy, and told me he had been praying for my intervention.

He said he looks up to me.

Something tells me this is not how he envisioned the blog going.

According to him he has the very Spanish name of Jason Bravo.

And him and his cum pinata girlfriend (who he calls his wife) go out to eat every day.

He loves supporting local businesses. And by that he doesn’t mean actually paying his bill, he means liking their Facebook page.

It’s just so enraging because they hurt this business owner, who is clearly a very nice person already being unfairly harmed by the government’s reaction to a virus with a 99.9% recovery rate. Then these maggots add onto the misery by pulling a stunt like this. And when they had the audacity to post about how they were robbed by these worthless bags of baby dicks, the ratchets attacked them some more, played the victim, and made up lies to justify their own shitty behavior.


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49 Comment(s)
  • Bill Clinton
    November 25, 2020 at 9:45 am

    I’m thinking Heaven could use a good protein enema.

  • Joe, from Joe's Abortion Clinics Inc
    November 24, 2020 at 9:47 am

    Any hairs in the food fell out of Heavens mouth, guaranteed. Short, black, thick and curly, with little crab like critters going for a ride.
    To type “Literally”, or “Like”, leads me to believe you use “Upspeak”, which qualifies you for Douche of the Month

  • fugoff
    November 24, 2020 at 2:21 am

    Damn, did a drunk 5 year old do their tats?

  • Uncle Peckerhead
    November 23, 2020 at 11:45 pm

    Must be a bitch cleaning all the smeg outta that belly bling!

  • No bulls hat?
    November 23, 2020 at 10:52 pm

    Don’t these people have EBT cards to use that us working people provide them. And no bulls hat?

  • piss flaps pelosi
    November 23, 2020 at 10:34 pm

    WILL MOSELY is a puke, a fucking faggot

  • Joe Biden
    November 23, 2020 at 9:57 pm

    I’d hit it.

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    November 23, 2020 at 9:21 pm

    That chick’s seen more dicks than a NYC subway men’s room urinal

  • WeRFucked
    November 23, 2020 at 8:19 pm

    Not a single picture of any ratchets holding a wad of cash. I’m disappointed, but I think this clearly means there’s hope for this group of misfit Palmeranians .

    No there isn’t.

  • Turtle boy is king of the morons
    November 23, 2020 at 6:48 pm

    You all are so disgusting and racist. tan’s followers are so much worse than anyone he writes about…ooooo Someone is on food stamps! Big fucking deal. Clearly there’s people struggling out here. You’re all fucking hateful and weird. Turtle boy is a weird cult leader and he’ll get his someday soon.

    • murdochpatsymcreynolds
      Old Tom Morris
      November 23, 2020 at 7:25 pm

      Kate, you need to give it a rest.

    • Geez Louise
      November 23, 2020 at 7:32 pm

      Uh oh Turtleboy, this guy said you’re going to “get yours soon”. He sounds tough, I’d watch out if I were you, he means business.

    • Need Money?
      November 23, 2020 at 8:49 pm

      I’d give you ten bucks to suck my dick.

  • John Smith
    November 23, 2020 at 6:29 pm

    Love the names in this one. So Heaven was in Angels. And what Heaven did after that was Chase Sin. Neat.

  • Heaven Germains Flabby Gut
    November 23, 2020 at 5:02 pm

    Heaven Germain is a Fat Sloppy pale Bleach Blonde Slob. What a gross Fat Pig Slut she is , dating bottom of the barrel Skinny White Trash that can’t pay for sandwiches. The Skinny Faggot boyfriend in the video has some Fucked up looking teeth. These people are Trash, they are what’s wrong with this Country.

  • Uncle Peckerhead
    November 23, 2020 at 4:46 pm

    I’m sorry but that chick looks like she could eat shit with a rake and bark at the moon! She knows she gets more than one curly wurly going down on her dude!

  • Joe Jim Crow Biden
    November 23, 2020 at 4:15 pm

    Where did he get that bike? Town dump? Does she push it when it runs out of gas?

    • Mastiff squint
      November 24, 2020 at 10:38 am

      Rice is cheaper than gas

  • Orion
    November 23, 2020 at 4:15 pm

    Look at the FUCKING FINGERNAILS on “Chase Sin”. And why did a chick want to be the penis shaped object “blunt” going into his mouth? Does that mean she’s a tranny and he’s a major bone smoker?

    Also, the police most certainly did fucking not say they were in “the right” by leaving without paying for their meal. AT MOST, they would have said they should have talked to the owner/manager on duty and explained why there were dissatisfied.

  • rob perkins
    November 23, 2020 at 3:54 pm

    Will mosely sucks off stray dogs, heaven takes it up the ass , a whoring slutpig

  • D-Izzle
    November 23, 2020 at 2:57 pm

    Anybody else notice homeboy’s parking job out front in the restaurants mug shots? Way over his line! Looks like homeboy also thinks staying in the lines is as ridiculous as his reasoning for Chewing and Screwing..

  • Hu Fartted
    November 23, 2020 at 2:08 pm

    Women who take selfies with their tongue out are clearly trying to send a not so subtle message.

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      November 23, 2020 at 2:54 pm

      Most likely the only talent she has. Just more tattooed, pierced, large gauge earlobe sporting white trash that society wouldn’t miss for a second if they all just disappeared.

  • North of the Border
    November 23, 2020 at 2:01 pm

    Makes me wish assholes like these could get tagged/chipped so the doors of every establishment would automatically lock their doors when they tried to enter. Loss prevention at its finest.

  • Boston Irish
    Boston Irish
    November 23, 2020 at 1:54 pm

    Will your not a black gangsta, you are a pussy

  • White Hispanic
    November 23, 2020 at 1:48 pm

    To the chew and screwer losers. Please meet me in Nubian Sq tonight @ 10:00PM. There is a dining establishment in the hood that we can eat at.

    • DudeRanchStripClub (me/mine pronouns)
      November 23, 2020 at 3:10 pm

      I’m assuming you’ll start with tossed salad.

  • If it's free it's for me
    November 23, 2020 at 1:44 pm

    Sure looks like a couple of BLM/Antifa rats to me. Everything is free!!!!

  • Bill Cosby
    November 23, 2020 at 1:40 pm

    I’d make Heaven a nice mayo martini.

  • Peter Dautel
    Deeznutz in Heavens Gait
    November 23, 2020 at 1:25 pm

    They have Food Police..? In Palmer???

    Wow. High crimes and misdemeanors abandon…

  • The Spic Tormentor
    Spic Tormentor
    November 23, 2020 at 1:25 pm

    I’m just glad a large majority of these idiots from this generation are covering themselves with terrible tattoos so we can easily identify them down the line and be sure not to hire them or do business with them in any way.

    • Frank Perdues Ghost
      November 23, 2020 at 1:29 pm

      Where you been kid?Vacation again? Did you leave a unflushed chimichanga
      as a tip for the spic chamber maids again?

  • Idi Amin
    November 23, 2020 at 1:10 pm

    Her shitter sees more traffic than the Ted Williams Tunnel.

  • Larry Nassar
    November 23, 2020 at 1:04 pm

    I found a wristwatch in there during her pelvic exam.

    • Mastiff squint
      November 24, 2020 at 10:47 am

      Fuck the wristwatch, Help me find the keys to my caddy and we’ll drive outa here.

  • Jo C
    JoAnne R
    November 23, 2020 at 12:59 pm

    I think it was his own hair on his chinny chin chin that was in the food!

  • Descovy For Prep
    November 23, 2020 at 12:53 pm

    She is a double bagger.

    • Arch Stanton
      November 23, 2020 at 6:07 pm

      For after.

    • Brian Sullivan
      Rooney Eats It
      November 24, 2020 at 12:05 pm

      more like a triple bagger. One for her, one for you and one for any poor slob looking through the window

  • Randy Marsh
    November 23, 2020 at 12:50 pm

    Heroin Hero

  • Facebook thief
    November 23, 2020 at 12:49 pm

    Aiden literally just posts screen shots from Facebook and calls it an ‘article’. Yes thanks Mr. Kearny, cause none of us know how to scroll Facebook. What would we all do without this excellent news source?!

    • Hey, I know!
      November 23, 2020 at 1:53 pm

      “What would we all do without this excellent news source?!”

      Probably sit around and talk about what a douchebag you are!

    • randiguy2006
      November 23, 2020 at 2:05 pm

      What….this isnt how Walter Cronkite started?

    • D-Izzle
      November 23, 2020 at 2:53 pm

      This guy: “Aiden literally just posts screen shots from Facebook and calls it an ‘article’. Yes thanks Mr. Kearny, cause none of us know how to scroll Facebook”.. – Okay cool guy, lets see your lazy ass do all that research on Facebook and put it all together in one place… Is that the best insult you have!? I know I wouldn’t want to do all that searching and sorting.. Do you know the definition of Article? You must be one of the “homies” of the Chew and Screw’s. Seem a little too butthurt to me!

  • Richard Ramirez
    November 23, 2020 at 12:46 pm

    I would make the beta boyfriend watch.

    • Ashley Schaeffer
      November 23, 2020 at 1:02 pm


  • Ray Patriarca
    Lord Gort
    November 23, 2020 at 12:40 pm

    What a gaggle of fuckbags.
    Love how her tongue is always out. No doubt lots of baby batter gets caught by that wide open maw.

  • Bob Murchison
    November 23, 2020 at 12:38 pm

    I would let Heaven sprinkle on me.

  • Boston Irish
    Boston Irish
    November 23, 2020 at 12:29 pm

    White trash wiggers from a one horse town. That dude needs a ass whoopin

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