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Reader Email: Beachbody “Coaches” Are Falling For The Biggest Scam On Facebook

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Reader Email: Ladies and gentlemen, if you’re reading this right now, I want you to take a $100 dollar bill out of your wallet, ATM, piggy bank, your mamas purse whatever, walk over to the nearest toilet, toss it in there and flush. That’s exactly what buying into these multi level marketing and pyramid schemes like Beachbody, Herbal Life, Wildtree “Organics”, It Works, and now the “I wear a fancy what resembles a nicotine patch on my arm Thrive” feels like.


And it’s not just that $100 dollars you’ll spend! Oh no, that’s just the foreplay to the start of a really long relationship with someone who’s packing a pencil in their pants! Yep, you’ll be putting in all time, money and effort and like Jagger says, “You ain’t get no satisfaction!”

Oh, and it gets better! The $100 dollars you just wiped your ass with is the first installment, so wait there’s more! You can buy an additional bag of horse manure from random people who will hound you endlessly in every social media outlet or better yet, probably peep in your window while you’re eating dinner with your family for asking even a single question about their product for only an additional $99.95 a month!

That’s right folks! You can give your hard earned money to strangers selling you a dream bigger than King Tut’s Tomb and get the equivalent of an egg fart in return. Sounds like a deal to me! Where do I sign!?! I should take a moment to apologize in advance to that .01% population of people that one of these chemical laden, overpriced products may have actually helped but I feel it’s my duty to express my opinion and provide a public service announcement for those burning off much needed brain cells even contemplating falling into one of these traps.


Body image and society’s definition of beautiful sends many over the edge in the pursuit of perfection. People go so berserk for a quick fix even the heroine addicts are turning a side eye. It seems no one quite understands how they got into battling the bulge in the first place. Ok that’s a lie. We do know, we just don’t want to admit it’s bad diet and failure to wanna blow through that $5.00 stick of deodorant. But ask anyone and they will play dumb like they cant fathom how they got here and all they know is they wanna shed the weight.

The thing is, no one seems to want to actually do the exercise and create a slight drizzle of perspiration, and they don’t want to eat broccoli until they shit green, so instead they look for the “easy” way out. That little piece of weight loss magic. Enter stage left, multi level marketing evil geniuses across the world! These evil geniuses are waiting for suckers like you! Fancy containers to measure your food, dancing workouts, workouts that last 3 minutes but promise you’ll look like Jillian Michaels in 10 days, patches that stick to your body and look like you just left Adcare. Oh and the wraps! The wraps should be called “It Doesn’t Work.” Don’t forget to buy your greens!

People complain good, fresh food is too expensive but did you know spinach is a real deal green and it cost &2.99 not some $39.99 green powder. It’s like saying you can totally afford that real Gucci but you prefer a fake one. Spinach, now THAT Works!


Wildtree is all  Organic products. It sure is if you don’t read labels. Their Grape Seed oil is to die for though! Wrong! Blowing your hard earned paycheck on over priced Grape Seed oil when Trader Joe’s has it for like $3.99 is to die for….of stupidity. Herbal Life, now there’s a cluster “duck” as auto correct commonly refers to it. Sounds more like a Dre and Snoops Dogg  reunion album. If you are thinking about spending your money on Herbal Life and you think you are gonna get a good deal by putting five on it, you ain’t getting shit but stems and sticks.

These companies prey on your own body image insecurities and you fall for it hook line and sinker. These schemes mass-produce products that are loaded with sugar and chemicals and sell you a pipe dream. Be healthy, get rich quick, annoy the hell out of your family and friends and go broke with no results. Ah the modern day American Dream.

If you sell this stuff you do realize your friends and family unfollow you and avoid your calls on purpose right? I know it hurts but you have time to make it right, stop adding us to asshat online parties and closed groups.  There’s one company though that stands out like a giant and it would be my honor to go on a mission to Oz, meet the great and powerful wizard only to pull that massive fake ass curtain down.


That Wizard is none other than Beachbody and it would be my pleasure to have the courage, heart and brains to expose them for what they really are….brainwashing car salesmen in the form of “coaches.” Coaches! Can you believe the audacity? Last I checked a coach on a team, taught, mentored, directed and trained a team of players looking to win a championship. Do you even coach Bro?

Beachbody “coaches” (I hate even calling them that but losers is too harsh) don’t care about you and your fitness goals! They could give a rats fat ass what you cooked for dinner and if you did 22 Minute Hard Corp or Shake your Country Booty. They don’t give a flying poopshoot if you succeed or fail as long as they get your kickback and that’s a BET you can take to the bank my friends.


The first thing a “coach” says is here’s our products, buy gazillion dollar shakeology (don’t mind the sugar and chemicals  btw) and pick any workout program to go with it. And oh hey do you wanna be a “coach”?!? You get a discount on our really steeply priced products and you can mentor and send help people too!!

Really?! Really?! Someone who doesn’t know anything about controlling their own weight or health and is just learning to take care of themselves are now considered qualified to direct and mentor others? How do you justify that? Better yet how do people fall for that!!?! Have you all gone mad? 90% of the Beachbody coaches I’ve seen are not in shape and that’s a fact. And it’s with all due respect but come on. Never take advice from someone you aren’t willing to trade places with. Don’t follow someone who hasn’t proven their ability to lead and plain and simple don’t be stupid.


Most of the Beachbody “coaches” I’ve seen take pics from the neck up. I can assure you it’s not to keep you in suspense of seeing their six-pack. Don’t get me wrong there are some coaches, annoying as they are that walk the walk but far and few between and it’s because they ate right and worked out for the recommended amount of time per national accredited fitness factions like ACE, NASM which is 30-60 min 3-5 times a week. None of this workout in 3 minutes and look like Shaun T.

Actually,  Shaun T doesn’t even use Beach Body, hence why he probably looks so good. You wanna look like Denise Austin, get a $10.00 gym membership, don’t eat garbage, don’t cheat yourself and move your damn asses. That it! You can probably do that for $150.00 for the whole year. That’s a lot of savings to put toward healthy food that you complain is too expensive.


There’s plenty of free fit clubs and walking groups as well and if you really need help, go to a certified fitness  professional. Did you know that for about the same money or a little more you can meet with someone once a week, train with them, get additional workouts and they help with your food? You might spend a little more but a year from now you will maybe be where you want to be and won’t be thousands in the hole, still carrying around that same 80 pounds and roaming around with a cone on your head allegedly honing in fat burning air molecules like the Pokemon Go zombie apocalypse. I know sounds crazy doesn’t it?


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39 Comment(s)
    March 10, 2018 at 6:31 pm

    So much truth in this article. A FB friend is constantly taking sweaty workout pics from odd angles and she doesn’t look like the program is actually working.

  • Romie
    April 7, 2017 at 5:12 pm

    I did get in the best shape of my life but I was already in good shape and motivated. It is not a scam but it is a multi level marketing endeavor. To even get the possibility of making any money you have to put out quite a bit of money to be a coach or to stay active. You also need to hound everyone you know to buy the products. The coach who recruited me was very aggressive and appeared to be very interested in me and my life, but the moment I signed, she was pretty much gone. The workouts are great, the shakes and supplements, not so great. There’s better on the market and for less. If you’re lucky you get some help from the coach you were assigned or the coach who signed you. I had virtually zero help. Which meant learning it all on my own and making quite a few mistakes that cost me money. You can work full-time on growing this “business” for less than part-time compensation. The rules change all the time. And the ways you can earn continue to change and benefit their top diamond coaches. I was a coach for seven years. I hung in there. It wasn’t like I got started and then gave up because it was too hard. I did make some money. But it did get harder and harder to make money without nearly accosting everyone you meet with this opportunity for their health and fitness. People are really vulnerable about that. But when people start running away from you when they see you coming or start hiding you on Facebook because of all your posts, there’s something wrong. It is no different than any other multilevel marketing company. If you attend all the coach summits and as many events as possible and meet the CEO, celebrity trainers and a lot of the top earners you may get somewhere and you may get some help. But I don’t guarantee it. The financial outlay ends up being enormous. The hook is they tell you it’s very inexpensive to get involved as a coach. And a lot of people not only want to help themselves, but want to help other people be healthy. It really plays on your emotions. But the costs mount and mount. But unless you are a top earner you really are on your own. If you need something to do and have money to spend, go for it. I recommend you just start your own business doing something that you love and you are good at without contributing to the multi millions made by this company. When I started out there were about 22,000 coaches ( I actually was a certified fitness trainer unlike 99% of the other coaches) throughout the US. But now with it being in Mexico and Canada there are hundreds of thousands of team beach body coaches. There’s nothing really new and the market is already saturated with all the health and fitness products, workouts and supplements there are out there. Find something else to do that pays you instead of you having to pay the organization to be a part of it. And that’s my educated two cents.

  • Daryl
    August 25, 2016 at 4:39 am

    My wife’s sister came to my sons birthday party last year with her shakeology nonsense. She single handedly pissed off half the party with her nonstop badgering of trying to sell that snake piss and getting email addresses from everyone. This caused a huge fight between my wife and her sister that still is active to date. My wife actually said to me ” should we just give her the money to shut her up”? My wife and I now have separate bank accounts!

  • Reddog
    August 24, 2016 at 11:24 pm

    Hey you over there with the French braids,,,,what’s your name? My name is Snoop and I’m a muthfuckin hustler,ya better axe somebody!

  • LivesInLowell
    August 24, 2016 at 10:04 pm

    I know this has nothing to do with the topic at hand but whats the beef between bobnmic and fiesty?

    • ProfessorM
      August 24, 2016 at 10:14 pm

      What do you mean? I hadn’t noticed.



  • Woodiculous
    August 24, 2016 at 9:37 pm

    Insanity works as advertised If you put in the work, you get ripped. No issues, I am a satisfied customer, No coach required.
    And, yes, Insanity makes you look like Shaun T, if you actuallyDO it the right way

  • Johnny b
    August 24, 2016 at 8:56 pm

    Common sense should let you know something isn’t on the up and up when your local female Wildtree rep weighs 250lbs. Wildtree organic is the equivalent of a turd sandwich on a bulky roll!

  • triple r
    August 24, 2016 at 8:48 pm

    What I’d like to have right now, is for all of you fat, out of shape, Wildtree Walrus’s to keep the noise down why I explain to the clients that you rip off that all they need to do is drink water instead of soda to drop 10lbs.

  • Titty titty bang bang
    August 24, 2016 at 8:17 pm

    This was too long, the writer tried way too hard to bite off that TB style and if you use or sell these things, it’s way too late to make a difference. Stop eating like an 8-year-old, lift some heavy things and run at a pace faster than a jog and it will be like magic.

  • BobnMic
    August 24, 2016 at 12:57 pm

    Marial Arts (another one of my hobbies) is actually really good for exercise. It took me a long 2 years but I finally got my black belt. I never felt more fit in my life. I’m telling you, if you want to get fit you need to take up Martial Arts. It keeps you on your feet and ready for action any time. It’s a good method for non-gun owners to protect themselves.

    HAY-YAH!!!! That was my version of an online Karate Kick… hahaha Just having a little fun, calm down, no down votes!

    • BobnMic
      August 24, 2016 at 12:58 pm

      One last thing, I own a boat and sometimes I deep sea scuba dive. That also helps with exercise. It keeps your lungs in great shape. I hope right off that 30 foot boat and jump right into pure cold ocean water. If you can hold your breath long enough you’re exercising your lungs and when your lungs can’t take it anymore just swim up to the top. Repeat this exercise over and over again. It gives you great agility.

      • BobnMic
        August 24, 2016 at 10:07 pm

        And people actually are going to believe that this shit is coming from me? Really you dumb ass?

        • Elsa
          August 24, 2016 at 10:20 pm

          Let it goooo, let it gooo
          Can’t hold it back anymore
          Let it gooo, let it goooo
          Turn away and slam the door!
          I don’t care….
          what they’re going to say!!!
          Let the storm rage onnnnnn
          The cold never bothered me anyway!!!

          • BobnMic
            August 24, 2016 at 10:29 pm

            Well whatever that means it sounds good to me Elsa. Back to subject is what I am all about.

            Look at her go crazy though it is a work in progress. A meltdown before our eyes.

        • Totally fucked up your shit today :)
          August 24, 2016 at 10:28 pm

          It would be a damn shame if someone had taken screen shots of these posts that you made, while they were still labeled bobnmic, you know, before you changed them to make it look like fiesty, and then emailed Margaret at 3:00 today, explaining what you were doing, and therefore blowing your cover and busting you trying to make it look like you were trying to frame fiesty…. Wouldn’t it Bob?

      • Oedipus Wrecked
        August 24, 2016 at 10:51 pm

        How ’bout doing the whole ball of wax a solid and just skip the “swim back up to the top” part, eh Captain Cornhole?

  • BobnMic
    August 24, 2016 at 12:46 pm

    Back on topic. Sorry I hate fiesty so much sometimes I just have to stick it to her where it hurts. Funny everyone here is now seeing how much of a troll she is! All she does it attack me all day and I say nothing to her.

    Between my army skills and being fit I can tell you that eating healthy is super important. Back in the army days our pudding could be tipped upside down and it would never fall!! That’s what we soldiers called PUDDING CHOW! No healthy food in the chow hall but I’m still fit, so what’s the excuse for fat people?

    • Oedipus Wrecked
      August 24, 2016 at 10:42 pm

      The lithium helps a lot with weight loss too, Corpsman. Look into it. Maybe one of your cousins at the Marsden Family Reunion in West Virginia can slip you a few doses along with his/her tongue. Have a nice day, Admiral Analingus.

  • Christine
    August 24, 2016 at 11:40 am

    What a great and absolutely true blog. I love the Snoop Dogg Dre line. Good writing there. I had wildtree before and it was expensive and it sucked. I find way better quality ingredients that are natural at Wegmans, Trader Joes, Whole Foods and even Shaws now has a good and resonably priced options. People who buy into this stuff are wasting their money. I don’t get it.

  • Lou Stule
    August 24, 2016 at 10:36 am

    I loved this email. If I had a dime for every Beachbody coach who looked like he/she needed a Beachbody coach, I’d have enough money to chug Shakeology for a year. Best line: never take advice from someone you wouldn’t trade places with. Amen!

    • August 25, 2016 at 9:20 am

      Again replace beachbody in the artile with alcoholics anonymous and see how silly the article really is. If you want to learn something find someone who is doing it too and struggling because working through together is easier than alone. The people I see who are using the workouts with others are actually doing the workouts. Where as they may have their gym membership and not be going. If you are motivated yes go to the gym. If you are less motivated but want to get healthier find others to keep you accountable. I started posting my workouts on linkedit articles and when I miss a workout or do it later in the day people ask me about it. They keep me account able they support me. That is what it is all about not making millions. As I do love the program I do love the discount too.

  • Me13333
    August 24, 2016 at 10:08 am

    If you’re willing to do the actual exercises than a beach body video is great…but you don’t need a coach. You just need to do the work. I have a gym membership and I have work out videos too. The videos are just the same as doing a class at the gym. Many of the 10 a month gyms don’t offer classes. I have felt more sore after many 30 to 45 minute videos than going to the gym for over an hour.

    • August 25, 2016 at 9:07 am

      Think of beachbody like as. Yes you could try quitting alcohol on your own or drugs but will likely fail. As a beachbody coach you are a support a peer motivating each other through. At fit techie we motivate each other with a free ground not specific to beachbody just proper form of exerises. If you use beachbody programs I can work with you motivating you there too. And the programs do work. I have been doing them since January with much success. The author misses the whole point of peer mentoring. Replace beachbody with alcoholics anonymous and see how the article reads then. This will show you exactly how silly this post really Is.

      • Real Deal
        August 25, 2016 at 5:33 pm

        Alcoholics have sponsors who have earned their positions as mentors through years of self development and self improvement and only then are they ready to sponsor someone else . You sound exactly like a multilevel marketing rep. The Silly post is this one

  • FiestyLawyerLady
    August 24, 2016 at 10:02 am

    The whole “healthy food is expensive” argument is bullshit. You can get chicken breasts for $2.69lb at the S&S butcher on West Boylston Street. Then you can head next door and get their very cheap vegetables as well. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you can go on days where they get new shipments of veggies so they mark down completely fresh veggies to .99 cents for a HUGE prepacked selection to make room for the new shipment. They even frequently sell Asparagus for .50 cents to .99 cents a bunch to get rid of them in order to make room. Whereas, in supermarkets they are $3.99 which still isn’t too expensive seeing as how it’s 3 servings.

    Go into any frozen food section and you will see $8.99 for a frozen pizza… Some of them going higher than that. Hot dogs for $3.99 (or higher for a better brand) for 8 hotdogs… For that price you can get almost 2 lbs of chicken.

    Oatmeal is cheaper than cereal – so is buying banana’s and making a smoothie. CHOICES. I can go on and on about this health stuff.

    Most people who do extreme diets like this don’t realize the minute they stop all of the weight is going to come back. Eat proper portion sizes for a permanent life change. That’s the only way the weight will stay off. When people say things like “I’m going to only eat broccoli for lunch with a smoothie” yeah and if you don’t plan on eating that way for the rest of your life, the weight will come back on.

    It’s not science. People need to admit to being lazy and or overeating. Be honest with yourself!!

    • ProfessorM
      August 24, 2016 at 10:09 am

      I think I heard somewhere once that broccoli was the only food with negatives calories. I wonder if that is true?

      • Bill
        August 24, 2016 at 11:50 am

        Celery was long touted as a negative calorie food as well… I’ve also heard cucumbers. Most nutritional sites list them as 0. Watermelon is also a great weight loss food, as you couldn’t eat too much and put on weight… You’ll just bloat from the water content.

        • BobnMic
          August 24, 2016 at 12:47 pm

          Bill why are you entertaining these two bitches? Are you new here? Did you not see how much trouble they are causing? REALLY!! Another pussy falling for their traps!

        • FiestyLawyerLady
          August 24, 2016 at 1:56 pm

          I have always wondered though if watermelon can be a zero calorie because doesn’t it have a lot of sugar? I know it’s mostly water, but it tastes sweet enough to me for it to have enough sugar to have some sort of caloric content. It’s still a much healthier option than chips though…lol I think it’s somewhere in the low 40 calorie per serving (1 cup of it diced up). Not too sure…

          I hated the measuring days…….. Now I measure by eye.. “I” eat whatever I want. I’m sure it will catch up to me eventually!

        • BobnMic
          August 24, 2016 at 9:57 pm

          Bill not me dude^ – they are fucked up chicks from Spencer.

        • eddy77
          September 4, 2016 at 1:29 pm

          No actually celery is a filler. It’s mostly water…. but fills in your stomach to make u feel full. Celery is actually very beneficial for losing weight. Bloating from water in celery? Cmon dude. There is hardly enough water content in celery to bloat, even if u eat 3 plates full.

          That’s rediculous.

      • BobnMic
        August 24, 2016 at 12:46 pm

        Fuck you FAKE PROFESSOR. What do you teach? You’re full of shit you fake bitch. You and fiesty can lick each other where it hurts you stupid bitches!

    • BobnMic
      August 24, 2016 at 12:41 pm

      I hate you Fiesty you dumb bitch. I don’t care how many times you change your picture I’m going to do the same thing. I am having such a good time seeing all these people hate you Fiesty all because of ME. I’m going to be your demise on this blog forever. I will continue to bother you every day all day until the day I die. You fucked with the wrong person numbnuts! Stupid bitch!

      • BobnMic
        August 24, 2016 at 12:42 pm

        Go ahead and down vote me! DO IT! That’s ALL you care about fiesty. I don’t care I don’t care.

        DIE FIESTY
        DIE FIESTY
        DIE FIESTY

        I’m so tired of you when will you disappear? I want the good old times to come back before you started posting here. I miss the good old days when the good commentors were around.

        • BobnMic
          August 24, 2016 at 12:44 pm

          You fucked with the wrong one Rosie Perez! I am an ARMY MAN! You DO NOT fuck with military personnel. I fought for our country, you better respect that because if it wasn’t for me you or anyone here wouldn’t have the freedom to even post on websites! All of my years of training has paid off. I’m going to make it my life mission to ruin you the way I am going to help ruin ISIS when I am back on duty!

          • Oedipus Wrecked
            August 24, 2016 at 10:39 pm

            So what was it you inhaled in whatever third world shithole they sent you to in the Peace Corps? Agent Orange? DDT? Airplane glue? Seriously, Brosephine, you’re like the poster child for PTSD . And I hate to inform you, Sgt. Slaughter, but YOU ruined the comments section here.
            It’s medication time, General Disaray, and Nurse Ratched has a couple blue pills in a cup with your name on it.

    • Reddog
      August 24, 2016 at 11:09 pm

      I’m lazy but I feel like being honest. I could really use a smoothie.

      • FiestyLawyerLady
        August 24, 2016 at 11:15 pm

        Everyone could use a smoothie, but you know… cheetos! I wonder what an alcoholic smoothie would taste like.

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