The aspiring male model from Leominster who was arrested for kicking the shit out of an old man in a Barre road rage incident, is probably the biggest scumbag you will see all week.
So this past weekend some poor old guy got the crap kicked out of him by some scumbucket in Barre during a raod rage incident. Walter Young is 71 years old, so he’s earned the right to drive as slowly as he damn well pleases. Well 25 year old Leominster resident Ryan Kobus seems to disagree with that assessment. After tailgating Mr. Young for a while and riding his ass, Mr. Young pulled over this car to let the kid pass. But instead of being happy that he was finally free to go as fast as he pleased, the young dipshit got out of the car and beat the shit out of the elderly man, leaving him seriously injured.
For a few days there it looked like he might get away with it. But yesterday he was finally arrested and brought in front of a judge. And surprisingly, there was no bail granted. In a Massachusetts courtroom. I know, I’m as shocked as you are. I think we can all agree the big loser in this story was this guy:
I hate when that happens.
Alright here’s the deal. Slow old drivers are the worst. Everyone knows that. It makes no sense that elderly people don’t wanna drive fast, but teenagers do. Because if you’re a teenager you have your whole life ahead of you, so what’s the rush? But when I’m old, I’m gonna drive as fast as possible because the last few years of your life are literally ticking down in front of your eyes. No time to go the speed limit.
But unfortunately it’s a fact of life that old people are going to slow you down, especially when you’re on single lane roads in Barre or the Brookfields. To get to Amherst from Worcester, as many a UMasser have done a million times, you have to pick which country road you’re gonna sit behind an old person on. Doesn’t matter if you take 122 to 202, or the Pike to 181, or Route 9 the whole way. You WILL get stuck behind a Walter Young, and he WILL make your head want to explode.
But I’ll tell you one thing – no old guy has ever had the politeness, courtesy, and respect to pull over to the side of the road to let me pass before. This buttnut should thank his lucky stars he got behind Walter Young and not some of the dooshnozzles I’ve encountered in West Brookfield. That’s what makes this idiot a special kind of asshat.
Regardless, we’ve all been there before and we have dreams of pulling over next to these guys and giving it to them. But even in Turtleboy’s wildest dreams it never went past yelling, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” And it certainly never escalated into physical violence. What did Walter Young cost you? Five or ten minutes of your precious day? Do you realize where Route 122 takes you? The twin dumps of Orange and Athol. Dude, you were on your way to fucking ATHOL!! Who the hell is in a rush to get to Goddamn ATHOL???!!!
Hey moron, Walter Young did you a favor. Barre is a beautiful town, and so is Petersham. It doesn’t get any more classic New England throwback then downtown Barre and Petersham. Enjoy it brotha. Life is too short to rush through God’s country on your way to ATHOL!!! This is what you were in a rush to see:
Hope it was worth it.
Oh yea, and who beats the shit out of an old guy? Is that fun? Did he feel a sense of accomplishment after taking down a guy who is scared to drive faster than 30 mph? Did your grandparents molest you or something?
I can’t even get mad at old people. Frustrated, sure. But mad? I get mad at Spanky McFarlane because he’s younger and purposely chooses to be an asshole. But Old Balls? He can’t help himself. He has no choice but to be an asshole because he’s so old. He is here for our amusement. Because at the end of the day old people are funny. It’s why “Grumpy Old Men” was a hilarious movie and “Angry 25 year olds from Leominster” never made it past screening.
Anyway, the best part about this story is the kid apparently is some sort of aspiring male model. There’s a good chance he was mad at Walter Young because he delayed him from getting to his big photo shoot in Orange. Is there anything more emasculating than someone who aspires to be a male model? I don’t even know how you go about becoming a male model, but I’m gonna assume some agent comes up to you and throws a pile of cash in your face and you have to say yes. That I guess I can understand. But if you’re TRYING to become a male model then I’m gonna need your man card back until you decide to stop embarrassing yourself.
Here’s some of his glamour shots. He does a wide variety of poses, including the playful bad boy:
the deep thinker with a pube-strap and Voke-stache:
The Sopranos tryout uniform:
and the “I’m just about to release my first Youtube rap video” look:
That right there is a bad ass ladies and gentlemen. I would take him against ANY of your grandfathers 9 times out of 10. I’m sure he’ll have a GREAT time in jail though. After all, if he can kick the shit out of a polite 71 year old man, there’s basically no stopping him.
P.S. It would appear as if the latest modeling look he’s going for is the “guy on the no-fly list”:
Maybe he can be an extra when they finally make a movie about Benghazi.