Rian Waters (Chud Suing Us) Starts $1,000 GoFundMe For Food, Transportation, And Legal Fees For Lawsuit, Says He Doesn’t Like Use Of “Crotch Fruit” And Says This Will End Turtleboy Sports  

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Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 


As some of you know we are currently being sued by a real winner named Rian Waters over this blog which one of our bloggers published on Turtleboy Sports in January of 2017. Unfortunately because it’s an ongoing case it’s in my best interest not to publicly talk about it too much. Although I’m pretty sure civil complaints are publicly available so if you’re curious you can to that on your own. All I’m saying is there is a complaint that was filed months ago, it’s still ongoing, and Michael Gaffney wrote an affidavit for the plaintiff. Michael Gaffney has literally become the embodiment of Attorney Richard N. Vulva. He finds people we’ve blogged about and helps them sue us.

I discuss this more at length in the book, but these ridiculous lawsuits are just a tool that people use to try to censor our speech. Their goal is simple – force us to hire attorneys, clog up the courts, drive up legal fees, and bankrupt the company. In theory this could actually work. Margaret Melican is a saint, and she represented us pro bono in the Gaffney case. If she had charged me what she normally charged a client, I can’t even imagine what the bill would be but my guess would be six figures. Not even kidding. That’s how much ridiculous discovery Gaffney filed in his complaint. And every time he added something on it was more work for Margaret. But she can’t keep doing that, and I can’t ask her to. And in this case I hired a lawyer from Western MA, a really good guy, and I actually have to pay him. So yea, this is why we GRACIOUSLY appreciate each and every one of you who donates to the Turtle Fund by hitting that PayPal button, or buys something from the Turtleboy store, or gets the book on Amazon. Because this is how they try to silence us when boycotts, Facebook censorship, and death threats don’t work. We haven’t actually libeled anyone, and we are in no danger of a judgement against us because we’re meticulous about obeying the law. But the fact of the matter is anyone can file a lawsuit against anyone and they’re not going to stop.

Anyway, I suppose I can talk about somethign funny that just happened since anyone can see it and a few people brought it to our attention. It appears as if the first ever “Help me sue Turtleboy” GoFundMe has been created, and it’s everything you dreamed it would be and more. Please understand that I cannot explain all of the amazing things he wrote in this GFM at the moment, but when this case is eventually dismissed I will.

Again, I so wish I could explain this all to you people because it’s quite the story. Many aspects of this case are discussed in the book, so you can always read that too. But can we just for a moment talk about the glory of this right here?

This of course was listed as reason #5 that the plaintiff does not like Turtleboy Sports. Our usage of the term “crotch fruit.” Of all the words he could’ve chosen – fupasloth, grundlequeef, beaver bumper – he chose crotch fruit. Even though children are literally the fruit that emerges from the crotch, and I refer to my own children as my crotch fruits in casual conversation with friends.

This one was just……wow:

3) They shame poor people who start GoFundMes, but say it’s fine when police officers steal over ten thousand dollars in unworked overtime pay.

Ummmm…..what? Pretty sure we’re most well known for single handedly taking down the highest ranking members of the State Police, leading to the arrest of many who were stealing money in unworked overtime pay. But OK.

And this:

2) They circumvent harassment laws by releasing private info and asking their followers not to harass people, knowing full well that their followers will harass.

Guys, we specifically said NOT to message him or anyone like him. Did you really do that anyway? Come on guys, I thought we were friends?

You have no idea how hard it is for me not to explain the rest to you right now. But I promise you I will when this is done, and it will be glorious.

The best part about this GoFundMe for a lawyer, is that the lawyer money doesn’t come first:

The first funds raised will help with living expenses like food and transportation. All additional funds will be spent on legal expenses.  

It’s for “food and transportation.” Because you can’t sue Turtleboy without eating a healthy breakfast first. Oh, and Uber/the bus doesn’t take food stamps like they should. Sure, most people would pay for these sort of things by, ya know, having a job. But when you spend over a hundred hours writing an opposition to a motion in your lawsuit against Turtleboy it’s hard to find the time. Because…priorities.

Anyway, you heard the man – this “will likely bring an end to Turtleboy Sports.” We had a good ride while it lasted, but clearly we have met our match.


Stay tuned and please donate to the turtle fund!! Two can play that game!!

P.S. The best part about the blog that was published about Rian Waters is that a Gaffney ad appears in the middle of it. One of the 5,000 things Gaffney sued for is that he only agreed to advertise from March 2017 to the end of August 2017. Except that blog was published in January, proving once again what a complete and utter joke Michael Gaffney will always be.

18 Comment(s)
  • WHUD 100.7
    December 29, 2018 at 9:37 pm

    Perhaps, the chap is a Caucasian Rihanna.

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    December 27, 2018 at 2:11 pm

    He’s asking for money for lawyers to sue you.
    You’re asking for money for lawyers to defend you.

    Any guesses as to who is “winning” here?

    • Y
      December 28, 2018 at 1:56 am

      Randalllllllll, didn’t I tell you to GFY?

    • December 28, 2018 at 9:57 am

      Honestly Randall. This case goes beyond the usual “wahhhh, we’re being sued” bit here. I think it’s a cause even your soft feelings could attach to. Think bigger, isn’t that what enlightened progressives such as yourself do?

  • Nasty Town
    December 27, 2018 at 10:16 am

    Definitely looks like a cellar dweller… Spends way too much time in the basement with his sick in one hand and a Nat Geo in the other

  • Mary
    December 27, 2018 at 9:16 am


  • Voke Bunny
    December 27, 2018 at 7:47 am

    Dig the facial hair. A little mascara and that goatee will be fierce! 

  • Exit 69
    December 27, 2018 at 7:24 am

    Unless gaffney decides to do it for free, he will never see a dime from this kid, He has the look of someone who will take off as soon as he gets his first 500 bucks. (if he gets that much) Although I gotta admit, using the term ” crotch fruit” in front of a judge is going to be a scream. Hope he uses some of that money for soap and deoderant.

  • I See Dumb People
    I see dumb people
    December 27, 2018 at 6:17 am

    HA.. Can NOT wait to hear the ending to this scam clowns circus. Dont know how you all deal with these crazy lawsuits day in and day out .. I suppose most could be considered amusement but still its got to get annoying as hell.

  • fuccboi lover
    December 27, 2018 at 6:10 am

    Spells “Ryan” with “ia”
    clear indication that he’s got majorum & minorum labs on his stinkstar.

    • Ratchet to English Dictionary
      December 27, 2018 at 8:21 am

      Get one “ia” is an acceptable change for “y” .
      “y” may also be substituted for any vowel or consonant
      Misspelling common words to use as a name is also acceptable for example
      Destiny can be spelled
      Destainy common English pronounces this one as De-Stain-E but don’t tell a ratchet that
      Also acceptable all y’s per “y” substitution rule

      gee whiz seriously there’s rules for this it’s not like their parents didn’t know how to spell

      • Ratchet to English Dictionary
        December 27, 2018 at 8:23 am

        Shit I just realized his parents probably meant to name him “Rain” LMFAO no wonder he’s such a dipshit

    • Kim Un Jong
      December 27, 2018 at 8:52 am

      I thought his parents couldn’t spell rain water

    • Hugh-Bo Mont
      December 27, 2018 at 12:40 pm

      His real name is Brian, but the B’s go in his bonnet.

      I’m here all week. LOL

  • Wade Boggs Taint
    December 27, 2018 at 4:22 am

    Having watched 12 seasons of Law an Order I make the following observations:
    1) I’ve read some blogs of yours that I may put on the questionable side of slander, but the one published about him does not even come close.
    2) Just the look of this turd burglar screams inadequate loser at life who needs to take out his many inadequacies ( many obviously sexual) by hitting a woman which following pedophilia is about as low as it gets.
    3) After 12 years I would still fill every hole Mariska Hargitay has with my baby batter.

  • Turdchomper
    December 27, 2018 at 1:29 am

    Thats an intimidating looking fucker, damn.

    • Your mom is slanderous
      December 27, 2018 at 12:13 pm

      In print its libel….not slander

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