So last week I discovered Ryan “Rizzy” Runyan and his merry crew of Percocet goblins, when they put together this legendary video of themselves rapping at a local elementary school in Billerica.
Then Rizzy came on the live show to confront me, Uncle Turtleboy, and Bret, and vowed to slap us all if we disrespect his girl again. (he comes on at the 10 minute mark)
Excuse me, his “fiance” that he started bumpin uglies with a few weeks ago.
I have to even give these boobz attention, but they’re just too entertaining and sometimes turtle riders just need a good laugh. So with that I present to you an even more legendary Rizzy video entitled “Weekend I’m High,” in which Rizzy gets kidnapped and tossed in a rape van by a bunch of goons who turn out to be his friends from GED class, and then brought to a one bedroom motel where him and the day shift chicks from Macs 2 Lounge eat a bunch of zanny bars and talk about how high they are.
If you get material for your rap video from Old School, then you’re destined for success.
That moment you realize that instead of being anally probed by a bunch of terrorists you’re gonna be pounding down leftovers from your parent’s medicine cabinet and swapping chlamydia with women covered in tattoos of the names of the last 5 guys who took her to tuna torpedo town.
And don’t forget to bring your flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hats so the hep-c hefalumps know that you’re there to bring them to poundtown.
I know Rizzy’s got his by his side.
The hat. It never fails.
Oh, and no rap video would be complete without random jumps to Rizzy outside of the rape van walking the world’s saddest dog, who wishes more than anything that he didn’t have to be used as a prop in cringeworthy rap videos.
If these aren’t the words of a lyrical genius, I don’t know what is:
“She call me Daddy, I love it
I pop an addy that fatty is bustin
She screaming at my im cummin
and then I go down there and tongue it
and hit it again like its nothing
i told you to leave
go catch you an uber or something
but she wanna stay
so i say baby ok just roll one up and lets get blunted”
Ya know who else calls you Daddy? The crotch fruit you don’t have custody of because you’re too busy pursuing a rap career on YouTube. Just be clear, this is the “fatty I’m bustin.”
Or was it this one?
This is what “livin my best life” looks like in Billerica.
Let this be a lesson to all you kids out there – this is what happens when you don’t give up the dream of becoming a rapper. You end up shooting poorly done videos in a cheap motel room because the 12 of you together couldn’t scrap enough cash together to get the room with two beds.
Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:
Follow us on Youtube, SoundCloud, Twitter, and Facebook.
Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy:
55 Comment(s)
Sooooooooooo one of the most obvious question is why these “adults” are shooting their videos in empty parking lots and cheap hotels? BECAUSE THEY STILL LIVE IN THEIR RACHET MOMMIES BASEMENT! Rizzy give up the dream and get a job. (and in the interim don’t forget the auto-tune because in your natural state you have a voice like a trapped 9 yr. old alter boy in the rectory at St. Mary’s).
Who would win in a fight?
Rizzy vs Charleston Patriots Parade loser with his moms car
reply with 1 for Rizzy
reply with 2 for Charlestown loser
What if I reply with “fuck off”?
I second that vote!
That means you vote for Rizzy because it’s clear you’re one of his boys. Are you the chubby kid with three backwards hat or at you the kid with three bulls shirt who can’t play D?
Rizzy posted on his facebook page that he is playing the Middle East in Cambridge on June 15th. Middle East webpage has a funk show playing upstairs and as of now no show list downstairs. I bet he has no show at all never mind being a headliner downstairs!
Hahahahaha. His “fiancé” says that is the day they are getting married.
It’s at “Sonia” which the Middle East owns. Tricky Marketting.
Sonia is the old TT The Bears.
This is a modern day Minstrel Show being perpetrated by poor white Suburban trash. Unless JRoc was adopted and raised by Lil Kim and Old Dirty Bastard (RIP) in a NY housing project, there is no reason this bastard son of a Lowell streetwalker should be pretending he’s a ghetto superstar. We can thank the wannabe black Eminem (aka the poor man’s Vanilla Ice/Snow) for this cultural disaster that allows every Suburban white boy with an identity crisis to think they can be an equally shitty rapper. The best thing for every human trash bag in this video is for the Billerica Police/Fire to have their Narcan on back order so they can’t be revived when their hearts stop from a bad batch of Lean.
This is a paid partnership between Rizzy and Turtleboy to get more exposure. No such thing as bad publicity. Every watch and click gets this clown more money, and he has turtleriders to thank for it.
You morons.
Respectfully… bullshit.
Virtually every turtle rider who might be curious enough to watch the vid (and probably most, like me, won’t be interested enough to even click) is outside the target demographic. And anyone interested in his dying-cat wails wouldn’t have a clue how to get here.
Maybe Rizzy is stupid enough to think that it WOULD translate to “sales.” But you can’t get blood out of a stone, and you can’t get advertising bucks out of a stoner.
Reminds me of “White Punks On Dope.”
where’s Jenni JJ White the Somerville SLAMPIG. Call Me Jenni 978 665 4546
Dude, you’re white!! Stop acting like you’re some hard- assed black dude. You want to act like a tough guy, Runyan? Take your ass down to the Heath Street projects and see how tough you are then. You’ll be cowering like a bitch in some bush while you hide from the true thugs.
Wtf is wrong with these dirtbags? Eugenics. Read about it, people. It could have prevented the entire gaggle of the derelicts in this videos from ever being born.
Lyrics: My Whole Life Is A Lie: (to his same background music/beat)
High school classes were hard… so I skipped’em it’s nothing
Took my retarded brain, and I smooshed it with somethin…
Got tatted out with so shitty dumb ink… now I’m dousin myself with diseased pusssy stink
Got no skills, no education, no job, I got nothing…
Tho I did make kid I don’t see with my cousin…
MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE…
MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE…
SOON I’LL O.D & DIE…
AND NOBODY WILL CRY…..
MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE…
MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE…
From the mean streets of Billerica…
Yo I prefer dicks that are thicker…
Makin no ends but my rap game is sick…
$20 bucks and I’ll suck yo dick…
MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE…
MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE…
SOON I’LL O.D & DIE
AND NOBODY WILL CRY
MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE
MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE
mic drop
You literally paid this kid through clicks and views to make a “clever” post on a local blog by listening to his song (over and over) to write those lyrics.
You should be ashamed to be white.
Only Rizxy talks about jizzy in his girl and then going down on her snd licking the jizz up.
Unpopular opinion in 3…2…1…
The more I see Rizzy’s videos the more I like the kid.
He’s at Middle East in June 15th($12 at the door)
If it wasn’t for the fear of Hepatitis, AIDS, and getting stabbed, I would go.
Life in Ricca, it doesnt get any better than this, This is the daily routine for 70% of Ricca kids, the other 30% know the gotta excel in school to get the fuck outta town, Believve it or not, Some parents in town actually do care about their kids, The ones who dant, produce the type of nuggets we see here.
I always wonder. If these wanna be gangsta,dumb, lazy, drugged up, embarrasing loses are this bad. What are their “parents” like ? We’ve already seen Auntie. Talk about even bigger failures. Id love to know
Hop up in my rape van
Only if your gay, man
Ya no I only like the fellas
And street corner addy sellers
Well done my friend
There’s no way it’s coincidence that all of the women in this guy’s videos have tattoos that seem to be completely randomly done in odd locations all over their bodies. Wonder if they are drawn on or temporary transfers in order to change the girls’ appearances just enough so that they can still walk around in public without being identified and humiliated when someone recognized them from the videos.
No those are legitimate shitty tattoos they have deformed themselves with. They aren’t the sharpest dildo in the drawer it appears
He eats his own kids basically is what Nevis rapping about. Ugh! I think that was shot in his basement bedroom…
Why is the Turtle hating on this guy?
I think his videos are hilarious! It’s like the 3 stooges with rap!
The real crime in this video, is that small amount of shit weed. At first I thought it was compressed mexican caca weed that was sprayed with raid & windex. After further investigation it looks more like shitty despencery weed.
How in the world do you supposedly have all this money yet you still buy shit weed in small amounts. Look at big time over here! all those stacks and you cant afford to buy better weed in larger quantities. Gtfoh.
Make sure you support your local organic cannabis farmer. Not only will you not get shit mexican brick weed, you also wont pay 50 for 1/8th of shit despencery weed.
UTB, you should sponsor a rap battle between jizzy butt cheeks over here and Billy wanna be hard ass ball bags from revere. (Who got the ever living shit kicked out of him by mike pingaro)
The winner gets their choice of 100$ gift card to aj wright or burlington coat factory for all their wigger wear needs. I’ll even throw you the 100$ for the gift card. I’m thinking that the winner will choose the aj wright card. They accept ebt at aj wright. That gift card coupled with their girlfriends ebt card. will give them all the wigger wear they could wear for over a year!
Jizzy but cheeks, where did you find the ecko garment? I’ve not seen anyone wear that shit brand in years. You must have found it in the costume section of the garment district. Either that or you robbed some little lake rat of their older brother’ hand me downs, while he was on his walk home from buying his mother newport 100s at the lake liquor store. And why do you all look so greasy and dirty, do any of you shower? Fuck, the horse that’s lives behind Augustas looks better than those no booty, hep c having, scabie having, best friends boyfriend fucking dope fiend pigs.
For crying out loud son, take a shower. My landscaper does not even look that wet and greasy after working 12 hour days for 8 bucks an hour. And he has 8 kids. So, what’s your excuse.
I should take you for a ride too where my cousin and all his animal friends live. They love dirty greasy white boys like you near Franklin field. You guys could rap your crap too one another. I’m sure him and all his friends would love you. Just make sure you bring better weed than what you call a sorry excuse for a roll. Make sure you bring more than a gram too. I’ll tell them not to rob you for poops and giggles. Though I cant promise they wont strip you, make you walk through the field at gun point with your tighty whities over your head like a gimp mask. You dirty little twinkie you.
Grown men smoking dope is embarrassing. Being a connoisseur of weed as an adult is even worse. Grow up
Stop picking on my man. He is very sensitive. He knows I love black guys and knows I can’t keep fucking them because hundreds of them have torn up my white pussy and my anus with their big black cocks. It sucks for me because I want to keep fucking and sucking on black cocks but they are just too big and there is way too much cum from black men already dried up inside me. Riz has always been sensitive since he was kid and everyone picked on him so he figured he could get some respect if he thought he was black. It works out well for our relationship because I wan’t a black man but my holes can now only handle the smallest cock possible so I had to find that on a little white guy. I love him and he loves me. I am supportive of him and pretend to like his music and even bought the one seat at the Midda Least that he “sold out”. He is also supportive of me and drives me to all my Dr’s appointments where I have to get shots and tests for all of the STD’s I have. Please stop picking on him or he may do something drastic like maybe think he is white again.
These Fupa Barges need to hit the clinic for their monthly HIV/AIDS test. Rizzy needs to be put down like a cat with distemper.
If the pickins get slim Leah hit me up. I’ve got a whole squad ready for the white meat.
I couldn’t finish the video. I feel a migraine coming on.
I’d definitely hit the brunette. several times. until my nuts looked like shriveled prunes. then i’d submerge my entire body in a bathtub of isopropyl alcohol.
Great Caesar’s Ghost, the audio on the TB live show is unbearable.
That little shit stole my haircut from Titanic!
I love this kid. Keep them coming
Still amazed at all the time they get off from work
“Work?” LMFAO!
Prestige Worldwide…wide…wide……wide……”Boats & Hoe’s, Boats & Hoe’s”
Still waiting for that CIA-directed drone strike. This asshole’s wiggity wiggity wigtastic “music” should be classified as a WMD, and he should be taken out with extreme prejudice.
On a side note, I would like to see where those two bitches pee from.
Why do both of those chicks look like big bird? They are legit birds. Where does he find these sketchy ratchets? The wildlife sanctuary?
That’s Holly Heroin and Pseudo Cher!
And he can’t invite me to this fantastic shindig? Pfft. Chump.
He rents them from the Franklin Park Zoo.
Kid got talent…just surrounded by trash, I mean really…MOTEL SIX hep c infested bed bugs…Holiday Inn is like 5 mins away
Why are the subtitles in Korean?
Oh wow! That was exceptional! Thank you Merrimack Valley Turtle Bae.The coup de grâce was the flat rimmed Chicago bulls hats. Bravo! Rizzy! Bravo!
RICAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The blonde is a dude
I was thinking the same thing, from nearly every photo. Didn’t watch the video, don’t want them to get credit for the views.
Did he just rap about eating his own creampie?
He pretends it his own as he eats random guys gome out of his bitches azzhole.
I think he did…. If the lyrics as posted above are correct(i cant watch this trainwreck)he rapped about the following
Popping an Adderall, prematurely ejaculating and then felching her after.
Geezless that’s horrible.
I wasn’t about to watch that crap either, but from the posted lyrics, it sure sounds like he’s a fan of the man chowder.
Id smash those hoes in a cheap motel lol
I dunno…..Rizzy’s shit is tight compared to Matt Money.
His ho be finer, too.
Gotta admit. I dont hate it.