Hoodrat Heroes

Billerica Rapper “Rizzy” Just Dropped His Hit Single Filmed In Elementary School Parking Lot And It Gave Me Ass Cancer

 

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Billerica is where people from Lowell move when they wanna feel like they’ve made it in life. Hence it’s become a destination for aspiring rappers like this gentleman right here:

He goes by Rizzy, and he’s about to blow up with the hottest video he dropped this week on Youtube entitled, “Get it on my own.” Enjoy…..

That song just gave me ass cancer.

When you can’t bring in professional big booty hoes you gotta improvise and call up the girls who just worked the brunch buffet at Mac’s 2 Lounge.

You know you’ve made it in life when you’re producing rap videos from an elementary school parking lot in Pinehurst while a bunch of people look out their kitchen windows and ask, “Who are those magnificent wiggers and why are they making so much noise?”

His rap name is Rizzy, but his mother named her crotch fruit Ryan Runyan. You maybe remember him from such hits as “assault and battery with a dangerous weapon

— Ryan Runyan, 23, 44 Connolly Road, Billerica; assault and battery with a dangerous weapon.

“I sell cheap weed,” and “Of course I have outstanding warrants officer.”

But he ain’t about that life anymore. Now he’s headed to fame and fortune and he’s bringing shorty with him.

And as he stated in the song, 

“I got a shorty now, and she down to catch a case”

Looks like ghetto Ellen Page is also down to catch a tall glass of Hep-C too.

Pro tip for Bubba Fartz – if you’re going to include this in your lyrics:

Im a bad boy now with this pistol in my waist.

Try to make sure you have an actual gun in the place where you point.

Or at least a super soaker or something. Definitely hurting your cred in the mean streets of Wilmington dog.

He’s obviously destined for success as you can see from the crew he brought with him for the hit video.

Legends like Pubestache Pauly.

The guy who’s allowed to say the n word because he covered his face with tattooes.

And Fanny Pack Felicia.

Who woke up the day of the big shoot and said to herself, “Don’t forget your coffee tumbler.”

You can’t shoot a rap video from a school parking lot without pounding down coffee from your tumbler, preferably while wearing a FILA fanny pack.

No Billerica rap video would be complete without a tatted up Billerica 5 and a half getting that honey mustard dressing delivered to her on top of a rental car.

And I’m pretty sure this was the moment they decided to experiment with door #2.

Just the tip, just for a minute, just to see how it feels. At least their vaj goblins will be able to watch where they were conceived on YouTube.

Slay girl!

Also, don’t forget your Bud Lights.

Because nothing says, “I’m an OG” quite like an open container of Bud Light in an elementary school parking lot.

The lyrics were really thought provoking too….

“Why I never got a deal and I’m almost 30?”

Perhaps it’s because you’re terrible? Something about a grown using autotune while rapping on the hood of a car makes it seem unlikely that you’d lack a record deal at this point. Nevertheless he seems to be living under the illusion that he’s a rap star.

I’m on the road doing tours and they pay me for it.

I’d take you to my show but it’s sold out.

Yea, generally if you’re on the road doing tours, you get paid for it. But the only road you’re on is Route 3 when you’re going to sell dime bags of shwagg to 17 year olds. And it’s hard to sell out a show that doesn’t exist yet. I didn’t realize they were selling tickets to the public school playground at 2 PM on a Saturday.

He’s pretty convinced that if enough of you vote for him he’s about to get that $15,000 from World Star though.

And he got an auto message reply from their Facebook page, urging him to give money to a “producer,” who will give him a discount if he enters the right promo code, so he’s about to finally catch his break.

“I fuck with it.”

The only thing you fuck with is property value son.

Whenever I see a video like this I laugh because I assume it’s comedy. Then I remember that there are no shortage of people out there who truly, genuinely believe they’re on the path to become rich and famous rappers. You read the comments….

and you realize that this is not satire for them. This is life.

Anyway, safe to say that after I publish this blog they’re going to get more views then they’ve had so far. They’ll blame us for being haters like they always do, but at the end of the day we gave them something they’d never get on their own – publicity. And for that I think we deserve to have at least one of them come on the Live show this weekend to talk about it. Hit us up on Facebook at TBNews dawg!

 

 

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91 Comment(s)
  • marilu
    April 23, 2019 at 9:44 am

    okay the girls where yucky yeah that goes with the area but the song is not as bad as i was expecting at all.. i listened to the whole thing, the beat is fire.

  • Rob Gallant
    April 21, 2019 at 9:34 am

    Pinehurst Mother Fuckers!!!
    Awesome to see my old neighborhood.
    I thought this was going to be garbage, but I actually liked it.
    That hasn’t been an elementary school since the early 90s by the way. It was the Sheriffs training dept until a few years ago.
    I know Turtle boy is all about insulting people and hate. So no hard feelings I guess. But lay off my neighborhood or I’ll find out who you are and twist your little faggot face off your fuckin head.
    Billerica is a place where people from Charlestown and Somerville moved when rich white collar cunts bought their houses for big money. Lowell is where people who couldn’t make it in Billerica go. Pinehurst… if you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you. Keep flapping that cock washer of a mouth of yours. You’ll find out.
    Happy Crucifiction Day ⛪️
    ❤️ ~Rob Gallant

  • yes that is a name
    April 20, 2019 at 11:17 pm

    She left the price sticker on the bottom on her boot…bwahahaha.

  • candice
    April 20, 2019 at 4:02 pm

    WARNING:
    DONT MAKE ANYTHING FOR THESE GUYS!! so i made 23 shirts and 6 cups for these guys for a concert and music video. our agreed upon price was $300 and they paid me $200 and said once they receive the products they will send me the last $100. one of the guys messaged me and said he loved everything and would get me the money and that was april 5 but they didnt and they r ignoring all of my messages. so just beware because they will scam u!!please help me get this message out and their names out by sharing this. thank you…have a great day!
    their names are michael cruz and ryan runyan
    ps…all the black shirts in this video i made..

  • TJB
    April 20, 2019 at 10:57 am

    Rap, whether you like it or not has always been a black thing. Whites who try to pretend to be black rappers are kind of like somebody who pretends to be a Jew. You can fake all you want, but the skin you were born in is White….stop being ridiculous.

  • Ice-T
    April 19, 2019 at 8:52 pm

    Where is Billy Bagz response? He gotta be disssin the rica crew with auto tune. Billy Bagz got street cred yo, he don’t need no stinking auto tune. Sheeeeet, Yo ray ray pass da mic

    • Parapa the Rapper
      April 21, 2019 at 8:55 pm

      I agree, I think Billy Bagz crew could take billerica to the cleaners. The Charleston Patriots parade crew would f em both up at the same time.

      Kick, Punch, it’s all in the mind

  • juror seven esq.
    April 19, 2019 at 8:00 pm

    Just wondering, what’s with all these rappers and other assorted gangsta’s in videos always grabbing their dicks?

    • BigUpsForTattooedHO NOT
      April 19, 2019 at 11:28 pm

      Cause dey bitches and dey hos be given em so cat scratch fever.

  • Uppity Cracker
    April 19, 2019 at 6:11 pm

    Nobody’s mentioned it yet, but my favorite part is the 1990s Windows 3.0 font printing!!!

  • Casey Kasem
    April 19, 2019 at 5:52 pm

    ” It’s hard to find the good 80s music”. That’s because there wasn’t any…

    • Corinth Arkadin
      April 20, 2019 at 1:11 pm

      Wrong.

  • Leeann
    April 19, 2019 at 5:42 pm

    All homemade rap videos make me cringe.

    Also is that an Ecko jacket? Haven’t seen one of those since 2003.

  • Hugh Erechsun
    April 19, 2019 at 4:42 pm

    As bad as the song is, the video makes it even worse.

    I think I now have ear AND eye cancer for playing just a little bit of it

  • Fuck with me
    April 19, 2019 at 2:38 pm

    The song isn’t bad actually. I thought it would be way worse. The video has scags and nasty fucks but that’s rap life….I guess? I’m not involved in that life haha

  • ANGRY GIANT
    April 19, 2019 at 1:10 pm

    What does Ryan do to earn his way in this life?

  • Rizzy Swallows The Jizzy
    April 19, 2019 at 1:10 pm

    The song sucks and the fecal matter broads make me want to vomit

  • z
    April 19, 2019 at 12:28 pm

    Autotuned within an inch of it’s life.

    Don’t believe you can’t autotune anything?

    Youtube: “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana Re-Mixed in a Major Key

    • z
      April 19, 2019 at 12:34 pm

      Also,
      Youtube:
      Major Scaled # 01 : ‘Nothing Else Majeur’ (Metallica’s Famous Ballad with Major Scale)

  • Not bad
    April 19, 2019 at 12:10 pm

    I don’t want to feed his ego, because him and his friends are very likely scumbag pieces of shit, BUT… it’s really not a bad song for the genre. Catchy hook, decent raps, relatively professional video, professional mixing.

    I ride the turtle, and have for several years, but this song is on par with all the other stuff that’s out there nowadays.

    • Ugg Squad
      April 19, 2019 at 1:14 pm

      I actually didn’t think it was that bad (comparatively) either.

      Ugh, should’ve paid for better looking chicks, tho.

  • Randall Guy
    April 19, 2019 at 11:59 am

    Meh, not my music genre but why the hate? Dudes just trying to make a living. Good for him.

    Its not like he’s parking in a handicapped spot.

  • Filthy McNasty
    April 19, 2019 at 11:45 am

    Let me just say that I would HANG one off that skeezer with the hoop earrings.

  • gjutffh
    April 19, 2019 at 11:13 am

    Who the fuck would ever pay 10$ a month to read your shitty articles. You are desperate for clickbait fucking offensive and just not funny! Get a real job bro

    • Boom Roasted
      April 19, 2019 at 11:16 am

      That was an amazing retort
      You should write comedy for a living
      Then you never have to move out of your basement and can jerk offs and eat your own cum all day

      • Nice one
        April 19, 2019 at 11:55 am

        That was hilarious. But thanks for the advice we have real jobs over here.

    • You’re desperate
      April 19, 2019 at 11:20 am

      This motherfucker is asking for donations

    • Dick Scratcher
      April 19, 2019 at 11:43 am

      Any chance that you could fuck right off, there’s a lamb?

      • Nah
        April 19, 2019 at 11:51 am

        Continue scratching your dick and donating your section 8 money to turtle boy. Try planned parenthood.

        • Dick Scratcher
          April 22, 2019 at 6:41 am

          Whoooooooosh!!!

          That’s the sound of everything going over your head.

          You should move to Jamaica and become a limbo dancer.

  • Get A Job
    April 19, 2019 at 11:06 am

    How did they all get the time off from work at the same time?
    I’m sure they all have awesome jobs and are productive members of society. Maybe a few are home on leave from the armed services or spring break from college
    Right?

  • Tommy Glavine
    April 19, 2019 at 10:49 am

    Thank God I got out of that dump a long time ago.

  • Kosh Naranek
    April 19, 2019 at 10:36 am

    Just think of all the STD’s gathered in one location.

    I hope they bleached the school yard.

  • Holly
    April 19, 2019 at 10:32 am

    Fact…rented cars even the Jetta…I mean how many times do u give “daps” to your “homie” in one 3 min video?

  • Bill Ricca
    April 19, 2019 at 10:30 am

    Ha! I can totally picture the 78 yr old townie mowing his lawn across the way and looking at this thinking “WTF, when did the circus show up in town?”

    PS – the chick with the prison tats is still hot as hell even if she turned her skin into a $.99 scribble pad.

  • Billerica Liqua
    April 19, 2019 at 10:26 am

    More from Billerica..
    Meca for above ground pools and bathtub Madonna’s.
    The lunch at Max 2s is the bomb thought.

    • Juan julö
      April 19, 2019 at 1:06 pm

      The prison tat girl has a porno on porn hub for all you gross fucks drooling over her

      • the good old billstinky
        April 19, 2019 at 3:06 pm

        Link?

        • Will smash for drugs
          April 19, 2019 at 5:10 pm

          Porn hub, look up joe strokez

      • Bobby d
        April 19, 2019 at 11:27 pm

        Just watched that trash ass junkie sluts pussy get slammed and all I’m sayin is I couldn’t even get hard.

  • Vanilla Ice
    April 19, 2019 at 10:14 am

    Rollin in the hood with my…Jetta?!?

    • Bobby d
      April 19, 2019 at 11:25 pm

      S

  • Well, No Shit
    April 19, 2019 at 10:12 am

    I hope that Dr. Andy Hildebrand, the inventor of Auto-Tune, dies slowly from SuperEbolaCancerAids of the penis.

    I want his last days on Earth to be wracked with agony and regret, for that clown has spawned a million “aspiring rappers,’ like this fuckbox. Thanks for nothing, Dr. Asshole.

    • M
      April 19, 2019 at 2:01 pm

      Auto tune is why I can’t stand music made today, it’s all so fake sounding. What is even worse, it’s hard to find the good 80s music, that hasn’t been ‘digitally remastered’ (put through auto tune) so it sounds nothing like what it originally sounded like.

  • EZ P
    April 19, 2019 at 10:02 am

    haha, i didnt think it was that bad at all. I intially wanted to hate it, but I didn’t.

  • M
    April 19, 2019 at 10:00 am

    I didn’t even realize till it was almost over that the person next to him was a girl, and I’m still not 100% sure it is.

    • Well, No Shit
      April 19, 2019 at 10:43 am

      Yeah, same.

      That thing with the FILA Fupa-pack is a little too ambiguous for my comfort.

  • Post Malone
    April 19, 2019 at 9:57 am

    I blame myself

  • i know them
    April 19, 2019 at 9:53 am

    I’d do the blonde chick and and fila girl lmao

  • z
    April 19, 2019 at 9:52 am

    Are those warning instructions written as tats on the blonde chick?

    • Bobby D
      April 19, 2019 at 11:36 pm

      I prefer to fuck my hamster over either of those two trash ass dumpster crawling goblins

  • Ohshit
    April 19, 2019 at 9:36 am

    Too bad the blonde ain’t single

    • Sloppy
      April 19, 2019 at 9:42 am

      If you want a girl that permanently has come on her leg that someone else put there you best wrap it.

  • Jen Italworts
    April 19, 2019 at 9:31 am

    3-2 odds they all have the ‘disease’

  • JJ
    April 19, 2019 at 9:26 am

    My nephew who’s 51 months draws better pictures in preschool than her artist (use that term lightly) does heptoos.

  • MC Scratch and Sniff
    April 19, 2019 at 9:24 am

    I will say this about Billerica, it’s one of the few towns in Massachusetts that voted for our hero Donald J Trump
    I give the town a pass for that and as soon as they get rid of this rodent problem they should be ok
    I wonder what the thought process is that makes a kid get up out of bed and decide to act like trash. MTV I guess?

  • Red pumas
    April 19, 2019 at 9:20 am

    Wow turtle boy got my attention for once…. I might just buy a t shirt. We own all of the cars if we didnt we woulda been renting out fararri and Jaguars yall think we trying this was only last minute and first take… it’s pretty damn good if you ask me for half ass trying… that ain’t coffee yo its actually a 10 dollar bottle of vodka .. the kid wit the tape mustache no one even knows idk if ryan even does or how he even got there none of us our from billerica/ lowell .. my tattooedaren’t finished so you can only see the 40 hrs I put into them .. we ain’t mad i think this shit is pricless. Good job yall. you got the tattooed 5 part right tho
    sa wooopp

    • Tony DZnutz Deyoung
      April 19, 2019 at 9:56 am

      Yo girlie. HMU if ya wanna get with a real man who’s a real rappa. Checka check it out.

      Yo shorty, size do matter
      Check my javelin and
      Make it splatter
      Unlike the guy in the blog
      The other day I like my
      Girls fatter

    • MrSmiley
      April 20, 2019 at 11:30 am

      Fuck out of here with the sa woop bullshit you wannabe blood faggot. Billerica isn’t shit. You’re a low rent thuglet loser. Fade into obscurity quicker please or just end it on your own.

  • red pumas
    April 19, 2019 at 9:18 am

    We own all of the cars if we didnt we woulda been renting out fararri and Jaguars yall think we trying this was only last minute and first take… it’s pretty damn good if you ask me for half ass trying… that ain’t coffee yo its actually a 10 dollar bottle of vodka .. the kid wit the tape mustache no one even knows idk if ryan even does or how he even got there none of us our from billerica/ lowell .. my tattooedaren’t finished so you can only see the 40 hrs I put into them .. we ain’t mad i think this shit is pricless. Good job yall. you got the tattooed 5 part right tho
    sa wooopp

  • Bob Saget
    April 19, 2019 at 9:16 am

    I’ve actually seen worse

  • WeRFucked
    April 19, 2019 at 8:14 am

    WTF is up with that hoes tats? She’s just putting them wherever she has room.

    That’ll help her secure a good paying career. NOT.

    Listen honey… people judge. I know you’ll pretend you don’t give a shit what other people think, but you do, because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t look like a tattoo “artist” put on a blindfold and wherever the needle landed was where he’d start your next abortion of a “tat.”

    Think for a minute how the general population sees you. Like a loser. We can clearly see you have mental health issues. Your OCD shines through loud & clear. Here’s what I know about you already… You will never get your Bachelors degree in anything. You’re going to be working at a nursing home for slightly above minimum wage the rest of your life.

    Your parents failed you. Thank you for being a major loser and helping to convince me that as a country, We Are Fucked.

  • Bricka
    April 19, 2019 at 8:11 am

    Bricka Gon Brick

    Don’t forget the window grille.

  • Well, No Shit
    April 19, 2019 at 8:10 am

    Where’s a targeted drone strike when you need one?

    Fucking CIA! Can’t do anything right.

  • CrispyC
    April 19, 2019 at 7:48 am

    Facetatted Bulls shirt guy looks like a fuckin character from a comic book. Was he the bad guy in the Punisher?

    What a terrific group of hoodboogers. Parents must be proud.

  • Quit Fronting
    April 19, 2019 at 7:48 am

    When’s there gonna be a rap beef between some of these different wigger rap crews. I say that red head kid from Connecticut will house these little punks like it ain’t no thang. And where Grafton Hill at?

  • Toby
    April 19, 2019 at 7:41 am

    The future of the white race is pretty grim if he is considered to be an artist.

  • Scut Farkus
    April 19, 2019 at 7:16 am

    Billerica=Charlestown with trees
    randall guy is an asshole

  • Livin by the Tech
    April 19, 2019 at 7:04 am

    LOLOL I know these jokers. You go by the house, and there’s almost always 6 or 7 of em hanging out in the front yard thinking ” life is good dude” They are exactly like that too. What you see is what you get. Always got fishing rods in the back of the truck in the yard too, they don’t look like the Bassmaster types to me, more like Batormasters……

  • whatevuh
    April 19, 2019 at 6:56 am

    If there’s one thing I hate more than a wigga, it’s multiple wigga’s these people need to get a life STAT

  • Sick of these Ratchet Fucks
    April 19, 2019 at 6:42 am

    That right there is Billerica in a nutshell. From the Pinehurst fire ho all the way up to Mac’s Two and Wilson st. It’s the exact image of the entire town. BTW I’d do the girls, even FILA bag

  • I’m a dummy
    April 19, 2019 at 6:32 am

    Aww man, you beat me to pointing out the fact that those are all rental cars….no doubt.

  • Gutter Muppet Honey
    April 19, 2019 at 6:29 am

    It looks like Mayor Jasiel is in his crew.

  • Bill Clinton
    April 19, 2019 at 6:09 am

    I’d do the blonde.

    • Joe Biden
      April 19, 2019 at 8:43 am

      I want to smell her hair.

    • Dick Scratcher
      April 19, 2019 at 9:05 am

      You’d do Jizzy as well.

  • Butt Sex
    April 19, 2019 at 5:30 am

    Like a Boss Son !!!!!

  • Butt Sex
    April 19, 2019 at 5:24 am

    diz is how its done dog yo

  • Butt Sex
    April 19, 2019 at 5:19 am

    Would all 3.

    Door #2 girl great ass, she has a future as a sex worker, they all do.

    “the only thing you fuck with is property value son” great line, Yo!

    The most talent in the video is the kid on the bicycle. Not the worst local masshole rap we’ve seen.

  • Dick Scratcher
    April 19, 2019 at 4:16 am

    Old Jizzy’s family are riddled with dyslexia. His crack-whore maw created his first name using only letters from the existing surname.

    Sadly Jizzy’s dyslexia has lead to him buying a warehouse.

  • Right on
    April 19, 2019 at 4:11 am

    This guys chasing his dream. Leave him the fuck alone, huh? Actually, he probably enjoys the attention you just gave him. Oh btw, on point with the 7 year old court records!

    • Well, No Shit
      April 19, 2019 at 8:17 am

      Fanboy pussy. Go suck his dick, then.

      You’ll have to fight “Face Tat in a Bulls Hat” to get your turn, but I’m sure you’ll get in there.

  • Dr. Evil
    April 19, 2019 at 1:56 am

    What a fucking nerd. You can tell by his basketball skills that he has the fine motor skills of a left handed sloth.
    “Throw me a frickin bone here”

  • Whst A Bitch Will Do For Crack
    April 19, 2019 at 12:53 am

    His nickname used to be Jizzy for obvious reasons.

  • Woburn Gays
    April 19, 2019 at 12:50 am

    I think he hangs out with those faggots from Woburn, all pushing 40 who still think they are gonna make it big in the rap game lmao

  • Just A Ho In A Video
    April 19, 2019 at 12:41 am

    Let me get this straight! Ryan Runyan goes from gay street hustling, to feed his addiction to shitty rap and I should care why?

  • Shawn
    April 19, 2019 at 12:22 am

    Fuck no! Billerica was a town of blue collar working chumps like me for years. Don’t get it twisted because of a generation of fucktards. Some turtle riders shouldn’t be lumped in with these ass hats just because of where they live

    • Jhytdf78
      April 19, 2019 at 1:45 am

      Absolutely correct. Well said

      • Hart Ford
        April 19, 2019 at 5:27 am

        Don’t know what is more pointless; Jizzy rap or defending Billerica.

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