All-Star Criminals

Round 1 Of Turtleboy Ratchet Madness 2020 Is Completed, Here Are Your 32 Remaining Ratchets 


Voting is completed in the final region of Turtleboy Ratchet Madness 2020, and here are your final 8 ratchets who will be moving on to round 2.

I thought Bristol Blarney was gonna run away with this tournament but I’m not so sure anymore. In my opinion she has the toughest road ahead of her. Luke Noble is extremely ratchet, and she’s got Failure Swift, Nikki Evans, Vicky Vicodin, and Landon Steele IN HER BRACKET!! If she survives that she could get Abrams or Kylie in the Final Four. At this point it’s anyone’s tournament. My Welsh friend David called in from across the pond and did the Live show with me last night. We discussed who we though would win (44:15) as well as my new war with turtle riding atheists, who apparently are not allowed to be satirized.



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10 Comment(s)
  • Bobo olsen
    April 13, 2020 at 9:44 am

    That’s quite a collection of ugly cunts on parade

  • Who Flung Cum
    April 12, 2020 at 8:54 pm

    I call the semi’s as Landon vs. Hadassah, and Lorrayna vs. Amanda. I feel Landon is the only “out-of-towner” that goes deep due to his local connection. This is going to be WILD!

  • Silencio Dogood
    April 10, 2020 at 11:24 pm

    Uncle, your caustic remarks use language to convey insults and scorn, especially by saying one thing but implying the opposite. Satire has to be read into its sentence, and some people can only barely read the literal. stop being so cruel!

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Old Tom Morris
    April 10, 2020 at 11:33 am

    Landon Steele is the biggest sociopath in Ratchet Madness, not necessarily the most ratchet. Such a psycho. Need an update.

  • Eldonabe
    April 10, 2020 at 9:30 am

    TB I think you are a little biased in your #1 seed for Blarney. She is a 3 or 4 seed at best.

    In the end it really doesn’t matter as they will all fall at the feet of Kirkpatrick. She is far and away an all-timer. The only upset in her path to the championship would be is if she gets less than 75% of the vote.

  • Consolation Question
    April 10, 2020 at 7:20 am

    Who’s winning at life…

    Thumbs up = An ex Worcester Lawyer living in a Condo in Florida on the beach, skydiving on weekends, driving an expensive sports car and banging his cute ginger wife when he’s not banging his 25 yr. old girlfriend.

    Thumbs Down = An angry ex teacher blogger living in his wife’s basement and complaining about Facebook strangers all day while sitting alone behind his computer and begging for handouts because he’s always broke and going to court.

    • hartf811
      Aristotle Onassis
      April 10, 2020 at 8:32 am

      Double thumbs down to you for thinking an Alfa is an expensive sports car. But it is all in perspective I guess. How is your 86 Dodge minivan running?

  • Sandro Botticelli
    April 10, 2020 at 5:42 am

    Hadassah v. Jessica in the next round. This is going to be tough. Both had potential to take it all. Hadassah is moving into GILF territory but she still has those cans and (sorta) blond hair as assets. Jessica is tight as hell and weights 60 pounds less than the average Massachusetts woman. Her honey pot is still a trap for unsuspecting horny guys.

    Battle of The Ratchet Titans

    I’d do either. With a fake name of course. Heidi, my name is Sandro. Call me.

  • If covid was a website....itd be this one
    April 10, 2020 at 4:58 am

    Your website is a 1990’s horror show. Get help you cheap prick. I can’t come here without gloves and a mask bc it’s infectious

  • dowen0895
    David Owen
    April 10, 2020 at 2:54 am

    David was awesome. 🙂 🙂 🙂


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