All-Star Criminals

So Maine It Hurts: Queasy Top Punches Himself Until He Bleeds To Avoid Breathalyzer After Crash, Gets DUI Anyway, VP Of Maine Facial Hair Club

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SourceBelfast police say they have arrested a man who allegedly punched himself in the face to avoid a breathalyzer test. Police say they found the car of 27-year-old Brian Fogg in a ditch early Saturday morning on Waterville Road. When they tried to administer a breathalyzer test, Fogg allegedly punched himself in the face three times, causing himself to bleed. Police tended to his injuries instead of giving him the test. Fogg is charged with OUI, falsifying physical evidence and criminal mischief. A breathalyzer test cannot be administered if there is blood in the mouth since it can pick up on inaccuracies, Sergeant Matthew Cook told the PenBay Pilot.

So Maine it hurts. Literally. Hurts a lot actually. There’s no way in hell this is the first time this guy has pulled this stunt either. This is the work of a man who knows how to beat a DUI. I would never have thought to punch myself until I was bleeding if I woke up drunk in a ditch because I have no idea how any of this works. Not Queasy Top though. This dude knows his way around a breathalyzer. Which is probably why he has more than one mugshot in which his face is bleeding profusely.

Not the first time he’s woken up in a ditch:

Something tells me this man might have issues with alcohol:

And it looks as if he’s decided to tackle that problem……..next week:

Shockingly he doesn’t think highly of the police:

Oh, and he reproduced and isn’t a fan of the courts:

Everything he posts just reeks of Maine. Like how he always swigs down moonshine before turning himself in on warrants:

Or how he randomly needs chainsaws:

Mostly he posts about how bored he is, asking for rides, and having cash for gas money:

But he’s also gotten tickets for walking:

And in the most Maine twist to this story, he’s the Vice President of the Maine Facial Hair Club.

Yes, that’s a thing. They even have a Facebook page.

This guy will never, ever, ever leave Maine. Mostly because he doesn’t have a car. Or likely a license. Or gas money. Never change Maine. Never change.

22 Comment(s)
  • Robert Blackwell Gibbs (RBG)
    January 23, 2018 at 8:15 pm

    i heard that facial hair club has more female members than male. At least that’s what Finn told me when i was teabagging him last nite.

    • January 23, 2018 at 10:14 pm

      You guys like music?

      Daca daca daca daca.
      Daca daca daca daca daca daca.
      Daca daca daca daca daca daca daca daca daca daca daca

      Da-da-da….daca daca daca daca.

      Rap: Daca. Daca in yo Mouf.

      Country: Daca took my dog and my job and my wife.

    • January 23, 2018 at 10:16 pm

      Your comments are, at best, “marginally negligent”. However, they do not rise to criminal ratchetry in the third degree.

      Respectfully,
      JC

  • Jackass
    January 23, 2018 at 12:51 pm

    Is that a tattoo of a tattoo gun on his right arm? Your move SteveO

  • TortugaNino
    January 23, 2018 at 11:45 am

    He named his child fuckin’ ARYAN … nuff said.

    • Heisenburg
      January 23, 2018 at 11:53 am

      Right? Surprised no pics of him giving the salute in front of a Swazi!

  • Wwy
    January 23, 2018 at 10:58 am

    I hate that guy. He’s an angry drunk and always skips the lube. Not so much as a courtesy spit let alone a reach around. One day it will be my turn but for now it’s just the lowly life of a pledge for me.

  • ElJefe72
    January 23, 2018 at 10:46 am

    It’s never any of the bad decisions he makes.  It’s always someone else’s fault. 

  • Kevi
    January 23, 2018 at 10:07 am

    A grizzly bear! Rrrraahhhh!!!!

  • Ljs
    January 23, 2018 at 9:37 am

    Maine Celibacy Club– complete with chastity belts for your face!

  • Brian Albrecht
    January 23, 2018 at 9:06 am

    Surprised he’s not from worcester or provincetown or some other blatantly homosexual part of the country. Fucking trash

  • Hugh Jass
    January 23, 2018 at 9:06 am

    Just like TB would do anything to avoid talking about his fictitious FB lawsuit… and how DeDe Delgado (DDD) and her SJWarriors have revealed him to be a eunuch. All hat no cattle.

    • 2wEntEe
      January 23, 2018 at 9:47 am

      That was an overly complicated way of saying absolutely nothing.

    • January 23, 2018 at 5:57 pm

      Hugh…are you friends with Mike Oxsmall?

      In other news. I DIDNT lie about the slur!

    • Hugh Jass is RBG
      January 23, 2018 at 8:20 pm

      What’s the matter, Robbie? poetry club kick you out for beating your girlfriend again?

  • Barry
    January 23, 2018 at 8:54 am

    With a kid named Aryan the Maine Facial Hair Club probably isn’t the only club to count him among its membership.

    • AgingCynic
      January 23, 2018 at 9:25 am

      Aryan? Pray the kid is never incarcerated in MA.

      • yo
        January 23, 2018 at 9:45 am

        did you read the article?

        the name kinda… stands out 🙂

  • Finn
    January 23, 2018 at 8:43 am

    The minute this ugly Fanta Pants starting using the word “pig[s]”, I’m rooting for the cops. You know he has a hair across his ass about LE before the cops even got there. He has zero regard for anyone. It’s his world.

    Hey Brian — maybe if you didn’t have a pig mom… (just sayin’), you’d have some self restraint and respect for others around you. Oink.

    Get Fucked,
    Finn

    • Finn
      January 23, 2018 at 8:18 pm

      Not that i don’t prefer me some hairy ass. Yumm!

  • Autistic Turtle
    January 23, 2018 at 8:33 am

    If it turns out that the police were the ones who socked him three times in the face, well that would be okay too

  • yo
    January 23, 2018 at 8:31 am

    good read, minus the lame Queasy Top name :p

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