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Masslive: A 66-year-old man paid a $125 fine on Monday, settling a disorderly conduct charge after he admitted to publicly masturbating in Forbes Library in November. On Nov. 2, a woman reported seeing a male patron masturbating in an aisle while watching a woman through the bookshelves to a Forbes Library employee. The employee then called police.
When an officer arrived at the West Street library, the man was still there, “sitting on top of a stool looking through a shelf of books.” The officer approached, identifying the man as Stephen P. Graves of Northampton, noting in a report on the incident how Graves “became extremely nervous and apologetic.” Graves reportedly admitted to touching himself for an hour while looking at a woman through the bookshelves. He added that “he was sorry and that he would leave immediately,” according to the police report. Graves was issued an official notice of trespass from the library as well.
No wonder they’re trying to get rid of all those books by Balzac. Although, this guy probably could’ve gotten away with it if he just told them that he was there to read Jackin’ the Giant Beanstalk. I’ll see myself out.
So let me get this straight (no pun intended). If you piss in a bush at a tailgate party, you have to register as a sex offender. But if you literally get caught mid-stroke while making tummy pancakes at the Northampton Public library, you pay a $125 fine and it goes away? Yup, that makes TONS of sense. Oh well, at least Stephen Graves finally got the happy ending he was hoping for.
First of all, the real crime here is that this guy was wacking it for an hour and hadn’t climaxed yet. How long until the cup of Northampton hand chowder was finally cooked? I can’t say I can relate to being in a predicament such as this, but I would imagine that this is one of those in and out situations. You pump the stump a couple times, you get the job done, and then you go back home to your wife. It’s your average Tuesday in Northampton.
I dunno, I just don’t get the public jerk off guys. I feel like they’ve seen one too many Brazzers videos. In real life you’re not supposed to have sex in public, unless you’re at a Buffalo Bills tailgate party. Those are the rules we all agreed to live by. But at least with public sex it’s kind of fun to watch. But there’s nothing fun about watching some old clean the rifle on top of a stool in the library. If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where you have to ask yourself, “Should I beat off here, or wait until I get home?” The answer is almost always gonna be, “wait until you get home.”
Not the first time this has happened either. Just last month a security guy at a San Diego Chargers football game was badgering the witness for the world to see while staring at the cheerleaders:
Yea, not a good idea.
Oh yea, and what’s up with Masslive censoring all their comments?
Bro, it’s a story about public masturbation in a public library. The entire story is obscene and indecent.
Anyway, my last question is, how do you get caught doing this by a cop? Don’t they have radios? Don’t you sense their presence in the bookstacks? It’s a library, which means it’s quiet as can be. You gotta be really, really into the butter churning to not notice a cop coming up on you before you could get a dishonorable discharge.
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