All-Star Criminals

Southbridge Scrawny And Wide Crime Duo Skip Her Own Mother’s Funeral To Rob Her House But It’s OK Because She Has The “Disease”

Southbridge Scrawny And Wide Crime Duo Skip Her Own Mother’s Funeral To Rob Her House But It’s OK Because She Has The “Disease”

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Source: A Southbridge woman has been charged with breaking into her deceased mother’s home and, with the help of a local man, allegedly stealing a safe filled with items worth $90,000. Police said the theft took place Friday while family members were at the mother’s funeral.

Alyce H. Davenport, 30, and Diron Conyers, 27, both of 44 Coombs St., Southbridge, appeared Monday in Western Worcester District Court facing seven counts related to the alleged theft. The charges were lodged after Thomas Baillet told police he had discovered that someone had broken into the home during the funeral of his fiancée, Audra Johnson, mother of Ms. Davenport. At Mr. Baillet’s home, Officer Shawn Morin found that a safe had been removed from inside a locked bedroom, court documents state. The bedroom door frame was damaged, Officer Morin wrote, adding Ms. Davenport was a suspect and had recently been ordered out of the home for using drugs.

She did not attend her mother’s funeral and was not answering calls from family members, police wrote.

Warren police alerted other departments to be on the lookout for Ms. Davenport, Mr. Conyers and a blue Honda Civic they were believed to be driving. The car was registered to the late Ms. Johnson, police said. Southbridge police spotted the car Saturday on the side of the road and discovered the safe in the trunk, court documents show. Officers said Ms. Davenport slammed the trunk shut when they attempted to look inside. Police seized the safe and left, later notifying Warren police that they believed they had found some of the missing items.

Warren police learned that Mr. Conyers and Ms. Davenport were staying at a Sturbridge motel, and after learning of the contents of the damaged safe, officers went to the motel. In the motel room, officers found jewelry, keys, cellphones, a real estate contract relating to the address from which the safe had been stolen, and a checkbook reported stolen from a home in Southington, Conn. A search of the car turned up legal documents, a money bag with coins valued at $5,000, a bag of knives, and jewelry.

Police said they were familiar with Ms. Davenport, who is also a suspect in the theft of life insurance checks paid to her brother after their father’s death.

“Alyce also has a history of larceny, identity theft and forgery,” the police report states.

Mr. Conyers has a criminal history including charges of armed robbery; court documents show he has a lengthy police record.

Oh snap, it’s the famous dynamic burglarizing duo from Southbridge – Scrawny and Wide. Skipping your mother’s funeral so you can rob her house with your junkbox friend? So Southbridge it hurts.

Let me guess, it’s not her fault – she’s got that “disease” that makes you skip your own mother’s funeral because getting high is more important than being a decent human being and showing your last respects to the woman who tried to raise you to be a contributing member of society. Tried. It’s totally not her fault. After all, we don’t blame other people with diseases like cancer when bad things happen to them. This was a completely unavoidable situation, and absolutely no free will was involved on the defendant’s part.

Here’s the fucked up part – by the look of Alyse’s Facebook page, her and her mother Audra were tight:

“You will always be my first and forever truest love.”

And what better way to show that then to get together with 2 Vainz during her funeral, rob her house, and dump all the booty in a Sturbridge motel room?

But on the other hand, maybe we should’ve seen this one coming….


Guess she couldn’t make the funeral because she had to save France from the terrorists:

She calls the car that the cops found the safe in, her car:

Even though it’s also registered to her deceased mother.

She’s got plenty of money for the bare necessities though, like pedicures:

She’s “blessed”

Classy and refined

Eats healthy

And has mastered the art of the duck faced selfie and Facebook filters.


Something tells me that she’s not gonna be happy when she sees her mother’s will. Oh well, maybe this will be the spark she needs to get her life turned around and not be such a deadbeat. Both of her parents died this year, which sucks. But so does skipping their funeral and stealing their life insurance checks because you wanna get together with this chudstuffer in a motel room, get high, and do the horizontal mambo till the cows come home.

28 Comment(s)
  • Chad
    January 11, 2018 at 8:13 am

    Glad to see TBS going back to its roots. Forget about the social just warriors and stick to disgusting human beings

  • Loretta Freitag
    January 10, 2018 at 8:49 pm

    I usually read TBS for my sheer amusement. BUT, WTF on this one. You missed your own mothers funeral so YOU COULD ROB HER? WTMFF? What the mother fucking fuck? Lowest scumbag move EVER!

  • TortugaNino
    January 10, 2018 at 8:06 am

    2 Vainz!!! <– best nickname ever!

  • Ol Banjo lips
    January 9, 2018 at 9:43 pm

    She’s got a disease alright it’s called Jungle fever.

  • fordsnharleys
    January 9, 2018 at 9:21 pm

    “Yeah, I bang a lot of black guys. Can’t lose enough weight to get a white guy to fuck me.”
    Lisa Lampenelli

  • Becky Blueline
    January 9, 2018 at 8:44 pm

    That poor mother. I can only imagine how much this slob took from that woman in life, if this is what she did to her mother in death. How many sneaky “wallet raids” with a back turned, guilting mom into giving money for “bills,” stolen items sold to feed the “disease…”

    I hope this living beanbag chair never has a day of peace for the rest of her life.

    • Uncle Donny
      January 9, 2018 at 9:14 pm

      That poor mother? She is the reason this human cannon ball gravy bucket is who she is! Her mother looked past every ass hole thing she did, and made it worse. When she was selling what little she had, she was giving her money on top of it. She isnt the one with the drug issues it’s snoop dog there. She doesnt like drugs. She does however like getting as drunk as fuck and then slobbering all over her pretend pimp man there. The whole family seen this one coming. she was a suspect before they even went into the house. Everyone knew she would be going to mommy’s house to jack whatever she could. Her nitwit brother though should have taken the initiative and got a house sitter or batten down the hatches. Dumb arse fuck though he is too busy drowning himself in a sea of rum and vodka, that one is two bottles away from full blown cirrhosis. The funny fucking thing though you would want to see is her getting in that damn car. Fucking hilarious. Her ass sags over the side and the seat can go back far enough, her big jumbo elephant tits press right up against the steering wheel. A cousin said the fucked in that car, but I doubt that. No fucking way was she able to spread her large ass cankles to get any Conyers cocknee in that stinky rabid flesh taco . And let snot forget about the boyfriend and his 3rd grade education. This dumb fuck worked at Taco Bell for all of 3 weeks, and it is the only job he has had in the last 10 years. Want to talk about living off welfare and disability, they named an entitlement payment after him. Our family dreads absolutely abhors the day these two somehow cross his sour seed and her fucked up ovaries and somehow drop a perennial space shot zebra down in Southbridge to lead to future generations of vile fucked up lazy neophytes wasting away on government handouts. Oh my dear, the humanity. Please save us lord, coax this heathen into the murder suicide route and fast. Nothing will help society better than his brains all over the floor and hers all over the wall. RIP sister, Donny I can believe I am actually that fat cows uncle, i hate her with everything I got. But my dumb ass sister gvae her everything.

      • A chef
        January 9, 2018 at 9:27 pm

        Your niece and sister have tried and failed on many occasion to dine and dash at a certain restaurant I work at. Glad to see at least you are unlike them and sorry for your loss despite the bad.

      • Harvey Weinstein
        January 9, 2018 at 9:27 pm

        Sad shit, Uncle Donny.

      • Becky Blueline
        January 10, 2018 at 8:54 am

        Well, the TBS piece didn’t have anything about the mother being an enabler! So it’s that was indeed the case, then it looks like those actions had this outcome as a consequence.

        As for the rest, I 100% agree. Those two should do society a favor and check out.

    • Finn
      January 9, 2018 at 11:21 pm


      I lol’ed at “living beanbag”. It’s funny cause it’s true. 🙂

  • Heat Miser
    January 9, 2018 at 6:18 pm

    Oh, the horror! I am an apathetic, petty, and hateful man. But, I have no words or thoughts can express what God, normal matter, dark matter, or dark energy have inflicted on this spectacular hominid from the exact moment the monsters seed and germ collided that fateful day of this creature’s origin. I must wash my mind of it now.

  • SVU
    January 9, 2018 at 5:26 pm

    Such disrespect. What a disgusting human. I hope she gets sober, but for one reason only, to forever remember what she did the day the woman who raised her was being laid to rest. Nasty bitch

  • MrSmiley
    January 9, 2018 at 4:58 pm

    Oh gahd you folks are missing out. Conyers is a treat to deal with. Lives most time in jail, thinking of ways to go back when he’s out. Loudmouth midget who reminds me of the crackhead from Friday. Maybe some solid upstate time will help? Ehhh nevermind no it wont.

  • TJB
    January 9, 2018 at 4:30 pm

    Despicable. This case is because of that ‘disease’ thats going around. Sadly, one doesn’t have to be a spinach eating whore to be this low. When my beloved aunt passed, only then did it come out that a sibling took her to the cleaners while she was incapacitated in a nursing home. Took everything. Had some joo lawyer change the will. Cut me & my sister out as beneficiaries. You don’t have to be a jukebox to be a total piece of shit. Sometimes you just have to be a greedy scumbag et-al.

  • Kanacke Hasser
    January 9, 2018 at 4:11 pm

    They deserve each other, but society doesn’t deserve them.

    Superglue them together and throw them off a cliff.

    • Harvey Weinstein
      January 9, 2018 at 9:23 pm

      Greatest comment ever.

  • stinky bottom
    January 9, 2018 at 4:09 pm

    How in the world can someone with the “disease” be so fat? Isn’t that the exact opposite of what happens on the H? Just asking for a friend.

  • Yuck
    January 9, 2018 at 3:40 pm

    Alright, somebody needs to explain to me why the fuck black dudes are so enamored with fat white women. I am not talking about chubby girls or a little overweight. I am talking big, fat greasy women. Any brothers out there care to explain? Why the attraction to these disgusting, obese women?

    • I’d climb that
      January 9, 2018 at 4:03 pm

      Don’t question it…..just say thank you.

      • Yuck
        January 9, 2018 at 4:17 pm

        Can’t argue with that advice!

        • juror seven esq.
          January 9, 2018 at 4:38 pm

          Take a good look at that guy, he doesn’t have Denzel like kind of looks. More than likely told that girl he is descended from royalty in his tribe back home. Flashed the roll at her, tar paper in his pants and not 100’s from his pocket and it was instant love.

    • Kanacke Hasser
      January 9, 2018 at 4:19 pm

      Simple. Because they exploit the desperation of overweight white girls. Scruples are non-existent. For the same reasons, they rob her mother during her funeral.

      Blame the left. This whole clusterfuck, including the drug epidemic, is their doing. All of it.

    • Narcanista
      January 9, 2018 at 10:58 pm

      I can explain that for you – Reparations!

    • David Duke
      January 10, 2018 at 4:18 pm

      It’s a step up from a black woman… and they ain’t gonna get a hot white woman… so… the water finds its level and settles where it settles. Working on up to white trash. They take the trash that the white men don’t want. The circle of life!

    • Attractive White Girl
      January 11, 2018 at 12:28 am

      Black women are horrid, bossy, loud, screeching, entitled, narcissistic psychopaths, and are generally not so attractive to boot. (See: Didi Delgado) White women tend to be more submissive and tolerable. Any halfway attractive white woman with half a brain wouldn’t want a black man, so black men go for fat white chicks.

  • Harvey Weinstein
    January 9, 2018 at 3:11 pm

    Fattest Feet Ever

  • Fred Knessl
    January 9, 2018 at 2:35 pm

    Caught this earlier today, Turtleboy was the first thing that came to mind… Glad you picked up on it and gave it some good publicity.
    Go Turtleboy!!!

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