Jack Kanoff On Bad Commeters

Springfield Lunchbox Assaults Woman And Steals Her Weed, Goes Off The Deep End In Comment Section Of Post Outing Him.


Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information.

Our Twitter account is suspended. Click on the image to follow @FreeMuhTurtle while we try to get our account back.








This weekend the Turtle’s presence was requested in a shit-show of a comments section.  I took a trip over to see what all the hubbub was about, and was not disappointed.

I spoke with Kay Cee, and he gave me a quick rundown of the situation.  According to him, his friend Melissa set up a meeting at her home with Miguel Angel Dones on Thaksgiving to sell a QP (Quarter Pound) of marijuana.  During the deal, Miguel and his friend (who was unknown to Melissa, and un-named by Miguel) pushed the seller to the ground and took off with her merchandise.  Let’s take a gander at this poon-stuffed Turkey:

His attitude says “Hood” but his poorly grown facial hair say “Amish”.

What ensued in the comments was magical. I’ve spent a couple of days laying out this story so that it makes some sense, but if you feel up to it, take some precautionary Advil and check out the full thread.  The first 20 or so comments were what you would expect from friends:

Then Miguel aka Miggz showed up, presumably to defend himself:

His first comment challenged all of the naysayers to “Pull up”.  This is a Garbage Person’s way of saying “Come to my residence Sir, because I challenge you to a Donnybrook”.

From here on Miguel started rambling.  It was evident from the start that he doesn’t have both oars in the water:

This thread has well over 1k comments, and this is how Miguel handles himself the entire time.  Type one sentence, post, repeat.  This Dingling easily commented 500 times.  Most of his comments were him threatening people that called him out:

Apparently he’s so well connected that Bangers from all over the world are going to show up in Springfield to defend his good name:

Tread lightly, Y’all. Those Spaniards don’t fuck around!

Don’t worry though, because he isn’t threatening anyone:

Yeah Miggz, it’s not a threat if you follow your threat of violence by saying “This is not a threat.”

During all of this, Miguel made a couple of attempts to play the victim and change the subject.  At one point he tried to take the heat off himself by crying racism when someone pointed out that they’re not a “n***a”:

This was a clear race-baiting, but Kurt still felt the need to clarify that he didn’t call Miggz a “n***a”:

And for whatever reason, Miguel decided that this was a proper response to Kurt’s comment:

Ummmmm what!?!?  The comment thread of a post that has you on blast is not the proper venue to tell the world that there was a male member holstered in your skull cave.  He then had the nerve to criticize people for laughing at his absurd statement:

This was just another attempt to change the conversation from the subject at hand.  It also sheds some light on his over use of the F-word:

So the $64,000 question remains.  Did Miggz rob this girl, or nah?

Oh!?!?  So all of those aggressive threats and name calling, and he doesn’t deny it.  It’s okay though because he’s justified in robbing her:

Riiiiight.  So the guy that was going to buy pot wants to chastise the person that’s selling it.

He claims the robbery wasn’t premeditated, and that he went there fully intending to purchase said Mary Jane:

What about the victim claiming that she was pushed to the ground? Melissa stated her side:

Miguel’s response?

So she wasn’t pushed to the ground. Miggz or his buddy Hiesman-posed their way to the door and Melissa got in the way.

Miguel isn’t a bad man though, he’s totally going to return Melissa’s ganja:

What a swell Fella! Unfortunately, someone in the comments claims that Miggz is actively trying to sell his stolen plunder:

It doesn’t look like Melissa will be getting her weed back anytime soon.

Since Kay Cee’s post went up, Miggz has been taking to his own timeline with weird cryptic posts of his own:

After I read the last post I decided to take Miguel up on his offer to get “the real story”.  He responded the same way as he did in the comments, like a man who’s driveway isn’t paved all the way to the street.  Here’s our full conversation in which he claims his account was hacked, refuses to name his cohort, denies there was bud in the home, and for whatever reason brings up his sexual assault once again:


As you can see, Pushy McGee seems like he’s starting to pump the brakes and try to cover his ass.  Unfortunately, the court of public opinion has spoken, and a guilty verdict has already been rendered.

Now I don’t want to minimize what happened to Melissa.  She was assaulted and robbed of $650 worth of marijuana.  That said, she wasn’t selling Girl Scout cookies.  Massachusetts’ legalization has made everyone drop their guard when it comes to buying and selling weed.  She should’ve been more careful about who she was inviting into the home that she shares with her children.  Just because a product is legal to have, doesn’t mean people won’t use illegal means to obtain it.

None of this justifies what Miggz and his un-named friend did.  He can deny all he wants, but the bottom line is that Melissa would still have her QP and not have been pushed down if Miguel and his buddy didn’t show up to her home.

Also, be careful what you wish for Miggz.  We are all Turtleboy.  We are Judge, Jury, and Execution on the internet, and we’re not fans of Pansies robbing and assaulting women on Thanksgiving.  So fire up a joint of that stolen bud and see what the world’s input is.

15 Comment(s)
  • don
    November 29, 2017 at 5:50 pm

    why does he have lipstick on? his grampy must have given him something he liked. by the way hes talking it sounds like he is going to get his face pushed in and this time not by a headboard. that mental midget ever did that around here he would have already been beaten senseless, and anyone else he would have brought with him. the kids got more muscle in his mouth than the rest of his body. maybe thats why grampy wanted a one on one with him. he is a skinny little puke.

  • Asshole
    November 28, 2017 at 3:34 pm

    I have this feeling that he is gonna get the shit beat out of him. Just saying…not making a threat

  • Chris
    November 28, 2017 at 3:00 pm

    Griffin Jackson was his friend with him.

  • Miguel Angel Dones
    November 28, 2017 at 2:28 pm

    I kissed a boy, and I liked it.

    Then I freaked out and called it assault like a bitch. But I deep throated that shit like ‘guhlumph’ past the tonsils… and was all… nom nom nom…

    Now I dream about lining up the penises and going along the line like a circus seal…

  • Don Cornholioni
    November 28, 2017 at 9:00 am

    Poor kid.
    His temporary grampy speed bagged his tonsils with his geriatric goop shooter.
    I bet he put up a real fight after about twenty minutes of facial pud pistoning.
    He left out the part about it being an ATM experience.
    I guess he didn’t want to tell the story of his tasting of his own poop tube mixed with grampy’s phlegmy fuck lube.
    I give it even odds that grandma pinched his cheeks, then pulled them apart for the bf.

  • whatevuh
    November 28, 2017 at 4:57 am

    This right here is the reason why the rest of us ‘normal’ people hate PR’s

  • Bleh
    November 28, 2017 at 12:19 am

    Mon chi chi, mon chi chi.

    • Keir Darcey
      November 28, 2017 at 8:45 am

      Sick reference, bro.

  • Paul Casale
    November 28, 2017 at 12:10 am

    I’m impressed…he knows the difference between you’re & your!

  • Keisha
    November 27, 2017 at 11:33 pm

    He has 3 names, a patchy beard & a database too. One thing is missing, a brain.

  • Diane Yenaker
    November 27, 2017 at 10:26 pm

    “a Donnybrook”

    That’s the stuff that keeps me coming back.

  • John Barker
    November 27, 2017 at 10:13 pm

    $650 for a QP? Until Nancy Reagan went all “Say no to Drugs” we were getting those bad boys for $250..

    • QueefChief
      November 28, 2017 at 12:21 pm

      Only difference is back then, you had to smoke the whole QP to catch a buzz. These days you only need one puff…

    • StayLifted
      November 28, 2017 at 1:49 pm

      $650 for a QP is cheap, must have been dirt weed, but I wouldn’t expect anything less given the clientele.

    • Lisa
      November 28, 2017 at 4:32 pm

      $650 for a quarter pound of weed is cheap. Around here an ounce is $250 for quality weed. Since there are 16 ounces in a pound, I’d say the quality of the weed is something slightly higher than Mexican dirt weed. I didn’t even think they still sold that shit anymore, haven’t smoked it since I was 16.

Comment on this Post


Meet Brian “Bunnzy” Pike: New Bedford Caboose Connoisseur/Food Stamp Salesman Who Trolls TB Because We Roasted His Skinner Friend
Duck Lipped Blabberpuss With $1,500 Gaming GoFundMe Invades Comments Section, Previously Had GFM Claiming She Couldn’t Work Because Of Herpes And Epilepsy
Disgraced Nurse Suspended For Mishandling Drugs Defends Honor Of Dick Pic Donkey Who Threatens Massive Lawsuit For Blog About Him