State Of The Union Live Blog Play By Play Followed By Uncle Turtleboy’s Late Night Garage Podcast 


I’m gonna be delaying the Uncle Turtleboy Late Night Garage Podcast (brought to you by Garage Doors Plus in Quincy) until after the State of the Union and whatever the Democrats offer up for a rebuttal, and I’m gonna be doing a live blog during the SOTU right here. Subscribe to Turtleboy on YouTube by clicking here for the post game analysis and our regularly scheduled podcast.

10:55 – This guy is apparently a City Councillor in New York City. Check out his timeline. It’s like reading Hanibal Lechter’s psychiatrist’s notes. That’s it folks. Good night.


10:54 – This just in – 76% of Americans approve of that speech. Like I said, if he could deliver this thing the week of the election he would win with Reagan numbers.


10:50 – If you’re planning on running on “the gays are under attack,” it’s probably not gonna be very effective. Just sayin.


10:48 – Oh good, she’s still blaming her loss on voter suppression.


10:46 – Thanks to the healthy economy Stacy Abrams is one of the few black women in this country who doesn’t have a job.


10:44 – Why is the democratic response being delivered by someone who lost her election and is currently unemployed?


10:34 – That was a really uniting speech that brought democrats to their feet several times. CNN:


10:33 – Last year’s followup will be tough to beat.


10:29 – What a night.


10:26 – Is Trump worse at being an anti-black white supremacist, or an anti-semitic jew hater?


10:24 – Sweet Jesus, he has another Holocaust survivor and the guy who rescued them. Can we do this every day?


10:21 – It’s amazing how anyone can memorize a speech this long. I was the best man in a wedding one time and it took me all summer to memorize a 5 minute speech without a piece of paper in front of me.


10:19 – Of course it’s the Holocaust survivor and Pittsburgh synagogue member’s 81st birthday. Because, of course it fucking is.


10:18 – Now he busts out the hero cop who got shot multiple times protecting Jewish lives from an anti-semitic trashbag who the media conveniently forgets to point out hated Trump with a passion.


10:10 – Pretty telling when he says something like “we will never be a socialist country” and he can’t get half the room to clap.


10:08 – “If I weren’t elected President I believe we would be in a war with North Korea.” LOL. Yea dude, I saw it in that movie with Seth Rogan.


10:06 – Trump just talked shit about Russia and said he was pulling out of a treaty with them. Democrats sit. But I thought he was owned by the Russians?


10:03 – Trump hitting on late term abortion is such a winning move. Why are democrats pushing for this? Polls show that the vast majority do not favor third trimester abortion rights. They’re giving him layup after layup.


10:01 – First thing he said that I disagree with – school choice for American children. Shut up and go to your local public school. If you don’t like then blame your parents for living in a shitty town. It’s not the government’s job to bus your ass around.


10:00 – Now he’s busting out the 10 year old girl who beat cancer. This might be the most unified America has been since 9/11 or Pearl Harbor.


9:55 – Is it sexist to say that Krysten Sinema is the hottest Senator in American history? And she’s not wearing white tonight. Apparently marches to a beat of her own drum. I respect that.


9:49 – I can’t believe what I’m watching right now. He has every single congressman and woman standing and chanting USA. What the fuck is going on right now?


9:47 – “Most Americans can be proud that we have more Americans in the workforce than ever before.” He got Talib and Omar to smile for that and AOC to stand and clap. Amazing.


9:44 – Trump promises to get the wall built. Never heard that one before. Would love to hear how he plans on getting the people who won’t stand and clap for a guy who arrested human sex traffickers to vote for it.


9:41 – A Hispanic ICE agent who stops human sex trafficking and came here legally. This is brilliant.


9:39 – Just like last year Trump brought people who have had loved ones killed by illegal immigrants. It’s amazing how many politicians ignore people like this and act like it’s not a problem.


9:34 – That face you make when they tell you the guy who got you out of prison for dealing crack is a racist.


9:31 – Lots of racist people spring black women out of jail and bring them to the State of the Union.



9:29 – Has any President done more for criminal justice reform than President Trump? I’ve never seen a President whose policies have been more beneficial to African-Americans. He really is a shitty racist.


9:27 – Watching democrats refuse to stand for low unemployment rates for minorities seems like a strategy that will play well in 2020.


9:16 – When Nancy Pelosi, and almost every other democrat stands, but you’re sitting down looking like an angry bartender who just got a bad tip, (AOC) you just might be a terrible person.


9:11 – Trump brings the most effective guests to these things. Last year it was the parents of the kid who was killed in North Korea, and another North Korean guy that lost a limb escaping there. Tonight he starts off with World War 2 heroes, one of who stands up and shakes his fist. Amazing.


9:08 – It’s amazing how Trump has two completely different roles he plays. Douchebag Trump on Twitter, and Teleprompter Trump for rare occasions like this. If he spoke like he this every time he’d be the most popular President in modern American history.


9:04 – Trump’s State of the Union last year had a 75% approval rating. It was really good and the democrats looked like idiots when they couldn’t clap for good things like the lowest black unemployment rate in American history. Expect more unity tonight. LOL. Just kidding.






Follow us on Youtube, SoundCloud, Twitter, and Facebook.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 


15 Comment(s)
  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    February 6, 2019 at 4:26 pm

    I’m so thrilled we are letting drug dealers back on the streets.

    (But want to keep weed illegal)

  • Erin Cashen
    February 6, 2019 at 11:53 am

    Was anyone else wondering if someone super glued Warren to her chair? Did she even stand for the Vets? Because she couldn’t even get her lying ass up for Buzz Aldrin.

  • Mr.? Gabe Murchison
    February 6, 2019 at 9:50 am

    Anyone else fantasize about a threesome with AOC and Ilhan Raghead Omar? I have a perma chubby with my 8 inch strap-on just thinking about it.

    Hi Dad!

  • Frank
    February 6, 2019 at 9:12 am

    When he called out socialism I got a chubby 

  • MAGA
    February 5, 2019 at 11:52 pm

    Have a friend that works in the white house… if you noticed that McConnell left early it’s because he couldn’t stop defecating.. shit his pants about six times.

  • 88
    February 5, 2019 at 11:28 pm

    I support Donald Trump and I support the Ku Klux Klan!

    • Walter "I hate being on the wrong side" Bird
      February 5, 2019 at 11:48 pm

      Hey Carlo Baldino. Nobody falls for your stupid nonsense.

  • Biff Rod
    February 5, 2019 at 10:49 pm

    3/4 of these broads won’t be around anymore after the next election. The morbidly obese one they wheeled out for the Democratic Response is giving millions of Americans a massive migraine right now…

  • SalO’Mal
    February 5, 2019 at 10:29 pm

    Best SOTU ever!!

  • Tom Blackburn
    February 5, 2019 at 10:02 pm

    Two coded shoutouts to the Proud Boys and counting!

  • Dumbass Demmettes
    February 5, 2019 at 9:57 pm

    The Democratic Congress dog show, all clad in white, were sulking when the Angel Mons and Police we’re introduced, no applause, nothing. Then when the Suffragette thing was acknowledged, it was all Girl Power and childish screeching and juvenile antics. Fucking embarrassing !! How can you expect to be taken seriously when you act like you’re on Oprah and gettin’ all You Go Girl in the Halls of Power ?? How pathetic.

    • don
      February 6, 2019 at 9:38 am

      I thought the same thing. it looked like a bunch of teenage girls at a sleepover. giggling and trying to put on their mean faces. i dont think the hawaiian women smiled or stood up at all..

  • Y
    February 5, 2019 at 9:30 pm


    • Me
      February 6, 2019 at 12:45 pm

      It made me think of the cult in the leftovers. I thought they would all start smoking cigarettes.

  • mike
    February 5, 2019 at 8:27 pm

    Mr. President, BUILD THAT WALL.

Comment on this Post


Washed Up NBA Players Make Terrible Life Decision Following Dennis Rodman to North Korea for Kim Jong Un Birthday Party
Liberal Stooge John Aravosis Calls Marcus Luttrell, Lone Survivor, A Jackass So We Changed His Wikipedia Page
Where Does New Jersey Governor Chris Christie Rank In Scandalous Political History?