All-Star Criminals

State Senate Candidate Tom Merolli And Southbridge Town Councilor Kristen Auclair Caught Trespassing And Potentially Playing Bury The Broomstick Past Midnight In Southbridge Park 

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This is Southbridge town councilor Kristen Auclair:

And this is Democratic State Senate candidate Tom Merolli from Mendon, who is running in a district that Southbridge is in:

He has an uphill battle because he’s challenging popular Republican incumbent Ryan Fattman. Luckily for him he has the McGovern Crime Family machine backing him up. Uncle Jimmy has been hitting the campaign hard for him:

He’s been bumping elbows with the whole crew – Mayor Joe Petty, Uncle Jimmy, and even “disabled” bumper cars champion Harriette Chandler.

He’s friends with Joe Early…..

And Ginger Joe Kennedy….

He’s endorsed by the American Federation of Teachers:

He’s been challenging Fattman to debates in his semi-daily Facebook Live videos….

But Fattman has not taken the debate, which apparently has left him with a lot of free time. Because late on Tuesday night Tom and Kristen were found at a Southbridge park trespassing past midnight. By the sounds of things on the scanner, the cops made it sound like they were playing bury the broomstick. Here’s the log:

Our sources tell us that Merolli was temporarily handcuffed because it was clearly posted that there was a no trespassing sign. As you can see in the log, Kristen was found hiding down the trail. Neither could give an honest answer to what they were doing, but it was past midnight on a Tuesday in a park where two months ago “Kill cops” was found spray painted on a sign, so my money’s on he was putting his emails in the spam folder.

My question is, why couldn’t they just go to a place with a roof, a door, and a window. They’re both grownups. Do they really have to sneak out like that, or do they just enjoy the thrill of it?

Is it the end of the world that two adults were engaging in consensual 1 AM “walks through the park?” Not really. But the fact that they were doing it in public and got caught, and the fact that they’re from the side of the aisle that all of sudden pretends to be puritans and whines about about men like Trump and Kavanaugh being sexual deviants, kind of makes them hypocrites. It’s like Bobbin for Boners and Eddie Porkchops all over again. Can these people not afford motels? Either way, this is NOT conduct that is becoming of a State Senator or a Town Councilor for that matter. Very naughty!!


38 Comment(s)
  • Fo Sho
    Not wid my dick
    October 8, 2018 at 11:31 am

    He still lives with his parents like all good Libs do. Wouldn’t want to ruin their lives by bringing a female home, exposing that there’s a chance he’s not homo. Although hard to prove while standing with Lil Jimmy McGovern……. Carrot Top……… and JoJo Early the lyin DA.

  • Rachel
    October 3, 2018 at 7:27 pm

    The reason they were sneaking around was because she has a boyfriend who is influencial in town. He let Morelli rally at his bar. The poor guy.

  • WeAreFucked
    September 29, 2018 at 7:45 am

    I don’t see the big deal here. So what? Good for them in their late 30’s – early 40’s getting some trespassing freak on.

    The most surprising thing about all of this is that Kristen is white, appears to have all her teeth, isn’t addicted to heroin, hasn’t had multiple bi-racial babies out of wedlock, isn’t on public assistance, and is from Southbridge, where most TBS riders buy their drugs.

    Did I get those all right?

  • CE
    September 28, 2018 at 9:43 pm

    She’s at best a 5, that picture posted is quite old. However, id still play the pump n dump game with a plan b cocktail afterward. The only caveat is, the love tunnel needs to be groomed, shaved smooth. She’s the type that would use the city councilor and part time mother excuse to not properly maintain the vag.

  • Toms Defense
    September 28, 2018 at 2:12 pm

    I guess Tom was thinking, ‘Who cares if she has blasted two kids out of her baby cannon and the dads wouldn’t marry her. She might be crazy but she loves the dick!’.

  • Kristen Spitz
    September 28, 2018 at 1:52 pm

    There is nothing wrong with a city councilor who turns into a knob gobbler at night!

    p.s Dinosaurs are a myth!

  • randiguy2006
    September 28, 2018 at 1:23 pm

    So? Dont you have some minorities to pick on?

    • Didi Delgordo
      September 28, 2018 at 1:48 pm

      Nah, too easy. That got tiresome a long time ago. People like you were born to lose.

      How about you, Didi? Don’t you have some white people to blame for making you a bloated useless fuckpig with an illegitimate future Harrison Avenue crackwhore of a daughter?

  • Galileo
    September 28, 2018 at 1:02 pm

    If they had just sat together and told the cops they were just star gazing there never would have been a police report.

    The fact that she was trying to hide further down the trail makes it very suspicious.

  • Chip and Dale?
    September 28, 2018 at 12:32 pm

    Kristen has some “chipmunk cheeks”!

    Good for holding onto all that spunk until she’s ready to swallow!

    • Stunt Penis
      September 28, 2018 at 1:30 pm

      a good gurl lets you put it right down her esophagus.

  • It wasn’t TM
    September 28, 2018 at 11:52 am

    Apparently he’s been in RI following an incident in Somerville so we have the wrong guy.

  • Don't Be A Lickspittle
    September 28, 2018 at 10:59 am

    Wait one dish darn minute. What in the Sam Hill is going on here?

    Democrats? Hetero-sexual coupling? No third wheel? Posers I say. Posers!

  • ChrisInShrewsbury
    September 28, 2018 at 10:02 am

    After reading this article and subsequently researching this assclown, I’ll make 2 observations

    1) The United States is Plagued with Fat Fucks.
    2) This guy dances at the other end of the Ballroom.

  • Junkie Dave
    September 28, 2018 at 9:39 am

    WTF man the parks are reserved for me and heroin Helen to have our midnight F parties!

  • Shiva
    September 28, 2018 at 9:31 am

    TM’s campaign slogan should have been “Only a REAL FAT MAN Can Defeat FATTMAN”

  • BirdMan
    September 28, 2018 at 9:26 am

    Ordinarily I fucking despise assholes who photo shop Bald Eagles into their pictures for personal gain but this guy seems alright because he’s got a picture of himself with Conan O’Brian!

  • FF
    September 28, 2018 at 8:59 am

    No doubt the writer of this “article” has no idea what it’s like for a woman to want to be with him.

  • Chubby Chaser
    September 28, 2018 at 8:42 am

    Who’s the sexy large lady standing next to Joe Early? She’s HOT!

    • Fo Sho
      Not wid my dick
      October 8, 2018 at 11:39 am

      Look at JoJo checkin owt the Camel Toe…….. McGovern….Kennedy……Lyin Jojo…… Teachers Union and being caloricly challenged…………. what else does a fat fuck need to get elected in MA???

  • Ted Baxter
    September 28, 2018 at 7:43 am

    If these are two “regular” residents are they arrested for trespassing? Who cares otherwise. Spouses maybe if married.

  • Slam Pig
    September 28, 2018 at 7:41 am

    AND….all the men on the Southbridge city council are like ‘dammit Kristen you said I was the only one!’.

  • 3 Chainz
    September 28, 2018 at 7:35 am

    Go for it Tom and get you some of that midnight special!!!

  • Chelsea Nitall
    September 28, 2018 at 5:26 am

    … jacket slung casually over his shoulder, he’s a people’s man, another real politician out with his Lewinsky.

  • WT Heck
    September 28, 2018 at 4:28 am


    “from the side of the aisle that all of sudden pretends to be puritans” LOL, au contraire. so called “liberals,” a word with no actual meaning, but a crowd that has always and everywhere stood for the ANTI- puritanical loosening of gender norms and ‘traditional values.’

    “and whines about about men like Trump and Kavanaugh being sexual deviants.” The issue is their pretense and transparent bullshit, not their sexual, adult proclivities. The issue with Kavanaugh specifically is his church-going, choirboy facade designed to fool the roobs. He’s just another womb-to-tomb Ivy-and-Washington swamp rat.

    • Liberal Strong
      September 28, 2018 at 9:18 am

      Totally agree. It’s the straights that we stand against. Being straight is basically being Fascist. Everything else is fine.

  • TM
    September 28, 2018 at 2:53 am

    You people are all perverted deviants. Kristen is one of the sweetest virtuous woman I have ever met. I guess we cannot expect much from this eight rate nonsense internet blog. If you people gave your actual names I would strongly consider legal action.

    • Hey Hoe let's Fellacio
      September 28, 2018 at 7:13 am

      I wouldn’t kick her out of bed

      • Jack Straw from Wichita
        Jack Straw from Wichita
        September 28, 2018 at 9:33 am

        Ruh roh. Sounds like another Internet deformation suit!

    • Y
      September 28, 2018 at 10:36 am

      Shut up, Tom. Go back to slaying fatties in the woods.

    • Peter Niss
      P. Niss
      September 28, 2018 at 2:07 pm




  • Just Sayin'
    September 28, 2018 at 12:15 am

    Can’t blame the guy.
    Kristen is looking pretty edible.
    Bet she’s down for the creampie in cuffs.

    • Fred Knessl
      September 28, 2018 at 6:19 am

      They Both are smart enough to get a room though. And figure out a way for the campaign fund to pay for it. Along with a nice dinner and breakfast… Goddamn hypocrites.
      I know a sweet, friendly, honest and helpful who is an absolute beast in the sack. Any Yes, she is in the public eye. Outdoors is just uh-uh, unless it is on a private island or yard.

    • Hugh-Bo Mont
      September 28, 2018 at 10:46 am

      A chubby with a fivehead??? No thanks.

  • N.Muc
    September 27, 2018 at 11:48 pm

    I went to class with Tom. He used to be big into Ron Paul so it’s funny to see him pull a complete 180.

  • Brett Kavanaugh
    September 27, 2018 at 11:40 pm

    Kristen stopped in a party I was hosting and blew the entire football team and I didn’t even give her the grain alcohol and the special pills.

  • Peter Niss
    P. Niss
    September 27, 2018 at 11:34 pm

    Please be eddie porkchops and bobbin for boners all over again. That was so fucking funny.

    Chick looks like a total skank/attention whore. My bet is she’s gonna try to milk this shit. She could also deny and milk it at the same time.
    Eddie Porkchops V2 will probably deny it. He strikes me as the deny it type. He’s gonna be thinking of his reputation and his campaign.

    I think we can expect some drama from this but will it match or exceed bobbin for boners? Only time will tell.

  • Pauli Sure
    September 27, 2018 at 11:30 pm

    No secret Kristin’s been blowing the Morelli flute for some time now. Where u been TBS? Come on, old news. Heck, I have a cousin who is close with them, thy got some kinky ass sexual fetishes they have been mutually eating each others shit and genitalia with all kinds of fruits and spreads. Cool whip I hear is the big one. Of course, i should know I used to bang Nicole back in the day. Now there’s a horny chick. She liked to gobble the goo like a hungry Somali strawing the last drops of water out of the withering savanna creek. Suck my pole so hard I thought she was going to inhale my stool. Lovely ladies, wish I could live it again. Tom, you are a lucky guy.

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