All-Star Criminals

Statutory Stanley Gets Called Out On Facebook By Hookahs & Vapahs In Dracut After Robbing Them, Returns Everything He Stole Within An Hour Because Public Shaming Works

 

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In today’s episode of “Public Shaming Works,” we bring you a store in Dracut called Hookahs & Vapahs. And because every millenial douchetwat whose biggest accomplishment in life was finishing in the 36th percentile on the MCAS is now vaping, a shop like this is a magnet for sticky fingered slugrakes.

Love it. Little David Aylward thought he got away with pilfering a business because his broke ass can’t use Mom’s food stamps to buy a vape pen, but then Hookahs & Vapahs did what more businesses everywhere need to do to thieves – publicly shame them. Because it works:

He brought it back within an hour. Remember that the next time some social juice sausage queen whines about public shaming being a bad thing. Although there are many other things they could’ve shamed him for bud didn’t, such as the manbun.

His tapioca pudding french braids.

His proclivity for bathroom selfies.

Throwing up gang signs at Mom’s house.

The fact that he’s a 21 year old man from Lowell who looks like he dates girls who he picks up at Taylor Swift shows.

Attention girl in the picture if you are reading this – please, for the love of God, go on the pill if you’re not already. The last thing you want to do is pop out a poon polyp with his DNA, because this is the face of a guy who is destined to set the record for most money owed for child support.

You could also publicly shame him for his flagrant use of the n word, despite being the biggest cracker who ever crackered in the history of crackering.

Or even worse, his use of the phrase “on dogs,” when not mocking people who use that phrase.

See? They were nice to Statutory Stanley when you think about it.

Anyway, more businesses should do this when they get robbed. This is why Facebook was created – so we can all come together and publicly shame horrible people in order to make the world a better place.

 

 

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14 Comment(s)
  • Bill Niland
    February 23, 2019 at 9:05 am

    FREE ROBERT FRAFT !!!

  • Blue line perspective
    February 23, 2019 at 6:06 am

    He’ll be a resident of the GrayBar Inn soon enough.
    They like those manbuns on a pouty lipped slice of skinny jeaned heaven like this one.
    Get ready for the koolaid lip coloring and pool cue chalk eye shadow, you little twink.

    Hahaha, he’s gonna get pimped out for suboxone, K-2, cigs and various canteen items by his celly.
    And, seeing as no one goes away without a consolation prize, he will contract his share of all the HIV, Hep, Heebie Jeebies and homosexual deviancy there is to be had in the joint.

  • Kim Un Jong
    February 23, 2019 at 2:01 am

    That has a girlfriend not a boyfriend???

  • Burlando Castile
    February 22, 2019 at 11:22 pm

    He looks like the singer of that song “Jane Says”

  • Stroke Me Stroke Me
    February 22, 2019 at 6:40 pm

  • z
    February 22, 2019 at 5:54 pm

    I agree on public shaming. What would most people take for a criminal sentence?

    1 year in jail.

    or

    3 months in a cage in your downtown dressed like the Energizer Bunny with the caption on the cage.
    “David answers to the name of Dumb-Ass. Don’t feed the Dumb-Ass.” And his crime.

    I’d take the year in jail every time.
    That’s why they had stocks.

  • Sir Wilfred Death
    February 22, 2019 at 5:27 pm

    You should blue out the underage child’s face. It’s not right TBS.

    Social Media is Cancer

  • Liberace
    February 22, 2019 at 5:16 pm

    He’s definitely got a case of the Gay. Whether he knows or admits it or not. His oral fixation was his reason for stealing the vape pen
    I can actually smell the oenis in his breath from looking at the pictures

  • JJ
    February 22, 2019 at 4:45 pm

    Looks like he got bit on the lips by the biggest gay bug there is. Either that or hes doing the Kyle Jenner challenge but instead of a shot glass. he uses multiple cocks. All the cocks he can get his sticky lil butt fingers on.
    This little poptart is most definitely the gay!

  • Looks like a chick
    February 22, 2019 at 1:39 pm

    What a flaming homo douchbag

  • Y
    February 22, 2019 at 12:47 pm

    Robert Kraft was set-up

    • Cute Chick
      February 22, 2019 at 5:24 pm

      Yeah, he was…
      Goddamn Roger Goodell!!
      Go PATS!!!

  • Three Dollar David
    February 22, 2019 at 12:26 pm

    This guy is most assuredly a sausage swallower.

  • Wade Boggs Taint
    February 22, 2019 at 12:17 pm

    He made the right choice. That mouth has prison rape written all over it. His girl looks like she has thighs the Colonel would want in a 10 piece bucket.

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