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We’ve been at the center of a lot of Internet lawsuits before, but we’ve never had a ratchet secretly record a meeting with an attorney to discuss the merits of a potential deformation lawsuit before. That all changed today when Stretchmarks Sanchez, AKA Titiana Martins from Brockton, posted this in the Brockton Hub today:
Strechmark Sanchez: “Can you say that thing again about Turtleboy about how he slandered me. And if I really wanted to I can actually take him to court for slander.”
Richard N. Vulva: “It is my opinion that what I read is actionable in court. You could sue him in court for damages. I don’t know that you have any actual damages. But I’m not sure the case would be viable.”
Translation – you don’t got shit, but you could definitely bring this to court and pay me a retainer anyway. Of course anyone can sue anyone. We get sued all the time. But winning a deformation lawsuit is extremely hard because the founding fathers believed in this thing called the “First Amendment.” They didn’t want scumbag lawyers like this shutting down speech simply because they had a law degree from Bootleg University.
Newsflash Better Call Saul – I’m a chick. As in, vagina. No penis. Stop misgendering me by calling me “him.” That’s a hate crime now and I could sue you for deformation and damages. It’s really not hard to understand this concept – Turtleboy is not actually a boy. Turtleboy is a brand. There are many Turtleboy bloggers, most of who are female. You can hear them all on the Live show every week. Some of us dip in the lady pond every once in a while too. Especially Abi.
Just a reminder, Stretchmarks Sanchez ended up on our blog after posting this on the Hub:
Basically she sounded like she was running a scam. She wanted cash donated to her Cashapp account. She was raising money for the first day of school, even though school has already started. She said the kid was her niece, then later said it was her friend’s kid. The same kid who already got $100 for back to school shopping. The same kid she claimed she could donate to, but instead wanted strangers to donate to instead. It was hilarious, and could only happen on the Brockton Hub. We reserve the right to make fun of people like this as we see fit.
Her lawyer said that this statement was actionable:
“Obviously we all know that all donated money will really be going to the Hennessy and Blunts foundation so that she can ditch her crotch fruits back at the section 8 piss pad she calls home, and head out on the town for a night of clubbing with girls while figuring out which flat brimmed dooshnozzle with the most open bench warrants will be the next to impregnate her.”
- That’s an opinion. Based on the fact that she can’t put together a sentence in anything resembling English, she was begging strangers for money that was going directly to her account, her kid got kicked out of school for assaulting a teacher and she blamed the teacher, and the conflicting parts of her story, I’d bet my left tit that every single dollar raised would go to the H&B foundation.
2. It’s a joke. Remember jokes? Good luck getting a guilty libel verdict on a joke. It’s virtually impossible.
“He made a false accusation that you were trying to collect donations but were misusing the donations. That’s a serious accusation, and you say he has no basis for that. If in fact he has no basis then he would have to establish one. The courts would consider that in my opinion a very serious allegation that you’re buying blunts.”
No idiot. We assumed the donations would be misused because this chick is shady as fuck. You’d be insane to donate a penny to her and assume it would go to her friend’s kid for school supplies. That’s an opinion, and one I firmly stand by. I believe that she would spend that money on blunts and/or Henny.
Vulva: “If you are seeking donations to help people in need, and these blogs reduce those donations, you could sue him for damages. But you have to be able to prove that people actually withheld money as a result of reading Turtleboy.”
Good point Perry Mason. I’m sure her very convincing fundraiser would’ve made bank had we not come through and pointed out how insane it was. Apparently Stretchmarks Sanchez believes we are the reason that her fundraiser didn’t go as planned….
“They are being withheld because of Turtleboy. Because he’s going along slandering my name, saying that I’m not worth it by looking at my profile. And because of me saying my kids are well taken care of or this and that and I have an emergency fund, they don’t know if I contributed to that, which I have, which I told you, I got her hair done, contributed to sneakers, contributed to outfits, everything. So…..”
So many strong points being made there.
Vulva: “And I really believe you defended yourself properly and that’s where it should start and end. I dont think you should challenge him and provoke him and make his remarks worse. I think you should defend yourself move on.”
So let me get this straight. The lawyer advises her not to challenge or provoke “him” (her God damnet!!), and she responded by recording the conversation and posting it on the Brockton Hub. Amazing.
“I just ask for help, for real help, and just because there’s a lot of druggies on the Brockton Hub, and they’re probably the ones commenting, they think I’m going to too. What am I supposed to do? Stay quiet when you call me a cunt and a ho? Just so I can get a donation? I’m just not that desperate for a donation.”
I don’t remember calling you a cunt or a ho. C-Section Santiago comes to mind though.
Vulva: “He’s making this stuff up, and it’s probably good for his blogging credentials, but he’s obviously victimizing you, you spoke with an attorney, and what he’s doing is illegal.”
Translation – start a new GoFundMe for my retainer fee.