All-Star Criminals

Taunton Bacon Dickburger Wangsta Hippie Posts On Facebook That He Needs Spare Tire For Stolen BMW One Week After Carjacking And Robbing A Papa Gino’s

Taunton Bacon Dickburger Wangsta Hippie Posts On Facebook That He Needs Spare Tire For Stolen BMW One Week After Carjacking And Robbing A Papa Gino’s

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Taunton GazetteA Taunton man who police say embarked on a three-week crime spree in Fall River, Taunton and Easton is being held without bail pending a hearing next month in Taunton District Court. Eric James Ortiz, last known address 1 Karena Drive, apt. 14 of Country Village Estates, is facing two counts of armed robbery and one count of carjacking. Ortiz, 26, was nabbed Oct. 16 by Easton detectives at a Bellingham residence, on the same day he allegedly robbed an Easton Papa Gino’s by grabbing his pants to suggest he was carrying a gun, police said.

Fall River police had been looking for him since the evening of Sept. 27, when Ortiz allegedly carjacked a vehicle at 9 p.m. in the parking lot of the CVS store on President Avenue. Forty minutes later, police say, he robbed the Mobil gas station at 1088 County St. in Taunton by telling a clerk he was armed. The next day, police said, they located a car from in front of 6 Sumner St. in Taunton that Fall River police said belonged to the carjacking victim. That same day, Taunton police said they examined surveillance photos from the carjacking sent by Fall River police. The image of the suspect, they said, matched the description given by the victim of the Mobil station robbery. The vehicle was towed back to Fall River to be returned to its owner, police said. Fall River police shortly thereafter issued an arrest warrant for Ortiz and sent news outlets a prior booking photo of Ortiz.

It’s not his fault that Dreadlocks Sanchez keeps robbing and carjacking. He’s got that “disease”:

So nothing is ever his fault. Ever.

So this swamp donkey is apparently some sort of hippie. At least that’s what I’m led to believe by looking at his Facebook pictures:


Dude, you can’t have dreads like that and walk around Boston drinking lattes and acting hipster if you’re gonna be a junkbox, carjacking, armed robber at the same time. You can be one of those, but you can’t be both. They directly contradict one another. Especially if you’re the kind of dreadlocked chudstuffer who gets senior portrait style pictures taken of himself while deep in thought:

Big no-no.

So his first crime spree occurred in late September when he carjacked someone in Fall River and then used that car to rob a gas station in Taunton. A couple weeks later he robs the Papa Gino’s in Easton, because everyone knows that Papa Gino’s is where all the cash is. But in between those robberies he posts this on Facebook:

Yup, he’s asking for people’s help to change a tire on a BMW that obviously he stole from someone else. Because who doesn’t have a spare tire for a BMW just lying around? Sure, he could just call Triple A or 911, but when you’re driving a stolen vehicle that’s generally frowned upon. Better to just post about it on Facebook and see if you get any takers. Wicked smart.

Here he is just a few days before, riding around with his boo, who obviously has high standards:

Like I said, pick an identity and run with it. You can’t be a laid back hippie one day

And then rock the hat of bacon dickburgers the next day:

This is what happens to what appears to be a laid back hippie when they put on a flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat…..

Next thing you know they’re carjacking people in Fall River and robbing Papa Gino’s in Easton. Bad news bears.

Anyway, if any ladies out there are interested in pursuing a spicy prison love affair, here’s how you can contact Eric Ortiz going forward.

11 Comment(s)
  • Sloppy
    November 2, 2017 at 11:08 am

    I hope the Summer of Sam guy gets out on parole and goes after flat-brimmed Bulls hat wearers next.

  • Independent Thinker
    November 2, 2017 at 1:42 am

    Another example of why more citizens need to be armed.

  • TJB
    Captain kangaroo
    November 1, 2017 at 11:15 pm

    #1. ‘I robbed an armored car and got a shitload of cash.
    #2. ‘ I robbed a bank and still have some hidden when I get out
    New Guy…….. “I robbed a papa Ginos”. Now I never have to buy provolone again.

  • whatevuh
    November 1, 2017 at 10:00 pm

    Nicole, you’re dating a no good loser WIGGA, raise your standards !!

  • gfldgadfly
    November 1, 2017 at 8:19 pm

    If his girlfriend were worth a damn, she’d put some time into twisting his locks into something that doesn’t resemble a used mop from the dumpster behind a chemical plant. Class for dayyyyyys!!!!

  • The Rant Queen
    November 1, 2017 at 5:22 pm

    Ew he’s fucking gross as hell. I bet he smells like shit and body odor. He has that kind of face that you just want to smash with a brick. Repeatedly.

  • Chip Striker
    November 1, 2017 at 5:10 pm

    Sounds to me like a lot of people would either benefit or at the least be less inconvenienced if he just killed himself.

    Shocking he has no pictures of himself at work, just another minority drain on society.

  • ElJefe72
    November 1, 2017 at 3:40 pm

    “You can’t be a laid back hippie one day…And then rock the hat of bacon dickburgers the next day”

    Yes, he can; he’s a modern-day renaissance man!

  • jamesso33
    November 1, 2017 at 3:06 pm

    Mailing him some lubrication now. He’s going to need it.

    • chrissy
      November 1, 2017 at 6:30 pm

      this is Very pretty boy, he will be needing that
      he should have gone to Hollywood could have been the next Jason Momoa 😮

      • chrissy
        November 1, 2017 at 6:31 pm

        (or any KoRn member)

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