All-Star Criminals

Tequila Tunajam Flees With Child But Abandons Someone Else’s Crotch Fruit In Car After Rolling Over Drunk In Revere Because “My Child Is The Only One That Mattered”


NBCA Massachusetts woman accused of leaving a severely injured 10-year-old boy at the scene of a crash over the weekend allegedly took shots of tequila while at a party before getting behind the wheel and had several open alcohol containers in her car. Thirty-seven-year-old Revere resident Cecilia Miranda pleaded not guilty to the charges, including operating under the influence of alcohol and two counts of child endangerment while operating under the influence, while facing a judge Tuesday in Chelsea District Court.

Prosecutors say that after the crash, which happened on Route 16 in Revere just after midnight Sunday, Miranda took off with one child, her 6-year-old son, and headed to Massachusetts General Hospital in a bystander’s car, but left another child, an unnamed 10-year-old boy who was severely injured, at the scene. The 10-year-old child’s current condition is unclear, but state police previously said the injuries were not life-threatening. Miranda couldn’t explain to investigators why she left the 10-year-old behind, prosecutors said.

Investigators who tracked Miranda down said she smelled of alcohol and was swaying. Miranda allegedly told officers she was sorry and said she had been to a party before the crash. Several open containers of alcohol were found in the car Miranda had been driving, and she admitted to having three to four drinks at the party, according to prosecutors. A witness told investigators that she allegedly took five shots of Patron tequila. During the arraignment, Miranda’s attorney said she is a lifelong Boston-area resident, a married mother of three who works as a medical assistant and understands the gravity of the situation. 

Da fuq?? “My child is the only one that matters??” Why? Why would you even offer that up?? She could’ve just said, “I was drunk,” or “I couldn’t get him out and wanted to call 911.” But instead she was like, “Not my raw dog trophy, he can fend for himself.” Safe to say she won’t be babysitting anytime soon.

Also, “works as a medical assistant,” sounds like code for CNA. Which would explain why she’s pounding tequila shots and driving drunk at midnight with a 6 year old and someone else’s crotch fruit in her car.

I gotta say, by looking at her Facebook page I’d hardly have pegged this one for being future Turtleboy fodder, aside from the tittoo.

We don’t do a lot of blogs on married mothers who run 5k’s and shit.

No 100 emojis. No “only God can judge.” No pictures getting wasted. These blogs aren’t nearly as fun that happens. Although it looks like her and the hubby recently split.

That guy must’ve been packing the D if breaking up with him made her go from 5K Mom to ratchet madness candidate that quickly.

Either way, still a pretty shitty thing to just leave a kid there to die after grabbing your own and fleeing the scene of the crash. Personally I’d fear the mother of the 10 year old she left to die more than I would a Massachusetts courtroom.


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17 Comment(s)
  • 4 mile 5K
    February 27, 2019 at 10:07 pm

    5K is 4 miles. I’m in my 60’s and can walk it in less than 70 minutes. Add in a little jogging and get it under an hour. Big fucking deal.

    As for the fecal whore, she crossed one line being drunk, another by being very drunk and the third and unforgivable one leaving the kid behind. There is no coming back from that.

  • juror seven esq.
    February 27, 2019 at 8:03 pm

    Turtleboy, you have to immediately begin striking a deal with Cecilia Miranda to do personal appearances as turtleboy. After seeing that picture of her in the green T shirt and the goggles at the 5 K race, she is perfect.

  • Yup
    February 27, 2019 at 2:21 am

    Old news

  • Dont Even Think About Knocking Off My MAGA Hat
    February 26, 2019 at 10:01 pm

    Its a third wotld cultural thing that civilized society wouldn’t understand. If you disagree you are racist. Maybe Miranda would have fared better if she did what Alexandria Cotex advised. That is not produce. Americans are told not to produce by libtards as they flood our once great country with third world cesspool illegal alien scum.

  • vic aye carumba
    February 26, 2019 at 9:46 pm

    The only reasons Tequila mama would run 5k would be
    a) To get to the liquor store
    b) To get to the Taco stand
    c) To collect her ebt card

    And if I saw her, I would run 5k away from her smelly clam

  • Boston will be the new Baltimore
    February 26, 2019 at 8:55 pm

    I always laugh at these reports of saying that illegals only consist of 8-10 million people in the country. They’ve obviously have never visited revere, lynn, chelsea, east boston, lawrence, everett, etc. Id be willing to bet half of that 8-10 million figure reside in greater boston. All of these cities are double/triple the population of the 90s/early 2000’s. They don’t fill out census forms, face no repercussions of being illegal. Hell, rachael rollins, the suffolk da and maura healy approve of this shit so its all good.

  • Mya Kuntz-Weillo
    February 26, 2019 at 7:35 pm

    5K’s are an excuse for the obese and grotesque to feel like they are accomplishing some fitness goal when in reality most people running them are doing 30 minute miles and burn about 50 calories.

  • Jeff J
    Tim Murray's Designated Driver
    February 26, 2019 at 5:28 pm

    Ya right……By the looks of that picture there is absolutely NO FUCKING WAY she “ran” any part of that 5k. She probably packed a lunch and a few snacks just in case. How the fuck do you leave someone else’s kid in a car you just wrecked…….no matter how messed up you are. She’s an oversized turd!!

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    February 26, 2019 at 4:55 pm

    Another mother of the year candidate

  • TJB
    February 26, 2019 at 4:29 pm

    Sadly the creeping filth from ‘the island’ (it really doesnt matter which one) has totally infested Revere. It has crept like herpes from chelsea into everett, malden and revere. Shirley ave. Used to be clean, now it looks like downtown domingo. Lately the towelheads have been pushing the spics out to the surrounding cities. You can tell by the store signs changing from spicky to terrorist. This is why condos cost $300,000. Decent people cant get far enough away from these cockroaches. RIP Revere.

  • Two Patch Crappy Jack
    February 26, 2019 at 3:36 pm

    Is she here legally? Do we know? I’m betting 5 bucks she’s illegal.. CNA my ass.

  • Rosie Ruiz
    February 26, 2019 at 2:47 pm

    Running a 5k is about as big of an accomplishment as taking a dump. I hate these idiots with their 26.2 or 13.1 bumper stickers. Who gives a fuck? Most of the time they are accompanied by your typical Bernie, Obama, Resist or other assorted dick knob sticker. I think I’ll one up them and print put my own 104.8 sticker to truly be king shit on turd island. Also that bitch should be doing serious time for endangering those kids and everyone else on the road.

  • Cecelia Miranda
    February 26, 2019 at 1:59 pm

    Oh well….. the kid shouldn’t have been such a whiny little shit stain.

  • Francis Sidebottom
    February 26, 2019 at 1:50 pm

    I would have put the 10 year old behind the wheel and reported the car stolen

  • kelly roastbeef
    February 26, 2019 at 1:41 pm

    Did you Boca my child out of that accident?

  • Big Wick
    February 26, 2019 at 1:39 pm

    “Personally I’d fear the mother of the 10 year old she left to die more than I would a Massachusetts courtroom.”
    Amen to that; I see a lawsuit comin’.

    Either that tit tat is fresh, or she’s running a pretty good infection. And, CNA for sure.

  • John Kelly
    February 26, 2019 at 1:35 pm

    What’s with these “5K’s”? Some old guy I work with was asked if he helped with some 5K we were trying to connect to and he said, “No I don’t run it, I actually run in it.” The dude almost falls over walking across the office. He claims to run three fucking miles?! What’s with this shit? Is “running” the new waddling or something?

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