Smiles And Sunshine

The 2020 Ratchet Madness Bracket Is Officially Here And It’s Arguably The Most Ratchet Field Yet


If you missed the Ratchet Madness Selection Show Thursday night, I got you covered.

Let’s take a look at the four regions of this year’s tournament, starting with the Fupasloth Region, which we will be starting with on Monday.

As always, turtle riders will be able to vote for which ratchets should advance in each matchup until we have a representative from each bracket. As far as I’m concerned this bracket is wide open, but there’s always a few surprises each year that I never saw coming.

Tuesday we vote on the Cheesehog Region.

Then we move to the Chudstuffer Region on Wednesday, which I consider the most stacked of them all.

And finally the Trap Queen Region, featuring #1 overall seed Bristol Blarney, begins Thursday.

After that there will be 32 ratchets left and we’ll be commencing voting in the next round on Monday the 13th.

People mentioned wanting shirts, but I’m not really a graphic design guy. I still rock this one from last year though.

So if you’re interested in doing a design for this year’s tournament I’ll throw some free gear your way. Send me an email at



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43 Comment(s)
  • Stewart Nod
    April 5, 2020 at 8:56 am

    This is freaking amazing.
    Thank you, TBS.

  • Fudge Dragon
    April 5, 2020 at 8:53 am

    I turned the parking lot of the Natick Outdoor Store into a minefield.

  • Bob Murchison
    April 5, 2020 at 1:50 am

    No bracket seeding for me?Maybe not ratchet but a
    penis with ears should get some consideration.

  • Obama Has Picked Up Smoking Again
    April 4, 2020 at 11:39 pm

    Monkeys and apes chain smoking cigarettes as coronavirus panic grips planet

  • Parking lot pooper
    April 4, 2020 at 11:36 pm

    The parking lot pooper is moving, her husband has bedroom stuff for sale (shit stain free)

    • Ben Dover
      Ratchet Patrol
      April 5, 2020 at 5:27 am

      Did she NOT make the bracket of 64??! WTF?

  • Amanda Sawyer
    April 4, 2020 at 10:42 pm

    My son is a criminal and a monster.

  • McElroy
    April 4, 2020 at 8:17 pm

    I’m not convinced Billy Tibbets should be on here. The reason I’m saying that is because there’s a rumor he slapped around the first amendment auditor who is also featured on this page while in Suffolk. If that’s true I say he gets a pass. Sure, he’s a loose cannon but, at a minimum, he’s entertaining as hell! …and if there’s any truth to that rumor we should all be throwing 20 bucks into his canteen.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    April 4, 2020 at 8:09 pm

    The Turtleboy really needs to be adding content over the weekend. We’re in a world-wide pandemic for God’s sake!

  • Bernie
    April 4, 2020 at 7:20 pm

    Why exclude the infamous Weston Snatch Rooster?

  • The real winner
    April 4, 2020 at 5:26 pm

    That pos Russian who killed the bikers should get the award. None of these other shitbags come close.

    • Not Russian
      April 4, 2020 at 8:13 pm

      Ukraine, try and keep up

        April 4, 2020 at 11:47 pm

        Same thing

  • Pedo TB
    April 4, 2020 at 5:17 pm

    Kraft and his pedojew’s need their own bracket, TB will be the 16th seed vs. Kraft, which diddler ya got?

  • Stan Xhiao
    April 4, 2020 at 4:43 pm

    The Mustard Meatflap was great! I watched that video many times and it always makes me laugh.
    Can’t Jemima was hilarious too. When she called in to the show, it was radio gold.
    Whitinsville Crack Donkey mooning the neighbors for 2 full minutes until the cops came – one of the best stories!

  • Charlestown
    April 4, 2020 at 4:07 pm

    This disease will eliminate anyone with respiratory problems. The at risk will isolate, but it will not take much exposure at all. They are saying less than a year for it to get rid of the dead weight.

    • Sparkey McMurphy
      Sparkey McMurphy
      April 4, 2020 at 8:44 pm

      I’m at risk. And I’m far from dead weight, thanks.

    • Die now
      April 5, 2020 at 1:43 am

      Die now Faggot

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    April 4, 2020 at 3:19 pm

    I thought this game was to take place in March. Has the virus of undetermined origin affected this too?

  • Juggs Magazine Editor
    April 4, 2020 at 2:39 pm

    This is just what we all needed.

    Hadassah is a contender. Insane MILF grifter with great tig bitties.

  • foleyworld
    Casino Scum
    April 4, 2020 at 2:02 pm

    This years competition is an exercise in futility, it will Be fun for sure but there are only 2 guys on the list who could even be considered so essentially it’s just a battle between Billy Tibet’s and Josh Abraham’s which is pretty incredible since they actually fought in real life while in some county jail this year.
    These 2 guys are both Rachet Emperors now we must decide which one shall reign supreme over New England’s kingdom of trash!

  • Nee Chi
    April 4, 2020 at 12:55 pm

    Maybe this year he won’t forget to announce the winner like he did last year…


  • randiguy2006
    April 4, 2020 at 12:09 pm

    Wow if I do design work for you I get a t shirt?

  • randiguy2006
    April 4, 2020 at 12:07 pm

    Gee I wonder who will win?

  • Spic Tormentor
    April 4, 2020 at 11:45 am

    Obviously that dumpy whore that used to work for you is going to win regardless of the voting results

    • Snarky Pete
      April 4, 2020 at 5:06 pm

      Are you suggesting Turtleboy runs these brackets the way Democrats run primaries????

  • Daniel Sullivan
    Sprinkle Pig
    April 4, 2020 at 10:07 am

    Head over to Shane Hobans Facebook page. Wide open And still has not acknowledged what he did was wrong. He still lives in a fantasy world where everything is against him and about him. He still acts like he is a celebrity. It’s insane. Especially when the truth is he lives at home with mommy still. I could go on on about this loser however it’s a riot he pretends like what he did never happened. Lol

    • Daniel Sullivan
      Sprinkle Pig
      April 4, 2020 at 10:21 am

      Lol never mind. Ole Shaney boy locked his page down real quick. Hahahahaha. Douche bag

  • Wondering
    April 4, 2020 at 9:50 am

    What is everybody in Here in Junior high school? Or all the comments from uncle Turtle by himself?

    • Jutice Beserved
      April 5, 2020 at 1:47 am

      Not junior high. That would be too accomplished. These are 1) grammar school dropouts and 2) Russian trolls/American traitors. Hang The Trump Family for treason and attempted genocide now.

  • Jimmy the Greek
    April 4, 2020 at 8:58 am

    Can’t wait for tip off Unc. We should turn this into a fundraiser that we could bet on proceeds go to the legal fund (set it up as a free speech nonprofit). Unc add some links so I can do some research before I place my bets…kind of sucks that we don’t have a full blown stripper this year

  • Full Metal Ratchet
    April 4, 2020 at 6:03 am

    Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wants black and brown communities to get coronavirus reparations, because a history of inequality has left them at higher risk of suffering from the deadly virus

    • Horse Face AOC
      April 4, 2020 at 10:09 am

      AOC is a POS. Look into Justice Democrats and how she auditioned for her congressional run. Complete fraud, plus an IQ of 68, what could go wrong

      • Gary Delabate
        April 4, 2020 at 12:53 pm

        I think she has a beautiful smile.

        • Put a saddle on that AOC bitch
          April 4, 2020 at 8:19 pm

          Kind of gummy, ole donkey teeth does have the advantage of eating apples through a picket fence though. Handy skill during the apocalypse.

  • Natick Outdoor Store
    April 4, 2020 at 5:46 am

    I think we are missing a runny brown one

  • You forgot Andrea Grocer (street sh!tter J£w)
    April 4, 2020 at 3:05 am

    David Leavitt (scammer J£w)
    vs Haddasah Robeson (scammer J£w)
    vs Kate Peters (scammer J£w)

    So many scammer J£ws to choose from. Narrowed it down to these three.

  • TortugaNiño
    April 4, 2020 at 3:01 am

    Damn unc, this may be the first year i dont instantly have a personal favorite to back!

    Kunty Kirkpatrick is everything wrong in this world

    Half wit Haddasah is everything wrong with this state.

    Dicey Direnzos is everything wrong with this city.

    And Bitchy Bristool is everything wrong with my favorite website.

    This is gonna be way tougher than november.

  • Where’s the communist Jew
    April 4, 2020 at 2:43 am

    That kike diddler kraft didn’t make it, oh yeah he’s like TB with little boys.

    • No commies here Douche
      April 4, 2020 at 8:29 pm

      Lee Ho Suck at the massage parlor was 30. “Kike”? You must be sewing yellow stars instead of masks. Congrats antisemite shitbag.

  • Crystal Laviolette
    Stan Failure
    April 4, 2020 at 1:45 am

    Ugg, Failure Swift seems so far from where we are now…Whadda life-

  • And you thought it was over
    April 4, 2020 at 12:59 am

    I hope you notify by email each entrant and allow them in real time to follow their own progress as the competition proceeds. Adding insult to injury, sort of.

  • george costanza
    The angry taint
    April 3, 2020 at 11:58 pm

    FINALLY! A glimmer of light has entered my life….lol

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