All-Star Criminals

The Asshats Smoked Out A Goat And For Some God Damn Reason No One Really Thinks That Confusing And Disorienting An Animal Is A Bad Thing

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We wrote this story last week about three dudes who got a goat wicked high and posted it all over the internet because they’re idiots.



Nothing to see here, just your typical Taunton scumbags doing typical Taunton bullshit.

USA News had this to say “TAUNTON, Mass. (AP) — Police in Massachusetts say three men seen on a social media video blowing marijuana smoke in a goat’s face and laughing have been charged with animal cruelty.

Taunton police Chief Edward Walsh says his department was notified Tuesday about a video posted on social media that shows the men removing the goat from its outdoor pen and putting a chain around its neck. The video later shows two of the men blowing marijuana smoke in the goat’s face and one man sitting on its back.

The goat is named Lilac and is now in the custody of local animal control officials. It’s expected to be OK.

Police have issued summonses to the three young men for them to appear in Taunton District Court for arraignment.

Of course this happened in Taunton, because where the fuck else would it happen? I’m glad the guys that smoked out this poor, dumb animal got charged with animal cruelty because that’s exactly what it is. I know, I know. We’ve all been 15 and blew bong rips into a cat’s face and thought it was funny as hell, but then we grew up. You see, animals don’t know what the hell is happening to them when people do this, and people do shit like this a lot. Sure, it’s a bit entertaining to see the reaction, but the truth of them matter is that it could really suck for that animal. Ever been paranoid, kinda freaked out or anything else while high? I have and I’m sure plenty of y’all have too. Imagine that for an animal that is dumb enough to eat its own shit, other animal’s shit and have the intellect of a 3 year old. And to top it off, one of these pricks had a chain around the goat’s neck and then tried to ride the damn goat like a pony. That’s some uber level stoner shit.

Nice shorts, Wigga Waldo.


This site kinda advocates for the use of medical marijuana in animals, but has this warning:

Marijuana doesn’t affect dogs, cats and other animals exactly the same way it affects humans, according to experts. They may stumble around, look or act confused, appear sleepy or just dopey, Hackett said.

But in severe cases, dogs have reportedly shown symptoms like vomiting, tremors and incontinence, and rarely, some can die from marijuana toxicosis.

That sounds fucking awful. Why the fuck do that!? So I was wicked surprised today when a turtle rider sent in a tip about how folks are acting like it’s no big deal that these three fucks got a goat stoned to the gills and then tried to ride it.

Lisa was the only sane individual in the entire god damn thread. I’d adopt that goat too, but Mr. Manchester said I can only have one more animal in the house from here on out and we’ve decided on another baby in a while.

Here, the site Vet Street talks about the shitty side effects of this , again in cats and dogs because why the fuck would they have to worry about goats until Taunton fucking happened:


“Sedation or Agitation

The most common side effects of marijuana intoxication are “drunkenness” (with pets appearing impaired and uncoordinated), sedation and urinary incontinence. THC and other cannabinoids affect the central nervous system, causing disruption of normal movement and behavior. However, about 25 percent of pets who ingest THC become stimulated instead — with agitation, vocalization and high heart rates as possible side effects. The most severely affected animals are typically the ones who have consumed marijuana edibles. These products can have very high levels of THC. There have even been some dog deaths reported after eating cookies or brownies made with marijuana butter because pets, unlike humans, think nothing of opportunistically wolfing down an entire pan of edibles.

While dogs are the most common pets to ingest marijuana, cats will eat the plant material. Because of their apparent lack of a sweet tooth, however, they are less likely to consume the more tempting edibles. After ingestion, pets can become affected in minutes to hours, and signs can last for hours.”

Can you see now how this may be a terrifying thing for an animal? Feeling drunk, passing out and pissing themselves or getting angry while their heart is racing and fucking screaming. If you do this to an animal:

Well, they are anyway. I mean, does this goat look like he’s having fun?


NOPE. Poor little dude is all fucked up and reaching for the guy holding his leash like “Duuuuuude, fucking heeeeelp meeeee. I’m freakin’ the fuck out, man!” So, next time anyone is thinking this shit is a good idea, please eat a giant dick because it’s not. Don’t be this guy:

Or this guy:

Or this guy:

Because they’re fucking maroons and deserve to be dick punched by the law for this.

Esther Manch on the book.

8 Comment(s)
  • Dickhead
    July 15, 2018 at 1:40 pm

    Why aren’t you calling them out for being racist, manch?

  • Rich A
    July 15, 2018 at 10:16 am

    Haha unbunch your panties, honey.

  • Diversity is our strength
    July 15, 2018 at 10:07 am

    They just like to get it doped up before they have sexy times.

  • Brain Albrecht
    July 15, 2018 at 4:21 am

    Fucking turle boy dick riders man. SOFT AS BABY SHIT! OH NO THEY SMOKED WEED WITH A GOAT. shut the fuck up you fucking worcester trash liberal cucks. I’d straight up rock any of you racist fags.
    FUCK WIT ME! Oh yeah bret if you’re still alive send me your address you fucking old pussy

    @lden ke@rn3y

  • Billy the Kid
    July 14, 2018 at 9:23 pm

    Let the goat eat at a Chinese buffet and then blow ass all over their faces, payback’s a bitch

  • L
    July 14, 2018 at 8:36 pm

    Honestly, who the fuck cares.

  • Diane Woods emerson
    July 14, 2018 at 7:03 pm

    All these morons have to do is STOP videotaping themselves. If they were just smart enough to do that. But nope , clearly they all secretly want to be turtleboyed. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes idiots.

  • Because that's why
    July 14, 2018 at 1:22 pm

    Who taught you how to behave around animals? Fuck all of you

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