Hoodrat Heroes

The Burlington Mall Fupaslug And Panhandling Boy Toy Own A Jeep That’s Nicer Than My Car, And She’s Now Suing Us For Deformation Of Dog Catcher

The Burlington Mall Fupaslug And Panhandling Boy Toy Own A Jeep That’s Nicer Than My Car, And She’s Now Suing Us For Deformation Of Dog Catcher


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People are still talking about the Burlington Mall Fupaslug panhandler and her chudstuffer in crime boy toy, Alex Emery. According to an emailer they drive a Jeep!

WTF??? They own a nicer car than I do!!

Everyone’s been sending us their videos and pictures, because apparently this creature is famous up and down the Route 3 corridor.

Like this guy, who had some choice words for her last December:

Notice her sign:

Once again, Amber Porter, AKA Amber Holly, is a mother of zero. She’s not struggling, since she and Alex Emery drive their Jeep up and down Route 3 looking to get drug money from idiots. She’s clearly not missing any meals, and she’s putting her degree from the Salter School to good use.

Oh, and now she’s taking us to Internet court:

Oh man, good thing this chick doesn’t play hockey. She’d have to play 60 minutes straight with no periods!!

What a lifestyle though. She’s waking up at 6 AM to see a “councilor,” so that she can get to her spot nice and early before the rival panhandlers try to nab it from her. She actually said that somewhere in that abortion of a run-on sentence.

Oh, and she never said she was hungry either. So I guess she’s panhandling so she can pay off her loans from med school. And according to her, you can be both fat and hungry. Which is true technically. But if you stay hungry for too long, you’re not gonna be fat for much longer. Ask everyone in Malawi, where people get anorexia on accident.

But I did learn a lot about biology from reading her amazing message. Apparently the body stores fat when it’s hungry, and you can’t “loose” weight as a result of it. And she struggles with good nutrition, which is why she pounds down Dunkin Donuts iced coffees all day. She’s trying though!

Anyway, bring on the lawsuit Holly. We’re undefeated in court. Then again, we haven’t faced off against Richard N. Vulva yet, because we always just settle out of court. Whatever you do, DO NOT contact Attorney Richard N. Vulva on Facebook to hire him for a Turtleboy Internet deformation lawsuit!


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27 Comment(s)
  • Jabronio
    October 30, 2017 at 8:14 pm

    What a swill critter!!! The “How much for Percocets???” line fit her like a sausage casing!!!

  • September 21, 2017 at 4:55 pm

    I actually like your shit and agree with most, except when you lumped everyone from Woburn into your dbag category! Other than that, keep up the good work & if you get a chance, check out my book I just published called… The Depths • Vol-1 Kings Vs Demons • M.Burke • It’s on iUNIVERSE.com / Amazon & it’s on the Barnes & Noble website.. Don’t kill me for the few typos, it woulda cost me way to much to have them edit it, some and my 9th grade Woburn High Education had them print up rough draft! Lol

  • FoodBaby
    September 21, 2017 at 9:19 am

    Fuck that dip shit. Good, I hope she tries to sue you. Maybe she’ll get arrested for scamming people by claiming she has two kids. Maybe if she goes to jail she’ll lose that food baby she calls a stomach.

  • Jen L
    September 21, 2017 at 7:58 am

    This girl is a fucking dipshit. Boo hoo, I have issues. Her only issues are her food baby she calls a stomach and the fact that she’s scamming people into giving her money by claiming she has two kids. How is that not a crime?

  • MiddlesexLocal
    September 21, 2017 at 12:14 am

    So the fupa slug i’ve seen since about 2010 when i lived in nashua and worked in burlington. her another another guy who actually drives a mercedes fight over spots quite often.

    this chick has like 4 cats and 2 dogs if you include her dickbag boyfriend. she buys DDs and drugs and coach purses and burrito-nacho-deluxes. besides being forced to leave her jobs like burger king for not showing up, which is hard to believe a fupa her size wouldn’t go to the place she clearly bathed in… unless… she doesn’t bathe anymore at all? My god.

    Between the “single mom” and “2 kids” posters she’s got the druggy lean when she stands out there in her new snow/rain coats. and her ugg boots, and btw she has an iphone 7 plus i’ve watched her watch movies on while i sat at lights.

    I wish a news station really posted this problem so more people could restrict her cash flow and stop falling for it, maybe even harass her enough to move on to other places and outta state…

    • chrissy
      September 21, 2017 at 12:25 am

      “she buys DDs and drugs and coach purses and burrito-nacho-deluxes.”

      lol. i feel so incredibly patriotic for Murcia reading this blog

      • chrissy
        September 21, 2017 at 12:26 am


  • Joe smo
    September 20, 2017 at 11:16 pm

    Can you tell the fupaslug next time she comes in my work at border cafe to take her sign with her. I thought she might need it!! And I have seen them park in our parking lot

  • DJ Trump
    September 20, 2017 at 9:00 pm

    I know it’s off topic, but I’d like to take a moment to celebrate the complete destruction of Puerto Rico in today’s storm. Couldn’t of happened to a better bunch of assholes. Evidently there is a God.

  • Nemo Me Impugne Lacessit
    September 20, 2017 at 7:48 pm

    Whoa – hold your horses there TB! Now I know that Madinna has put Malawi on the map, but my peeps are from there and I take exception to your allusion of malnutrition and Malawi. Malawians are the best – especially the people from the north near the lake – north of Usisya. Go Tumbukans!!

  • Dick Hertz from Holden
    September 20, 2017 at 7:20 pm

    That jeep Cherokee starts at about $34,000 Maybe she needs the money for the car payments?

  • whatevuh
    September 20, 2017 at 7:13 pm

    Panhandling, but she can afford a lawyer? This fatass pos ain’t too fucking bright >>>>>

  • FA
    September 20, 2017 at 6:01 pm

    The “counciler” is probably a methadone clinic

    • Mercedes Lynn
      September 23, 2017 at 1:00 am

      Another person to hate on the methadone clinic not all of us are like her… most of us work very hard for our money and pay taxes just like you ✌

  • Puddintaine
    September 20, 2017 at 5:57 pm

    Waaaaaa she gets free money! Waaaaaa i have to work…waaaaaa!
    Lol if your really jealous if this chic f’d up life your free to wake up at 545 and beat her to the spot. Land of opportunity knock yourselves out. Can’t understand why people get busted up over a junky asshole. I’m sure her life blows. Not jealous of any aspect of it

  • mitch
    September 20, 2017 at 5:17 pm

    before all of you liberals and leftists start posting how mean TB is let me tell you how your beloved worker’s paradises like Cuba, Venezuela, China etc., deal with a miss fupaslug. if she refuses to work she is considered a “useless eater”, a shirker or work-shy and a drug user will be labeled “asocial”. if she persists in this behavior( being a parasite on our glorious socialist workers) then she will be judged an”ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE”. the peoples court will send miss fupaslug to a camp to dig coal for a period no less than ten years. if she dies in two weeks or lasts ten years it doesn’t matter. the parasite has been removed and the people have received fair equity. china just puts a bullet in the back of her head(drug use) and then sends a bill to her relatives for the cost of the bullet. turtleboy is gentle.

    • DJ Trump
      September 20, 2017 at 6:11 pm

      I’d have no problem bringing back the “workhouses”from 19th century Britain.

      • Jack Mehoff
        September 20, 2017 at 7:44 pm


        Make Jails Miserable Again!

    • MiddlesexLocal
      September 21, 2017 at 12:17 am

      i love it. let’s employ that here. now. yesterday.

  • Dick Dover
    September 20, 2017 at 4:43 pm

    Yeah, she’s riding out in style suckers.
    Jeeps ain’t cheap.
    I guess the lesson to be learned is
    Never underestimate the generosity of the common stranger …she makes a living of your kindness.
    Feel any better?
    Me neither.

    • Dick Dover
      September 20, 2017 at 4:45 pm

      Cash money no less. TAX free.
      Fuck her.

      • wabbitt
        September 20, 2017 at 6:25 pm

        Shit, I think I should roll around in some dirt and go stand on a corner. I’d love a shiny new jeep.

  • bigdaddy
    September 20, 2017 at 4:38 pm

    I tried ti read her blog but I dont speak ghetto

  • Irishcurse
    September 20, 2017 at 4:22 pm

    She may have 2 kids. She is still carrying them. From the size of her they are about 14 years old now

    • LG
      September 20, 2017 at 7:02 pm

      If she has two children she is most definitely carrying them stone baby style, for decades. And given how she has prime medical care that the rest of us pay for through, ya know, working, I suspect she is just a run of the mill fupaslug. I only say this because it would be believable that a woman could carry stone babies for decades undetected if it were some third world country.

  • Stunt Penis
    September 20, 2017 at 4:17 pm

    Thank GOD Attorney Richard N. Vulva, Esquire, is not on the plaintiff’s side! You would be TOAST, TB!

    • Bfunk
      September 20, 2017 at 4:28 pm

      I cut carbs out of my diet and lost like 10 pounds in a month and I just sit on my ass in a cube all week. This bitch actually walks around and manages to stays that fat – it’s actually kind of remarkable. I salute your genetics, miss Fupaslug.

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