Hoodrat Heroes

Burlington Mall Sleeping Fupaslug Panhandler Has Been Working That Corner For Years With Her Gravy Dumpster Boy Toy And She Sent Us A Hilarious FB Message

Burlington Mall Sleeping Fupaslug Panhandler Has Been Working That Corner For Years With Her Gravy Dumpster Boy Toy And She Sent Us A Hilarious FB Message

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Last week we published this blog about some fupaslug who panhandles outside the Burlington Mall, and has a tendency to fall asleep while standing up with a Dunkin Donuts iced coffee lodged in her lactation cannons.

Turtle riders started showing up out of the woodwork with their stories of dealing with this skagbag. Like this picture of this clearly “hungry” and “starving” super plus sized fupaslug putting something up her nose inside  Wendy’s for everyone to see:

Others sent us more pictures of the infamous cheddar dumpling doing what she does best – sleeping on the job:

As well as some other action photos:

Within minutes we had a bunch of people messaging us with a name – Amber Porter, AKA Amber Holy on the Facebook machine.

As you can see, the correct answer in this episode of ratchet roulette, was Nashua. Never saw that one coming. She doesn’t have time to work, but she has plenty of time to constantly update her Facebook profile picture to another slightly different selfie from the last.

And as you can see, she has plenty of money for the essentials. Like hair dye

Excessive amounts of makeup

Multiple cats

And of course copious amounts of Wendy’s and whatever she was putting up her nose inside that Wendy’s.

Anyway, all the good corners in Nashua are apparently taken, so they get in their car (yes, they own a car) and travel to Burlington every day. I say they because there’s two of them (boyfriend and girlfriend) and they’ve been doing this for YEARS!! This is Alex Emery from Westford with his boo:

Here he is working his corner, holding a sign about needing money for food for his kids:

Except he doesn’t have any kids. They just lie to get idiots to give them money. And yes, if you’ve ever given money to ANY panhandler, you are an idiot. Slap yourself in the face because you’re so fucking stupid.

The picture above set off a woman a couple months back because she either runs or is affiliated with farmer’s market in Tyngsboro, and he is standing on their sign:

Yup, this is outside of the Pheasant Lane Mall in Nashua. So they travel back and forth the Route 3 corridor, going from mall to mall, holding signs about fake kids, in order to fuel their drug habits. And as bad as they are, they wouldn’t do it if people didn’t give them money. I’m sure you feel good about yourself when you give them a dollar. But all you’re really doing is helping them get their next fix.

Alex has been working the corners for years. Here’s some posts he made in 2012, whining about people in nice cars who don’t give him money:

Yea, how could you heartless people NOT give him your hard earned money? This grown man deserves your money because you have more money than he does. Pay for his next batch of heroin or else you’re a heartless dooshnozzle.

Hurricane Fupa apparenty did not like the blog we published either, and sent an all time ratchet rant to our Facebook page:

If you wanna hear what this nonsensical run-on sentence sounds like when a ratchetbeast reads it loud, Uncle Turtle dictated it in all caps voice on the Facebook Live show last night:

Newsflash Amber – no one cares about your sob story. We all got problems. Deal with it. You weren’t featured in our blog because you were a crackhead. You were featured because you were asleep while panhandling, and you had a Dunkin Donuts iced coffee LODGED IN YOUR TITTIES!!! That’s new level ratchet.

Oh yea, and no one believes that you’re clean either. If you haven’t used in over a year then why are you still panhandling?

And did I read that right? You’re doing the “right things with your life now?” Uhhhh, you’re holding a sign while passed out with a Dunkin Donuts iced coffee LODGED IN YOUR TITTIES!!! That hilarious scenario doesn’t play out to people who are doing the right things with their life. If you ever pass out standing up while panhandling with a Dunkin Donuts iced coffee LODGED IN YOUR TITTIES, then your life is all sorts of fucked up still.

And you’re right, you do have a weight problem. That’s what makes this whole situation hilarious. You’re allegedly in need, but you clearly have not missed a meal……ever. But yet somehow you claim to be seeing a doctor about your “problem.” Ya got that? She’s got government subsidized healthcare, and she’s seeing a doctor about a problem that she could easily fix herself by exercising and getting a fucking job.

Oh, and you’re not a “big beautiful woman” either. That’s just something people tell fupaslugs like yourself because they don’t want to hurt their feelings. But we don’t care about your feelings and we’re hear to tell you the truth. We do however look forward to the impending lawsuit from using your picture without your permission.


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49 Comment(s)
  • Melinda
    September 24, 2017 at 9:36 pm

    I just find that very sad. People turn to drugs and begging first money. I knew Alex from school and he was very nice. It is sad. Instead of critizing we need to look at why people do this. Every time ever I see the begging on the street I want to bring the people to the shelter. They need help.

  • Dante
    September 22, 2017 at 12:18 am

    That is my ex husband and a horrible person. Almost makes me feel good to see this. Guess I’m not the only one who sees his true colors!

  • Green eyed beauty
    September 21, 2017 at 10:11 am

    I see this couple all the time, it’s sad. I try not to judge, I’m in recovery and im not proud that ive done plenty of things most people wouldn’t agree with to get by (stealing, ect.), been homeless, struggled to feed myself… all cause getting high was more important. I personally have never begged for money, but I know getting out of that life is hard, but can be done. Addiction is not easy to beat. Hopefully these posts will help motivate them to get their lives back. I’ve seen too many times tho that once ppl get used to a fucked up way of life they accept that’s how it will be, and give up. I’m guilty for finding most of this funny, but I’ve been on both sides of this story and in reality it’s not funny at all. They have got more resources but it’s such an epidemic that it’s still not enough. At the same time if they don’t ask for help it won’t come on its own. I have given panhandlers money, and clothes, food, ECT. But they were also sober and truly trying to survive. Everybody’s story is diff. This couple is being lazy and not putting the work in to fix their own lives and that’s on them, they brought this on themselves, but that doesn’t mean everyone asking for help is just as much of a joke as them. Just saying, everybody has problems that need to be dealt with differently, just don’t group ppl into stereo types. I hope these ppl get the help they need, I would hope they want help buy I could be wrong, someone should throw a meeting book to her, it’s a start.

  • Zac
    September 21, 2017 at 8:01 am

    That guy Alex Emery actually does have a kid and he’s my dad and I agree with this post about his girlfriend and him but you guys should get all your info before you post this stuff.

  • Bryan
    September 21, 2017 at 7:22 am

    For one these comments are sick
    And two why not give a on handler money?!? I mean your giving them a gift you just gotta let them be in gods hand and if they go spend it on beer and crack well oh well that’s what god wanted

  • Momma bear
    September 21, 2017 at 6:21 am

    Many people have declined jobs around here because they make more money panhandling. It’s time we did what our grandparents did ignore them. I have seen this couple when they were in Nashua with another couple they took up four corners begging. Then you see people that really need it looking for soda cans to survive. Take your junkie ass off the begging circuit we pay for the narcan used to keep you alive and guess what we know it’s possible to pass a pee test while using too.

  • Meow
    September 20, 2017 at 11:45 pm

    If I’m not mistaken, isn’t it illegal to be doing what they’re doing? People get arrested on gofundme for basically doing online panhandling, claiming they need money for a reason that isn’t true. So why haven’t they been arrested? If the mall employees called and complained every time they saw them passing out, using false signs (mother of 2), leaving a mess, etc. they might give up after enough citations for littering or even arrested for public intoxication.

  • World needs some changing
    September 20, 2017 at 1:43 pm

    I get what they do is fully wrong and they should be findung regular jobs because they are capable of working.. but that doesnt mean u should be verbally disrespectful and name calling.. juust saying

  • Lexie
    September 20, 2017 at 12:05 pm

    This is just messed up. It is one thing to say font give panhandlers money but when u go on and on and on about her weight and what she looks like thats just wrong, u can make ur point without degrading her and making fun of them . That’s lower than what they are doing. Yes they panhandle they have a choice to. Lying about it isn’t cool either they are not right and neither r u for making this. U could’ve stated ur opinion about them being wrong for panhandling saying it is going to kids u could’ve done that without bashing on her and degrading her. Ur just as bad.

  • September 20, 2017 at 10:42 am

    I’m going to say what I always say in these situations.
    If these two are gaming the system and taking advantage of people and living it up, then why doesn’t everyone do it ?
    Here is the reason — it sucks. It’s a lousy life. You have to degrade yourself. You are laughed at. You are scorned. You are yelled at. You are called names. And maybe worse.
    Panhandling, or begging , has been around for thousands of years.
    You don’t want to give ?
    Don’t give.
    If I want to give, I will give.
    Aside from that, I won’t judge you and you don’t judge me or them.

    This concept that people who have jobs are “better” or have “more worth” than people that don’t have jobs is horse crap.

    My wife is on disability. Is she worthless?

    Are the elderly who collect social security no worth less because they no longer contribute to society ?

    How about the person who is laid off at age 55 and collects unemployment ?

    You folks love to rail about the “liberal elite” that thinks they are better than everyone else.

    No, it’s the folks who look down their nose at the poor, at the beggars and the addicts and the homeless that think they are better than other people .

    There but for the grace of God go any of us. Addiction can take down anyone from any walk of life.
    Homeless? Unemployment?
    No one is immune.

    It is a cold, empty heart that cannot find any pity for two people living the life they lead. I’m not saying you should feel compelled to give them money. I’m not even saying they “deserve” help or would make the right choices if given help.
    But to live that life every day is sad.
    Its just very sad.

    And you guys at Turtleboy Sports? You’re no better than schoolyard bullies, picking on the weakest kids in the playground, the kids that aren’t “cool” and don’t have nice clothes or live in a nice house, whose mom is on welfare or whose dad is an alcoholic.

    You pick on people because you think you are better than they are .
    You aren’t.

    We are all just poor sinners in need of a savior . We all deserve God’s wrath. We all need his mercy and grace.

    And when you face Jesus , he won’t ask you about your house or your paycheck. But he WILL ask you how you treated “the least of these.”

    You don’t necessarily have to help beggars … but you don’t have to hurt them. It’s mean, it’s heartless and it displays a decided lack of morality and character on your part .

  • Derek
    September 20, 2017 at 9:53 am

    This was absolutely HILARIOUS! Great post!

  • September 20, 2017 at 9:43 am

    The “gent” of the pair was recently seen sporting an oxygen tank by his leg. Wonder if profits went up due to this…

  • Cheryl
    September 20, 2017 at 2:28 am

    OMG!! I took those pictures the photo grid where she’s in a red shirt! That was in Andover on the corner of 133 and 28! Lmao I put her on blast that was like 2 yrs ago!!

  • Julia
    September 19, 2017 at 10:45 pm

    She’s obviously unwell. Doing this isn’t going to make her better. Your cruelty leads people in the dark. Grow up. Hurting people isn’t worth a blog share.

    • Anti-Julia
      September 20, 2017 at 9:55 am

      Julia grow up, your post was worthless and meant nothing. Shes in the dark and is perfectly fine with begging and panhandling and littering all over the street. She is an eyesore that should go do something better with her time.

      • September 20, 2017 at 10:47 am

        And shaming her like this will help accomplish that ?

  • Mgf
    September 19, 2017 at 10:32 pm

    According to fb her bday is tomorrow 9/29. Her phone is on her page so you can always hit her up with a bday message.

    • A little off on the date there bud
      September 20, 2017 at 3:43 pm

      Today is only the 20th dumbass.

  • cathy coneeny
    September 19, 2017 at 8:35 pm

    Law in Massachusetts — you may take a picture of anyone in a place with NO expectation of privacy — panhandling in public — is acceptable to take pictures. You can also take pics of kids but can publish them publicly without permission
    Stupid comment from a stupid lazy scumbag — so sick of all the takers

  • No one special
    September 19, 2017 at 8:00 pm

    She’s a drug addict that lost her two kids.

  • Ash
    September 19, 2017 at 6:33 pm

    Fortunately most of us go to work and contribute to society. I think in Ambers response she is directing herself in a round about way that she has some kind of mental illness. I rather see her on mall rd not harming anyone than causing harm to others. Amber don’t let these people bother you. Instead embrace the asshole remarks and continue to go to treatment and help improve your life. Oh and do yourself a favor , stay off the streets. Life is to precious than letting people harass and make fun you. On a brighter note being “fat” is better than being an asshole

  • Here to help
    September 19, 2017 at 5:32 pm

    **note to author** although I found this post hilarious, please make sure to censor license plates in the pictures

  • Hippydippy
    September 19, 2017 at 1:01 pm

    I’ve seen her here and there and she is a scumbag here I a disability and I have to work hard to earn everything I have. And here she is doing this. PS I don’t get money from the government to help me out that’s why I have 2 jobs I hate people who do this. If you can work but choose not to your dead to me.

  • Lily
    September 19, 2017 at 12:22 pm

    You do not know these people’s history. If you don’t want to give them money, drive on. There are many people with mental problems. There is a strong correlation between the income level one is raised in and what they become and the work ethic shown etc. Who knows the abuse endured or reason behind the addiction. The police should be notified about their littering. These hateful comments are more wrong in my opinion. No one has to give them a cent. Maybe a careful reading of The Sermon on the Mount would help clarify my point.

    • Julie
      September 24, 2017 at 5:37 pm

      Sorry mental problems like theirs are treatable. They have free insurnance go use it and get help. People that use their pasts as excuses don’t equal mentally ill. And yes I do have the ability to comment on this seeing as I am a clinical psychologist thus making me an expert

  • AnonTurtle
    September 19, 2017 at 9:53 am

    LOL. I love you guys, but man, you need some better copy-editing! =P

    Keep on trucking, TB!

  • Deanna
    September 19, 2017 at 9:48 am

    I have known Alex Emery for a very long time and he does have a son with my best friend that he has never supported but he has the right to talk shit about people that drive nice cars and won’t give him money. His 16 year old son has never seen any of that money yet the sign says for his kids yeah ok liar and I just saw him yesterday on the corner of Kinsley street and main Street in Nashua with a oxygen machine how knows if it is fake or not but he is gross and so is his fat ugly girlfriend. Give the money to ur kid loser and get a real job like everyone else

  • September 19, 2017 at 9:41 am

    Let’s just note the limp bizkit shirt this dude is sporting in one of his photos. Not helping his cause.

  • Sheila
    September 19, 2017 at 7:13 am

    We have them in Woburn too. Different couple. I turn my head when i see them. Also those guys collecting to feed the children. What’s that about? I think that’s a cult.

  • They call me Ponch
    September 19, 2017 at 5:44 am

    Maybe she was up late studying for her next drug test?

    Here, hear!

  • chrissy
    September 19, 2017 at 3:11 am

    oh shit i just realized reading the comments again that the nodding you’re seeing her do is the heroin nod. eek. 🙁 way to go, all the people that feed the panhandlers habit. it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside pretending you’ll enjoy a karmic boost as you help ruin a community *thumbs up!*

    • Chris
      September 20, 2017 at 2:28 pm

      It’s ridiculous to me everybody think she pays for her makeup! Ya right! Where I’m from in WA state, they (panhandlers) beg for drug money and steal most everything else. Usually not even for themselves but to trade for drugs, or money for them and they keep the leftovers.

  • Ann
    September 18, 2017 at 11:09 pm

    I see this couple all the time & have also noticed her nodding while standing. I have never given them money & never will as I don’t want to enable them. I do however feel that many of the comments are cruel especially the ones directed at the woman. Obviously they have a serious drug problem but they are human beings that deserve at least some compassion or sympathy . Remember “there but for the grace of god go I”. I hope they get help before they end up another statistic. Peace.

    • Fuck Those Filthy Pigs
      September 20, 2017 at 3:41 pm

      Uh Ann, they lie and deceive people. They don’t give a fuck about you, so why should you give a fuck about them? I refuse to support their disgusting drug and overeating habits while other people have to work hard for what they have. Fuck them!

  • B
    September 18, 2017 at 10:59 pm

    Alex does have one child but he dont have anything to do with him. Unfortunately i knew him

  • Sanny
    September 18, 2017 at 9:46 pm

    Maybe she needs money to support all those damn cats! Lol

    And sorry to say that all that makeup doesn’t help…

  • Bob
    September 18, 2017 at 8:57 pm

    This post is bullshit!! Second to last sentence TB hear instead of here* I won’t sleep for a week now.

    • Duhhh
      September 19, 2017 at 8:29 am

      Nope, it’s definitely used and spelled correctly. Read it again genius lol

      • Duh
        September 19, 2017 at 2:14 pm

        No! It’s not spelled correctly!

  • Sara
    September 18, 2017 at 8:31 pm

    I understand that pan handling pisses people off but making fun of her appearance is just as shitty nevermind the people putting her out there on blast in such detail.

    • Eat shit Sara
      September 18, 2017 at 9:04 pm

      Yeah don’t hurt her feelings, she’s only out there deceiving the public with fake homelessness and fake kids in order to shame them into giving her $!! Fuck her! And fuck you too!

  • Wabbitt
    September 18, 2017 at 6:45 pm

    Big beautiful woman is just a fancy way of saying fat piece of shit. And this is coming from a fat piece of shit.

  • Samantha Marasca
    September 18, 2017 at 5:53 pm

    Fuck the both of them. I’ve watched both of their junky asses peddle in front of the Pheasant Lane mall for years. They suck

  • Mike
    September 18, 2017 at 4:10 pm

    Sorry FUPA, it is perfectly legal to photograph anyone at any time in massachusetts, it is only illegal to record AUDIO of a person without their permission in our state.

    • Stunt Penis
      September 18, 2017 at 5:05 pm

      It is not even illegal to audio record someone in public, as long as you do not attempt to hide the fact that you are recording. For example, if you take your camcorder to your son’s baseball game and record it, everyone there can see you are recording, so they cannot claim you are ‘illegally wiretapping’ them. I have this on the direct word of Attorney Richard N. Vulva, Esq!

      • Kerri Bishop
        September 19, 2017 at 12:56 am

        camcorder?? damn, flashback to 1994!! lol

  • Alex Sticks His Dick in THAT???
    September 18, 2017 at 2:59 pm

    I’ll bet he loves stickin’ it in any fold of that cow that he can! Better than your right hand, huh, asshole?

  • Stunt Penis
    September 18, 2017 at 12:17 pm

    You have to admit though… it does take skill to fall asleep standing up with a dunkin iced coffee lodged in your titties… and not spill a drop!

    If she had been at the Big E with a hat at her feet doing that act, she could have raked in millions!

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