This is Dakota Cronin from East Providence.
And as you can tell from the chin strap and junkie eyes, he’s still mad at his Mom for putting a lock on the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, and to the surprise of nobody he steals shit and resells it online like a fucking idiot.
Turns out the OP wasn’t the only one who’d dealt with this maggot before, because last year he set a dude’s boat on fire.
Word on the street is he’s out because of commie cold.
Wouldn’t want this able bodied shitbag to get the sniffles. He could run out of tissues!
According to the Rhode Island judicial portal he was indeed arrested for lighting a boat on fire, and is being charged with four felonies for arson.
But he’s not JUST an arsonist. He’s also been arrested for larceny from a vehicle in Barrington.
And in Smithfield.
And in Portsmouth.
Possession in Providence.
And visiting a common nuisance in Providence.
So he’s a real shitbag of all trades.
When he’s not committing crimes he can be found showing off his wrinkled shades next to the dying plant that has become a metaphor for his life.
Hangin with Dope Sick Donnie in the bathroom.
Smoking blunts with the chin strap mafia.
Chillin with the topless Keystone Kids whilst ripping butts in an apartment where 30 racks and bedsheets double as curtains.
Dropping the n word and keeping it 100 as much as possible.
Ironically taking issue with other people who steal.
Whining about snitches, despite probably being one.
Giving shoutouts to his stepdad for hooking it up with the free ferry tickets to Block Island.
Bragging about that one time he drank some tequila.
I remember my first drink too.
Celebrating his new “bangin ass job” at “chef shit,” which comes with “dope ass health insurance,” so he can grind.
Just not too much grinding, because it could interfere with his night job of stealing little kid’s football cards and selling them online.
He also excels in the art of long winded, virtue signaling Facebook posts about how he’s got life by the balls now that he’s put his ratchet days behind him.
“I look back on everything I accomplished in life…”
Listen Nebraska, the only thing in life you’ve accomplished is figuring out how to avoid a bad batch of Diego’s new product, and snitch your way out of all these charges you’ve had on you without doing jail time. Your “fair share of mistakes” isn’t in your past, it’s in your present and your future. You’re the kind of asshole who lights boats on whose life goal it is to catch a charge in every town in Rhode Island.
Anyway, he ain’t no dumbass because he “switched up and don’t fuck with you,” and doesn’t have dumbass tattooed on his head.
But he probably should.
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