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  • The Fall River Guttermuppet Is Back And Offering To Clean Your House For $10 On Facebook Marketplace For The “New Year”

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    So many turtle riders have messaged us about this link they found on Facebook marketplace:

    Yup. It’s her – the Fall River Guttermuppet.

    And now she wants to clean your house for $10. Ya got that? For less than it will cost her in food stamps to Uber her way to your house, she will clean it for you thoroughly. Nothing shady about that price whatsoever. It’s not like she’s the kind of person to rob you blind or anything like that. The Fall River Guttermuppet is a morally upright, law abiding citizen.

    This ad has appeared on people’s marketplaces all over the south shore, Rhode Island, Connecticut, and Worcester County. She’s like a disease that keeps spreading!! We just thought people should be aware that if you do end up hiring her because the price can’t be beat, she’s probably gonna end up raiding your medicine cabinet. Just sayin.

    The best is her bio:

    If you need your apartment or house cleaned in time for the new year. Please don’t hestiate to reach out to me. I offer professional, respectful, and great service all and all.

    In time for the new year? The Chinese new year? Because I think it’s the year of the cheesehog. Nevertheless I’m sure her service is “professional.” And by that she means she brings her own paper towels that she just stole from Walmart.

    She just won’t go away. I have been chronicling the Turtleboy Ratchet Madness runner up for over a year now. You can read about her greatest hits by clicking here, or just reading about her greatest hits:

    Like the time when……

    ……she started a GFM because she’s a single mom, asked the entire city of Fall River to co-sign a loan for her because her car got repo’d:

    Or when she went straight crazy, recording us a hysterical video diary, we found out her husband was a toddler rapist, and her mom sold her out to Turtleboy for being a pathological liar:

    Or when she was searching for her estranged pedophile husband, with his 16 year-old girlfriend, because he allegedly got hit by a snow plow and was dead in a snowbank somewhere:

    Or when she was scamming on yard sale sites by selling broken shit and blocking people when they wanted their money back:

    Or that time she was looking to give her kids away for the weekend on a Facebook yard sale page because she wanted to go play hide the mushroom with her assumed-dead pedophile ex-husband. That’s when a bunch of Turtle riders tried to intervene, to keep the kids safe, by setting her up and calling the cops:

    And the final chapter was when she was in a homeless shelter and the mandated reporters witnessed ungodly acts of abuse upon her children and DCF finally removed them:

    I was asking Uncle Turtleboy if she was eligible for Ratchet Madness again this year. He told me no because she hadn’t done much in the last calendar year to justify making the tournament. But this might get her back in, she’ll just an underdog this time around. Either way, I’m counting on her doing something extremely ratchet before April to guarantee her slot.

    South Shore Turtlegirl

    [email protected] Covering the dirty South Shore and Coast. Email me with tips, send me some hate mail, or just say hello!

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    1. Brian Albrecht


      1. Uncle Randy

        She might not be interested, but I’m always here to give you a packin’.


        1. Brian Albrecht

          Shut the fuck up uncle randy. What is your nephew not around or something? fucking pervert. You’re unoriginal and not funny at all. NO ONE LIKES YOU dude. Go back to your disgusting despicable sad excuse of what you call a family and dont ever come here again. If you’re going to keep talking shit how about we meet up in person and I can put my fist through that ugly fucking face of yours.


          1. Uncle Randy

            Better watch it, big boy.

    2. Brian Albrecht

      Hey, SSTG! Holla back, girlfriend! I wanna borrow your pumps because the gay rugby team wants to run a train on me and I can’t have them riding the ass pony without pumps and a bump in effect. Ya heard?

      Yo boo 4 eva,

      Brian the Unofficial Gay Town Bicycle of Weymouth

    3. Stunt Penis

      I vomit in my mouth every time i see that bikini pic.

      1. Brian Albrecht

        Can you save some for me? Like spit it in a cup or tupperware or some shit like that. I want to use it for some Caligula type shit… like rubbing it in all over my body… and enemaing it up my booty tooty hole.

        Quick question… what kind of lipstick should I wear when I suck off a guy? I need something that transfers, but doesn’t come completely off. I get so hot when I see it smeared all over a dudes pole and halfway across my cheek… ya know? #FuckWitMe #Please

      2. Fall River Fupamuppet sucks

        I know right? Every. Single. Time. That pic is beyond gross

      3. Bill Clinton

        Two takeaways from that picture:

        1. Never, ever, get involved with a woman who has had children, unless you like staring at a stomach that looks like a AAA road atlas

        2. Never, ever, get involved with a woman who hasn’t had, and wants, children, because the rigors of child bearing are not kind to the female body. Like an elastic band, once its stretched out, it will never return to its original size.

        1. Smh

          Plenty of woman who have had children have no stretch marks at all and have banging bodies.

        2. Smh

          And not only do they have smoking bodies but they work at Hurricane Betty’s for the afternoon shift!

    4. Hxbejsjd

      Ok. I really hate to say this. This also doesn’t redeem ANYTHING this trash bag has done. But if you look at her Facebook and the pictures, she looks like she may be trying to better her life, she kinda looks healthier in the pictures.

    5. Well, No Shit

      She forgot the word “out.”

      “If you need your apartment or house cleaned OUT in time for the new year. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I offer professional, respectful, and great service all and all.”

    6. Todays Poll

      Who has a better chance of winning? Lynch v.s. Unitil or Turtleboy v.s. Facebook?

      Thumbs up for TB, thumbs down for Lynch.

      1. Kevin Lynchs

        The reason I am bending over in that picture is my asshole was so sore from all the anal sex I had in prison

        1. Citypoint

          Not just in prison. Still to this day.

      2. Kevi's Cell Mate missing his chunky tuckus

        When this fat dope is done fixing fitchburg he can divert the Mississippi. How delusional is that low iq fat boy?

      3. Bevin Smynch

        Does the camera really add 10lbs or did I just get really fucking fat???

    7. Doppleganger

      The parity between Kevin Lynch and Turtleboy is scary. They both spend their days sitting in front of the computer scouring Facebook pages they’ve been booted from while munching on a bag of Doritos and sipping Diet Coke just looking for something to complain about.

      I’m not saying stop because it’s funny as hell.

    8. Fall River Fupamuppet sucks

      She’s already gunning for the top spot of your ratchet showdown of 2018

    9. Todays Poll

      Here’s a fun one. Thumbs up if this should be banished or thumbs down if Turtleboy rocked da house!

      1. Todays Poll

        I’m pretty sure TB is the skinny ginger who drops out of the vid on his knees to get a mouth full from the fat guy with the camera. True love? Thumbs up for yes, thumbs down for no just friends with benefits.

    10. Cassandra Bosworth

      To many people, Brett M. Killoran was a friendly man who loved to entertain young children. He frequently dressed up as his alter ego, Big Wet Pulsating Boner the Clown, at parties that he hosted for his entire neighborhood. By 2010, public perception of Brett would change forever, and he would earn the ominous nickname of “the Big Wet Pulsating Boner Killer Clown”.
      The first warning sign about Brett appeared in 1994, when he was found guilty of sodomizing two young boys. Brett was arrested and spent 18 months in prison. By the time he was released, Brett was divorced and decided to move to Worcester for a fresh start.
      In Worcester, Brett founded a successful Porn Video-Dildo business, attended church, re-married, and volunteered as the local Republican Precinct Captain in his area. During this time he threw elaborate block parties and built a solid reputation in his community. Brett was respected and admired by friends, neighbors, and police officers.
      During July 2001, a teenager who worked for Brett disappeared. His parent’s pleaded with Worcester police officers to investigate Brett, but they never did. This would not be the last time worried parents asked officials to review Brett as a suspect, but the pleas fell on deaf ears. In 2006, Brett divorced for a second time, and it seemed to give him a feeling of personal freedom. Unknown to anyone else at the time, Brett began to rape and kill young men. Over a period of just a few years, he murdered 33 people, 29 of whom were found underneath Brett’s house — 26 in the crawlspace and 3 other bodies were found in other areas beneath his home.
      A young man went to the Worcester police for help in 2007, claiming that he had been kidnapped and molested by Brett M. Killoran. A report was made, but officers failed to follow up on it. The following year, Brett murdered a 15-year-old boy who had gone to Brett’s home to ask about a job with his construction company. This time, the new Bedford police got involved and searched Brett’s home. They found a class ring, clothing for much smaller individuals, and other suspicious items. Upon further investigation, officers discovered that the ring belonged to a teenage boy who was missing, and they found a witness who claimed Brett had admitted to killing up to 30 people.
      Brett was arrested, and used an insanity plea in the hopes of a not guilty verdict. The ruse did not work, and he was found guilty. On May 10, 2022, Brett M. Killoran is scheduled to be executed by lethal injection.

      1. FFS

        Get help, bitch. You’re off your fucking nut.

      2. Bret

        It’s one T..

        And it’s clear to everyone I own your tiny brain…lol
        Try harder

      3. Sergeant Tat Arms

        S/he lifted that bio from John Wayne Gacy and changed the words.

        That’s something a leftist would do. They enjoy humor about children suffering. That’s why they’re fans of Planned Parenthood and NAMBLA.

    11. Mark D

      I miss the good old days when there was some decent / funny stuff in the comment section. It’s painful to read now.

    12. Hugh Jass

      Hey, TB : DeDe appreciates your groveling IMs begging her to call a truce. But she kindly declines. Snicker… you messed with the wrong grrrl when you poked DeDe.

      1. Brian sucks cock

        Hugh Jass. If Dede won, why is she and everyone else still so obsess. Winners don’t rub it in only sore losers do. In the end, she lost yet can’t get over it. Must suck being a monkey that’s one rock too short

      2. Starfish

        Hey, you Rethuglican! Don’t call that African American a monkey! We’re running out of Safe Spaces and they’re starting to use my yoga classroom!!! I NEED my yoga. I must authenticate my feelings and channel my peace from within.

        Plus, if you keep teasing them, they’re going to move in next door to us, and… um… they’d be kinda out of place, don’t you think?

    13. Roger

      We should euthanize her, leave her on the street, full her pockets with heroin and cyanide.  Pull up a lawn chair and watch the zombies of Fall River off themselves, one waste of space at a time

  • Heidi Wellman For Senate

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