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Who remembers Blake Loren Newton?
Loren is a morbidly obese female to male transgender individual who is homeless and lives in the middle of downtown Cambridge with her perpetually unemployed husband, her cat Sir Onyx Newton, and a bunch of other pets.
She is a master of the GoFundMe scam, and has one of the longest list of excuses for being an overall life failure and dreg of society….
Basically she says she can’t work because she’s too fat, and her husband doesn’t work because if he got a job he couldn’t collect from the government anymore. She wears diapers and claims that Sir Onyx Newton is a service animal, even though he’s not and she doesn’t qualify for one. She actually has more than one pet who she makes live in the cold with her, because she might as well drag some innocent animals into the disaster she calls life, and she refuses to get them rehomed. They sometimes buy hotel rooms and they both have iPhones that they claim nearby relatives pay for.
She also started a GoFundMe for round trip plane tickets to Germany where she will major in business, he will learn multiple languages, and a job awaits them selling their “street art.” They want to live in Germany because it’s impossible to be homeless in Germany due to government handouts. Oh, and the pets are coming with them to Europe:
She also claims that she was hit by a truck, has a disease that makes her morbidly obese, and needs money for a swimsuit so she can start swimming to lose weight.
Oh, and one more thing – she wants you to give her money for female to male gender reassignment surgery:
And don’t you DARE misgender zey, because that’s a PTSD trigger!!
The scams and whining about not getting enough government handouts were like nothing we’ve ever seen before…..
Her friends and supporters were up our ass for weeks about this blog. Tons of hate mail to various Facebook pages that no longer exist anymore. Check out the ratings on that blog. Usually we get a solid 4-5 stars on average. This one’s got 50 reviews and most of them are negative. Guess calling out hefalumps like this hurts people’s feelz!!
Anyway, she’s back, and this time she’s got a Craig’s List ad looking to put together an a capella group….
Before you think about applying though just understand that there’s one rule – no RAP music. Because rap music gives her PTSD, and she doesn’t have time to explain why:
But they are doing some Techno (I don’t know how an a capella group makes Techno music without instrumentation, but then again I didn’t realize the homeless could be morbidly obese) as well as Disney. So if you wanna belt out “A Whole New World,” or “Hakuna Matata” head on down to downtown Cambridge and bring your singing shoes! Because things are about to get pitch perfect up in this bitch!!