WTF

The Taunton Goat Press Conference Was The Funniest Thing I’ve Seen This Week, Even Though Taunton PD Lied About Where They Saw The Video

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WBZ’s David E. Wade, who blocked us on Twitter a while back after we pointed out that he falsely reported fake news, reported last night about the Taunton pot smoking goat that we first broke the news of.

He credited the Taunton PD finding out about the story through “social media.” Which is really just a cop out that the MSM uses to avoid admitting that they get their news from a boy riding a turtle.

But evidently he reported this because the TPD announced it as such at their press conference (yes, they had a press conference for this). Right around the 50 second mark a reporter asks the cop how they found out about the video….


“There’s a video online that was circulating around social media.”

Reporter: “Did anyone call you?”

“We monitor social media specifically about things that relate to Taunton.”

Come on now. We always support the police, but this is grade A poppycock. Let’s be perfectly clear – the Taunton PD got this video directly from us. It wasn’t available “on social media.” It was a video that was erased 10 seconds after it was made, but which we captured, saved to a file, and uploaded to Turtleboy. We’re the ONLY ONES who had it. And the only place the Taunton PD could’ve seen it was on our website, because it was never actually posted to Facebook.

So if we could get a correction from the TPD on that, that would be great. This shit matters. When the Taunton Police do a drug bust they don’t credit the Attleboro Police.

Some of those other questions were electric, and it was easily my favorite press conference that didn’t involve Donald Trump….

“Was there any treatment given to the goat?”

Yea, they gave him some Visine and the goat’s Mom didn’t realize she was high as shit.

“Were there any other goats at the home where she was found?”

Yes….for now. But no goats are safe in Taunton as long as the goat gangstas are out on bail.

“Does the goat have a name? Rumor is that it’s a female?”

Yes, her name is Tom Brady. And she’s 100% man.

“Has anyone called and said they’re missing a goat?”

LOL. You had all day to come up with a question and that’s the best your simple little mind could spit out?

“Has the goat shown any indication of increased appetite?”

Oh yea, he’s got the munchies like a mofo!

“Neighbors said there are chickens and pigs at this place. Did you confiscate any other animals?”

Yea, they brought all the pigs back to the station for questioning.

“Any particular breed of goat? Are they native to New England?”

It’s a fucking goat.

“You say you’re going to find a new home for her. Is that going to be a farm or something?”

No, she’s gonna go live in the Florida Everglades. It’s a God damn goat. It lives on a farm.

Look, what these shitheads did was terrible and it makes them morons. They definitely deserve to be arrested and we are pleased that we brought them to justice. But at the end of the day, the goat’s fine. And the fact that all these MSM outlets ran to Taunton for this press conference to eat up our scraps is one of the more hilarious things I’ve seen this week.

9 Comment(s)
  • Dr. Ed
    July 14, 2018 at 5:34 pm

    Sorry, Turtleboy, but the TPD can’t credit you because if they do, the lawyer these schmucks inevitably will hire will then try to exclude the video from the trial and without it, the perps walk free. The TPD doesn’t want that — nor do you.

    The problem is that if the perp’s lawyer can somehow convince the judge that you somehow violated copyright (and what does a MA judge know about the Federal DMCA) — regardless of if you did or not — then the exclusionary rule applies. And this is Massachusetts, where our judges got their bar cards out of Cracker Jack boxes.

    It’s a complicated legal issue, and I don’t claim to know how serious the threat of exclusion is, but this inevitably is going to be a plea deal anyway so the stronger a case the TPD can give the DA, the more likely he/she/it won’t simply “broom” it. Same thing with the press conference, no matter how asinine or sophomoric it might have been, they were sending a message to the DA about how seriously they consider this offense.

  • Whinycunt
    July 14, 2018 at 10:33 am

    Besides the likely fact they saw it on the TBS website, I sent the blog to TPD and I am sure many, many other riders did too. So no excuse not to credit other than they are dumb.

  • SMH
    July 14, 2018 at 12:23 am

    TB’s web site access logs of visitor IP addresses must be gold. Should be obvious when Taunton PD watched the video. Must also be fun to see all the cops, town government, and especially news media hitting the site for stories.

    • Fat Pete
      July 14, 2018 at 10:50 am

      But they’ll never cite it as a source (it’s usually a source) because they’re soft and afraid of what people will think of them.

      Turtleboy is LEGIT FAM.

  • The Mooch.
    July 13, 2018 at 10:46 pm

    The Mooch = big fan of this blog.

  • Deflateddoritodinks
    July 13, 2018 at 10:33 pm

    I used to get my dogs high and drunk. That was when people were normal and not a bunch of cunts like they are now.

  • feelingbetter
    July 13, 2018 at 10:28 pm

    I was depressed all day, and I just got up and read this and you, TB and SSTG, are freaking hilarious. I can’t stop laughing at the comments you made! Thank you for making my night.

  • The angry taint
    July 13, 2018 at 9:58 pm

    This story is just baaaaaaa…..baaaaaad. sorry I couldn’t fucking help myself

  • Hank
    July 13, 2018 at 9:36 pm

    David wade used to be married to the big cat, Bianca de la Garza. She is a stunner who dropped his cuck ass when she woke up and realized what a class A poosay he is. Now she’s killing it while he reports on goats. What a squid.

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