All-Star Criminals

The Taunton Tonsil Ticklers Who Kidnapped A Goat And Got It High On SnapChat Are All Being Charged With Animal Cruelty After We Exposed Them

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The other day we broke this story about a video on SnapChat depicting a bunch of chuds stealing a goat and forcing it to get high with them:

We knew one of them was Lorenzo Kelley from Taunton, since he was the genius that decided to use his real name to upload it to SnapChat.

Well, this is what Turtleboy justice looks like:

Looks like Renzo is proud of the fact that he’s been charged with animal cruelty and is gonna have to shell out for a lawyer now….

His boys are keeping a lower profile, although sources tell us that Nuno Camara regularly abuses that poor goat.

This was an actual conversation Renzo attempted to have about the incident on Facebook after we made him Turtleboy famous….

We really deal with some brilliant people:

“Sharing it is even more fucked up.”

But… were the one who shared it.

“Yea, but only on SnapChat. No one can see things on SnapChat.”

But it’s OK because, “n word that’s all I see on social media is n words smoking with animals”

“Now that I smoke with a goat everyone care.”

Someone get me that on a t-shirt.

Newsflash – if your Facebook feed is really filled with people getting high with livestock, it’s time to reevaluate your life choices.

Here’s my question – why haven’t the Fitchburg PD arrested the turtle murderer yet? They handed it off to the Environmental Police, who obviously are useless since they know it was Austin Shook and Raul Figueroa in that video, and they’re not hard to find.

But the TPD just showed you that the regular police can arrest people for animal cruelty. So……your move FPD. Yea, it was fucked up that these assholes scared the shit out that goat and forced it to smoke a blunt with them. But ultimately he’s still alive, unlike that poor turtle who suffered an agonizing death.

“Turtleboy isn’t real news. Look at me, I’m a stupid poo-poo head.”

Name another media outlet that continuously uses their platform to expose criminals and ultimately leads to their arrests? You can’t. It’s Turtle Riders vs. the World. And we’re winning.

12 Comment(s)
  • Alberto Chepito Taco Grande Con Papas Fritas Donde Esta El Baño Yo Debe Tomar Un Mierda Sullivan Jr.
    July 13, 2018 at 1:06 pm

    Well, butter me tacos, que pasa, ese?
    We drink and we fight and siesta all day
    Put on me sombrero when the mandolins play
    McSpics sneakin’ into the U.S. of A.

    • Esteban "El Polar Bear" Murphy
      July 13, 2018 at 1:15 pm

      I don’t get it

  • A. Pinochet
    July 13, 2018 at 12:00 pm

    Diversity is our strength!

    • Liberalism is a Mental Illness
      July 14, 2018 at 7:39 am

      And ironically our strength is our weakness.

      Liberals have manufactured double talk slogans like this for half a century and nobody questions it until they are overwhelmed by the problems of diversity even then many don’t get it. The patient is getting weaker… Dr. Wigwam Warren “then apply more leaches!”

  • Ninja Turtle
    July 12, 2018 at 6:34 pm

    This is great news. What would really make me happy, would be to find out that Austin Shook was charged with what he did to that poor turtle, better yet I’d be happy to hear that someone kicked him so hard they snapped his neck. Everytime I think about that fat bastard and what he did my stomach turns.

  • Justice for the Myrtle the Turtle!
    July 12, 2018 at 5:25 pm

    Gardner PD and Mass Environmental Police must subscribe to the corrupt MSP/FBI standards of law enforcement. Pass the buck, I know nothing, where’s my OT detail.

  • Real_Finn
    July 12, 2018 at 3:55 pm


    I hate people who abuse animals as much as I hate pedos (hint: it’s a lot of hate). Mostly because you’re sick, twisted cowards. Guys like you could never go toe-to-toe (mentally or physically) with adults – because we’d crush you.

    I’ve said it before and I’ll continue to say it — karma bats last.

    Get Fucked,

  • hank
    July 12, 2018 at 3:47 pm

    Being forced to watch these guys finger each other is going to scar that goat for life.

  • Peter Niss
    P. Niss
    July 12, 2018 at 3:18 pm

    It’s nice to be winning for a change. For too long the ratchets have terrorized with impunity.

    Winning streaks over kids. Learn to love the losing streak cuz that’s all you filth are getting from here on out.

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      July 12, 2018 at 3:37 pm


      Power to the Turtle!

  • y
    July 12, 2018 at 3:04 pm

    Alibi? Definitely wasn’t work…

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