Smiles And Sunshine

The Turtleboy Sports Revolution Is Spreading Like Wildfire And We’re On The Lookout For New Bloggers From Untapped Areas

We need more bloggers with talent who know how to give turtle riders what they want, and help us build a bigger audience in newer areas.

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Just wanted to take a minute to talk about the current state of the Turtleboy Sports Revolution. It’s been growing insanely fast lately. Every day we get a few hundred new followers and the daily visitors are off the charts. When we first started we were almost a strictly Worcester blog, which was fine because there’s so much debauchery and corruption in Worcester so we always had plenty to write about it. But Worcester is not unique. There are lots of hidden pockets of scallywags and chiselers all over this great land.

But we are always looking for new writers, particularly from places where we’d like to see a growth in our audience. The more we add writers from new areas that write about the crazy shit they see on a daily basis, the more people jump on board the turtle. Let’s take a look at this map of Massachusetts to see where our audience is most concentrated:


As you can see, Central MA still dominates. But our readership in the South Shore has been been booming thanks to SSTG. That’s why we need more people like that. She gets to sit at home, scour the Internet for dooshnozzles to expose, and express herself freely. And the more people she brings in the more we can pay her. Yes, we do have other Turtleboy’s who pen under the Turtleboy nom de plume, but they’re all from Central MA. We need more SSTG from underrepresented areas. And by looking at that map you can see that the North Shore/Southern New Hampshire area, and Western MA would be the first two places to look. But there’s a shit ton of dooshnozzelry all over the place in Haverhill, Lawrence, Lowell, Manchester, Cambridge, Somerville, Revere, Lynn, Peabody, Salisbury, Nashua, Chelsea, Pittsfield, North Adams, and many more lands of splendor and enchantment. So much potential.

In case you were wondering, here’s the 100 biggest readership areas for TBS:

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And here’s the state’s where we’ve had the most sessions in the last 2 weeks:


Connecticut is growing nicely, but New Hampshire, and Rhode Island are other prime areas for new turtle riders.




But why stop there? Let’s get into New York, Pennsylvania, Florida, California, China, everywhere. Chinese Turtleboy would make this blog explode.

Look, being Turtleboy is the greatest job in the world. We started off doing this for free because it was fun and fulfilling. Now it’s both of those things and a business too. And since we’re all about stimulating your mind and the economy, we’d love to get some new Turtleboy’s on board. You too could be sitting at home, exposing gravy dumpsters in your sweatpants, and making some cash to go along with it.

We don’t take just anyone though. We’re looking for people who can connect with our readers and have talent. So if you’re looking to do some freelancing and write some hot takes, we always take submissions for consideration. We can’t guarantee we will publish what you send us, but we’ll always read it.  Send what you’ve got in a word file attachment to and we’ll let you know if you’ve got what it takes.


We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.


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9 Comment(s)
  • Buried In SJW shitpiles
    January 4, 2017 at 6:18 pm

    Dream job. Literally. I live in an SJW hell so incredibly bad that I miss Worcester shit. Not only do we have local SJWs, we have a load of transplant Masshole SJWs who came here to find themselves. I hate this place. We also have a broad named “Cha Cha” who ran for city council. Cha Cha Spinrad. I want to die.

  • Alexander Knight
    January 3, 2017 at 11:19 pm

    Correction: Syrian Turtleboy would make this blig Explode. Chinese Turtleboy would make your cat disappear.

    • Alexander Knight
      January 3, 2017 at 11:21 pm

      And by blig I mean blog

  • WPS Employee
    January 3, 2017 at 7:49 pm

    Ya know, Turtleboy. You could use someone on the inside from the Worcester Public Schools…but with Mrs. Binienda at the reigns, scandal might be limited. She’s good people, TBS. Everyone loves her and has a great amount of faith in her. Nobody might be willing to expose any WPS wrongdoings because of her. But I will always let you know if I hear anything.

  • Wabbitt
    January 3, 2017 at 5:50 pm

    One of these days I’ll write a blog. So much douchiness goes on in Webster that still manages to slip through the cracks.

  • Fatfingr Lou
    January 3, 2017 at 3:39 pm

    I would have lost $1 on Colrain making top 100

  • Mark Berry
    Georgia Madman
    January 3, 2017 at 3:02 pm

    Keep up the good work. This transplanted Dudley boy now living in Florida uses TBS to keep up on the old hood.

    • Wabbitt
      January 3, 2017 at 5:51 pm

      I for one would love to hear of the exploits of the world’s shittiest superhero – Floridaman.

  • Sloppy
    January 3, 2017 at 2:45 pm

    Are you looking for people willing to make a regular commitment, or are you also considering freelancers who can make somewhat irregular contributions?
    I live right in the heart of Western Mass SJW dipshit douchebaggery and would love to contribute to the blog, but with my current full-time work commitments, I would not necessarily be able to send pieces in daily.

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