All-Star Criminals

There Isn’t A Single Right Men Have That Women Don’t In America, But There’s A Shitload Of Bad Things That Are More Likely To Happen If You’re A Dude

There Isn’t A Single Right Men Have That Women Don’t In America, But There’s A Shitload Of Bad Things That Are More Likely To Happen If You’re A Dude

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So as you saw there was a gigantic parade of oppressed white menopausal fupasloths all across America today. They were allegedly protesting for women’s rights.


But the truth of the matter is that this wasn’t a march about women. It was a gigantic pity party because they haven’t gotten over the fact that they lost. They know women in America are not oppressed. Anyone who thinks that is just plain dumb. There isn’t a single right in America that men possess which women do not. Here’s a list of things women can do in the USA, just like men. Women in American can

  • drive cars
  • vote
  • go to college
  • take out a mortgage
  • become doctors, scientists, engineers, architects, and ministers. 
  • They can bear children without a man
  • They can marry men who they actually choose
  • They can marry other women who they actually choose
  • They can leave the house without a male chaperone
  • They can obtain permits for gigantic protests in cities all over America the day after a Presidential inauguration
  • They can choose their sexual partners and have as many of them as they please
  • They can commit adultery and not get stoned to death
  • They can run for President and come 75,000 votes away from winning. 


None of these things are threatened by Trump being elected. Not one. Because they’re just throwing a hissy-fit because Hillary lost.

But ya know who can’t do all of those things? Women in Saudi Arabia. Women in Somalia. Women in Libya. Women in any country where Allah is the ultimate authority. So why aren’t they all marching there? Remember, these are “brave, nasty women.” They’re “strong and independent.” Women like Elizabeth Warren who claim they “love to fight.” They’re not scared of anything. So why are they wasting their time fighting for rights they already have when there are hundreds of millions of women all around the globe battling real oppression right now?


Meanwhile there are plenty of advantages and rights women have that men don’t.

  • Women don’t have to apply for the draft. Men do.
  • When wars happen men die at astronomically disproportionate rates than women.
  • Male inmates outnumber female inmates 15 to 1.
  • Over 75% of homicide victims are male.
  • White women have the lowest conviction rate of all groups, despite the vast majority of oppressed marchers today being white women.
  • When a male teacher bangs his student they go to jail for rape. When female teachers like former Shepherd Hill English teacher Amber Jennings bang their underage students they don’t go to jail and aren’t even forced to register as sex offenders.

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  • Over 57% of students enrolled in college are female, which might explain why blue collar guys who learn a valuable trade like plumbing end up making more than the Emerson College grad with a Gender Studies degree.
  • Women are much more likely to come out victorious in child custody battles because judges often take the “parent-child bond” into account when making judgements.
  • Men are far more likely to be arrested for domestic violence when the police respond to a call and both parties claim the other is at fault.
  • Fifteen year old boys are 50% more likely to fall short of basic standards in math, science, and reading than girls are.
  • Men are twice as likely to commit suicide.
  • Boys are more likely to drop out of high school
  • Men get addicted to drugs at far higher rates than women.
  • Over 92% of workplace fatalities happen to menbecause they’re far more likely to go into “high paying” industries like coal mining (almost 100% male), fire fighters (95% male), police officers (87% male), correctional officers (72% male), farming, fishing, and forestry (77% male), and construction (97.5% male). But yea, tell me more about the gender wage gap when you’re comparing people from completely different lines of work. Because that’s logical.

But Turtleboy isn’t gonna whine about that, because that’s just how life works. Only losers whine about stuff like that. Ya know, like the millions of losers who marched mourned for their losing candidate today. Men don’t get incarcerated at higher rates because of sexism against men. They go to jail more often because of choices they make. Kind of how women earn 77% of what men make on average because of life choices they make. Funny how in life sometimes there are consequences for your decisions. Must be sexist. Time to bust out the protesting shoes.


Anyway, I kept seeing people on TV today talking about they’re terrified and scared. How can you be “strong” and “brave” and “powerful” and “nasty,” if you’re scared of the President? I can understand not liking him, but if you’re “scared” of him, then you’re pretty much the exact opposite of strong, brave, powerful, and nasty.

And what exactly are you scared of? Terrorism? Because that’s been going on strong for the last 8 years. ISIS taking over countries? We’ve got plenty of that. School shootings? Those are in no short supply. Cops getting assassinated five at a time in one of America’s largest cities? Good thing that hasn’t happened recently. Rape, murder, and other violent crimes? Nope, none of that the last 250 years. Corrupt judges letting dangerous criminals out on the streets because prison “wasn’t working for them?” Yup, got that too.

It’s almost as if the the only thing we have to be afraid of isn’t Trump, it’s shitty human beings doing shitty things. Nah, that can’t be it. Carry on with the marching!!


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46 Comment(s)
  • TG
    January 23, 2017 at 10:25 pm

    Hey, TB. Look what a MAN wrote on his Facebook page. Told ya you were a sexist and NOT a feminist blog.

    (Facebook name withheld from ME…not HIM)
    “Anyone that knows me knows that I never really comment on stuff like this but I after reading turtle boys article on the women’s march I just got to say that this guys a bigger friggin clown than I thought before. I know most of you know this already and he probably wants me to make a comment because he’s looking for the shock factor , but for him to take a group of women that are assembling peacefully for a valid purpose and exercising their American privilege and call them losers is about as gutless and cowardly as a man can be ,what makes it even more cowardly is that he did it not to their face but from the comfort and safety of his own little turtles nest . As s father of two daughters I fully expect the world to treat them fairly and to afford them every opportunity that a man would receive . Turtle boys ranting and Ravings sound more like that of a sexually frustrated 15-year-old boy than of a grown man, and if he spoke to a woman in person the same way he does with the pen, I would think the city of Worcester would quickly put him in his place, he would quickly find himself in a very precarious position , not so much from angry men but from those fierce Worcester women , they can handle themselves!! His comments are ignorant and not worth the ink from a pen, his thoughts and ideas Are not even worthy of a bathroom stall wall although the papers that he writes could be best used for wiping.

    It’s a privilege that America affords him the right to print his garbage, thank God that same privilege allows us to let him know what we think of him or just dismiss him completely. Most of us have read his articles , maybe had a good chuckle at someone else’s expense and then Move along our way , but to call women with an opinion losers only says to me that maybe he has no strong female role model in his life or perhaps very little luck with the ladies in the past. I wonder if he even believes the crap he writes or just writes Absurdly to spark fierce debate and backlash just for kicks. Whatever the case may be , he is a complete hammerhead and a child and should be treated as such .I’m sure he will soon fade away like a fart in the wind but for now he seems to Linger and stink up the room!!”

  • Lightning bug
    January 23, 2017 at 2:49 pm

    That Amber Jennings is hot. Where/how is she looking today? I’d go a round with her.

  • Linda
    January 23, 2017 at 9:47 am

    Re: Your list of rights for women.
    They have the right to drive. Too bad they never learned to drive right.
    That’s one right I would review.

  • Chris From Georgia
    January 23, 2017 at 9:05 am

    Ironically a group of Pro life Women also wanted to march to protest Trump but were not allowed to because you had to be Pro choice to be part of this women’s movement. And liberals still wonder why they lost.

  • Pro-Trump
    January 22, 2017 at 9:53 pm

    Women for Trump!

  • Lola Bunny
    January 22, 2017 at 9:52 pm

    The thing is as women we want to keep the rights we had to fight to get. Trump thinks it’s funny that he can just “grab a woman by the pussy” and that’s not cool. What if he said that about your mom, sister or your daughter? It’s just disrespectful. More respect, more conversations, less insults, and more listening is how to get the country united.

    • Elizabeth C Stanton
      January 23, 2017 at 9:19 am

      “More respect, more conversations, less insults, and more listening is how to get the country united.” Way to go Lola, this weekend witnessed a million women doing the exact damn opposite. From the unhinged celebrities threatening to blow up the white house, to nasty women personally threatening the president. You want to get results? Act like adults. Fixating on a juvenile comment made by a blowhard a decade ago is counter-productive.

  • Chelsea
    January 22, 2017 at 5:25 pm

    A few things:
    When is the last time the draft was relevant? And you actually don’t HAVE to register for the draft.
    Your crime references are interesting; men also commit more violent crimes than women.
    Which gender is more likely to be a victim or rape or sexual assault? And what about the staggering amount of violence against women in general, and specifically on college campuses… you imply we are luckily to attend college at such high rates, what about the dangers posed in doing so?

    You also haven’t mentioned the effort to defund Planned Parenthood or the potential effort to overturn Roe vs. Wade, or the implications of completely repealing the affordable care act, which are issues many women are upset about and have legitimate reason to be.

    To say that we should not have an issue with our status in America because women in Saudi Arabia have it worse is ridiculous and beneath this publication. I was a fan of turtleboy until the articles posted since the Women’s March, but you just alienated at least one reader. (Who does not have a fupa and is not crying that my candidate lost.)

  • wtatnuckgangsta
    January 22, 2017 at 3:21 pm

    Anybody want to start a protest against these protests? I don’t want to be lumped into this shit just because I have lady-parts. I don’t need your stupid safety pins and safe places or that god-awful pussy hat shit.

    My skin is thick enough to not care if Trump thinks some women are nasty. So far he hasn’t been wrong. Hillary is a lying bitch and Rosie O’Donnell is a fast slob with a loud, stupid mouth. He’s doing more in a day than most broads do in a lifetime.

    I’d rather be Trump than any of these women out there acting like a flock of fools. Trump and his family figured out how to be rich and powerful as hell and I want me some of that knowledge.

    Call me when more women can do math better than guys. Some of us women don’t care that you have periods and babies. That takes zero skill. I take a pill so I don’t have to have a period every month and I take another pill so I don’t have humans coming out of my hole.

    I’d pay more attention if you broads opened a Calc book en masse and figured out word problems for a few hours. Shit’s hard and I still make myself do it because I don’t want to be some brain-dead bitch dressed like a maniac in a parade of coo-coo. I want to be employable and useful and making a real difference.

    • Bertha Von Nation
      January 22, 2017 at 4:40 pm

      Well said!

  • Amber Jennings double-standard
    January 22, 2017 at 2:57 pm

    Double-standards are prevalent in America. Glad you brought this up, since it is so true and statistically proven. Much of this is PC of course and the rules are made by the PC fascist dictators to control America. They were winning to the max too. Until the huge-backlash smashed into them. Now, they just seem baffled and in turmoil.

  • The truth
    January 22, 2017 at 11:11 am

    Here’s one. How about when a father and a mother part ways who gets the right to basically take the child and force the father to fight tooth and nail for custody. God forbid the mother had the slightest amount of dirt on daddy. By bye kiddo’s. Talk about equal rights??

    • Diane Woods emerson
      January 22, 2017 at 11:53 am

      And if a man could push a baby out of his penis then that would be fair too. But he cant so its not and likely never going to be fair. But it is more fair than it used to be. If your a trashy mom and dad can prove it then favor goes to dad. It is far more likely , statistically , men walk away a lot easier than women and cave under pressure. Just because most do. Not all it most.

  • You're An Idiot
    January 22, 2017 at 10:03 am

    There isn’t a single right that white ppl have that black ppl don’t, but there are a shit ton more bad things that are likely to happen if you’re black.

    You f-ing idiot and hypocrite.

    • xx
      January 22, 2017 at 11:02 am

      Exactly my point. Statistics vs. Rights

    • Statistically speaking
      January 22, 2017 at 11:44 am

      “but there are a shit ton more bad things that are likely to happen if you’re black.”

      Like getting shot by another black guy

    • joe
      January 22, 2017 at 12:26 pm

      Yes, and all those bad things are done to them by other black people.

      • You idiot
        January 22, 2017 at 3:11 pm

        You’re just demagoguing. And racist. You must be black because according to you only bad things happen to black by other blacks.

  • One of the good ones
    January 22, 2017 at 10:02 am

    I only worked 77% of the week because I went to DC to March, scream and smash windows at McDonalds and some banks, but I sill want 100% of the pay that the people who had to cover my work for me got paid.

  • Doris Czajkowski
    Dot Czajkowski
    January 22, 2017 at 9:44 am

    Right in Turtleboy.

  • XX
    January 22, 2017 at 9:21 am

    Many were there specifically to hate Trump which is stupid. But to say that women have rights that men don’t have is just as stupid.

    According toTBS, women have the right to:
    -NOT die as much?
    -Commit homicides?
    -Not be convicted?
    -Rape a student?
    -Enroll in college while men can’t?
    -Abuse their spouses ?

    And men DON’T have a right to:
    -Excel in Math, Science, and Reading?
    -Stay in school and not drop out?
    -A fair trial?
    -Apply to college?

    Those are statistics, TB, not rights! Just sayin’.

    • Jon
      January 22, 2017 at 12:23 pm

      Yes, those are statistics. Did you read the title of the blog? There are no rights that women don’t have. But there are a bunch of other things that are shitty that men get.

  • Lincolntf
    January 22, 2017 at 6:56 am

    “Grandma, what did you do when Trump became President?”
    “Well, honey, I was brave and powerful and nasty and we really made a difference!”
    “Wow, but what did you do, Grandma?”
    “First I threw a bag of feces at a cop, then I lit a fire in a trashcan, and then I chanted nonsensical slogans until my throat was so sore that I needed two boxes of wine to get my voice back.”
    “Wow, Grandma, you sure are brave.”

  • Dgaf
    January 22, 2017 at 3:07 am

    Get the fuck out of here with this blog. Tldr ….got through the first paragraph. 2.9 million people protesting because they lost or protesting because of what they stand to lose? Bunch of horseshit

    • xx
      January 22, 2017 at 11:36 am

      Thing is….they are not going to lose ANY rights because Trump is President. He’s not going to go after abortion or gay marriage. He has said that.

      • PJ
        January 22, 2017 at 12:20 pm

        Why is fetus murder a feminist issue?

  • BobnMic
    January 22, 2017 at 2:20 am

    President Trump: “When You Open Your Heart to Patriotism, There Is No Room for Prejudice”

    Best line is his inaugural speech. Profound.

    Other inspiring quotes from President Trumps inaugural speech:

    “We will seek friendship and goodwill with the nations of the world – but we do so with the understanding that it is the right of all nations to put their own interests first.

    We do not seek to impose our way of life on anyone, but rather to let it shine as an example for everyone to follow.

    We will reinforce old alliances and form new ones – and unite the civilized world against Radical Islamic Terrorism, which we will eradicate completely from the face of the Earth.

    At the bedrock of our politics will be a total allegiance to the United States of America, and through our loyalty to our country, we will rediscover our loyalty to each other.”

    Profound and moving in my humble opinion. The right President at the right time…

    • Tarbash The Egyptian Magician
      January 22, 2017 at 5:36 am


      • BobnMic
        January 22, 2017 at 7:28 am

        Fuck off

      • Turtle boyZ GA
        January 22, 2017 at 2:30 pm

        What’s funny is that most of Tarbash’s up votes are by stupid liberals who don’t know he’s mocking them with stereotypical sarcasm.

      • dtrump
        January 23, 2017 at 10:52 pm

        Go fuck a goat, Tarbash!

        D. Trump

    • BobnMic go away
      January 22, 2017 at 6:15 am

      Speed kills!!! GO AWAAY!!!

    • Jessup
      January 22, 2017 at 9:26 am


      What you said was right on. You deserve all likes for it. Just to see anyone disliked it shows a personal and prejudicial dislike for you for some reason. I’m guessing your thumbs down came from a lawyer, a gerbil, and a turd. I wish people would leave their personal disdain out of this blog. It’s becoming obnoxious. I hardly ever read comments anymore because of it.

      • Hugbo Mont
        January 22, 2017 at 10:30 am

        I’m not a gerbil, a turd, or a lawyer, but I downvoted his comment because it had nothing to do with the topic of this blog.

        • xx
          January 22, 2017 at 11:37 am

          True….but they are protesting because Trump was elected, and Trump said some very positive powerful things that BobnMic was pointing out.

          • Kid Dyno-mite
            January 22, 2017 at 12:49 pm

            All BobnMic did was copy/paste a portion of Trump’s inauguration speech transcript. Something any kindergartner could have done. When he’s not being an asshole to everyone else here, all he posts is stupid drivel.

          • BobnMic
            January 22, 2017 at 4:23 pm

            Really? Show proof of what you say.

        • Don't let him fool you
          January 22, 2017 at 12:04 pm

          When you argue against bobnmic and you see people sticking up for him, 9 times out of 10 you’re arguing with bob as he’s using a different handle. I’ve learned that about him over the course of a few months.

          • BobnMic
            January 22, 2017 at 4:21 pm

            And you know this how again? Because that right there is some serious James Bond computer tapping into shit…

          • Tarbash The Egyptian Magician
            January 23, 2017 at 6:37 am

            You’re right fucktard. I do know how to do some James Bond computer hacking shit. Why don’t you hover over my avi and check out the gravatar? Notice anything? I mean besides the fact that it’s the picture you jacked from the guy stumpman twitter account? Now go check out the hash value of it and the hash value of the fake Turd Burglestein account you were trying to troll with a couple of weeks ago.

            Guess who jacked whose account now dickbrain? Oh and if you think I’m full of shit, go change the gravatar and watch how Tarbash changes right along with it.

            And there ain’t a damn thing you can do about it either you little pussy!


            Now Shut De Fuck Up Ya Moron.

          • BobnMic Is A Literal Dickhead
            January 23, 2017 at 6:38 am

            You can’t blame me for being a dickbrain when I’m constantly under the middle of this circle jerk drinking man chowder.

          • BobnMic
            January 24, 2017 at 12:40 am

            Bartrash – you are full of shit and your fixation on me is insane. Don’t you have anything better to do?

            You say – “And there ain’t a damn thing you can do about it either you little pussy!


            Why so angry and full of hate dude? What’s the matter, your girl didn’t win the White House so all who support our new President suck? Is that it? Who is the pussy now?

            20 JAN 17 at approximately 1200 hours on the steps of the West front of the U.S. Capitol building was the beginning of the end of the SJW crying brigade. Get used to it Bartrash. Get used to it.

      • BobnMic
        January 22, 2017 at 4:17 pm


      • BobnMic
        January 22, 2017 at 4:25 pm

        Completely agree.

    • wtatnuckgangsta
      January 22, 2017 at 11:48 am

      I love that speech. Basically, it was a lot of “Don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm.” We need to take care of ourselves to be able to correctly help others. The stronger, happier and more together we are as a nation, the more we can help the rest of the world. Suffering leads to anger and that leads to war and retaliation and abusing others. It works on all levels. We just have to adapt it to a world stage.

      Right now, we’ve become a whiny little country filled with so many people who can’t even see the real suffering out there in other countries. This is where education and taking care of ourselves first will help. The more ya know…

    • Officer BobnMic
      January 22, 2017 at 12:11 pm

      On another note…

      Sunday is laundry day. My mom put my police shirt in the wash without unpinning my felt badge. Thankfully I live in the basement and was able to stop it mid cycle!

      I’m working a double shift today. If anyone wants to join me come down to McDonald’s on Main street in Worcester. They have free WiFi and I can pick up the online police scanner from my free android app. I brought my bicycle so you can ride the handlebars on the next police call. Just fixed the bell, it’s almost as loud as a real siren.


      Protect & Serve

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