All-Star Criminals

Meet Carmen Figueroa – The Hampshire College Cheesehog Who Attacked A White Chick Playing Basketball Because Her Braids Were Cultural Appropriation

This Is Carmen Figueroa – The Hampshire College Cheesehog Who Attacked A White Chick Playing Basketball Because Her Braids Were Cultural Appropriation

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Earlier today we published this blog about a Hampshire College student named Carmen Figueroa, who was arrested for going up to a white woman playing basketball for a competing school during a game, demanding that she take out braids because it was a cultural appropriation, and then pulled her down by her hair and kicked the shit out of her when she refused. She also raised over $2,000 with this GoFundMe so she could go take a vacation to Thailand and play with elephants.

Anyway, if you wanna read about our take on how stupid the whole concept of cultural appropriation is, then just read the blog. Because it’s ridiculous and we don’t even need to go through all that again. But previously we couldn’t find this chick’s Facebook because there’s a million Carmen Figueroa’s from Brooklyn. Luckily a turtle rider sent it to us this afternoon, and she is every single bit of the cheesehog we dreamed she would be and more. The only thing she hates more than cultural appropriation is apparently exercise.






She has mastered the art of the duckface selfie:

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She’s big into the dog filter


Here she is hanging out with some of Thailand’s world famous tranny hookers:


But hey, at least she got to ride some elephants, paid for by white guilt:


A Latino woman riding an Asian elephant and complaining about white people appropriating culture. Can’t make this stuff up.

Speaking of appropriating African-American culture, she also likes to use the n word when bragging about her elephant tattoo:

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She was one of the students we blogged about last year who were demanding that the school cancel classes and expel students who they were falsely accusing of rape:

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Oh, and in the least surprising news over, she’s reproduced.

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Yup. A woman who has the time to go to college three hours from home while presumably abandoning her son for someone else to take care of. This person is the arbiter of moral justice in Amherst. She decides what is offensive and you don’t listen to her she will attack you by the hair. Great role model for her kid.

You might be asking yourself – what’s the point of this blog Turtleboy? Simple – public shaming. Hampshire College is a plague. It’s out of control and it needs to be destroyed with fire. They train an army of SJW thugs who think their cause is so righteous that physical intimidation is a fair way to silence people who disagree with them. It’s not. And we need to teach them that.

More than anything, this woman needs to be charged with a hate crime and suspended from school. She was leading the charge last year to expel students who hadn’t been arrested for a crime. But she’s actually been arrested, she committed her crime in front of lots of people, and she did so to the other girl because the color of her skin didn’t match the hairstyle on her head. That’s racial prejudice. That’s discrimination. That’s a hate crime. Turtleboy has had it with these people and we’re not playing nice-nice any longer.


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71 Comment(s)
  • rlwieneke
    March 24, 2017 at 9:31 am

    someone needs to rip all the hair out of her head.

    March 24, 2017 at 9:16 am



  • jonaspell
    Jacob Masterson
    March 23, 2017 at 11:24 pm

    Another reason to avoid black women

    • Liz
      May 1, 2017 at 8:37 pm

      What the fuck dude! She ain’t even black! She’s a dumbfuck Puerto Rican!

  • Rev
    March 23, 2017 at 8:52 pm

    And the elephant groaned.

  • Frank Brodie
    March 23, 2017 at 10:32 am

    What a waste of skin. And she has enough for 3 regular girls. Deport her if possible

    • on it's back
      May 22, 2017 at 4:21 pm

      I already called ice

  • gene
    March 22, 2017 at 7:23 pm

    I would like to Know, who pays the 64k plus for her tuition apparently she was a student there also, drug dealing dads or what, how would this airheaded brainless one get to be accepted, maybe she was given the tuition because some lefty felt sorry for her as she obviously can’t control what she puts in her mouth or what comes out of it…

    • jonaspell
      Jacob Masterson
      March 23, 2017 at 11:25 pm

      She was definitely a “scholarship” student, which in this case meant she has brown skin and can read at a 4th grade level

  • Jimi Streets
    March 22, 2017 at 7:35 am

    I’m an American of Mexican descent.

    This manteca-eating behemoth is an embarrassing monument to the ignorance that even a $60,000 a year school produces.

  • Bill H
    March 21, 2017 at 7:25 pm

    The college is going to be hit by several nasty lawsuits. The college did not provide security for visiting team members. Two of the players were injured. This will cost the college about $25,000 per player plus legal fees. BTW, you can lay money that the fat NYC girl will be history. BTW, the fat NYC girl will be hit with a lawsuit. Jury awards never expire.

  • Chuck Taylor
    March 21, 2017 at 6:45 pm

    All of this talk about cultural appropriation. OK, whites will stop going native, and all of the precious folks like this Figueroa creature can stop wearing anything but loincloths, no tennis shoes, stop driving cars, no more radios, no more TV, no more… well, you get the idea. Let them go back to thatched huts and mud huts and leave us alone. They’re the real racists.

  • JC Baker
    March 21, 2017 at 6:31 pm

    Followed a link here from the Daily Caller on this story. Great site! Keep up the good work…and be careful of fat elephants.

  • SolToast
    March 21, 2017 at 4:49 pm

    Love how authorities are not saying if she is a member of the Hampshire basketball team. Uh really, did someone actually ask that question?

    • XYZAffair
      March 21, 2017 at 1:46 pm

      I love how they said community college. Hampshire isn’t even a community college. It’s a day care for filthy rich (mainly SJW) kids. At least, community college have useful programs there and teach job skills.

  • March 21, 2017 at 12:42 pm

    All those pictures with puckered lips make my sphincter pucker. She doesn’t look bright enough to have come up with “cultural appropriation” on her own. HAD to be some professor who put those words in her head. Cultural appropriation, huh? So, eating tacos, chicken, watermelons, egg rolls is just WRONG, if you’re of white European decent? A lot of fast food joints going to go out of business.

  • Jambes Marks
    March 21, 2017 at 10:53 am

    Spring planting is coming up. How can I hire her to pull my plow?

  • Obbop
    March 21, 2017 at 10:22 am

    Society is chock-full of crazed dames that must be confined for their own and society’s protection. And never let these idiots vote!!!

  • March 21, 2017 at 6:38 am

    In one of her picture’s her hair was straightened and blond. Is that not the very thing she was raging against, cultural appropriation? If your hair is ethically dark and curly you should not cross into the spectrum of a different culture…. according to her logic.

  • March 21, 2017 at 6:34 am

    In one of her picture’s her hair was straightened with blond tips. Is that not the very thing she is claiming is cultural appropriation?

  • jim
    March 21, 2017 at 5:52 am

    Which culture was being appropriated here??? She’s not black, and I’ve never seen different latina cultures claim their version of latina is supposed to be the braidy one. Well, I’m sure she will get more exercise in prison running from the real braiders.

  • JoeMomma
    March 20, 2017 at 8:24 pm

    Guess they never told her at Hamster College that the Vikings had braids…….

    • jim
      March 21, 2017 at 5:53 am

      They told her, she just doesn’t know how to listen when she’s always running her mouth.

  • Hippoplatypus
    March 20, 2017 at 11:58 am

    Why do these fat chicks keep posting pics of themselves with duck lips?

    • March 21, 2017 at 12:56 pm

      Why does anyone? Not a flattering look in my opinion.

  • beached, land-locked
    March 20, 2017 at 11:39 am

    Call Greenpeace immediately !

  • March 20, 2017 at 6:36 am

    This fuckin pig should be ashamed but I bet she is happy being getto famous, for now. Now all the vile and disgusting shit will come out and people will see the real hose beast for what she is. A fat hog jealous of a fair skin lady that can run and jump with braids. Can’t wait to hear how this was a long time coming and she is the real victim. The only thing you’ve been a victim to is overeating and lack of movement. Go blow your dad if you know who he is!

  • Wabbitt
    March 20, 2017 at 1:12 am

    Why would she get a tattoo of herself on her back?

  • March 19, 2017 at 6:49 pm

    Hey Carmen,

    Lose weight
    Cover up your fat, put some clothes on you whale
    Stop feeding your kid snickers for breakfast cause that little fat ass is gonna grow up and be like the momma a free loading fat ass piece of shit
    Get a job you scumbag
    Name the daddy of that fat piece of shit you call your kid so the low life drug dealer scum bag sperm donor can pay child support, oh shit wait a minute he’s on the SSDI check too.
    Great fat of fat ass drug dealing gang banging pieces of shit

    • on it's back
      May 22, 2017 at 4:12 pm

      Woah!!! First we must get the little fucking hoodbooger a bulls cap!

  • White Pride White Power
    March 19, 2017 at 5:00 pm


  • Down with Hampshire
    March 19, 2017 at 3:56 pm

    Read the entire police report. It’s awful. She stepped on the two
    girl’s heads after they were down and kicked them and screamed racial slurs.
    She tried to attack THE WHOLE TEAM. Typical nasty violent Brooklyn thug.
    Hampshire College is nothing but a plague of rats. Whole country knows
    it now too because of the whole flag thing that happened last year.
    If the races were reversed every SJW would be talking about this and
    the victim would’ve become a top-trending hashtag. The college is “not
    commenting” on the incident. Stupid fools.

  • Brad
    March 19, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    If I were the b-ball player from the other team, I’d sue the college in civil court for creating an environment that did not ensure her safety. How the heck was this cow allowed to get close enough to the opposing team to start a fight? Gotta be a lawsuit against the college in there somewhere.

  • Jack
    Brooklyn Brawler
    March 19, 2017 at 2:05 pm

    Brooklyn stereotypical bimbo, with her hand out of course. Like to see the freebies she’s receiving. Especially with the fatherless kid.

  • Cougar hunter
    March 19, 2017 at 12:23 pm

    I’ve never put the dick to a fat girl but I once woke up the morning after a party with my shorts around my ankles and a fat girl next to me on a couch. I’m willing to bet fat girls have pretty meaty piss fenders. Anyone have experience with this?

    • Chubby Chaser
      March 19, 2017 at 12:39 pm

      I once woke up in a random fat chick’s bed freezing because I pissed the bed and the bed was cold and wet. I was ass naked and she was hoarding the covers. I found my jeans, wallet, keys, and phone and I was out of there. I walked around Boston barefoot at 5 am until I finally found my car. I never even considered going back to recover my shoes.

      • Dick Dover
        March 19, 2017 at 1:35 pm

        I chewed my arm off so I wouldn’t wake her up, then chewed off the other arm, so I’d never fuck one again.

        • Talisman
          March 19, 2017 at 2:58 pm

          That’s some funny shit there.
          Never punched out of my weight class. Too picky I guess. Chicks like this made my hand look too good. Especially considering the baggage on a hog like her, both the emotional and ala-crisco. It’s enough to put up with bullshit from a looker, and I could take a certain amount, but I doubt I could stand being in proximity to anyone that attends Hampshire, much less an uber liberal yeastbeast.

          • Been there
            March 19, 2017 at 4:26 pm

            Dude, need to add bj from a fat chick to your bucket list. They suck it like there’s food inside.

          • Talisman
            March 20, 2017 at 8:46 am

            Dammit, Now that you said that, if I ever did, I’d have a hard time not laughing at the thought of Fatima Jowels pulling a vacuum like she’s trying to get to the center of a Twinkie.

  • X
    March 19, 2017 at 11:51 am

    There’s an online poll about Hampshire College in the “Your Degree is Worthless” category

  • None White Guilt
    March 19, 2017 at 11:15 am

    What a surprise, another obese fat Latina pig single mother that thinks the world revolves around her. I seriously hope the girl she attacked sues the shit out of this hog (not that piggy and fam have any money) so that she has to drop out and work for her deep fried twinkies. Ah, who am I kidding? She’ll end up like the rest of her herd, ebegging and living off the gubbment because she somehow believes people owe her disgusting fat wide flat ass something. Cunt needs to grow up, shut up and put on her big girl pants (in her appropriate XXXXXXL size so we don’t have to see that unsightly fupa). Also, you’d be a fan of the dog filter too if you had a face like that, complete with fat squashed eyes, acanthosis nigricans and pig snout.

  • Mom's Basement
    March 19, 2017 at 10:18 am

    The white pants confirm what we can already assume . If a chick like that doesn’t go to fifth base on the regular then she’s going to be spending a lot of money on batteries.

  • Lenny
    March 19, 2017 at 10:15 am

    Fuck this spic cunt in her fat hairy pussy

  • Drag Queen
    March 19, 2017 at 9:29 am

    Maybe a male ?

  • Coach
    March 19, 2017 at 9:25 am

    That poor elephant! Jezus-H-Christ… addition to a hate crime, should should be charged with an animal cruelty charge for overloading the elephant.

  • Troubled Nostrils
    March 19, 2017 at 8:36 am

    I was hoping TB would track down this blob of excrement. And isn’t it ironic that she has an elephant pendant hanging down on her adipose chest? Takes one to wear one, I say.

  • Bobn?
    March 19, 2017 at 7:25 am

    That’s my kinda lady! More fatties please, TB! You obviously owe me for being your #1 commenter since the beginning. And if I may make another request (of course I can, best commenter ever!)…


    Really? Yes, fucking seriously! Really!

  • El Blanco Diablo Mandingo
    March 19, 2017 at 7:20 am

    All the brothers that have small ding dongs better stay out of Asian locker rooms. All the hung white bois better not go into a locker room with all blacks .

  • Independent Thinker
    March 19, 2017 at 7:01 am

    Then you wonder why someone like Trump actually became President. It’s because so many of us are just plain sick of this PC crap. Pretty soon they’ll have us all dressing in “gender-neutral” clothing, so as not to offend anyone. It’s bad enough they’re getting rid of the Homecoming King & Queen.

    This girl should consider herself lucky that the entire team didn’t beat the crap out of her. Perhaps next time. And if she wants to ride elephants, she should lose a few pounds.

    • TruthSeeker
      March 23, 2017 at 9:42 pm

      In an elementary school in New Hampshire, they have outlawed playing tag. TAG. Afraid that the kids would get hurt. WTH?

  • Maggie the Cat
    March 19, 2017 at 6:58 am

    Someone should tell her that the elephant has long been the symbol of the Republican Party!

  • Dick Dover
    March 19, 2017 at 6:54 am

    Fuck that nasty third word mutt and her chimichurri stained asshole. Fat fucking pig should act her weight

  • Turd Burglestein
    March 19, 2017 at 5:41 am

    Maybe that GFM to play with elephants was really to be a family reunion…although to be fair she looks more like a fupapotamus than an elephant.

  • Frisco Speedball
    March 19, 2017 at 5:34 am

    You sure that wasn’t the elephant riding her?

  • Twat tickler
    March 19, 2017 at 5:08 am

    Fucking scag

  • SBW
    March 19, 2017 at 1:33 am

    Classic Puerto Rican. Knocked up and (presumably because they all do) collecting welfare while getting a (presumably) free boat to college. Grandmother is probably raising the kid….and Carmen’s grandmother probably raised her. Kudos for actually having the drive to go to college because not many do. Must be on the meal plan. She’s a slob hoodrat bitch. Someone should beat the shit out of her in the cafeteria line.

    • Walton Ferris
      March 21, 2017 at 7:47 pm

      “Someone should beat the shit out of her in the cafeteria line.”
      Not at that school they won’t – she is probably being hailed as a hero. Other schools should refuse to play there – suspend the school from playing in their athletic conference. Can’t control your students? – see you when you civilize them.

  • Meat And Potatoes
    March 19, 2017 at 1:26 am

    This woman is a nobody.. Ignorant, posing in duck lips like millions of other dumb inner city cocoa sluts. Tatted up, her future as a lifelong Jenny Craig client seems secure. She beats up a woman, playing in a game, in front of an audience and her lard ridden, 3 decker brain not once thought that was a bad idea and maybe she shouldn’t do it?

  • John marks
    March 19, 2017 at 12:55 am

    Ok is it me or is this chick the wrong race to be up set about cornrolls its not like the girl was selling oranges out of a shopping cart

  • John Barker
    March 19, 2017 at 12:52 am

    Now we have “Generation Poonstachio”. Speaking of,where is the glossary of Turtle-isms?

  • Eddy Murphy
    March 18, 2017 at 11:56 pm

    She’s so fat when she cut her leg gravy spilled out.

    • T-Dog from The Dirty Dozens
      March 20, 2017 at 10:05 pm

      After sex she doesn’t smoke a cigarette, she smokes a turkey.

      She’s so fat that the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.

  • Me1333
    March 18, 2017 at 11:48 pm

    Those poor elephants. She’s a disgusting pile of dirty diapers. Who made her the expert on braid invention? I also agree on the hate crime. I’m tired of everyone who isn’t considered white escaping this charge when it’s clear they are bigots and their racist bigotry compelled them to act as if they were animals in the streets.

  • I Hate Stupid People
    March 18, 2017 at 11:19 pm

    When is MSM gonna pick this up?? And what ever happened to the insurance fraud clan?

  • LLC
    March 18, 2017 at 11:17 pm

    She’s worried about some braids while sporting that mustache?

    That elephant tattoo = self portrait.

    • Strata
      March 19, 2017 at 1:00 pm

      No, it wasn’t about the braids really, she is just an angry bitter selfish human that took her anger out on a completely innocent person, and escalated it to a crime. She’s not happy with her life deep down, and she simply wants to make others miserable just like herself. Now she’ll have a record. That will help with job prospects. And as usual, nobody to blame but them self.

      Get the attention that you wanted Miss?

      • March 22, 2017 at 12:27 am

        This over weight, over indulgent pig doesn’t plant on getting a job. She will live off the tax payers money the rest of her miserable life and teach her son to be a blood sucking vampire just like herself.

  • Jenny Craig
    March 18, 2017 at 11:13 pm

    Government assistance galore on this one. Could lose a quick 50 minimum. No father in sight for the kid, probably her too. Where’s daddy ?

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