All-Star Criminals

This Pervatron Exposed His Bite-Sized Flesh Failure To An Elderly Store Owner Every Day For a Month And Now He’s Going To Be Very Sorry

Tormenting an elderly woman is low – but now we can all laugh at his small pecker! 

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What would you do if your mom was a hard-working store owner and she had been tormented almost every day for a month? I guess it depends on the level of harassment, right? 

This kind. 

For weeks this shrinky-dink crack snacker would walk in to Broadway Market in Pawtucket with his dick hanging out of his pants. He would wait for the elderly woman to be alone which is  a whole different level of sick. He would pretend like it wasn’t a thing until she finally caught a picture of him and sent it to her son. The mother was beside herself. Needless to say, her kid was pissed. He took to Facebook to blow up the guy,  who is allegedly named Dylan Couture, right the fuck up. It took almost no time for people to start blowing up Dylan’s spot. 

The 54 year-old woman is a devout Muslim and my first impression was that he was doing this as some kind of morbid joke to her modesty and beliefs. No, I haven’t gone SJW. I’m simply saying that if it was my mom, my sister, or any of the surly women I’ve ever met running the counter at cumbies they would have chopped that mini-excuse for a peen off and fed it to him. He took advantage of this woman’s religious culture and I think that’s pretty clear. 

But I’d like to believe that this dude just wasn’t getting enough attention from his gaunt-looking hump-pal named Alicia Gardener. She’s got all the signs of a winner. Two kids that clearly aren’t his and the dog Snapchat filter. 

It’s a sad day when I’m praying for someone to be a creep and not a bigot as if the two aren’t mutually exclusive.

I spoke with Ahmed, the woman’s son, and he said Dylan would come in everyday, small mushroom blazing, and ask her for a Dutch. He would flick his two-inch flesh wonder after she handed him the blunt wrap and leave the store. 

Ahmed called the police and was told that the pint-sized flasher would be charged with Sexual Harrasment and Disorderly Conduct. 

I think they are missing an indecent exposure charge in there. That would land him on the sex offender registery if he were convinced and it sound like he deserves it. 

I’m shocked that this guy doesn’t have any Google trophies so of you know the guy with the small penis – message us with the dirt. 

20 Comment(s)
  • Sonnyboy
    September 30, 2017 at 4:44 pm

    I think Dylan and Alicia took down their FB pages, smart move.

  • Lala
    September 29, 2017 at 8:22 pm

    It’s so friggin tiny! That’s a friggin infant penis! How is that attached to a grown man?
    And he IS a sex offender and should be on the registry!! How have they not charged him with indescent exposure? Loser.

  • Too Tall Tim
    Too Tall Tim
    September 29, 2017 at 2:16 pm

    “Mom” should have laughed in the guy’s face and then with an expression of pity say: Oh, you poor thing! It’s so tiny! You poor, poor thing! What a shame it’s so tiny.

  • bigdaddy
    September 29, 2017 at 12:33 pm

    I think the dog Snapchat filter is an improvement for her

  • Steven Stover
    September 29, 2017 at 1:13 am

    Maybe it’s saggy pants without the underwear.

  • DJ Trump
    September 28, 2017 at 9:41 pm

    Cock shot. Heh, relax kids. He’s what used to be called a “flasher” before the Internet. It’s absolutely indecent, but no hate crime you nanny state crybabies.

  • Justme
    September 28, 2017 at 9:31 pm

    Sex offender, probably would rape a elderly woman. They all gotta start somewhere. He gets off taking his little prick out and after a while he will need more, get rid of him before he hurts someone. Poor woman.

  • They call me Ponch
    September 28, 2017 at 9:21 pm

    Could be his seeing eye penis

  • Independent Thinker
    September 28, 2017 at 8:46 pm

    LMAO. What a dick head! And a small one at that.

  • Charles McGrath
    September 28, 2017 at 7:40 pm

    Nasty little turd. His family should be very proud of him.

  • J
    September 28, 2017 at 5:11 pm

    not saying i agree with hate crimes, but i do think this should be considered a hate crime. like you said, it is clearly about her religion.

  • Troubled Nostrils
    September 28, 2017 at 4:20 pm

    Yes, it’s sick as fuck, just plain awful… but it’s funny as hell!

  • Dick MastersSon
    September 28, 2017 at 3:28 pm

    In a related story Red Lobster has announced the return of their popcorn shrimp special available in the pawtucket area only.

  • Eric
    September 28, 2017 at 3:21 pm

    So many triggered elderly folks!

  • gina
    September 28, 2017 at 3:14 pm

    I ‘m 49..wouldn’t exactly classify 54 year old as ELDERLY but still..this fuckwad is a sick bastard. Probably racist AF too. Esx offender for sure…if you cant even pee outside without being charged with that he needs it for sure

  • livesinlowell
    September 28, 2017 at 2:55 pm

    54 years old is elderly?? Seriously, wtf. Is 30 years old middle aged?

  • The Rant Queen
    September 28, 2017 at 2:27 pm

    What a tiny penis! Holeeshyet!

  • Don
    September 28, 2017 at 2:16 pm

    When did 54 become elderly?

  • Stephen
    September 28, 2017 at 1:46 pm

    Lmfao why embarrass yourself like that bro this is hilarious.. brings back memories of this song short dick man lmfao

      September 29, 2017 at 12:18 pm

      If that’s small then I’m in trouble. If he did it once I would give him a pass but 30 days in a row is kinda sick. Send him to Syeia

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