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  • Time To Start Killing Sharks And Seals At Cape Cod Because We Take What We Want, When We Want

    Time To Start Killing Sharks And Seals At Cape Cod Because We Take What We Want, When We Want

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    So Cape Cod has officially been taken over by seals, which means the shoreline has officially been taken over by the sharks. Two weeks ago in Orleans a shark ate a seal about 20 feet away from some surfers and it was some Nat Geo shit:


    It happened again yesterday in Orleans about 100 feet from the shore:

    Two years ago we published quite possibly the most unpopular blog in Turtleboy Sports history, when a bunch of morons tried saving this stupid shark that couldn’t figure out how to stay in the water:

    Because they might technically own the sea, but we own the land. If you come into our neighborhood we’re not throwing you back into yours so you can bother us when we swim.

    The seal population at Cape Cod has exploded because hippies don’t want us to kill them anymore. This of course brings in sharks because seals are obviously the most delicious animals in the sea, and now Orleans has turned into the Golden Corral.

    Our solution is simple – start killing seals, and if the sharks don’t go away, they can die too. Of course you get a lot of this:

    Wrong. It’s our habitat. It’s our house. Because we are human and we take what we want, when we want. If sharks were smart enough to come on land they’d take it over too. But they’re not. We’re smarter than them so we get dibs on the ocean if we want it. Which we do. Don’t get me wrong, they can still exist, they just can’t chill on the shoreline of Cape Cod. It’s a big ocean, and there’s plenty of seals and fish to go around. So go eat somewhere else and don’t eat at Nauset Beach. If they do, they die. End of story.

    The logic behind “it’s their house” is so stupid too. The woods belong to deer. Guess we should stop hunting them too. Sure, they’ll reproduce like crazy and a bunch of people will die when the deer start playing on the highway, but the woods belong to them. We shouldn’t trespass.

    See how stupid that sounds?

    The bottom line is you go to the beach to swim in the water. Lifeguards shouldn’t be put in the position where they can get eaten by a shark if they go to do a rescue. People shouldn’t have to worry about being mistaken for a seal by one of these beasts. So either they leave, or we make them leave. They’re cool to look at, but they’ve overstayed their welcome.



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    1. Cunty_McShitballz

      Bad take

    2. Clive McFarlane

      This is racist towards sharks

    3. Savage Squaw Bitch

      God, I hate hippies.

    4. The Rant Queen

      Wtf Turtleboy, why you hating on my friends? You telling me, if you saw a pile of your favorite food sitting in one spot and you were starving, you would expect someone to kill you for obeying your instincts? Im all for natural selection. If youre dumb enough to enter the ocean KNOWING what lurks in it, then you deserve to be eaten. The less stupid humans roaming the earth, the better. We dont belong in the ocean. Its why 90% of it is still undiscovered. Wanna go swimming and not be eaten by sharks? Find a damn pool.

      Its bad enough Hollywood likes to make sharks the villain in their shitty movies, making ppl fear them even more and encourage killing them in real life. Give them a damn break.

    5. Lou P

      The best solution is what they are doing in Beverly with problem of Canadian geese.

      Let’s start reducing the population of these creatures directly. Then, feed the seal meat AND shark meat to the homeless.

      1. ChudStumper

        I would pay cash money to watch filthy ass geese getting fed by sharks. Best of both worlds.

        1. Practical

          What would the geese be fed?

    6. CJT

      I’m feeling triggered by this article. Is there a safe room near by????

      1. JoeMomma

        yup, it’s in the Atlantic Ocean just off Cape Cod…..

    7. Mike

      “Because they might technically own the sea, but we own the land. If you come into our neighborhood we’re not throwing you back into yours so you can bother us when we swim.”

      I thought it was a missed opportunity at a little humor by using the word “swim” here instead of the words “go into theirs.”

      It seems like this whole situation should be easily solvable. The MMPA that you link as “hippies don’t want us to them anymore” should be amended to laid out an exception for this specific situation. Are you organizing any push for such an amendment?

    8. Roy

      Well i certanly dong adree to kill any animals all. We have destroyed our lands and beaches . there are plenty of other beaches we can go to. We are also killing the wildlife in the oceans with our stupidy of not throwing our trash away. Which make sea animals that sharks eat. Leave the sea creaches alone. Its not like we have no other way to cool off. I wont deleate you turtleboy. Everyone is entitled to there belifs and opinons.

      1. Joe Lupinski

        You drunk when you wrote this or are you a product of a Public School? Bad grammar, spelling and composition. Back to Fourth Grade for you.

    9. Stunt Penis

      sealskin boots are incredibly waterproof and incredibly warm in the winter. ask any eskimo.

      1. Hughbo Mont

        Python boots are the best.

    10. Sharkie

      If you want the Sharks to leave, just move them to downtown Worcester.
      It’s worked once already.

    11. wormtownspawn

      sharks live in the ocean and other ocean creatures.

      whoda thunk that

      1. wormtownspawn

        and eat other creatures

    12. Jack

      More proof, most people suck.

    13. Maggie the Cat

      It appears to me that no one has done an economic analysis of the impact of the sharks on the economy of Cape Cod. Or perhaps one has been done and the analysis has shown that the presence of sharks in the water has in fact reduced the amount of money spent by tourists, but the study hasn’t been made public because it would upset the liberals. In our case (my husband and I), we decided not to spend a weekend on the Cape because we would not feel safe swimming with the sharks. We’re probably not the only ones who feel that way!

      So if the state’s revenue projections are not met because people are avoiding Cape Cod, we’re all paying for it. I vote to stop protecting the seals. They don’t pay taxes.

    14. Wwy

      An oven dwelling Jew you sound like sad.

    15. True Reality Speaks

      Feed the sharks antifa.

      1. Rightwinger

        Bad Ass comment Bro!!!!!!

    16. Ghandi

      I say we take all the EBT cards and place them in a big pile on Martha’s Vineyard. You want one? Go swim and get one. No ferry, no boats, no airplanes, no helicopters.

      You can paddle a surfboard doing your best harbor seal impression…

    17. Aaron Provencal

      Nausett beach used to be awesome for striper fishing. Not anymore… seals messed that up. Killem all

    18. Berkshire TurtleRider

      Sorry TB, can’t agree with you on this.

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