All-Star Criminals

Top 16 Mugshots Of Arrested Protesters Who Didn’t Bother Voting With Turtleboy Haikus

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KGWMost of the 112 protesters arrested in Portland last week didn’t vote in Oregon, according to state election records. Approximately 30 percent did cast a ballot in Oregon or in another state.At least seventy-nine demonstrators either didn’t turn in a ballot or weren’t registered to vote in the state. Following Tuesday’s presidential election of Donald Trump, thousands of people took to the streets in downtown Portland for five straight nights. The activity included at least one night that the police declared to be a riot, with more than $1 million in property damage. The bulk of the arrests happened on Friday and Saturday evenings as protesters faced off against police.

KGW compiled a list of the 112 people arrested by the Portland Police Bureau during recent protests. Those names and ages, provided by police, were then compared to state voter logs by Multnomah County Elections officials. Records show 39 of the protesters arrested were registered in the state but didn’t return a ballot for the November 8 election. Thirty-five of the demonstrators taken into custody weren’t registered to vote in Oregon. 

Kevin Grigsby was one of 71 arrested during the Saturday night protest.  He said he didn’t do anything wrong, but told KGW he also did not vote.

“I did not (vote) and the reason why is because we know that the electoral college is really what matters the most. And I think that we need to change that because your vote doesn’t matter if you don’t have enough electoral college points.,” said Grigsby.

HAHAHHAHAHHAHA!!! They’re hardly the only ones who didn’t bother voting. They’re getting their lead from Colin Kaepernick himself. Check out his reason for not voting:

“You know, I think it would be hypocritical of me to vote,” Kaepernick told reporters. “I said from the beginning I was against oppression, I was against the system of oppression. I’m not going to show support for that system. And to me, the oppressor isn’t going to allow you to vote your way out of your oppression.”

Let my man Stephen A. Smith take if from here:

Colin Kaepernick is easily the dumbest mother fucker who has ever lived. You cannot get any stupider than this. He’s not voting because he’s oppressed by the system. The same system that allows him to vote out the people who are oppressing him and replace them with people who won’t oppress him. He’s right though – oppressors don’t allow you to vote your way out of oppression. They don’t allow you to vote at all actually. That’s what makes them oppressors.

God it’s going to be awesome to watch this ding-dong get his bell run by the Patritos on Sunday. Has there ever been a more perfect rebound game after a tough loss than this one?


Anyway, the mughshots of the idiots who didn’t vote are fantastic. Here’s our Top 15 along with a Haiku for each in the appropriate 5-7-5 meter.



Took a break from meth

To protest democracy

Because, fuck you Dad!




Voting is not fun

Better get mohawk instead

Hard being oppressed




Voting is so gay

Stop calling me sideshow Bob

Or I’ll protest more




Never went to prom

No, I did not lose a bet

I chose this haircut




Loves organic soy

This is what white guilt looks like

See you on Tumblr




What’s my normal job?

When I’m not out protesting?

Child molester




Bad eighties throwback

Whining more fun than voting

Showers optional




Wrong place at wrong time

Just wanted some heroin

From dumb white hippies




Glory days are gone

Never too old to burn shit

But voting is dumb




Went through emo stage

Sad cuz no one will drill her

Now dyes hair purple




No time for voting

Growing pube farm on my face

Fixing racism




Hates democracy

Loves twinkies and apple pie

So sweatpants preferred 




Russian sex worker?

Probably came in a crate

No wonder she’s mad




Hair’s overrated

Twin brother of number four

Make goth great again




That face that you make

When you are going to jail

And just shit your pants




Loves Huffington Post

Hates soap and deodorant 

Zero fucks given


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32 Comment(s)
  • Wabbitt
    November 17, 2016 at 3:18 pm

    Those haikus… I’m fucking dying laughing over here.

  • JRod
    November 17, 2016 at 2:25 pm

    Somone needs spell check before posting their blogs. Getting almost as bad as the newspapers. The Patritos was a good one though.

  • BobnMic
    November 17, 2016 at 10:24 am

    Further proof that these foot soldiers for chance and equality really do not give two shits by not voting. I was watching this all week on the news and was alittle surprised. Not fully because they’re SJW idiots that do not even know what they really want. So why riot, loot, and destroy property if you are so say ‘fuck it’ to voting? Makes ZERO sense.

    • BobnMic
      November 17, 2016 at 10:51 am

      You know what else makes ZERO sense? I’m able to grow a beard, but my balls have never dropped. I have weiner (tee hee), tiny as it may be, but also this floppy pair of bologna tits. I’m not attracted to men, AT ALL, but lil hairless lads are soooo hot to me. I find vaginas just icky… don’t even get me going, ick… The smell of stale whisky, cherry pipe tobacco, and Old Spice is my kryptonite… Ok, fuck it, forget what I said about not being attracted to men… Mmmmm… Especially cowboys… Oh, and sweaty construction workers…

  • Kenny Powers
    Kenny Powers
    November 17, 2016 at 9:07 am

    “Pube farm on his face.”

    I am going to try to work this into my daily conversations……brilliant!

  • Hamburglar
    November 17, 2016 at 8:28 am

    Is this still all about fag bathrooms? Fag bathrooms has to be the stupidest thing on the planet yet. I’m still gonna use your bathroom you bunch of faggots because I don’t care. You can’t prove I’m not a fag so I’ll shit in whatever bathroom I want.

  • Talisman
    November 17, 2016 at 8:18 am

    Actually, #10 would be the better molester candidate. #11 is a peeping Tom that writers bad checks

    • Talisman
      November 17, 2016 at 8:20 am

      Writes, dammit

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    November 17, 2016 at 7:58 am

    Pictures worth a 1000 words say it all – losers…

  • Independent Thinker
    November 17, 2016 at 7:28 am

    Would anyone actually hire one of them?

    • bigdaddy
      November 17, 2016 at 11:18 am

      would any of they actually look for a job?

      • Duke Westwood
        November 17, 2016 at 2:22 pm

        Philosophy majors, I’m sure. They’re going to try to get a job being Plato or something after grad.

  • Hugh Beaumont
    November 17, 2016 at 6:46 am

    Where’s South Shore Turtlegirl? Too distraught over the election? Hiding in her safe space?

    • Paul Larson
      November 17, 2016 at 8:31 am

      Hugh Beaumont wrote about me:

      “. . . you are way to serious for this blog. There’s a lot of tongue – in – cheek stuff going over your head.” Well, Hugh, I grew up in Holden. In the federal 1960 Census, Holden was richer than 85% of the rest of the country. However, my family wasn’t rich. I remember when we had an ice box, not a refrigerator. We had an out-house, not a flush toilet until I was 16, and we didn’t get a telephone until I was back from Vietnam, at the age of 21. My mother was a psychopath. She would wake me up every 20 minutes to ask me if I was asleep. She urinated in our ginger-ale bottle, she put rat poison and ground glass into our coffee, she put sheep dung in Sunkist Raison boxes. She tried to saw my father’s head off, which I prevented, and she hit me in the skull with a steel bar and I ended up with hemiplegia (paralysis on the left side of my body) and I had feinting spells for four years until I was 11 years old. My sister and I and my younger brother, every night in the winter, had to drag 2 giant milk cans on a sled through the snow from the swamp behind our house so we could have drinking water and then my sister would cut down 2 trees and saw them up so we could heat our house. Our kitchen always had ice on the floor every morning during the winter. When my sister married an Army Sergeant, her doctor said she was the strongest woman he had ever seen. In fact, The Marine shrink I saw for PTSD after Vietnam said I had PTSD before I ever went into the Marines. Our driveway was so bad that when the Holden Police brought me a summons to court, they got stuck in our driveway. Then the town pay-loader came to pull the cruiser out, and it got stuck as well. Maybe that is why I don’t have a sense of humor. And if you were brought up the same way, you might have become “way to serious” as well.

      Paul Larson

      • Realist
        November 17, 2016 at 8:46 am

        I can’t even bother to read your nonsensical posts any more!

        • Paul Larson
          November 17, 2016 at 12:35 pm

          Realist wrote: “Do your History books reference the geographical voting patterns of the time? If they do it would be easy to see why the D’s of that time voted as they did.”
          WormtownorBust wrotre: “I know you’re trying to prove a point, but pointing out that ‘palrty x did such and such 100 years ago is pointless. Both parties have shifted a bit in that time.”

          Do either of you 2 Democratic apologists care that the Democratic Party was the pro-slavery party of the United States?

          The 1840 Democrat Convention declared: “Resolved…that all efforts by abolitionists…made to induce congress to interfere with questions of slavery…are calculated to lead to diminish the happiness of the people, and endanger the stability an permanence of the union…”

          Every Democratic convention had such statements against abolitionists and for slavery from 1840 to 1860. Of course, when Democrats talked about “the people”, they did not mean the slaves. They believed that slaves were not people, but rather, property, according to Chief Justice Taney, appointed by a pro-slavery Democrat, Andrew Jackson.

          Every presidential convention from 1840 to 1860 had such a statement in it. President Obama, a Democrat, complains about slavery, Jim Crow and the Black Codes and segregation, but if he does not like those things, why on earth would he join the DemocraticParty? It would be similar to someone, if they were opposed to slavery, murdering Christians and Jews, and murdering sodomists (i.e., homosexuals), that they would then go to their local mosque and become a Muslim.

        • Paul Larson
          November 17, 2016 at 1:47 pm

          Realist wrote: “I can’t even bother to read your nonsensical posts any more!”

          Well, “Realist”, there is nothing more real or sensible than fighting for your life. I have spent a good part of my life doing that. About 40 years after my mother hit me with that bar, I got in a fight with about 20 bar flies, while I stood over one of my hippie friends curled up on the ground, and he was shouting “Please don’t hurt me.” Well, the reason they didn’t hurt him is because I stood there and protected him. Four of them bar flies ended up in the hospital. We fought for 20 minutes. I heard later they were going to file charges against us, so I went to Worcester City Hospital for a skull x-ray. They told me I didn’t get a recent fracture, but they found a decades old fracture, that was untreated. I served in Vietnam with 3/3/3rd Mar Div (Ollie North’s battalion 6 weeks after I left) and with 9th Motors, 3rd Mar Div until I got medivaced with a broken back. After Vietnam, I worked as a bouncer at the Blue Plate in Holden for five years. After I sued local police and state police in a federal Civil Rights case, I worked as a police officer on the Worcester City Hospital Police Force for 11 years.

          I don’t know what prompted you to call yourself “Realist” but I will tell you there is nothing more realistic than fighting for your life. I have done that plenty of times and I have fought to protect other people’s lives and their rights. Your right to freedom of speech, for instance.

          Paul Larson

          • Paul Larson
            November 17, 2016 at 8:28 pm

            By Ollinger Crenshaw
            Page 36: “… the antithetical insistence of the aggressive pro-slavery Democrats that Congress should legislate to slavery in the territories…”

            Page 37: “As early as 1848, under the leadership of William L. Yancey of Alabama (Democrat), an “Alabama Platform” which demanded Congressional protection of slavery in the territories had been put forward as a party test.”

            Page 285: “The Texas Democrats…affirmed that the United States government had been founded for the benefit of the white race, and that racial equality led to degradation.” 307

            307: Palestine Trinity Advocate, April 11, 1860

          • Realist
            November 17, 2016 at 10:55 pm

            You are definitely off of the reservation !

          • Paul Larson
            November 18, 2016 at 7:26 am

            Hey Realist,

            I got a 131 on my GCT test in the military. What did you get? Oh, you probably never served in the military. GCT is an intelligence test. Electronics school was the longest, most expensive school that the Marines had going in 1967. Do you think the Marines thought I was ignorant? If so, why would they spend $50,000 to educate me as a crypto tech? If I had played the rank game in the martial arts, I would be an 8th degree black belt right now. If I had accepted the Purple Heart when I got medivaced from Vietnam, I would have been collecting $1200 a month since 1969, but I don’t want to be a burden on American taxpayers. And that is why I am a Republican. Why are you such an apologist for Democrats. You don’t even know the despicable history of the Democrats.

            And you think you are involved in reality. You are avoiding reality.

      • Turd Burglestein
        November 17, 2016 at 9:46 am

        Hey everyone…Lars Paulson is from Holden. I wonder if he knows Dick Hertz…Dick Hertz from Holden.

        • Paul Larson
          November 18, 2016 at 10:43 am

          Hey Turd,

          My name is Paul Larson and I was born in Holden. We lived on Stern’s Lane in the middle of 700 acres of forest owned by WPI. My grandfather chopped down trees across Stern’s Lane so that it didn’t reach Bullard Street, so we had a dead-end road for a driveway. He was a stone-mason from Sweden, and he took a trip down to Georgia with a black stonemason. When they walked into a restaurant down South, the owner told him that if he ate with the black man, they would string him up when they lynched the black stonemason. He got back on the train and came back home. That was his introduction to the Solid Democratic South. Of course, he remained a Democrat and abandoned his wife (from Norway) and his kids and moved down towards Boston. My grandmother became a Republican and raised her 4 kids to be Republicans. I have been a Republican since I was a kid and I started writing letters supporting Republicans to the Telegram and Gazette in 1965. What got me interested in slavery was the attacks on Barry Goldwater, who was on the Phoenix City Councel and who integrated Phoenix and established and integrated the Arizona Air National Guard long before President Truman, Democrat, thought to integrate the military.

          Paul Larson

      • Michael Palin
        November 17, 2016 at 2:03 pm

        You were lucky. We lived for three months in a brown paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six o’clock in the morning, clean the bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down mill for fourteen hours a day week in-week out. When we got home, our Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt!

        • Graham Chapman
          November 17, 2016 at 2:03 pm

          Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at three o’clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, go to work at the mill every day for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were LUCKY!

          • Terry Jones
            November 17, 2016 at 2:04 pm

            Well we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of the shoebox at twelve o’clock at night, and LICK the road clean with our tongues. We had half a handful of freezing cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at the mill for fourpence every six years, and when we got home, our Dad would slice us in two with a bread knife.

          • Eric Idle
            November 17, 2016 at 2:05 pm

            Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o’clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad and our mother would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing ‘Hallelujah.’

          • Paul Larson
            November 17, 2016 at 4:14 pm

            All these affluent white kids. No wonder they have white shame. They are affluent and they don’t know the history of the Democrat Party. They are Democrat apologists and they grew up in heated houses with plumbing, flush toilets, telephones and televisions. Mr. Palmer, the assistant principal when I was in the 8th grade in 1961, threw me off the school bus and I walked to Holden Jr. High for the rest of the year and I walked to Wachusett Regional High for 4 years. I started training in martial arts in 1960, and now I have a dojo at my house in Worcester. I do Qi Gung and Hojo Undo every day. Effete snobs don’t live this way. By the way, if I am so unreasonable, why would the Marines have spent $50,000 to send me to electronics school for a year. Not only me, but my younger brother they spent the same amount to educate him in electronics as well. My older brother the Marines made him a radio man.

            Paul Larson

  • Deport the Rioters
    November 17, 2016 at 3:04 am

    I swear every protest has the same looking people–I can’t tell what gender
    they are.

    • Duke Westwood
      November 17, 2016 at 10:55 am

      Rule of thumb…. If it looks like a girl, it’s a dude. If it looks like a dude, it may be a dude trying to score one of those chick looking dudes. If it looks like a dude, but is wearing flannel, it’s a bull dyke. If it looks like a goth dude, could go either way. I hope this helps.

      • Fatfingr Lou
        November 17, 2016 at 5:34 pm

        Nice! Kind of like Kentucky Fried Movie:

        And who are they?

        Dr. Klahn:
        Refuse, found in waterfront bars.


        Dr. Klahn:
        Just lost drunken men who don’t know where they are and no longer care.

        And these?

        Dr. Klahn:
        These are lost drunken men who don’t know where they are, but do care! And these are men who know where they are and care, but don’t drink.

        Dr. Klahn:
        Guards! (move prisoners) Do you care?

        Dr. Klahn:
        Put this man in cell #1, and give him a drink.

        What do you drink?

        I don’t care.

  • Jack Mehoff
    November 17, 2016 at 1:44 am

    All paid to be there by George Soros. Now they have an arrest record, probably not the first for some. But this will haunt them if they ever lose their free Guvment benefits and have to find a *job*

    Please be kind enough and put up an equal amount of arrest mugshots from 2012 when Obama stole the election from Romney with all those manufactured votes and all the patriots and Conservatives rioted.

    • Realist
      November 17, 2016 at 8:44 am

      Oh Boy, George Soros funded? I think you’re a special kind of crazy!

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